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Conception

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TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

999 replies

BertieBotts · 15/08/2017 23:09

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

Flowers Brew Cake

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KerryLeanne84 · 26/08/2017 15:35

Having a really tearful day over here after a few okay ish ones... we had been ttc for 2 years and got pregnant through iui. I know we can have more iui/ivf but what if nothing works?

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/08/2017 15:53

Oh my god lisa I read that this morning when I was having my customary weekend guardian catch up! Really spoke to me, though I tend towards sadness and hopelessness rather than rage. How brave to put your feelings out there and I know it will have helped so many people who'll read it.

Sending you a big squeeze x

KerryLeanne84 · 26/08/2017 16:28

Just read your article Lisa- it's so eloquent. Did you feel the advice was useful?

MsJuniper · 26/08/2017 18:51

Lisa that's a really inspiring thing to do and a great response. Whenever I read something about mc in the newspaper it makes me feel less alone so I am sure your writing in will have spoken to so many people. I like the bit where the person from the mc assoc said it can really help to talk to people who've gone through the same thing - we all know that to be true.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 26/08/2017 18:54

Thanks for the nice comments! I did find some comfort in the advice, thanks kerry. I also found myself hugely comforted by the fact that the advice and the online comments both took my problem seriously. I had to really steel myself before reading the comments because I was convinced they'd be full of people calling me a dramatic, self-indulgent idiot for being so sad about losses so early - that's the voice that constantly runs in my head. I was so surprised to see that no one said that (though I suspect that might have been why the moderator deleted a couple of the comments). The counsellor I saw for an initial session said that was a problem for me - letting myself feel my feelings without judgement - and when the counselling starts I'm hoping that's something she can help me work on.

I also just wanted to say - SOPPY POST ALERT - I do feel much better than when I wrote that letter, and a lot of that is you guys. I wasn't sure whether or not to join this thread after the most recent miscarriage as I knew we wouldn't be actively TTC for a while, but I'm so glad I did. What the response to my letter said about talking to people who have been there is so true.

JenCFA · 26/08/2017 19:13

Hello everyone - just checking in. So so sorry to see so many new names on here.

Lisa thanks so much for sharing - that is exactly how I have felt this past year: boiling, unreasonable jealousy. Still do to be honest about people who breeze through pregnancy with nothing but excitement in their minds - the advice made me well up, too.

I've been thinking about you ladies a lot, these past few weeks. I'm still lurking, still pregnant - 8 weeks on Monday, fingers crossed.

In a similar vein to the lovely advice in the Guardian piece, I've just finished reading A Manual For Heartache and it made me think of everyone here. I'm not really a self-help sort of person, but it is a beautiful, gentle book full of kind advice on working your way through something horrible and allowing yourself to grieve. Highly recommend it to anyone having a tough time at the moment.

yellowfrontdoor · 26/08/2017 20:14

Lisa that letter was so brave, I'm glad you look back & find yourself in a different place emotionally. The 'loss of a future' comment is so so true.

Flatwhite so glad you're home & hopefully on the mend (physically at least). We've said here before that miscarriage is a joy-thief. My two mean I'll never feel excited about being pregnant ever again; I've lost that innocent carefree happiness, which actually makes me feel really sad.

Still no AF for me, though the very painful cramps have eased thankfully.

RedPanda25 · 26/08/2017 20:23

I didn't want to insensitive to anyone on here but really wanted to talk to people who'd understand. I got a bfp today on a frer and I'm absolutely petrified and just can't let myself get excited. It is such a joy thief, great way to describe it!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 26/08/2017 20:27

Cautious congratulations, redpanda! I don't think it's ever insensitive to post about pregnancy on here - we all know that pregnancy is part of this process, one that we all hope has a happy ending, but that for us getting a BFP will never be the straightforward good news/happy ending it is for some people. Wishing you all the best, and that this one is your time.

RedPanda25 · 26/08/2017 20:32

Thank you @LisaSimpsonsbff, I was in two minds whether to post or not. I'm just going to be cautiously happy about it myself I think.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 26/08/2017 20:34

I know different people feel differently about this but I think you should be as happy as you feel able to be - I keep telling myself that if I get pregnant again I'll try to enjoy it. Not getting your hopes up doesn't work, it still hurts just as much, so why not try and have some joy? Who knows whether I'll actually be able to manage it, though!

weasledee · 26/08/2017 20:37

Great news Panda! Love a BFP :)

I'm thrilled too as I've just got my first period after my miscarriage 4 weeks ago!!! Never thought I'd be so happy for it to arrive Grin (sad I know Smile)

yellowfrontdoor · 26/08/2017 20:38

Congratulations Panda. This thread loves nothing more than a bfp Flowers

Flatwhite31 · 26/08/2017 20:52

Oh @KerryLeanne84 big big hugs. I feel crappy today too. Lots of tears. I still can't believe that I had no idea I was carrying around a baby with no heartbeat for 3 weeks. So sad.

KerryLeanne84 · 26/08/2017 21:01

Congratulations 🐼 ❤️

Thanks Flatwhite - back at you! It is so sad but your body was doing such a great job taking care of the baby that it just didn't realise at first. How are you feeling physically?

Flatwhite31 · 26/08/2017 21:07

Congratulations @RedPanda25, that's lovely news.

I'm not too bad physically thank you. Very tired. Getting some pain when I wee, but not all the time. Thankfully the bleeding isn't too heavy.

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 26/08/2017 21:40

Random question that I figure is best to ask here. So I finished AF 5 days ago (so I'm cd10), which was really light in comparison, only 1-1.5 days of proper bleeding.

Anyway that cleared up and I thought well great, now I can move on and whatnot. So today I've had a tiny bit of spotting (if it's even classed as that) and just now I have brown blood that's now pretty apparent. Has anyone else had this or anything similar? I was putting it down to AF being light and so as things change maybe old blood would start appearing (it made sense in my head) but now I'm just so confused and I just want to feel normal again.

Stuckinstressville · 26/08/2017 21:45

Flat white am just catching up and saw your sad update . Am terribly sorry for you. Repeated mc is cruel -m, it really us. Be kind to yourself .

Stuckinstressville · 26/08/2017 21:46

Panda congrats!

Stuckinstressville · 26/08/2017 21:56

Sort can't scroll and think and type on my phone!
Lime how was scan? Thinking of you.

To those who want early scans - can you call your epu direct? My rmc said to use them ' liberally' but they are walk in - so can say I go bi weekly.... over 11 weeks now , about when I mmc, and so anxious so to avoid missing more work , as walk in also means 4 hour waits, am going privately for a scan this week as we fly aboard for a wedding on Thursday and I need to know where things are physically and mentally.... breathe. Mc suck all the joy of pregnancy from me. Am simply a grumpy steroid filled ( pred ) mess.

Flatwhite31 · 27/08/2017 05:02

Thank you @Stuckinstressville. That was my first pregnancy. Currently sat at Gatwick airport and have cried after seeing two pregnant women. I don't even want to go on this holiday now. I can't see myself enjoying it when I'm crying every five minutes. I think for me the shock is just setting in. I honestly had no reason to worry before my 12 week scan. No bleeding, no loss of symptoms, nothing. It's just such a cruel trick of nature. Sorry to be so 'woe is me' ladies.

yellowfrontdoor · 27/08/2017 07:23

Flatwhite I'm so so sorry. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad at all, but honestly take it from me; it does get easier. I still have bad days but every day gets a little bit easier.
For now, try & enjoy your holiday the rest & change of scene is probably exactly what you need. Just be kind to yourself xx

RedPanda25 · 27/08/2017 07:29

Please don't apologise flatwhite for your very valid and understandable feelings. Be kind to yourself and try and rest whilst on holiday, a change of scene may be good for you. Mc is so cruel and it must have been so awful to find out that way. Sending lots of hugs xx

dudemeister76 · 27/08/2017 07:52

Dear Flatwhite31,
I've been lurking in the background on this thread since i had my first miscarriage on the 2nd July, commenting every now and then but generally coming back to read the experiences of others and it has been a real comfort during such a time. I just want you to know that i know (all of us do) how you are feeling right now. The disbelief of it, the moments when you are fine then the raw sadness of it thumps you in the chest and overwhelms you regardless of where you are or what you are doing. These are all normal feelings. I know that going on holiday might seem pointless but try to see it as a blessing maybe. Be kind to yourself and relax as much as you can. I know that when i had two weeks off afterwards it meant i could try to begin to come to terms with what happened or at least start to process the shock of it. I didn't have to explain myself to anyone and i just tried to relax by reading and watching inane movies and getting lots of cuddles from my husband. I know it sounds cliched but after a while i began to heal and that feeling of being cut wide open began to feel less raw. The sadness is still there but it comes in smaller more manageable waves. I really do send you a big heartfelt hug and hope you can try to relax and look after yourself on this holiday. you won't be swinging from the chandeliers but maybe, just maybe you can bandage your heart up for a bit xxxx

Lime19 · 27/08/2017 08:46

Flatwhite, I hope you have a good holiday. I think it's just what you need.

When I had my miscarriage and subsequent surgery, I sprnt a good few weeks weeping. At work several people are pregnant so I kept running off to loo. Every time people were kind to me I cried.

Me and my husband wrote letters to our twins and placed them in a memory box (along with the 500 pregnancy tests I did). I needed closure and that offered some.

It does get better I promise. For me, I hired a personal trainer and picked that as my focus. Bleeding had left me weak and in another cruel twist I had started to get a bump. I knew I wanted to get strong. It helped me massively.

I also turned to mindfulness and that really did help me too.

I did have moments of anger and sadness but it got less and less. Eventually I became able to tell people about my miscarriage without crying and having snot bubbles (now when I tell people I just have a slight crack in my voice that I can usually hide)

Getting my first period was another milestone... as was a negative test. Each milestone made me slightly better and more like the old me. I got pregnant again 1st cycle after (although it remains to be seen how this one is going).

Enjoy your holiday, try to find another focus. dont feel bad if you cry,just know things will get better.