We're ovulating again, so let's jump our men. It's TTC after miscarriage thread ten!

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

I hope I did ok with the title (thanks for the inspiration Emwithme). I felt a bit lost without a thread to post on so I thought I'd have a bash at it.

Dancing sorry I'm not sure of the specifics of your situtation, but my due date came and went in December last year, and me and DH chose a Christmas decoration (not a baby specific one, but a copper heart) to hang on the Christmas tree as a memory.

If your DH isn't keen on a memorial type thing, could you buy some sort of rememberance keepsake, an ornament, or planting a tree or rose bush etc?

From what I've read about Agnus Castus, it promotes ovulation/balances hormones. Since my ectopic I've had LP spotting from ovulation through to AF, I also had a short LP, 8/9 days, but high dose B Vits seemed to sort that out.

We weren't sure what to do but felt we wanted to do something permanent Dancing. We're also not at all religious.

As it happened, the village church needs new chairs and if you donate one they put your dedication somewhere in there. We've been sitting on it for ages not sure what to wrote, but we decided and it feels right, rather than hypocritical as the church is a key part of the village and we support it for community rather than religious reasons. Wherever we end up, there'll be something permanent with her name on it that shows she existed and touched us and the date we found out she was gone and we'd never get to meet her.

I really like the idea of a plant flash, something beautiful, alive, with a life cycle of its own. Your heart decoration sounds really beautiful and meaningful. So sorry for your loss.

I worked from home on mine dancing, was worried I'd spend it all bawling. In the end, it felt like any other day, not particularly significant. I have my occasional bawl where the sadness just levels me, but never when I expect it. I felt a weight lift after the date had passed too. I'd secretly been keeping track in my head and that's over now.

Be gentle with yourself in the run up to the day, you don't know how you'll feel, and whatever comes up is okay x

DH said the date didn't mean anything to him specifically, I think because their experience is so different e.g. not physical. He has his moments along the way with different causes.

Thank you Anne, I'm sorry for yours too and what you have in mind sounds a beautiful way to remember.

It's interesting what you say about your DH not finding the date particularly significant, as for my DH I think it was the same. What really finally hit home for him was Christmas day two weeks after and he said he'd found it really hard buying Christmas cards knowing he wasn't going to get one that said Dad on it, and that he couldn't buy one for me from the baby with Mum on it. I think that's why we settled on a Christmas decoration, as a way to allow ourselves a tiny piece of that family unit.

I can imagine that being so hard flash and sounds like you did the right thing to give yourselves a meaningful memento.

We got a piece of jewellery each with the same symbol on it and DH wears his every day, which is lovely.

He has two children already and part of his excitement about our baby was them becoming older siblings (they're twins). I don't have any yet so I'd just be happy with the one Well, I say that now and I know it's much more complicated when you get there, but every time I've lost a baby it's meant I lose my chance to be a Mum. Something I stupidly always just took for granted. Maybe one day!

It's just under 2 months now until what would have been my due date. I think I was expecting I'd be pregnant again already (we weren't trying very hard to TTC, so it seemed like it had happened easily for us, and I thought it would happen easily again) But 5 months since the ERPC and getting my period back it seems like it might not be...

My periods have been weird-they make me think all is OK with a normal 25 day cycle, then throw in the odd 21 day, or 22 day cycle (last month was a 22 day cycle, with ovulation on CD15, so a shitty LP too)
I'm tracking my temps, not sure how accurate it is as my sleep cycles are pretty shit, I'm trying to just take it as soon as I wake, no matter what time that is (seems to be 430ish at the moment)
I've been taking coenzyme q10 (have been for years though for migraines, not fertility ) and just started b complex in the hope of sorting this damn LP/ovulation issue. Fertile window is on the go, but we were way too shattered last night to DTD, so here's hoping for tonight :D Off on holiday next week, as my stupid period came early last time it means I'll be due on when there GRR
I hope you all are doing OK :)

Anne the memorial sounds lovely, and it doesn't matter if you're not religious, it's a pillar of the community and so nice to remember her by.

hotcookie don't hold yourself to dates. Your body went through a major trauma, as did you emotionally, if it takes a little longer to conceive then your body might just need the time. You're capable of conceiving, so it will happen eventually

It's 7/8dpo for me, POAS tonight because I'm a raving lunatic, showed OH and asked if he could see a shadow and he confirmed no, so I sat on the bed and cried I'm such an idiot. No idea what I was expecting POAS in the evening at 7dpo...

hotcookie I really sympathise with how you're feeling. I got pregnant with my ectopic last year first month of trying. I assumed it would happen quickly when we started trying again. But we started trying after Christmas and it's nearly June and nothing. My cycles are also a mess, ive had some scans and tests but they show everything as being normal. As snooze says, your body has been through a lot.

Snooze my boobs and nipples are so sore I POAS tonight at 5 dpo (thought that might make you feel less of a lunatic!)

Oh snooze, you're not an idiot, you're a woman ttc and it turns us all into gorgeous lunatics!

Fx you poas again in the next few days with better results.

You're so sweet. Get your OH to give you a big squeeze and bring you tasty food!

This is my easiest af in as long as I can remember, given that I'd much rather be pregnant I'm still pathetically grateful it's gone gently on me.

I'm meant to be packing and instead catching up on admin including changing my name on the last few things I've come across. It's only been a year... it's also my second name change so you'd think I'd be on top of it by now

Get on it tonight if you both feel like it hotcookie

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Look after yourself. Enjoy your holiday too!

The prospect of a week in the sun with no one but DH has kept me going for literally months.

I love this thread- thank you everyone for your candour - I am cheering on and lurking.

News update- I am day six post iui our second one - got Bfp on last one but mmc in April so this is first cycle after af. No symptoms yet but quietly optimistic. What can you do?

I got the hospital to do karyotyping on the 'products of conception' privately paid for it- they came back today and said - no chromosome abbormality - I don't know whether to be please or not. I also paid to see regan at the rmc- she said just have another go- so we are!

Fingers and everything's crossed for us all- poas for me next Friday! Will try to hold out till then x

Thanks flash and Anne. I've still got some time before my due date, in October. I'm still hoping I will be pregnant again by then, but I think either way it will be a significant date. You're right Anne, that it will probably be some other day around then that it really hits me: grief likes to catch the unprepared!

I think I am going to buy a charm for my charm bracelet.

No news to report. Waiting for fw to begin. This bit is dull, but stress free!

Good morning everyone,

I've been distancing myself from the thread over the past few days as I've been finding the tww particularly difficult this time around and felt I just needed to not think about ttc at all. Af due between today and Saturday but based on ovulation I think it will likely be Saturday. No af symptoms yet but also not feeling pregnant so haven't got my hopes up either.

I found out last night my best friend and mother of my beautiful 11 month old goddaughter is pregnant again. I'm over the moon for her yet plagued by the usual, irrational, "It's not fair!" Feelings. I'm rationalising with myself this morning that it's actually best we don't fall pregnant the same month - i'm going to feel enough pressure on my next pregnancy succeeding without sharing my due date with my best friend! So, onwards and upwards. Maybe next month...

In relation to those of you testing early, what are your thoughts on chemicals? Do you think you've had one? Did they cause unnecessary heartache? I was going to test Saturday but I'm slightly hesitant that my period will only be due then and not late. This poas earlier than "late" is a new thing for me and I'm not sure what to do for the best!

@emvy I hear you - I am day six post iui and it is soooo long- I have deliberately kept no sticks to pee on!!

And like you my sister in law just announced she is 12 weeks -- no problem first pregnancy la la la- I both love her and envy her.

@lilsnooze

@flash

Stick embargo!!!!

Angliski I went out and bought another pack yesterday even though I already had a test at home. My logic - if it's positive I'll need to do more than one! 🤦🏼‍♀️ Even though I know full well I won't even get to test as af will rear its head before I get a chance to test!

Yep, all the emotions!

I'm not normally an early tester, but I ovulated very early and then have had quite heavy spotting, along with very sore boobs/nipples. I panicked that perhaps it was another ectopic, even though logically I know it's too early to tell whether it's a pregnancy of any kind!

I will put the sticks down until AF is late *Angliski!

Hello all, I hope we're all doing ok today?

It's the 1st of June already!

I cannot believe how quickly this year is going by

So on this day 6 months ago we were reaching the end of 2016 and I was a week or two away from my due date, lamenting the fact that I was not yet pregnant again following my summer MMC.

I felt positive going into 2017 and reassured myself that surely I would be pregnant 6 months down the line, mid-2017?!

Sadly not unfortunately

I need to keep away from Facebook as I see yet more pregnancies being announced, making me feel even worse about my own situation.

A lot of FB friends I do not actually see in RL as they live quite far away- pretty much all the ones who had their first baby around the same time as me now are either pregnant or have baby no.2

It's really starting to make me feel like a bit of a freak (I know this is irrational) and questioning what the hell is wrong with me/us?!

One FB friend who gave birth on the day of my dreadful dating scan last summer, she has just posted a sweet photo of her, baby & older child- looking more closely I noticed that the baby was holding a scan photo.

WTF?! her baby turns 1 in a week or so and she is now pregnant again!
I was pregnant at the same time as her last year (6 months behind) and I've not managed to get pregnant again yet- she's managed to give birth to a healthy child and is now pregnant with number 3!

In some ways though, her DS1 is 6 years older than DS2 who was born last summer, so I assumed that she had fertility problems or miscarriages etc. (we are not close and do not see each other so obviously I would not know the truth)

So I allow myself to feel more 'happy' for her than for others who seem to have it all so easy.

What I've written above is what makes me HATE myself right now, what miscarriage and TTC has done to me

1 year ago these thoughts would never have crossed my mind, let alone me writing it all down in an internet forum!

So very glad that there is this wonderful place where I can come and vent my feelings. I don't want to say all this to DH as I just don't want him to feel any worse/feel pressured by the current TTC situation

One glimmer of hope- CD25 and wondering if AF will show up on Sunday? my cycle was oddly short at 27 days last month, usually 28-30 days without fail

to you all and anyone struggling with the day like I am

So sorry you're having a difficult day Turquoise. I know how you feel regarding the feeling cross that mc and ttc has done this to you - I felt the exact same last night when I couldn't just feel joy for my friend and instead had niggly thoughts of the unfairness of it all. However, you've hit the nail on the head there I think - everyone has their own battles. My friend has had a really difficult time medically with other things, she deserves easy pregnancies. And everyone has struggles that they go through behind closed doors. I guess we just need to remind ourselves of that when we're having a down day - that things may look simple for some people, and maybe in some ways they are, but battles are always being fought. Ours just makes us a little (ha... a lot) emotional at times! Hope the sunshine brings a little brightness to your day x

@Turquoise totally totally totally hear you and get it. Suddenly you feel bombarded by other bumps and bellies - my sister in law announced today. We just cannot compare ourselves and our journey is all I can tell myself - love to you.
@flash - omitted to say that I have ordered 30 sticks off amazon it's just they aren't here yet #nosaint!!!

@emvy
Thank you for the kind words

You are absolutely right- people have their own battles & challenges and it's often hidden away.

To be fair, most people who know me in RL would have no idea of what I'm feeling or going through, even my parents or closest friends.

I play it down and don't make a "thing" of it at all.

And you are more than allowed to have wobbles on here Turquoise. Wobbles make us more stable afterwards have as many as you need! I seem to have a minimum of 5 a day, they're just mostly in my own head! Haaa 🙈

@Angliski

You too are absolutely right- we cannot compare ourselves to others.

This is my journey, even though I really don't like it at all!

Yes it's so hard seeing other bumps & announcements.

Last year I would've just been genuinely happy for them but now I'm just eaten up with envy and well, good old plain jealously.

I suppose, in a way, it's my comeuppance.

A year or so ago I was that women who fell pregnant so easily, not even trying and everything turned out perfect (at least with number 1)

I've no doubt that I probably inadvertently upset friends & acquaintances, being so blasé about things.

But you just don't know until bad shit has happened to you.

Turquoise you in no way deserve this!! You deserve happy, healthy pregnancies as does everyone... Definitely not your comeuppance.

A friend removed me from Facebook because when she announced she was pregnant my comment was "so impersonal". Needless to say I'd written it in tears with gritted teeth (after the test debacle). Tested today 8/9dpo & BFN - pretty sure I'm out. Just dont "feel" pregnant.

Thank you for your comments everyone. I'm trying not to hold myself to dates, but I think you just hope really... Looking forward to holiday-just a shame it will be in the TWW rather than the fertile window ;) I'm planning on having fun, and some drinks, but not going mad-although if period comes 4 days early again then I'll be having a week of having to deal with that too :(

I'm sure I used to ovulate about CD11/12 at the latest, and had a 25-26 day cycle (before MMC) Now I seem to ovulate later, but same length cycle, so short LP-last month I ovulated CD15 and had a 22 day cycle. I'm taking B complex, have agnus castus in the cupboard (but am worried about taking it, I'm a medic and I know herbal medicine can be pretty hefty, with some side effects) Any other things I can do to help with LP? I've had acupuncture for musculoskeletal pain before, but my practitioner is pretty pricey (insurance paid for it, won't cover fertility) and far away...

Just thought I'd check in. Been trying to stay away from my phone/the internet after every time i looked people were announcing pregnancies or boasting at how wonderful their lives were!!

Hope you're all doing ok. TGI Friday is all i can say.

LilSnooze, she is not a friend! What did she want you to do to make it "personal"?

I'm on CD15 but ovulated earlier than usual this month (CD12) according to OPK. As usual DH is on late shifts in the FW which means i don't really see him but we managed to get in a couple of DTDs around the right time..... Fingers crossed anyway.

I can't believe how quickly time is passing. I'm very conscious that next month will be the end of the "6 months after MC of increased fertility" and that the month after that would have been our due date. I just wish someone would say you'll be pregnant by whenever or you won't be again, so i could deal with it either way.