TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

[BertieBotts]

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

Still, I would say that your feelings sound entirely normal. You did the right thing for your baby - the most unselfish thing you could do. Cling on to that hope and the words of the consultant - it may take time but there is every chance you'll get there. I think grief is a long process and not necessarily one that you move on from quickly, particularly when you have feelings of guilt to process first. Don't rush yourself. Allow as much time as you need to go through every stage of the loss of your little one. It may be a painful time but there are brighter times ahead. Have you spoken to anyone professionally? I presume there are things in place? UnMumsnetty hug xxxx

Bertie, sorry spotting as started. I've got everything crossed it's not af!

Sorry to hear that bertie but fingers crossed you're not out. I insisted that DH and I start taking CoQ10 last week - or, as he calls it, 'the million pound snake oil'!

@MsJuniper I bought 250mg online, looks pretty big-standard! Figured it was worth a try. I also take a 5mg folic acid once a day & will take aspirin when I hopefully get another bfp.

Lime no such thing as self-absorption on here, it's the best sounding board I've found!

Lime I'm so excited for you, although I understand how anxious it must be. Wow that is amazing, to conceive twins consecutively like that! Really hope you get more good news next scan.

Vicar that must be so tough. Don't be too hard on yourself, you did the right thing for your baby. Good news you are still ovulating and chances are it'll work out for you.

I was 2 days away from harmony test when I mc. It happened naturally at home so they couldn't take any tissue to analyse. Well they did in hospital but it wasn't pregnancy tissue left at that point. Sorry long boring story about 3 days in and out of A&E. anyway they told me they wouldn't have done the tests on the fetus anyway as it was my first MC. Part of me kind of wanted to know whether there was an issue with it that caused the mc, and to know the sex. But I'm also glad I don't know the sex as I would have felt closer to her/him and probably named them already, which for me would be even harder to cope with.

Hi all, been a bit quiet for a few days but still following what's going on.

So happy for you Lime, try not to panic - I'm glad they're looking after you with a follow up scan.
Still, just to echo what emvy said - you weren't being selfish, and you're still allowed to grieve. It must have been incredibly difficult to go through that and I really hope things work out for you soon.
I think what makes it so tough is that people who haven't gone through it don't get it, and we have to put on our game faces for the rest of the world, so we have to get over it and get on with life (and back to TTC) before we've properly processed it all. And then get hit with the hormones/baby bombs at unexpected times. I'm so glad we have each other to talk to.
Update from me - I'm in theory 12 dpo but having odd spotting today and yesterday which was as much of an AF as I got the first month after MC last time, so I suspect that's it for me for this month. Odd it's so early though, HT in me has been googling implantation bleeding, rational side has put in a pad in case it gets heavier!
My due date from my first MC is coming up next month... We've booked a weekend away but I'm still holding out hope (like mouse) that I might get a BFP just before we go.

I'm so sorry for your loss, still - just to agree with everyone else that you haven't done anything selfish. I'm sorry that you feel guilt on top of the grief - you too, mouse, your post about feeling guilty was so sad. I'm sure no one in your family thinks of it like that at all, but I know it's hard to make those feelings go even when you know they're in some way irrational.

Quick straw poll: I've got an appointment for an ultrasound at my local hospital as part of my recurrent miscarriage testing on Tuesday. They scanned me before my tests at Coventry and said all looked fine, so I assume this means this will also reveal the same - no structural abnormalities or anything like that. I was going to go anyway because I didn't want to mess up things up with my NHS testing or confuse matters, and I also thought they might be unimpressed if I just turned up and said 'oh, I didn't do that test, but I - an untrained non-medical professional - can report that someone else you can't check with told me it was 'fine'!'. But had a sudden panic - is it a ridiculous waste of (limited - the wait for an ultrasound appointment was one of the big reasons why they take four months to test you in my area!) NHS resources to have a test that I already know the outcome of? Should I be public-spirited and cancel it so they can use the slot for someone else?

Yellow be careful taking that much vitamin B3. It can really unbalance you and I've read can really mess up your cycles. Usually you should take it as part of a complex so it balances correctly. Although, if you're happy with your research, then take but stop if you have any issues.

Lime, great news, all you can do is stay positive and give yourself the best chance, nothing you can do but enjoy. Xxx

Wow Lime that's fantastic. Keeping every crossed that it's plain sailing from here on out.

I'm struggling a bit today. I can't help but keep fearing the very worst. Then I feel guilty as I want to enjoy every second of this pregnancy. I've wanted this for such a long time. I keep telling myself that I need to snap out of it as I got what I wanted. I thank my lucky stars every day that I wake up and I'm still pregnant. I'm eternally grateful but beyond petrified. I'm so jealous of those that haven't experienced MC.

Sorry for my rant.
I don't know what's wrong with me today

To be honest mouse, I've only read a couple of things. Thanks for the heads-up, my cycles are bad enough as they are!

@yellowfrontdoor

I had that awful sadness getting ready for a wedding last year at the end of the summer...should have been around 30 weeks at that point & had many months earlier thought about (maternity) dress & how big my bump would be etc

Very painful memories and also getting totally hammered at the wedding- my cycle had been long & the HT was very strong in me at that time.

I genuinely thought I might have been pregnant- until AF arrived in full force the morning of the wedding and I was properly gutted.

It was 3rd AF since MMC and was pretty heavy (but not as heavy & crazy as the first or second).

Now that couple are coming up to their 1st wedding anniversary...and have just announced some happy pregnancy news.

Happy for them of course, but feelings of raging unfairness

thanks ladies for the kind words. its hard not to be hard on yourself when it was a decision - it was not out of my hands although the stats were pretty grim in terms of live birth rates, she was hanging on in there.

i got a postive opk today, on the clear blue and confirmed it with the one step. on the one hand i dont know if the military planning is helping but at least im as sure as i can be that im still ovulating. im cd 13 and had no idea i was in the "fertile window" - i got no flashy smilies this time it went from negative to high....
anyway. i shall have another go.

I've been trying to find a minute to post but keep getting distracted. Although I've read back I now can't remember a damn thing I wanted to comment on...
Anyway nice to hear positive scan news from smurf juniper and emvy. lime
I can only imagine how you feel between happy it's not eptopic but nervous about twins again. It is amazing news though and I really hope for the best for you in 10 days time.
still I had a friend that made a similar choice to you and it was heartbreaking. Like others have said to have guilt on top of grief is just so unfair. Glad you have a positive, you can always give opks a whirl one month and if the military planning isn't your thing hen drop it next month.

lisa I'm about to invest in expensive co10 which I think has been hand crafted by rabbits in Tibet due to the price!

Hand crafted by rabbits in Tibet

Oh Christ guys I've hit a low. I cried at the bar at the wedding.
I was talking to a pregnant friend & couldn't keep it in anymore.

yellow so sorry you're feeling so low but don't feel guilty or embarrassed about it - sometimes people have strong emotions, that's part of life, and anyone who doesn't understand that isn't worth caring about. Is there anyone there who can you talk to - it sounds like you need a sympathetic ear and a hug?

Luckily or not! The woman I was talking to miscarried her first but I'd now 6 months into her second. It just brought back that my second ended too.
My DH wasn't able to come & I felt really alone. Luckily have several family members here, but my it was my friend that gave me a cuddle & told me not to apologise, but I felt like a right numpty.
Still fragile but want to get up & boogie now, ready for a dance 💃🏼

I'm so glad you have someone to hug you.

This is something I have never admitted to anyone in real life, not even DH, and never shall - but at the wedding I went to about a month and a half ago I got completely trashed and ended up cornering a fairly random acquaintance who is a trainee Catholic priest(!!) and telling him about my miscarriages and how I envied DH his religious faith and about my sort-of agnosticism. I think I went on and on and on and it must have been awful for the poor guy - who, again, I only sort of know - and it is probably the most cringey I've ever felt when I woke up after the morning drinking, including the dreadful boys I pulled at university. I am so embarrassed about it I am ashamed to tell strangers on the internet, but I offer it to you as proof that you could have done much worse!

Hello please can I join your group? I have had 2 miscarriages, but ready to try again.

Found the second one so much harder to cope with. I think I could think of the first one being bad luck and to try again quickly for better outcome. Second time I just felt so much more upset that it was happening again.

I also think knowing about the process at hospital made it harder. Knowing it had gone wrong, but how long it takes to wait for a second scan to confirm it and then back to have it removed etc was frustrating.

Anyway time to try again and hope that next time is not too far away and things work out better.

Good luck everyone.

Just been reading back through thread and really moved by everyone's posts. I'm still feeling emotional and low, but trying not to because I can see there are so many of you who have been through so much more, I can only imagine, and yet you're still being so strong. So if you can, then I can too.

So pleased for everyone who's had good news at their scans, i can only imagine the fear and trepidation if I ever manage to conceive again (and get as far as a scan.)

Re ubiquinol, just buying my next lot on Amazon (see attached.) The second one down is the one I've been taking, but the first one is very cheap? Tempted but looks suspiciously cheap! I may just stick with the one I had before to be on safe side - It does say it's ubiquinol though so if anyone's after some, maybe worth a look.

X

Oh yellow and lisa, biggest squeezes to you both.

My equivalent was at a 40th in January. I was still raw from my mmc in November (and was actually super early pregnant again but didn't yet know) and the birthday friend's sister who was there with her baby came up to me at the end of the night to say she'd heard about my mc and was sorry, how she'd had one before her baby, hoe shit it was and how she hoped things would work out for us. I burst into tears, she hugged me a lot, she burst into tears. It was a mess. But I was so touched she reached out to me. I've never seen her before or since. I think we were both grateful it was dark!

Honestly, it's so healthy to talk about it. And what a privilege for a trainee priest to feel he looked kind, safe and trustworthy enough a woman in distress was able to open up to him. He'll have been honoured and it might have helped his compassion with people he meets in his work.

Hope the night gets better yellow, don't feel awkward and do whatever feels good x

@LisaSimpsonsbff I was stone-cold sober if it makes you feel better!!

It came so out of the blue, one minute I was fine the next I was gone, heaving shoulders the lot. I was lucky to have been with someone understanding; but hopefully he saw it as part of confessional training?! Let's both have some

@AnneLovesGilbert thanks for the squeeze. Have danced myself from stilettos into flats & feeling slightly more together!

I'm so sorry for your losses mog

It's the worst. You're among friends here. Rant, cry, be hopeful, let out your sadness, ask anything, we don't care about tmi! I know more about some of the awesome women here than any of my best rl friends. It keeps me sane talking to people who get it.

Sorry you're feeling so low impatient xxx

Afraid I don't know anything about ubiquinol but sure someone else will. I agree, happy news makes it all worthwhile. No one is more deserving than these people. I get a lift from every bfp and good scan. I do a little dance inside x