TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

[BertieBotts]

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

❤️ To you Flatwhite. I have also been finding it extremely hard seeing pregnant women or women with babies.

I hope the great advice from the other ladies who speak from experience is right and that getting away for a while will help you. ❤️

I keep worrying I won't get pregnant again easily (I have a very stressful, exhausting job that's relentless) and if I do, that I'll be continually anxious and stressed. Will try my best to enjoy this holiday, even though part of me wishes I was at home on the sofa watching inane TV.

I do have two scan pictures of our baby at 8 weeks when it was strong, so that's something nice to keep. I'm so glad we've got those.

You are all so lovely by the way. Thank you so much. Xxx

So sorry for what you're going through flatwhite. I hope that even if you don't manage to enjoy the holiday you do find it restful.

Flat white how you feel is normal. But honestly being away will be good. I felt horrendously sad the first week. Of course I'm still sad now over 2 weeks on but it's already a little less raw and I'm more thinking about trying again (though can't until test negative). Be kind to yourself xx

How is everyone doing today? I am pretty okay

Does anyone have siblings who might also be trying to get pregnant? My bro is getting married soon and I felt just abject terror yesterday at the thought that they could have a baby before me. I know it's not a rational thought and I certainly don't wish infertility or miscarriage on anyone but I can't help it.

What did everyone tell their workmates when they went back to work after their mc? I don't know how many people will ask what was going on but I was thinking I might say something like "it's not terminal thanks for asking" 🤐

Yep my sister. In fact she's just had a chemical and she said on the day that it was positive was the day of my mmc. I think we are both pleased it wasn't a real positive (which I realise makes me sound like a complete bitch).
I'm ok. Enjoying a day in the sun.

Hi all, not posted in a while but been keeping up to date with everyone. So very sorry for all the new joiners but, as you've already realised, this thread is full of lovely women.

Flatwhite, I really hope you do manage to enjoy your holiday. Easier said than done but sometimes just being in a completely different environment can help a bit.

Kerry, I just said to everyone 'thanks, I'm getting there'. If anyone asked what was wrong with me I just said that I had a virus that made me really unwell but doctors couldn't work out what it was. I told my immediate team the truth and they were really good.

In other news, I'm terrified. Got a BFP this morning. I'm so sorry if that upsets anyone. 2 days late but couldn't bring myself to test until today. Already had a good cry and now the fear is overwhelming. I just keep thinking it's going to happen again. I'm 41 next week, I've had 3 miscarriages since I was 40. Why would I think this will end any differently? I truly don't know what to do. Think I need some help. Does anyone know if there are counsellors trained for this sort of thing? I seem to remember a couple of you lovely early pregnancy ladies we're seeing someone? x

I'm so sorry you're feeling so desperate and panicked stepaway - I know it's hard, but try and remember that this is a new pregnancy, not a repeat of the previous ones, and it's not a given that it'll end the same way. My first thought about counselling was that perhaps you could ring the Miscarriage Association? They'll have someone to talk to then and there but I think perhaps they'll also have some ideas for organisations that might offer this kind of counselling. Thinking of you - I remember the floods of tears when I got my third bfp - and hope that you find some calm and comfort soon.

Thanks so much for the hopeful advice beanhunter and stepaway

stepaway cautious congratulations to you - ❤️

flatwhite - I really hope you're now somewhere lovely and the change of scene is helping a bit

I've cried most of the day, including at a restaurant earlier. It doesn't help that I've barely slept since Wednesday, had procedure Friday, loads of driving Sat (although DH was driving) then up at 3am in an airport hotel this morning to get a very early flight. Have had to come back to the room early this evening as I'm just exhausted. Also in pain when I wee, and am constipated (I'm guessing from the anaesthetic) so feeling very bloated. Hopefully I'll feel a bit better tomorrow after a long sleep.

@Flatwhite I'm sorry you've had such a shitty day. Your week sounds pretty exhausting and the emotions don't help so I'm hoping you can catch up on sleep tonight and maybe a lie-in if you can.

Have you taken/got any painkillers with you? It might take the edge off a bit to take some and then sleep just afterwards. I think I remember having some discomfort when peeing because of the pressure down south and I guess I didn't really take into account that a lot of stuff happened and it's all in close proximity. I really hope you feel better tomorrow!

Flatwhite, I'm so sorry you are having such a shitty time. Miscarriage is properly, properly horrendous. The bit straight after is the worst but I promise it does get better. At the moment you've had an invasive procedure, barely slept and your hormones are all over the shop. It's no wonder you feel awful. Let your DH look after you and please be kind to yourself. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Cry as much as you need to. Unmumsnetty hugs.

Thank you, Lisa and Kerry. I feel a bit calmer this evening. Took DD and my OH to a National Trust property this afternoon. The sun was out, we met some lovely people and I was chasing around after a 2 year old for most of it. Took my mind off things. Lisa, thank you for suggesting the miscarriage association - my fear-beffudled brain didn't think of that. I'll give them a call x

That's true about siblings. Two of mine are far too young to be thinking about babies and the other doesn't even have a boyfriend so I think I'm safe. DH's sisters are all older and have almost grown up children so no likelihood there. Actually I'd thought that was sad in the past but perhaps you're right that it's a blessing in a way. I do have a cousin who is turning 30 who I know wants kids one day so we'll see.

Flatwgite I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

Stepaway that is great about the BFP bur understand the fear. It's a great first step, let's hold on to that. Fingers crossed for you.

I'm finding it so hard to increase my food intake and hoping that it's possible for me to get back to a healthy weight again.

Silly really, what we latch onto isn't it? I know realistically my weight probably doesn't matter, but it feels like something I can try to control which might help.

bertie I feel exactly the same about my weight, but from the other direction. I am five pounds overweight, so it really doesn't seem likely that it's going to make any difference, but I so wish I could lose half a stone - and I'm really struggling. I get cross at myself: if I want this so badly then why can't I just put down the cake if I think it'll help?! But life is stressful at the moment (work is horrible) and that has me reaching for the biscuits; I suspect that for you stress kills your appetite. Let's agree to do our best to be healthy but not beat ourselves up about finding it hard?

On the siblings front: my brother's girlfriend is 30 weeks pregnant; they found out a few days after my first miscarriage and had their 20 week scan the day after I had the scan confirming my third pregnancy was going to end in miscarriage too. It's been pretty difficult at times, and DH has found it more so than me. We've been talking in the last few days about whether to go away for Christmas (I know, I know, it's still August!) because he's said he finds the idea of spending it with a small baby a bit tough.

Oh Lisa that sounds really tough but that you're dealing with it incredibly well. I understand why your dh isn't though. For me it would just be so hard to not give my parents the longed for grandchild as I'm the older sister.

Don't feel bad about the odd bit of cake, I definitely normally respond to stress by eating sugar too!

Have you read 'it starts with the egg'? There's definitely some compelling stuff in there about diet and sugar.

I'm the oldest, too - they're a few years younger than me and their pregnancy was very much unplanned, though they're thrilled about it now. It is a bit tough that mine won't, as I'd always assumed, be my parent's first grandchild - I suspect it's actually quite a hard situation for my parents, too, as they have to try and balance being rightly and appropriately excited for my brother with trying not to be too babycentric in front of me. I can tell they've all tried hard to be sensitive about it, which I am very grateful for.

I haven't read it but I know it says that cutting down on sugar (or cutting it out entirely, but I know that I'll never manage that!) is important. I was doing better and then things ramped up at work and that's when I get into really bad (chocolate bar rather than lunch) habits. I find it difficult to balance 'living right for TTC' with 'not driving myself mad with stress'. I spend so much of every day trying to push this all out of my mind and failing and the problem is that the more careful I am with diet etc. the more I have to think about it every time I reach for a coffee/glass of wine/bit of cake. I really resent it, if I'm honest.

I don't think I should read it starts with the egg, I think it will just make me paranoid, and (selfishly, if I'm honest) we know it's DH who has the issue, not me. Egg quality is unlikely to make huge differences to us. I do want to avoid anything that's likely to have a strong effect though, since we don't want to risk losing any healthy embryos!

I am eyeing up The Impatient Woman's Guide To Getting Pregnant. Has anyone read it? The translocation facebook group is amazing and I've learned loads from it, but it's kind of a downer too - so many of the posters there have been given really low odds. It's much more complicated than I realised, which should have probably been obvious, but there's a lot to get my head around. That's okay because I like research. But it's going to take time and I'm getting the feeling that actually trying really hard to get pregnant is probably in our interests even if we do end up having more miscarriages.

It's so hard when you're stressed out isn't it, and then to think you shouldn't have a bit of chocolate when people get pregnant off the back of all sorts of poor life choices just seems crazy.

From what I've read in the book it suggests a high glycemic load diet may be bad for egg quality - it suggests eating some carbs but alongside protein and good fats. It struck a chord with me because my mum had type 2 diabetics and I've had a few blood sugar tests that possibly indicated my body is a touch insulin resistant.

You seem to be dealing with the baby situation really well, and your family too. ❤️

I probably should read it and follow it because it seems quite likely that my problem could be egg quality since mine have all been early losses (assuming the tests don't find anything wrong). I find that idea really, really upsetting - I'm 30 and never expected this; the idea that my time could be running out makes me feel sick - and I think if I'm honest with myself I don't want to read it because I don't really want to think about that idea for long.

Argh, haven't written that down I see how silly and childish I'm being about it!

Not at all Lisa ❤️ I felt the same when I first read it, it seems so overwhelming. And I'm 200% sure that your time isn't running out at 30 - you are really young still xxx

Thanks - I know I'm young, but I'm scared my eggs/ovaries aren't. My FSH levels were one of the things the hospital tested, so I guess I'll see what that shows. I wish they'd give me the results as they're ready rather than having to wait for another consultation at the end of all the tests - I had that test nearly two months ago and I'd give anything to know now.

FlatWhite, Hope you manage to get a good night sleep tonight and that you manage to enjoy some r&r on your holiday.

StayAway, congratulations. It sounds like counselling would be a really good idea and i am keeping everything crossed for a sticky one for you.

On the siblings front, my DNiece was less than 2 months when i had my MC. I found i cope much better with actual babies than pregnancies but it was (and is) a reminder of what could have been.

AF had taken hold. I have more convinced i am in perimenopause as my cycles have got shorter, so convincing DH to go down the IVF route is just about to step up a gear.......!! Right, some sleep and then healthy eating starts tomorrow.