Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

999 replies

BertieBotts · 15/08/2017 23:09

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

Flowers Brew Cake

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
NatalieG1 · 03/09/2017 08:53

I hope people don't mind me jumping in. THINK I might be pregnant (2 tests done with faint lines, due Monday/Tuesday). I'm completely new to all of this and I've been googling acronyms like mad Grin

Flatwhite31 · 03/09/2017 09:18

Thanks @weasledee, that's helpful! I had an ERPC. How long did you bleed for on medical management, if you don't mind me asking?

Flatwhite31 · 03/09/2017 09:19

Is there anyone on here with no children yet?

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 03/09/2017 09:35

Happy birthday nocats Cake

@Flatwhite Yup, me -__-

yellowfrontdoor · 03/09/2017 09:46

I don't.

After two mcs, I'm panicking that I never will Sad

coastalchick · 03/09/2017 09:46

Yep, I've no kids and turn 39 on 21 sept. Worried time running out. Only met my OH in Dec 2014 hence why it's taken so long to be in position to start trying

KerryLeanne84 · 03/09/2017 09:52

Happy birthday nocats! 🍰

Flatwhite31 · 03/09/2017 09:54

I feel the same re no kids, and I'm worried I MC'd because my body did something to the baby, or I can't support a growing baby. I hate how there's no answer for a perfectly healthy 8 week scan, then baby dies a week later, but clings on without MC'ing naturally. It's absolutely crazy that Mother Nature does this, but there isn't an answer for it. I know I'd feel better if I knew why I had an MMC. It's painful never knowing isn't it...

Flatwhite31 · 03/09/2017 09:55

Meant to say welcome and congrats @NatalieG1. I'm assuming you are on here because you've previously had a MC, so really hoping this one sticks for you. X

coastalchick · 03/09/2017 10:06

@Flatwhite31 - you've summed up EXACTLY how I feel - even with tablets yesterday it was clinging on for dear life. I kind of think (with my limited medical knowledge!) this at least shows your womb is good enough to hold a baby - it was probably just a chromosomal thing - maybe it's organs or something that develops in say, week 9, just didn't develop so the baby wouldn't have survived outside the womb. As chromosomal is random, is hope next time it'll be fine. we just have to try again, be aware, and hope it's our turn xx

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 03/09/2017 10:11

@Flatwhite31 I completely get that. The only thing that is keeping me going right now (is firstly I'm so fucking despite to have a LO) is to learn to trust my body. It sounds weird, because for the most part, and there are still days that I feel like this, I felt so betrayed by it, and it's not like I can run away from my own body which makes it harder because you're stuck with it.

But I think in a semi-rational sense that although I still feel like it failed me, maybe it did its best in terms of still trying to support my baby even after everything hit the fan. Maybe because it was my first pregnancy I'm still a bit stupid and naive (I'm okay to be told so). But with my MMC it just wouldn't let go, which I fucking hated because I sounded it so cruel after everything else had already happened. Like just fucking why would you do that?

But whilst I know that every pregnancy is different, the only thing I can think of right now that gives me hope for the next (like I have anything else!) is that actually my body continued, and fucking fought hard for that baby; that despite everything the conditions were good enough that it stopped nearly a month later; that I miscarried a month and a half or so after my baby passed on. I'm only starting to realise that it did everything in its power to carry on.

It's sometimes not enough and I wonder why, because all MCs are so painful. I wish I could help you with the loss of yours, or give you an explanation. That's the part I'm finding hard because there just isn't a full answer. Or a partial answer. I don't even know if any of that makes sense, and I've just rambled on so I'm sorry

coastalchick · 03/09/2017 10:15

@UnicornsandRainbows1 - that's actually a really good way of looking at it. And I think that sort of adds support to the theory it's chromosomal, nothing wrong with womb/conditions.

Hopefully one day there will be some breakthrough research which helps women like us

yellowfrontdoor · 03/09/2017 10:18

Not knowing why is definitely the hardest thing. Two mc at the 8 week mark now... surely there has to be an explanation for this?! Yet it'll take it happening AGAIN for any investigation. It's so hard to get to grips with.

I'm trying to trust my body but after 9 weeks since ERPC & no AF, the trust is beginning to wane a little.
As the time gets closer to my first due date I'm struggling more.

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 03/09/2017 10:22

I think so @coastal. Even as I was trying to MC naturally, it hurt an unbelievable amount in waves. I'm not sure if they were contractions/labour pains because labour pains I'm sure are worse/different but despite that, even then it didn't come apart, just collapsed a bit which was gutting.

halloumisandwich · 03/09/2017 10:28

I'm in the same boat, no children and two mcs, both at the 11/12 week Mark. Really worried there's something wrong and I'll have to go through it all again before finding out what. Or worse, not finding anything but it just happening again and again. It's always on my mind, I can never stop thinking about it all.
I was a bridesmaid for a close friend yesterday and I couldn't help thinking I should have been huge and due in 2 weeks, and then I should have been 18 weeks and just starting to show, and instead I was drinking fizz and having a quiet cry while no one was looking before having to put back my game face.
Happy birthday nocats!

yellowfrontdoor · 03/09/2017 10:37

Halloumi I have an afternoon tea today for a wedding next month; I should've been huge too!
And around 20 weeks for my second.
Their actual wedding was just before my due date. It'll be torture.

I feel like I've spent all year pregnant but with nothing to show for it.

yellowfrontdoor · 03/09/2017 10:38

Happy Birthday nocats 🎈

Ekphrasis · 03/09/2017 10:38

I have one ds. Conceived age 35 easily. Now 40, not so easy clearly. Though I suppose I don't know how this one will go.

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 03/09/2017 10:51

Out of curiously how did you lot deal with new babies in families? We have a newborn who was born 2 weeks after my D&C and I have to see this weekend as it's my niece's birthday. I have no idea what to do. I feel so guilty for the very real possibility of snubbing her :/ Its not her fault and I was so happy when the pregnancy was announced as they'd been having years of IVF. I feel so bad about it

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 03/09/2017 10:54

By that I just mean that they desperately wanted a child and it was killing them inside. Not that IVF babies are any different!!

KerryLeanne84 · 03/09/2017 11:04

Sounds like you did amazing at the wedding Halloumi.❤️

Unicorns - I think the news and bump is harder to take for me than the baby - once they're a person I enjoy meeting them. And I think I wouldn't have an issue if someone had gone through the mill - it's when people come off the pill one month and are pregnant the next and have no idea how lucky they are

yellowfrontdoor · 03/09/2017 11:35

The irony of that Kerry is that I got pregnant first month. MC'd that & got pregnant again straightaway. Now I've MC again.
In a way some people have brushed them both under the carpet in a 'well, you know you get pregnant quickly' kind of way. But what if getting pregnant never happens again? Sad what if I'll never carry a baby to term? I'm 35, have I just got shit eggs left?

I've got a big occasion coming up where people are trying to get me to organise a party, for family & friends. Family including pregnant sister-in-law who is 2 weeks behind my first due date. I don't want to see her. Harsh but true. It'll be in-laws first grandchild, so there's lots of knitting, lots of baby talk. SIL is quite a spoiled person so there's been a lot of 'ugh I'm sooo fat' 'I'm worried about how a baby will affect my holidays' etc. I can't not invite her because of the row it would cause.
I'll have to see her at another family party in a couple of weeks but thankfully all eyes won't be on me as host & I plan on spending as much time on the dance floor as is humanly possible.

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 03/09/2017 11:48

@yellowfrontdoor I really hope they haven't brushed it under the carpet!! I think it's all down to chance. You were fortunate to get pregnant quickly before but it has no say on the future sadly. It's like when people try for DC2 and are shocked when it doesn't happen as quickly, it just doesnt work like that, pregnancy isn't a given.

You dance away! It must be crap having to deal with all that with your SIL

@KerryLeanne84 I can understand what you mean on that front.

coastalchick · 03/09/2017 11:53

@yellowfrontdoor - I was exactly same - pregnant first go and couldn't believe my luck at almost 39. That was one and only and found out had had MMC on Tues. Hoping to get pregnant quickly again but worrying about same thing happening as not in best of health.

If it helps, a friend of mine had 2 mc's and is now 16 weeks with 3rd go - think you just have to hold on to hope.

Your SIL sounds like a nightmare - daft cow. Just try and avoid here where you can my love x

Original poster
BertieBotts · 03/09/2017 12:05

I do have a child but don't have any with DH. I know that's not the same as having none at all. But since it's he who has the genetic issue it is anxiety provoking that it might never happen and we want it so much :(

But come on everyone, we've got to think positively, remember those old TTC/infertility threads where you look forwards and the poster does get their rainbow baby :)

OP posts: