TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

[BertieBotts]

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

So am in the hospital now and just had the pessaries. Dreading what's going to happen but will also be glad to get it over with

Good luck coastalchick. Some people feel relieved that at least it's over with and I'm sure the Drs and nurses will be very kind to you. Hope you don't have to wait too long ❤️

Good luck coastalchick. Hope you feel better once it's done. (That's not meant to sound insensitive, just for me the worst part was deciding what to do/waiting for the erpc.)

flatwhite there's something so cruel about a mmc, isn't there? I had no signs anything was wrong - even in the days just before my scan my symptoms had been getting stronger. It really won't be anything you did or didn't do though, keep reminding yourself that. (Though, of course, I ask myself the same questions.) Did they say whether they will do any tests post-surgery? They are doing cytogenetics for me, and I am clinging to the idea that there was a chromosomal issue this time, as at least that would be a reason. Sorry if that sounds awful.

Hi everyone
This thread is so fast moving its hard to keep track.
So sorry to all new members or members going through Mc at the minute 
@coastalchick hope all goes well for you and it's as quick and easy as possible :(
A couple of posters mentioned working with kids - I'm a reception teacher too and just started back to work after my leave on Monday - it's been pretty hard but the actual class came in yesterday and that was much easier - I think you just go into teacher mode and it's difficult to think of anything else.
I went to EPU on Tuesday - going by af I should have been 6+2 but I ovulated on day 19/20 so I knew I was earlier than that more likely around 5+5 or 5+6- the scan showed sac, yolk & fetal pole but no hb yet - nurse said it could just be to early and that everything looked to be in the right place. I've to go back in two weeks for a repeat scan but I'm still spotting brown blood and it's been almost a week now so I'm not feeling hopeful. I've also read people can see hb towards the end of 5 weeks and I didn't so I don't think that was a good sign either. Waiting to find out is so hard... I've become an obsessive knicker checker lol although spotting is only there when I wipe. I feel really nauseous too which isn't helping. Just finding it hard to have any hope at all and in fact don't really want any because it will be so hard finding out it's bad news again if I do..

It'll be ok @coastalchick. You don't know anything that's going on while under general. When you wake up, you'll have a pad and most likely a sheet underneath where there will be some blood. It's not as physically bad as it sounds. Thinking of you. Xxx

Hope everything goes OK today costal. I had medical management - is that what you are doing? It was much better than I expected.

Fingers crossed sj that right growth and heartbeat shown in couple of weeks.

Hope everyone else has a good weekend.

Thanks ladies. Sadly not under general - having the tablets/pessaries. Passed a massive clot and was hoping that was the fetus but sadly no. It felt like a massive bit of jelly. Just hoping it hurries up now - the irony of it clinging on!

I just wanted to add that if it takes a while or you need a couple of tries for it to happen, that doesn't make you a failure in any way shape or form. I Didn't go for medical management on the basis that my body tried to miscarry on it's own later and whilst it was horrific, nothing important budged so I was worried the same would happen with that. I'll be thinking of you today and hope that it's a quick process for you

Ugh just when I thought the bleeding was easing off, I get loads more today on day 8! It also still hurts to wee. Should I phone a GP when back do you think?

I would if you're worried Hun. Reckon my main concern would be it putting us back even further so if anything that could help with that worth doing. x

Am so mad at a "friend". I grew up with this girl - our dad's are best friends. 9 years ago my then fiancé ran off with someone else 6 months before wedding. I retreated back to my parents (it was Xmas time). She knew what had happened (as I messaged her) and though she sent me 1 message she never enquired again over Xmas how I was doing or offered to see me.

Few months later she and her then fiancé broke up and I was STRAIGHT round with booze and ice cream, helped her cry, got her out and about with my friends as she had none of her own at the time (she'd recently moved to near where I was living permanently),

Last year she married a complete arsehole. He told everyone he'd shagged her on the first night in their wedding speech and he regularly belittles her. But he earns wads of cash and they've just bought a massive house. In my view, she's married him for the money as there's no way she'd have the lifestyle she now has otherwise.

She had a baby girl in May and I went to see her 2 weeks ago (she's now moved away) and told her I was pregnant.

Told her my news this week when the bad shit happened and she sent a few messages but radio silence since weds, despite me saying was coming in today. Just feel like she doesn't give a flying fuck because her life always turns out perfectly. She no longer has to work (I frigging hate my job) and has a baby. She got pregnant first go and no complications.

There were several other times when I was going through shit and she did nothing, and several other times when she has broken up with someone and I've cancelled my plans and been straight there.

Am I being out of order being mad? Feel like screaming at her as feel she is being selfish. People I've not known anywhere near as long have sent me messages of support today.

Coastalchick - no, she seems like a complete twat tbh. If someone is never there for you, I wouldn't call them much of a friend

I actually think this situation has really shown me who genuinely gives a fuck. I've had a friend who isn't very interested in children at all (not that it makes a difference really but anyway), she's messaged me on and off throughout the last month. Met up with her last week and she just sat there for an hour just listening to me rant and trying to make sense of everything. She even tried to put some (carefully worded) input in there too, and was just such a bit help (she doesn't think she has been as she can't fix it but there's only a few people who have bothered to do more than one message and there's their helpful deed done).

You have every right to be mad, especially when you've dropped things for her. People just get on with their lives because it doesn't even have to effect them and that sucks. Maybe they don't realise until it happens to them, that's what I'm trying to tell myself! But I would imagine I would
definitely keep checking up on someone who had gone through it before now though so maybe not I'm sorry she's made you feel like this

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through coastal.

You friend sounds toxic. Or one of those people who really struggles to think with empathy. I'd feel as you do. I must say, myself and old friends who haven't seen in another for years may not be up to date with each other but you are.

You are also probably feeling a lot of hormonal emotions too - give your self some time, this is so understandable. I hope you're ok.

I saw a gp through emergency out of hours care, who confirmed another infection (joy) and that I was pregnant (faintly) which she had to clarify for antibiotics. I think my batch of one steps are faulty. I can't work out if I feel sick and tired due to uti or pregnancy. Still really not allowing myself to get excited as I suspect it will end as a chemical.

I'm also a teacher. I have the hardest week if the whole year coming up as I'm both doing the most hours and delivering lots of training. Af expected on tues. I do hope this isn't a chemical as my mind will be in a shit place when I have to be on top of everything! Very much wish it was this time next week!

Well that's a big wall of text for you coastal. Whoops!

I know how you feel sj. Hand holding!

@Ekphrasis I hope it sticks for you.

@KerryLeanne84 - yes, that's how I feel and I think this time enough is enough. I even did a reading at her wedding (as she asked me to - didn't really want to as think husband is a nob but didn't want to upset her and have never said as much)

@UnicornsandRainbows1 - yes, lots of text!!! And it does only seem to be (for certain people) when it affects them. She just seems to breeze through life though so am fully expecting that she will have her second before I've even popped out one. He must have super fucking sperm!!!!!!!

@Ekphrasis - I really hope all is well for you. Also feel for you if you have a tough week this week - be kind to yourself. x

Am home from hospital now. It was awful and traumatic but think it went as well as it could. OH was amazing. Feel awful he's had to go through this and see me go through this as know he feels helpless. Tonight he is making my favourite (unless I change my mind and say Chinese!) parmesan, parsnip and pancetta pasta. He does it amazing. We are going to eat loads of junk and treats tonight and then from tomorrow, be totally on the healthy eating. Going to get him some of the Pregnacare man vitamins and so hopefully by time have follow up appointment with consultant, we will be on a good track to try again. On that note, apparently they test the remains and so might be in a position to tell us what went wrong - has anyone any experience of that as not sure if that is a good or bad thing?!

@coastalchick glad you're home. It is awful and traumatic. I knew my DH was amazing when he didn't flinch when a health care assistant removed a blood soaked sheet and pad from underneath me. Bless him. He just held my hand.

They do test the remains, but I was told that this is to see if it's foetal tissue and to see if the pregnancy was molar or partial molar. I think they only test for abnormalities if you have repeated MCs. That's what my local hospital said anyway. Rest up tonight lovely xxx

Glad you're home coastal.

As with any test, it's that weighing up of if knowledge helps. Most mcs are due to chromosomal issues. I find that helpful to know actually, as as far as I'm concerned, the pregnancy isn't going to progress. I'm not sure how I'd feel if it's not due to that - at the same time, it may add to the bigger picture of what might help to keep a viable pregnancy going. If you were to be referred for example.

Maybe speak to the mc association for advice?

@Flatwhite31 - thank you. Awww, your OH sounds so lovely! Thanks, that's interesting to know - I do think I have been given quite a bit of conflicting information by our lot!

@Ekphrasis - yes, that was my thought - I guess I'd like to know if it's something else which they can then try to fix next time, like needing aspirin or something during the pregnancy, or if it's an abnormality so I know it's just one of those things. Guess only time will tell - for all I know, given the conflicting info I keep being given by the professionals, I'll find out nothing!!!

Oh and THAT was the other thing with this girl - our cat was really really ill in Feb. I've had him 10 years from 3 months so was distraught. She knows how much that cat means to me. Rather than asking how the cat was she kept asking about what was going on with our new house - we were buying at same time as them - probs because she wanted to make sure it wasn't "better" than theirs (well, "his" really as she contributes nothing) and banging on about how theirs was a "perfect house".

Have decided she can go fuck herself!!!!

Coastal, you don't need someone like that in your life. I hope you're evening and night goes ok.

Thanks for best wishes but I don't feel it's real quite yet - I'm not counting this egg till it's hatched a bit more!

@coastal Eurgh she sounds like a right twat and you don't need that right now (or ever!!). Go and enjoy your dinner (it sounds scrumptious), and you and OH eat all the unhealthy food and just be with each other this evening

Costal glad you are home. Sounds a gruelling day.
Flatwhite - I was told that bleeding up until 2 weeks was ok but if you are worried can you phone the epau that did the procedure? I'm not sure your gp is likely to be able to help.
Our new kittens came home today - they are nervous little things but proper cuties.

Thank you @beanhunter. I'm suddenly feeling really tired, which I think is from the bleeding. The worst bit for me is pain when peeing. It's so sore!

Aww your kittens are gorgeous. Hope they are making you smile. X

@beanhunter Oh yay you got them!!

@Flatwhite I think the only thing that sticks out to be is the pain when peeing. I know they give you some antibiotic or something when you have the surgery, but it might be worth trying to get some antibiotics prescribed and see if that helps at all, even if it is something like a mild water infection