anyone else just fucked off with this lark and want to moan?

[stillvicarinatutu]

come on then.
moan away.
ill start. i m just so fucking fucked off. lost one last year at 44....i thought its a miracle!! wasnt to be but filled me with what appears to be false hope.

been trying ever since. and no. every month the same. this month as well as AF ive another surprise - a cyst. where no one ever ever wants one.
so this month will be lost. along with all dignity as i beg the hospital to lance it.

moan away. go on. you know you want to.

@limp it's hard work isn't it?! O Lt bright side least it's not a 6 month one like at that start of the year! Evey cloud and all that!

I had no idea how hard it could be! Coming on here is a real source of comfort to know you're not alone. Thank you ladies for the constant support and laughs even if it is at our own defective bodies!!

Sorry to hear of your mishap @LimpLettuce. It doesn't help when these things happen and we're already under the weather.

@Steaksauce, sorry DH is being so contrary. It's hard to get it right sometimes, been there. I hope you've managed to clear the air now.

Mrsjones17, I really feel your pain. No pregnancy in 2016 and looking increasingly likely none in 2017 either. It must be extra frustrating for you not to have DH around all the time, sending you hugs and fairy dust for an early ovulation at the weekend or a day or two after.

No news here. Just ticking along as usual in the tww, except it's more like the two-week-waiting-for-the-inevitable-in-misery than any excitement. Still debating in my head if we should try IVF or just go straight to adoption. I don't know if DH is in the right head space at the moment to go through the strain of IVF. Not that adoption is an easy road but easier for him I think.

Hi. Completely and utterly fucked off.

20m TTC. Even given up logging DTD and symptoms in my app. Barely log AF days. Only just filled in the last one which finished between the 3rd & 5th September. Am now 'late' if my womb was normal instead of an arsehole but periods have been irregular since last xmas and I really can't face getting my hopes again just for AF to appear, but I'm now starting to get that 'what if I am' feeling that I'm trying to ignore.

Became bitter and twisted re: other people's pregnancies some time ago. H2b's cousin has had 2 DC since we've been TTC, his DSis is expecting her 2nd, and his other cousin has just announced she's PG now too. I just don't really want to know. But I can't say that.

Don't really have any symptoms, got a backache, really horny, nothing else really. Can't face monitoring CM.

Think I'm on cycle day 42, don't know if I ovulated, had some EW CM but not enough that I thought 'today's the day'. I'm not using OPK's, even though I have some. Didn't really have any ovulation pains (I normally get quite bad pains on my left side, occasionally the right).

Oh yeah, and I'm 36 so time is getting on.

Really can't face taking another test to get another BFN.

@Eliza9917 I'm sorry it all sounds a bit shit. Have you had all the tests etc yet or are you still waiting for that?

I went to see a private gynaecologist - I know not everyone can afford that - I just wanted someone to talk me through where I was up to and what my options were with less of a time limit and everything on the table (rather than NHS policies and referral systems). Of course in reality I already knew it all - it's all I think about. But it did help me and DP come to a decision about when we were going forwards for IVF (December).

Anyway you've come to the right place if you want a moan. Lots of folk in a similar place here x

@jane would you mind sharing how much it cost to go private or dm me if you don't want to post on here?

@Eliza9917, Snap! 36 here as well, 20 months ttc. Sorry you're feeling the frustration like me, I'm the same with not bothering to log stuff anymore.

I'm in the pub, someone near the for is smoking and it's blowing inside. I feel sick smelling it. And a part of me wonders if I'm pregnant. Why do I do it to myself? I'm totally not, I'm just feeling unwell. I hate I read so much into everything STILL. You'd think I'd have learnt by now.

Aw man, so glad to have you guys to moan with about this. I was really so disappointed about not DTD over the weekend, almost certain I ovulated on Saturday. Thankfully next month I don't think I have anything on during my ovulation window but its so far away!

I realized today too that I drink far too little water (which is bad for conception), so I have been peeing non stop all day as I have been drinking as much as I can to get to a normal level, lol.

Oh, and despite being almost certain that I've not conceived this month, I am still scared to have a drink or anything just in case.

@micropig - I didn't know low water was bad for conception! I'm sure I only drink a couple of glasses a day. I'm going to start upping it tonight!

I'm also having a pint right now, potentially just after ovulation...whoops.

@sooz I only found out it was today as it just popped into my head after looking at my dismal FitBit water drinking record (I manage about 500ml a day average shamefully) and so I looked it up. Apparently it affects conception chances in quite a few ways, the one I remember most is that your body won't produce enough CM which would normally help the sperm in some way (sorry, terrible memory) which I makes sense. I really don't drink enough, and I don't drink anything else either really, at least you'll be getting some water in the beer lol!

@Janefx40 I've had an internal scan and also blood tests, they said everything was fine. I don't what blood tests and I didn't have to go at a particular time of the month. H2b has been for a test and has to do it again as they said he has less than 5% that are the right shape I think, the results sheet was confusing and he didn't explain it properly (h2b went on his own). So now we are just waiting for his next test, then I can take that to my drs and see if I need further tests. They've been really poor at referring me on or even just doing these basic tests.

@SoozC I've even given up symptom spotting, although the other day I noticed I haven't had sore boobs for a while now so I really don't know what's going on, they were getting really bad irregular periods and the 2ww are some of the cruelest things I think women have inflicted on them. I've kinda just given up stressing for now and if it happens, it happens, if not we'll just have to see what the results of h2bs tests are and what the drs offer us. Until then Ice had to let go of it a bit unless I get ov. pains or the right CM cos there's nothing we can do right now. Ridiculously frustrating.

I'm wondering whether to do a test as I'm 12 days late if working on a 30 day cycle but that really means nothing the way my cycles have been. I don't have any good ones and I'm not sure where my internet cheapies are.

I've been spending a fortune on all this stuff but have had to reign it in a bit now as have run out of funds a week before pay day!

The gynaecologist cost £220 for the appointment. That's central London so may be slightly better elsewhere in the country. He also referred me for tests. Private tests are expensive but I managed to get my GP to refer me for most of them on the NHS. AMH test tho wasn't available so I did it privately. That cost me £101.

Split with DP but still quite pricey! I am back on my budget now. No more crazy spending!

That was for @Mrsjones17 not just randomly sharing!

Oh and I didn't split up with DP - I split the cost x

On the subject of CM...don't take cold and flu caplets as they will dry you up also!!!

Thanks @jane that's interesting!

Just had a milestone! I know it's not that much of a biggie - but, I just finished my first pot of Folic Acid tablets! I somehow always assumed I would be preggers when I finished!

Thanks juney, didn't know that!

Love I feel for ya there, I remember how embarrassed I was going back to the pharmacy to get another massive pack of preconception vitamins, then going back again to get male ones (ended up just getting zinc and fish oil capsules instead). I've only been in once for a pregnancy test. I don't know if it's just in my mind but I feel like he feels sorry for me now. Can't wait to go in and ask for some pregnancy vitamins lol, he'll be one of the first people I'll "tell" if it ever actually happens!

Love if it's any consolation, I've read online that it's best to take folic acid/folate for three months before conceiving as it builds up in your system, so at least you know now that when you finally get a BFP, you'll have optimum folic acid levels (ha!).

I'm going to take a test tonight, though I really can't face another bfn. Haven't actually had any symptoms this time really, just no AF ( and the last day or so I've been able to 'feel' my womb, on & off. Had bouts of feeling really sick today too, but I don't know if it's just my imagination.

AF is 13 days late now (working on a 30 day cycle) but I've been very irregular since Christmas so being late or length of cycle means nothing.

Going from the date of the start of last AF, I would be 4+2 weeks so not sure whether anything would show up yet.

Definitely have an urge to be sick and a lot of saliva right now, and a slight metallic taste. I've had the funny taste before but never had nausea.

@lovePinaColada

Good luck @Eliza9917 . Isn't it better to use FMU tho? Not sure but that's what people say x

If you're two weeks late for your period then yes it should show a positive.

@Eliza I can see lines on those pictures, keeping everything crossed for you.

I had a telephone consultation with my GP today for the results of my day 3 and day 21 bloods, she said I am definitely ovulating and everything looks fine. Next step is for hubby to get his tests done then she will refer us on. Hoping we can conceive before it reaches that point though.

Thank you. I can see them but with all the times there's been nothing I'm not convinced yet. I'm not getting my hopes up too soon.

How long have you been ttc? Sorry, I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread yet.

Leaving this thread, if anyone wants to keep in touch via PM please do :)

I can see something v faint Eliza. Fc for you.

Sorry you're off Juney, hope everything is ok.