We're ovulating again, so let's jump our men. It's TTC after miscarriage thread ten!

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

I hope I did ok with the title (thanks for the inspiration Emwithme). I felt a bit lost without a thread to post on so I thought I'd have a bash at it.

Hello ladies,

I found this thread by chance and so happy to see I am not the only one finding it so hard - in the nicest possible way.

I lost my baby at 12 weeks in September. I had a horrific deal at the hospital I attended and ended up making a complaint.

I have been trying for over 2 years now - I have just been sent for different tests so they can refer me to the infertility clinic.

anne I so know what you mean about your baby bailing on you. I felt so tricked that I didn't know it had stopped growing inside me when I was clearly growing on the outside like some awful reminder. You sound like you definitely need some time away from your friend and the million baby showers. It is too much.
And everyone who has said it is right you really have no idea how hard it all is unless it's happened to you. It's so crap.

turquoise I think you asked about cd10. Well the 1st pregannacy I lost I got pregnant on cd11 and at the time I remember thinking how bloody annoying we were dtd that night when according to my app I wasn't fertile for another 4 days but it was nye and oh was up for it (and as it's our third baby we were supposed to be approaching the baby making thing casually. although there's nothing casual about me tracking everything and secretly peeing on sticks to up our chances!!!) anyway you could be in with a chance, you never know.

In other news I definitely have my period and it feels ok, much like my ones before mc so that's good. Exactly 28 days after the mc was started by pesseries so I'm looking forward to cracking open the opks and seeing where I'm at in my cycle in a few days....

trying welcome and sorry you are here. That sounds really awful if you had to complain at the hospital I can't believe people at a time like that. I'm so thankful I've had nothing but amazing nice people at the hospital.
I hope you get a referral soon at the infertility clinic so you can move forward with some new approaches. Everyone on here is so supportive I've found it a wonderful place to come for advice and to vent.

Anne

Yes I think I was so shocked at what she'd just said that I couldn't think straight!

Re my dates I was definitely 12+6 based on my LMP and also the one off shag we'd had in March (the only shag we'd had that month!)

I think it was more she was insinuating that I wasn't really 12 weeks as the baby had stopped developing over 4 weeks earlier.

Somehow suggesting that because the baby had died weeks earlier, I was automatically no longer pregnant. Which we all know here is totally not the case.

Yes the sonographer had committed that my uterus was consistent with a gestation of between 12-13 weeks.

And my experience of medical management of my MMC was certainly not "just a heavy period"
I was astounded at the amount of blood and stuff that came out of me.

Anyhow, I've decided that she's a fucking moron and I'm not going to get involved with anything to do with her pregnancy, for my own sanity!

The only way she'll learn is from experiencing a miscarriage herself, but I really don't wish that on anybody.

She's normally quite nice & sensible...but when I think about it, I was exactly like her this time last year i.e. on my second pregnancy conceived with no drama, but I definitely wouldn't have come out with comments like she did!

@TurquoiseDress I totally empathise. My embryo measured 8+0 but the sac was quite a bit bigger and I actually passed it all at 10+2. I had contractions and it was not like a heavy period at all, it was a physical thing. My belly and breasts grew until 10weeks.

@CreamCheez I feel like I imagined it now too. But we were so excited about our baby. So glad I have the scan photos.

Anne
I absolutely know what you mean re feeling anger & resentment towards the baby as well.

For me, I was primarily angry with my body, that it had let me down by lying to me about the pregnancy.

Allowing me to put on some weight, have pregnancy signs & allow us to feel so excited at the prospect of a sibling for our LO

But another part of me was cross that there (probably) was something wrong with the baby.

Even though I could accept that there was probably a major chromosomal problem or something, I was angry that it hadn't made it obvious a lot earlier eg bleeding to alert me to a possible problem

@TheGrumpySquirrel

Yes exactly that! I realised that I was experiencing contractions, but it was only really afterwards that it clicked.

It certainly was a very physical thing.
When did it all happen for you after taking medical management?

For me I bled a lot in hour after but it wasn't until a week later that the pain started up again and it was day 10 that the "main event" occurred.

Looking back I can't believe how I functioned at that time- I was giving my LO his milk before DH took him to childcare and I was in lots of pain coming & going, becoming more frequent before it was all over.

Sorry I've digressed a bit!
Not sure why I've written all that but maybe it's to "prove" to myself that it all actually happened. I have no scan pictures of the MMC, just the bad memories

@NoCatsHere

Thank you for that- it's given me some hope!

I usually ovulate around CD 14/15 so having sex on CD10 felt pointless but then DH is going to be away until around CD18.
He doesn't know any ot this! It's just me calendar watching and trying to work out when is the best time to shag.

Oh dear, I was never like this before!

@TurquoiseDress I didn't have medical management. I started pink/brown spotting (which never happened to me before) so as soon as I saw that I went for a scan at 9+6 which showed no heartbeat and baby measuring 8+0. Baby looked so sweet, I could see her/his arms and legs on the scan pic. I was alone in Spain at the time - they were so nice to me and gave me the photos. I flew home like 3 hours later.
Back home I opted to have surgery to remove everything but they couldn't book me in until 10+3 (thanks stupid NHS cyber attack!) and unfortunately I started bleeding properly at 10+0 and passed the embryo/sac naturally at 10+2.
Shortly afterwards I started to feel very faint and shaky so went to A&E where they sent me to EPU and the emergency EPU doctor removed some tissue that had got stuck in the cervix. I wouldn't wish that experience on my worst enemy. Fortunately a scan the next day showed everything was out.

I actually took a "bump" selfie the night before it happened. Which was random, but I'm glad I have it now. Wasn't an actual bump, of course, but I was expanding fast, very bloated & indeed, very pregnant.

It's helpful to get it out Turquoise as many times as it takes. The people who've been here a while will have listened to be bang on about the same stuff plenty but it helps so much. DH is wonderful and we still talk about it all off and on, but the physical experience was entirely mine, which doesn't minimise his pain at all, it's just different.

I can totally relate to carrying on too. With my early one last year it wasn't that bad but I knew I was losing the pregnancy and told myself there was nothing I could do about it. We were decorating the new house before moving in, so I painted our room, ate dinner on the floor, slept on our blow up bed and cried a lot for a few days.

With my next one I got better at looking after myself and just stopping when I needed to, but 3 days after surgery I was away for the weekend standing in the cold for hours on end and ended up in A&E.

With the last one I knew it was coming, so as soon as I had the recognisable back ache I buggered off home and just stayed in bed for a few days! No gives prizes for carrying on when you're in pain. And DH was much more relaxed when I was resting instead of rushing around pretending it wasn't happening.

Trying, I'm so sorry for your loss. You're among friends here x And no one wants to end up going down the doctor route when baby making is supposed to be so simple. But it is good to be in the system and have what help you can get.

NoCats, how I wish you didn't understand as the feeling is awful! But at least I know I'm not mad, or alone. Glad it is af, fresh start ahead of you now.

turquoise, does it help that they say sperm can last a few days? Crossing fingers and toes for you.

@TheGrumpySquirrel

Sorry not sure why I thought you'd had medical management.

My goodness that all sounds very traumatic indeed, especially being abroad on your own at the time- glad to hear they were nice to you & gave you the scan photos etc
It's the little things that help us during a terrible time.

At least you were (presumably) back at home when things kicked off properly. That sounds v traumatic in EPU. Good to hear that a repeat scan confirmed it was complete.

Be kind to yourself & give yourself some time and space

Cheez, I can relate, no one warned me about the bloat! I was enormous. I don't have any photos of my tummy but I have one of an amazing day out that we had the day after we found out in September and I'm sure looking back that despite being sober for the first time ever at a music festival, I look very slightly pleased with myself DH is beaming at me. I'm glad we have a photo of us so happy. We'll get those moments again sometime soon.

@TurquoiseDress thank you, it's good to talk to other people who understand. Yes I was at home with DH for the main event, thankfully.

@CreamCheez I also took a bump photo the night before, I feel cheated that I had no idea that baby had died almost 2 weeks earlier 😢

@AnneLovesGilbert
Thanks for that- yes I've read that sperm can survive up to 5 days or something so who knows?!

In my opinion it's all pot luck!

During our time TTC over the last year or so, there are times we've DTD on the day of ovulation and day before/after- but nothing!

So I guess missing a month of TTC won't really make much us difference as I probably wouldn't have fallen pregnant anyway.

That's my way of making myself feel better!!

I have lovely pics from a birthday party the day we got our BFP. I looked amazing, if I may say so!

Grumpy, yeah. I was eating all of my healthy foods, resting, walking, taking great care of me & baby...

Feel sad to think of my baby in there, gone... But comfort myself that I always looked after them.

I actually had a an operation in March, to remove an infection in my womb. I had my first period at the beginning of this month - had a brown stringy blood when wiped 2 weeks ago - hoping that is an implantation bleed.

I follow ovulation apps and have done sticks - I hate the wait of not knowing!

Hmm just re- read my email from Ovia:

"Many women resume their menstrual cycle in about 3-6 weeks. However, in most cases you will not ovulate during the first cycle following a miscarriage."

Anyone know if that's true? How does you body know to have AF then?

I don't think it is true and my experience (hardly scientific, I realise) doesn't back it up.

Thanks Anne. Im going to use my CBFM anyway, makes me feel like I'm doing something useful!

Anyway - I've basically stopped bleeding which I'm pretty freaking happy about!!

Some women get pregnant again before AF, so they must have ovulated. They say that the ovaries can even be more stimulated... Mine looked like my usual ov, so I'm hoping to be back in business after my next AF.

I think it just depends whether or not you ovulate the first cycle... I'm sorry there are so many of us here who have been through some of the same experiences although it is nice to be able to share thoughts/ feelings / emotions and hear I'm not the only one!
We have a scan pic from our second mc and even though i was only 6weeks at the time and there isn't much to see in happy to have it because it reminds me how happy we both were that day when we saw the heart beating ..
I haven't tested again... I'm trying not to... At least not yet.. I need the test to give me a definite answer and not one I can put down to "being too early" or "not fmu".
I'm trying to stay busy and keep my mind of it... Doesn't always work.. Just went to do shopping in lidl the only thing stopping me buying a test was that they didn't have any!
anne and miami I think you both mentioned reflexology... I've booked my first appointment of it for tomorrow.. Not sure what to expect

I did cheez.

Ooh exciting smurf! Enjoy. I still with my lady was a bit note hippy and vibey, she barely talks at all and is much softer and more relatable by email than in person. But it's so nice having someone come to my house to do it I'm not shopping around yet.

Dare I mention Amazon next day delivery smurf?

I'm deciding when to test too. House is full of bloody frers on doctors orders. Might hold out till Friday. Cd20 today and sure I ovd early. Hate this bit.