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Thread 30, TTC #1 | Hilda hopefuls are still riding the shag wagon

999 replies

Jamon · 06/06/2017 08:39

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has well and truly worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

OP posts:
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sk1pper · 14/07/2017 13:41

Also, I really feel like you are so close to the end goal now. I mean we did our HSGs in the same week and now you've already done your first go of IVF. If you think about it, that has come round incredibly quickly...I feel like out of all of the long time TTCers, you are the closet to getting that elusive, sticky BFP. So take courage in that, it is a massive blow and I get your emotion response to it all but you are so close Pyjamas - so goddam close.

Pyjamas81 · 14/07/2017 14:20

Thank you so much mouse and skipper - hope feels very far away today, but it will be within reach again soon xx

Jamon · 14/07/2017 14:58

Agree with skipper I'm sure you're closer than ever pyjamas even though it might not feel like it now. For some people it takes a few goes. It's a fucking bitch. You've been incredibly strong all the way through and it sounds cheesy but it's helped me seeing someone cope so well with the process - it has made me feel more able to handle it. I would do the same with continuing the progesterone you've got nothing to lose by carrying on and you'll know you did everything you could.

OP posts:
Jamon · 14/07/2017 14:58

Sorry mouse also and agreed that science wins over mother fucker nature 🤘🏼

OP posts:
sk1pper · 14/07/2017 16:52

Jam - yes! I second that. Pyjamas has made it seem a complete breeze 😊

sk1pper · 14/07/2017 17:38

Whelp another BFN for me too (had to test because I have a wedding tomorrow and want to drink the hard stuff). I would love to know how it feels to even get a squinter of a line.

So next cycle marks my 2 year anniversary of TTC. 98% of people conceive naturally within 2 years in my age bracket, so it's safe to say I'm completely fucked. Have to wait till August for my follow up appointment for Clomid, who knows how long before I even begin IVF.

Oh and I've just started spotting. You absolute fucker!! At least let me save my money on tests 😤

Chlo22 · 14/07/2017 19:44

You're definitely made of the strong stuff pyjamas and even saying hope will be within reach again soon after today shows you have the determination, courage and commitment needed to succeed. I think it's good you've got a few weeks till your next appointment, it gives you time to process everything but it's not too long to wait.

Kathrino · 14/07/2017 19:51

Oh pyjamas, I'm so in awe of how strong you are. There are no words that can make it any better. How is your DH feeling? Sending you both lots of love and strength.

Sorry for the BFN tonight and the two year anniversary sk1pper. Those milestones just get harder and harder in my opinion.

Sorry for you too mouse but really admire your positive attitude.

Pyjamas81 · 14/07/2017 20:55

Ah thanks guys - I don't feel very strong today, but I do feel better and you've all played a part in that. Nothing could have prepared me for how much today was going to hurt, but I know I need to, and can, ride it out.

I'm so glad you've all found my posts about IVF helpful. I'm not going to lie, not having a happy outcome hurts like a bitch, especially when rightly or wrongly (but it can't be helped), IVF has been a comfort blanket in the background during all the disappointment we've already had. But, it has shown me that I can handle the process, and I've surprised myself with how much I can take in my stride if I really want something. And today's disappointment has shown me I want this more than anything. I'll do it again, and it may fail again, but I'll get through it. I'm going to take some time to grieve, because it is a loss, and I won't let anyone make me think otherwise, and then DH and I will fight again Smile

But for now, all I need to do, is enjoy the cheesiest pizza in the land and a huge glass bottle of wine (see picture - it really is the cheesiest!). AF has arrived in full force, and it's a real bitch this month.

I'm so sorry about the BFN skipper and spotting mouse - we're all in the same shitty boat, but we will get there!

DH has been amazing skipper, he's sad, and we cried together, but therapy has really helped us understand how we each deal with hurt and how we can support each other.

Thread 30, TTC #1 | Hilda hopefuls are still riding the shag wagon
Pyjamas81 · 14/07/2017 20:56

Sorry, I meant kath about DH at the end Smile

QuietTime · 14/07/2017 20:58

skipper what a bitch. Knowing those TTC milestones are helpful to think longer term instead of month-to-month, yet crushing all at the same time.

Am trying to focus on the fact that it took my sister 4 years to reassure myself that even if I don't end up fitting the standard timescale, I'm not necessarily completely screwed (she says...) Stay positive and enjoy that liquor! GinWine

QuietTime · 14/07/2017 21:00

pyjamas so glad you and your DH are strong together through this. Enjoy the treats and take care of yourself - I'm so in awe at how your handling yourself. And happy that you'll try again xxx

QuietTime · 14/07/2017 21:34

*you're (pedant's corner)

Binkybunny13 · 14/07/2017 23:21

Pyjamas I've struggled to come up with the right words to say how very sorry I am to hear your sad news. You are so strong, and this is not the end. Hope you're doing ok

Thinking of you ❤️

Jamon · 15/07/2017 01:56

Pj you're a total legend in my eyes, the strength you are showing right now is incredible. If you two can get through this you can get through anything xx

Sorry lovely skipper what a shitty anniversary to reach 🌺🌸🌼 fx massively for clomid boost and IVF back up xx

OP posts:
sk1pper · 15/07/2017 07:10

Mmmm what a delicious looking pizza Pyjamas, glad your DH is treating you - you deserve it after all your hard work.

I'm out all day and night today but god, I don't feel like it. Think my hormones have crashed and feel like my period might start 2 days early, stomach is sooooo heavy. Will just have to get through this somehow...

MouseLove · 15/07/2017 08:30

Hmmmmm pizza. I went out for a meal last night with DH and ate some amazing food. Pays to be friends with a head chef. Left feeling very happy.

Spotting was barely there yesterday. Bit heavier this morning and turned pink so I went hard at the gym and now I'm going to have the hottest longest bath I can manage. 🖕to my body and it's 25 day cycles. 😐🙄😕

Think I'm gonna have to track ovulation next cycle as I'm probably missing it by a few days.

Pyjamas81 · 15/07/2017 09:10

The time just before impending AF is so shit - sorry skipper and mouse

And thanks binky and jam Smile

Woke up today feeling sad and empty, hopefully the feeling subsides soon.

Jamon · 15/07/2017 11:09

Let yourself go through all the feels pyjamas. I know you're a headspace fan - I find his tip about labelling emotions helpful. So if you feel a certain way you acknowledge it and say that's grief, or that's frustration or anger or whatever. I'm not sure why it helps - maybe it gives you a little distance or perspective and also validates your feelings.

OP posts:
Pyjamas81 · 15/07/2017 15:57

Thanks Jam - will definitely give Headspace a go, but scared to let my mind feel everything, but I'll do it as I think it will help.

Just went into town to get nails done to make myself feel better and bought myself a new Pandora ring, because, well, why not. I know a lot of people would think it's silly as it wasn't 'a real baby' yet, but it felt nice to buy something to remember our first emby by.

Thread 30, TTC #1 | Hilda hopefuls are still riding the shag wagon
Binkybunny13 · 15/07/2017 17:32

Lovely nails pyjamas and my feeling is that you do what you need to get through, and if buying a (very lovely) ring helps then that is that. I personally think it's a beautiful idea; it might not have been a "real baby" as you put it, but it was a real emby and there was hope and love there, and you are totally allowed to feel sad. It's totally not the same but I bought myself a bracelet the other day with a symbol on that means hope, love and patience, after I finished reading Izzy Judds book and had my one year mark, and I'm finding it brings me a lot of peace when I'm feeling a bit down. I hope your ring helps you too

Sorry you're feeling down too skipper and mouse 💐 Hope you're both doing ok x

sk1pper · 15/07/2017 17:40

Aww Pyjamas - I think that's a lovely idea and it shows you have a lot of respect for the IVF process and your body. Also, you 100% deserve it.

I've persevered through half the day, can feel my jet lag kicking in and I've still got a wedding reception to attend. /pulls on big girl pants

MouseLove · 15/07/2017 18:19

Awwwwww pyjamas I LOVE your ring. That's such a lovely and brave gesture to remember this time. I hope you're feeling a little brighter today. Your nails look lovely!

I still haven't haven't gotten myself anything to remember my baby, 😔 maybe I should before my due date? I keep thinking a tattoo of a teardrop with something inside but I'm not sure. I don't know weather it will remind me too much.

Af still isn't really here. Im spotting heavier but not leaving anything behind yet. Quite frankly it's a bit of a mind f**k as DH asked if it could be implantation bleeding. Bless him but for just a moment you do hope. I know it's not.

Having a pizza tonight btw, thanks for the inspiration pj. I hope you enjoy your wedding reception skip too. X

Kathrino · 15/07/2017 18:27

Such a lovely idea pyjamas and a really beautiful ring.

Enjoy the wedding sk1pper, hopefully a few drinks will help you to power through!

Sorry about the spotting Mouse, so much if this process is such a mind fuck isn't it? Defo a night for pizza.

Not much to report here. AF is due in a couple of days I think although haven't really been paying any attention.

Pyjamas81 · 15/07/2017 18:41

Oh I'm so glad you all like my ring! Like you binky, it brings me some peace when I look at it. No one needs to know what it really means, it's just for me.

DH is off on a brewery tour with his best mate - him and his wife took 5 years to conceive and went through IVF, so I think it'll do him the world of good to talk to him. I'm just sitting around watching crap telly and eating crap food. I'll get back on the health wagon soon, just letting go of so much control for a bit! We are going to still ttc this month - but no sticks, thermometers or anything like that. Just GOSing every couple of days - compared to the ordeal we've just been through it feels like a walk in the park!

Maybe try a henna one and see how it makes you feel mouse? I think it's a lovely idea.

Enjoy the wedding skipper!

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