TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

[BertieBotts]

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

@missanony I think give it a go, try talking to the GP or midwife and just see what they can do. My gut-instinct is probably that they won't do it for the next time, however you can always ask. Maybe go into thinking it won't happen but be pleasantly surprised if they do it. Not that that really helps you I guess.

Flat I had mad headaches after my ERPC. I still feel so down and can't help but think about where I should have been now. I too am a teacher and should have been going back tmrw at 21 weeks. Except I'm not.
I feel so bitter, jealous and resentful of two of my best friends who are pregnant. And keep thinking that it should have been me. And that is not the sort of person I am. Can't seem to snap out of it either. 😓

Just had a meltdown at MIL. We were going to call our baby either Zack or Isabella. She kept calling it Zackabella and I kept telling her not to in case something went wrong.

I locked front door earlier and left key in as didn't want her to come round - just want to be on my own today - she came round back (which OH had annoyingly left unlocked) and let self in.

She'd bought a "Bella" Rose bush and a card saying this was the "zackabella" plant and I just lost it. I know she has done it from a place of love and care but I now feel like we can't use those names next time as she's gone and named a bloody plant after them.

I sent her away. Feel really bad.

OH practical thing is "well we won't plant it" but ffs. Why don't people think before they do stuff?!

I honestly feel like killing myself at the moment - the pain is so unbearable and no-one fucking gets it

Oh coastal. I'm so sorry, it's so hard and others don't get it. Completely get why you just want to be alone at the moment. You need to take the time to grieve and process your emotions for now, but it will get easier. It never goes away but the pain does lessen and you will start to be able to cope with life again.
Make sure you keep opening up to your OH. The waiting around to stop bleeding when all you want to do is be pregnant again is the worst, but it will happen. Sending big hugs your way.

@coastalchick So she just decided to come in and wasn't properly invited? It's been two days, you say? Yeah fuck having visitors that soon.

It probably was meant as a nice gesture but really, really stupidly thought out!! I'm not surprised you lost it sweet pea, everything is really raw right now and to get something specifically named that so you'll always think about it when you see, and add a card that then points it out? All the nope!

Try not to think about names right now, and if it turns out that actually those names are fully associated with your baby and you don't think you can use them in the future; I and I'm sure everyone else will as well, can always use them to refer to them if that's what you would want in the future. We all want to support and respect one another

I unfortunately can't take the pain away. If I could take all of yours on my shoulders just so you won't feel it anymore I honestly would. I hate knowing that whatever I feel, someone else is having the exact same. We're all here for you, even though we're all separated. Other people seem to be careless.

Bleeding appears to have stopped for today. Did a preg test and it's positive. I'm not too surprised though as I'm only ten days post ERPC.

I nearly didn't make it to the pharmacy. I started having a meltdown halfway there, so I walked back home, but then I took a deep breath and went back. I'm so so exhausted. Even putting one foot in front of another is hard work. I'm not sure if I'm maybe tired from our holiday, although we didn't do that much.

@coastalchick so sorry. I have no helpful words, as I feel the same. Sending lots of love. Xxx

@Presh12345 you sound just like me. Are you primary or secondary?

Thanks ladies, your words are so kind and comforting x

Yes, 2 days. I think she came round as OH wanted her to as he's worried about me. And I'm sure the plant thing was just in hope it might make me feel better - to recognise the baby or something.

I don't want to associate those names with it though - as it didn't work out - I want those names for if we are lucky to have children.

Feel terrible as know I've upset her. Have sent her a text apologising and she's texted nice stuff back.

OH coming home early from work as I rang him in a gibberish state and he was unable to understand me. Just have so much rage inside me right now I literally feel like smashing the house up or ripping all my skin off

I might just go and get a very strong gin and tonic. I should be on "project baby" of getting into shape etc to try again but I just can't

Coastal, we've picked out names too and DH has vaguely used them to refer to the two pregnancies we've had, but the names are for living children, and once we lost the pregnancies it wasn't like we were thinking of them as being "Jack or Jill" (The actual names are secret even on here!). I know that naming a loss can be a really important and healthy way to grieve but it doesn't feel right for us, and I think even if we had a later loss, we'd probably pick a different name than we'd use for our hopeful future babies. I don't think there's any real right way to do it. I'd have been angry if anybody else chose to take ownership of those names and use them in any way relating to our losses though.

Hello everyone, please can I join? I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 7 weeks. It was my first pregnancy and I've just turned 37 so don't want to wait to be pregnant again, if it will be possible for us! I'm still going through the emotional rollercoaster of one minute feeling like I just want us to try again as soon as possible and the next thinking how will i cope if it happens again?

I had I surgical management last Tuesday so have to wait another 2 weeks to take a test and hope for that BFN. It seems like such a long wait. The nurse recommended we then wait until I've had my first proper AF so it'll likely be October before we are trying again. I just feel really hopeless at the moment, and on top of it all one of my best friends is due in February (I was so excited that we would be on maternity leave at the same time!) and then some more acquaintances announced on facebook that they are having a baby in March. It's all making me feel pretty sorry for myself!

But luckily my OH is very positive and keeps me sane. I want to stay positive and focus on the fact that we have every chance of success next time. Here's hoping we all have some positive news coming our way soon.

Oh no @coastalchick that's so bloody hard.
We too had names picked out but like everyone said they're for our 'living children'.

I've never felt suicidal in my life before but two days after erpc I was driving home after an awful day laying in my Mum's sofa, and this thought 'if I had an accident now, I wouldn't care' popped into my head. I realised I didn't care what would happen to me.
It scared the shit out of me & out of DH when I confessed it to him. Talking about it made me feel better personally. I hope tomorrow's a better day

Phoebe so so sorry you find yourself here. I'm in the same boat, 36 this year, no kids & two mcs behind me. I think that you just have to keep thinking of the stats. I may have had two but the chances are a third will be successful. And you have every chance at a successful second pregnancy. I think we all decided on positivity hats at the weekend, I'm keeping mine on!

Hi all sorry went a bit quiet over the weekend so not been able to keep up with the thread! But I'm sorry to all of you who have found yourselves on here or going through difficult times at the minute.

I fully bled at the weekend however it was a relief to be honest. I'd had a fully negative test on the Friday and spotting so was waiting for it to happen. Bleeding has now almost stopped but my bbt is very high still which I don't understand esp having the neg test before bleeding!

Also now been referred to a specialist for recurrent miscarriage so least we are getting somewhere!

That's great news about being referred to a specialist Fia. I'm so sorry you're going through this again ❤️

So sorry to hear that @Fia256, but I'm glad you are getting referred so you can hopefully get some answers.

My DH was really tearful this morning. It's the first time since I've happened I've seen him like that. I think he's been holding it together for me bless him. I feel so sad just thinking about seeing him like that.

I'm just about to leave for work. It is taking every ounce of my emotional strength to get out that front door. Absolutely dreading it, particularly as I've been forewarned about a potential pregnancy announcement at work today from someone who already has two kids, one of whom is less than a year old. Just what I need.

Oh no Flat 😔It's so so hard to hear about people with similar due dates and know that things worked out for them. Sending you out hugs and strength x

Good luck flat.....

I'm so fed up, wish I'd never decided to try for a baby. Feels like it's never going to happen and it's just making me such a miserable and negative person. At what point do you just give up and move on? Do you go back on contraception? I think if I stay off it I'll still constantly be thinking what if. But it doesn't seem to be working even trying everything. Negative cheap test this morning. It's still early but just resigned to disappointment 😢
I never thought this would happen to me. I had my DD unplanned at 18. Now 13 years later I can't get pregnant

@Flatwhite31 oh bless you, pregnancy announcements don't ever seem to get much easier 😞 it's such a crap time to go through and then you see everyone else with successful pregnancies and it's bloody hard xxx

@TheGrumpySquirrel I know the feeling well! Was feeling that way when the bleeding first started but positive (stupid) me is now thinking let's go through this all over again 🙄

Xx

@BertieBotts - that's exactly my point - she shouldn't have taken ownership of those names, esp when I had said to her on several occasions not to refer to them in case it went wrong.

@PhoebeMouse - so sorry for your loss and welcome (wish it was under different circumstances) - think I remember you from another board we were on. Big hugs. xx

@yellowfrontdoor - totally know that feeling. So sorry you felt like that but glad speaking with OH working for you. My OH ended up coming home from work yesterday as was in such a state, but I feel a bit better today.

@Fia256 - sorry you are going through this - glad you have been referred though as at least that means they are taking you seriously and you may get some answers or at least comfort.

@Flatwhite31 - thoughts and love with you today. You are brave and strong. Hang in there, first day likely to be worst but should get a little bit easier afterwards. x

@TheGrumpySquirrel - I feel that way too, like none of this would've happened if hadn't started trying!

Yesterday was hell. OH said I looked exhausted (I looked in mirror and looked about 60!!!!). Drank G&T and a bit of wine. Had a long sleep but lots of horrid dreams. Feel a bit better today.

Going to see a friend who is pregnant this afternoon. I don't really want to see pregnant people at the moment but they have been trying since start of 2014 and have had several rounds of IVF, plus 2 miscarriages. So for them, I can't feel envious and am genuinely happy for them. Feels wrong but I am only really bitter towards those who sail through with no issues, which makes me feel evil but I can't help it. This girl has been really good to me throughout this, and she's not even really one of my close friends - in fact, she's been better than some of my close friends.

I hope it's ok to share...

Am I allowed to get a little excited? After 10 mins, but it showed within 30 seconds.

I'm feeling quite sick too at times which I feel is positive. But I guess time will tell.

My son started school today, me tomorrow!

Of course, my negative monkey is still convincing me this will be another miscarriage or chemical.

I'm also worried about the ut infection I had - glad I saw a dr so quickly. I thought sickness was due to the antibiotics, but I felt sick before I had one today.

Congratulations lady! Of course you should be excited, this isn't any other pregnancy and while bad things could happen , good things are more likely to happen!

Yay! Some good news!!!! Yes of course it's ok to share and gives us all hope!!!

Just take it easy and try not to stress (v difficult I know!!).

Lots and lots of love xxx

So sorry @Fia256 hope you get some answers 

@Ekphrasis yay yay yay!!! So pleased for you!!

AF came today!!! I'm so blooming pleased! I thought I'd find it hard but actually I feel like I can start looking to the future