TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

[BertieBotts]

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

Thank you ladies. We shall see I guess.

I'm so sorry for everyone hoping through the difficulties associated with all of this. Royal baby upset me a little.

Some of us have to crack a few more eggs to find a good one, as a friend says. I won't be convinced till the 20 week scan I think.

Has anyone used the miscarriage association helpline? I just feel so desperately sad and I don't know what to do. I've cried every morning this week. It seems to be getting worse with time not better. And now I'm of course worrying there's some problem stopping us conceiving again. AF is due on Monday and I don't know how I'll cope.

@TheGrumpySquirrel - oh hun. Wish I could give you a hug. Not used the helpline but might be worth a try - even just to get stuff off your chest. Know it's hard but try not to think there is a problem until there is one. I saw a friend yesterday who has had 2 miscarriages and is now 20 weeks pregnant. She got pregnant this time at the point when she thought "fuck it" and stopped worrying about it. I think worry just makes it worse. Though know its hard not to, I'm the same. x

I'm so sorry Squirrel hug I haven't called them myself but I believe everyone you speak to has been through it. Definitely give them a call, at the very least they're a sympathetic impartial pair of ears ❤️

I'm the same too magpie. I'm literally only coping now because I have the next cycle and iui/ ivf on the horizon. If the oct iui isn't successful (and no reason to think it will be with a success rate of 20%) I'm definitely going to melt down tbh 😔

Well I've just very stupidly looked at my friend's scan picture. Cue all the horrible feelings. I'm supposed to see her next week and I don't know if I have it in me just knowing that she's growing one and already past the stage my LO was, which sounds terrible I know!

❤️ It doesn't sound terrible at all unicorns -
It's completely natural right now. Can you say you've come down with something? Put yourself first if seeing her will be upsetting

Perhaps. Part of me feels like I need to get this over and done with as I can't avoid her for the rest of me life! It's not even like she's shoving it in my face, she's been so incredible about everything so I don't think it's like she'd take offense if I needed more time. I'm not sure if that's why I feel even more crap about it.

On the plus side I just got a call and should start a new job soon (part-time; ironically so it would've been easier when the time came to sorting out childcare in the future and wouldn't have to screw around with changing contracts or shooting myself in the foot later on)

Eurgh. One day at a time. Still.

Congrats on the new job - that's exciting!

:) Thank you. Hopefully it'll keep my mind off of things and make everything less stressful and save all the extra money for any future private scans

for every week

Hi everyone. Please may I jump on?
We lost our pregnancy in july, having gone for a private reassurance at 8weeks. The baby had stopped growing at 4w and my body never cottoned on. My HCG continued to double every 48h, and to cut a long story short, I eventually had a laparoscopy for suspected ectopic twin (there wasn't, thank goodness), and ERPC 10 days later. They told me my left fsllopian tube is not viable due to endometriosis, my uterus is bulkuly and fobroidal in nature. So all not very great news. Im 40, and feeling so very scared ill not me a mum or give my lovely man the chance to be a Dad.
It was a very difficult time, but I've now just finished my first AF and we'll be trying again.
Im terribly nervous, but trying to be positive!

Please email excuse my typos! I have fat fingers!

@LeannieRVN Of course you can! 🙂

I'm really sorry that you find yourself here too. That sounds like a pretty horrific time for you all. Hopefully it's onwards and upwards for you with AF being out of the way now.

Welcome @LeannieRVN and so sorry for your loss.

I'm having some abdominal pain today. It's not unbearable, but it is sore. I just want this all to stop so I can start to move on a bit.

Oh grumpy, huge hugs my love. It will happen. I know how you feel - I'm still feeling those feelings at the moment as I just can't see this is going to be any different.

Welcome Leanne - I'm sorry for your loss and your news - don't give up hope yet. Have you been to the gp to ask what can be done?

And more hugs for everyone else. I'm struggling to see straight I'm so tired!

So I start my new job on Monday. I was supposed to be 17 weeks pregnant and therefore didn't bother with buying any new work clothes. Now I need some and I can't see how I can shop and like anything (o hate it at the best of times) when I hate my body so much for what it did.

Me too @Ekphrasis. Zzzzzzz.

@beanhunter Do you have anything that maybe you can makeshift into a work outfit or have what you might've worn at the interview? Even if it's just for one day it's better than nothing and bides you an extra day

I need a wardrobe overhaul. Everything is ancient.

@beanhunter Well the good thing is that you still have the weekend still, if you're not up to stuff. I can understand the shopping anguish though. I'm the type of person who stands staring at the same things and go round in circles making sure it's okay so I take forever in a shop!

If you do decide to venture out and need any second opinions post anything here if need be and we can help you out I'm sure (I will happily be attached to my phone-I will be in general over the weekend anyway!).

We're here to help each other piece things back together when we can, this includes this too!

@beanhunter Also, I know it's not too helpful right now but hopefully something new is a good step to take. How are you holding up?

grumpy I'm sorry you are feeling so crap. I didn't go for counselling or contact the miscarriage association, but was close at times. I still think it might have been a good idea. But the pain comes and goes in waves. I didn't get better, I just got a little further away from the pain IYKWIM?
I found myself terrified that the ERPC had caused permanent damage, my cycles were messed up, I was going through menopause (erratic-ish cycles 21-28 days) I believed the whole "more fertile for 6 months" bollocks. I started cycle 7 post miscarriage on our wedding anniversary, 2 weeks before my due date. I bawled my eyes out at work the week before my due date, and felt like an idiot. I was convinced I'd have been pregnant again by then.
When my due date passed, I did start to feel better (and had actually just conceived, but obv I didn't know that) I think it was the milestone passing. I truly hope you don't have to wait that long, but go for counselling if you feel you want or need it.

flatwhite I bled for over 2 weeks after my ERPC, it seemed to tail off then start up again. I passed a massive chunk of tissue 3 days post op, and the bleeding got lighter after that, but I was still bleeding. It took 3 weeks for a BFN.

@beanhunter - know how you feel - could you maybe go to those shops you know you can get refunds at and just grab a load of stuff, try on at home and then take back if doesn't work? I hate standing in changing rooms at best of times, let alone now.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 - just hugs.

@LeannieRVN - welcome (though obvs wish we weren't welcoming you to this particular thread!) and so sorry for your loss. You sound positive though which is good and think what we all need, even though hard at times. Lots of love xx

@FlatWhite31 - I hear ya. Fingers crossed it's all over soon. I had stopped bleeding last night but its back with a vengeance this morning!

@KerryLeanne84 - hugs and positive baby dust sprinkles. xx

A lovely friend of mine came round last night. We lived together around 9 years ago and she was there for me through some very very difficult times. Then we kind of drifted apart - she had 2 kids and was working crazy flexi-hours, including evenings some times to make up time. So we didn't really see each other much. Got back in touch earlier this year and saw her and her kids for cake and then we had a BBQ start august and she came with her husband and 2 kids.

Anyway, she told me that she had had a MC about a week before our BBQ where I told her I was pregnant - how she held it together and was happy for me I don't know. It wasn't a planned pregnancy but I don't think that diminishes the loss at all. They now want to try for a third.

It was just nice to talk to someone I care for deeply and to also talk about stuff other than the MC (we had a good session setting the world to rights over wine and cookies!).

I really hope we all get there in achieving successful pregnancies. These babies will be so wanted and loved. We will do it ladies. Let's dig in and have lots and lots of sex!!!! xx

Thanks all for your support. Physically I'm good thanks. Feel crampy this am and it's almost 4 weeks post erpc so hoping it's my period appearing - would be bloody typical if it starts next week as I start new job.
New job is a positive step - I've been training a long time for it and it will be a good thing. We've moved cities for it which made everything with the mmc harder. My daughter started her new school yesterday so I'm going to try popping into town today for an hour or two and try stuff on. I don't know what size I am as lost 2 stone since Easter (1 thanks to sickness when pregnant) so think I'll have to try stuff.
Worse as I don't know where the shops are!

Good luck Bean! It's awful going shopping when you don't feel like it.

Hugs to everyone who's struggling, I've been digging in and having sex as coastalchick recommended! I almost enjoyed sex last night but still finding it odd after the miscarriage as my libido went right down during pregnancy.