We're ovulating again, so let's jump our men. It's TTC after miscarriage thread ten!

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

I hope I did ok with the title (thanks for the inspiration Emwithme). I felt a bit lost without a thread to post on so I thought I'd have a bash at it.

I'm resolutely staying away from temping or OPKs for at least a couple of months. We are now CD21 in cycle 2 post MC. Cycles were 24 - 28 days pre-MC (most months 26 or 27 days depending whether I came on at night or in the morning!).

Our BFN post MC came 10 days after the bleeding started, and the day after I'd passed what I believe to be the sac (we'd been measured at 5+4 when we should've been 7+2) and I oved 14 days after that (lots of EWCM, sharp pain, the usual!).

Had some weird CM yesterday (CD20, 6?DPO) - it was so tacky, almost like someone had sneezed in my knickers. Never noticed that before! We DTD every other day from AF going to EWCM turning up, then every day when it was here so hoping something sticky is going on down there...I am offering Very Many Prayers to St Gerard Magella in the hope that something helps!

Ah, emwithme, I need to dig out my St Gerard Majella medal! Thanks for reminding me!

What with that and my devotion to an obscure French saint with reputation for getting babies to arrive, I'm going full Catholic...

It's just shit turquoise, so sorry you're having such a horrible time of it. Sorry about your fil. While DH is away hope you get some nice quiet time to yourself. It's no shagging, not saying it's the same, but nice baths, a good film or book. Try to look after yourself and get on it as soon as he's back!

I've now conceived 4 times. 1 accident many years ago with XH and 3 times in the last year with DH intentionally. Still no naffing baby. We started trying last Feb so I know it hasn't actually been that long. But I feel like I've aged! So much hope and then loss, happiness and trauma. Oh well!

Cystitis all gone and had a brilliant weekend again.

I'm smiling at the catholic leanings I've turned to stones, chakras and woo energy! Whatever feels right and helps a bit I guess. Gerard sounds excellent.

Okay sounds like 2 years is standard for NHS then. Blimey that's a long time :( I wonder if it's a year if you're over 35?

Water have you had the miscarriage causes investigated? There are things which don't affect conception but can cause pregnancies to be lost repeatedly. I think sometimes you have to be the squeaky wheel...

Sticky CM is quite normal in the second half of the cycle and basically means you're not fertile at the moment. Some people say it can be a sign of pregnancy but it's one of those could be premenstrual, could be pregnancy things

You've all spurred me on and so the first blog is almost done but it's getting late and I wasn't sure I'd finish it nicely so hopefully I'll get to it tomorrow.

Well I had my first crappy comment.. told my massage therapist I lost the baby (she was one of the only non family who knew I was pregnant). She said "well everything happens for a reason" and "you are a bit older now so maybe your body had a hard time adjusting to being pregnant". I am pretty thick skinned but her comments stung. I know she meant well, but I'm not old and there's nothing wrong with me!! I know there was probably something wrong with the embryo but "everything happens for a reason" is still hurtful.

I'm going to fire up the CBFM I decided. It will think I'm CD4 and I just want to see whether it can pick up ovulation before my first AF. I did an OPK yesterday and it was super faint. So I don't think the CBFM will get too confused, fx. I just can't stand not knowing, & I want to try and conceive again asap.

Morning Ladies,

Just been catching up on the thread from the weekend. I am in the Midlands and it's normal to be referred after TTC for a year?

We had been trying for a couple of years and just when we got the referral i fell pregnant naturally. Sadly ended in the MC and now we are back to square one.

My scan last week showed the large cyst on my ovaries has gone ( I had been going for pranic healing @Anne i know you mentioned Chakras!) which is good news, but i have now had the confirmation i have mild PCOS. So I need to wait for 3 cycles since MMC and investigate more they mentioned going on Metformin and Clomid to help ovulation, the Dr said it can increase the chances of having twins (In a real negative way?!) I just want a frigging baby.... Its so f**king frustrating!!

I have the Monday morning Blues can you tell :-(

Grumpy, I had told my 2 best friends (they had guessed).
Friend 1 knew the score as she has kids & had a loss herself.
Friend 2 is desperate for babies, but it's never the right time to try... I know she meant well, but she also said that this happened for a reason. That it was meant to be so we'd finally be ready to be parents. That in our heads, we didn't want it enough before... So, now we're just going to get babies next time! I know she meant well, but I reminded her that I've always wanted a child. We've been trying all along.
When she said that she fully expects to miscarry her first (wtf) I then reminded that we're both old, so I hope she doen't have to go through it herself... As nothing is guaranteed afterwards!
Anyway, I think I ovulated. Everything feels good, no trouble post-ERPC. Wanted to get down to it, but we both happened to get colds. Now, that was meant to be! Husband is a bit scared to try again, so it's best to wait 'til after my period. He's talking longer, but time is not on my side... Mentally, I'd feel better doing something than nothing. That's what I was trying to tell my mate. Just do it & see what happens!

Grumpy and Cheez those are both shocking bits of thoughtless bullshit, I'm so sorry you've both been through that.

I had one "I know YOU'LL think it was meant to be Anne" to which I replied "No, why on earth would it have been meant to be? We desperately wanted that baby, it's been shit".

I know people feel awkward but the only appropriate response or comment is "I'm very sorry for your loss/what you've been through, it's awful, take care of yourself". How the fuck is a baby dying ever the right thing to happen?! I know from tests there was nothing wrong with mine at all. She got to 8+5 and was perfect (found out at 12 week scan). So I know that there's either something wrong with me that they haven't yet found, or it really was just one of those things. But she was my baby and I loved her and wanted to be her Mum and there was nothing good about that being taken from me.

I hope you've had other people be more supportive and kind x

Sorry you're having a rough day Amy x

Having to wait sucks. Do they know why the cyst has gone? And if it's gone, what's the PCOS diagnosis based on?

@CreamCheez I'm sorry you've had stupid comments too. @AnneLovesGilbert sorry for your loss.. I asked if they could test mine to see what was wrong with him/her but they said they don't do it unless it's a third miscarriage. I wanted to know the sex too, but i will never know now. I miscarried the day of my harmony test, so it was cancelled.

Morning all. Another BFN for me this morning, though just to mess with my head my old tests have all developed evap lines so I keep gazing at them willing them to be real. Sigh.

I think a doctor would laugh if I asked to be referred to the RMC clinic tbh Bertie. As I am very lucky to have several (!) children already and am ancient, I should probably accept nature...

However, as a small PS to my experience at the Foetal Medicine Centre, I finally emailed them to complain (they'd basically told me not to be upset about the MC bc I already have 5 children). They were very sympathetic and apologetic and said they would review everything with the doctor. So that did make me feel better.

Happy Monday to all

Oh Grumpy. Did you choose a name for your baby? We'd had a name for it while I was pregnant and altered it slightly when we found out the sex.

That was my third mc and medical management failed so as it ended up surgical they were able to take tissue for tests. I'm sorry you weren't able to get any answers We didn't really either as they found no cause for it. But that's an answer in itself I suppose. Not wildly reassuring for future pregnancies though.

Was it your first mc?

Sorry Waterfeature, nothing messes with your head like that stuff.

That's really good you complained and that they've replied. Hopefully someone in the future will have a better, more sympathetic and supportive experience.

Have you and DH discussed where you're at with it all?

Thanks @AnneLovesGilbert I had a shortlist of boys and girls names. I kind of think if I knew the sex I would have picked a name so would be even more attached to baby and not be able to use the name(s). I had a natural MC but they had to remove some tissue that got stuck so they sent it off to confirm it's a miscarriage (what the actual fuck) but refused to do any more tests?!! I find that so weird. Yes my first MC. I have a 12 year old DD from a previous relationship. No issues with that pregnancy. This was my second pregnancy ever.

Thank you Anne

I didn't realise that you have had 3 losses in total over the last year (forgive me, I'm sure I have read your details in an old thread/post). That is really shit.

February last year resonates with me as I finished my pill pack at the end of that month, had withdrawal bleed then waited ages for my period which never came.

I just thought it was post-pill messed up cycle. Didn't test til CD41

Ahhh this is making me think back to 1 year ago, I was around 10 weeks & so very excited about the dating scan (which was taking ages to organise & also my booking appointment!)

I digress...

Yes I suppose it's a chance to make the most of some me-time at home, although my LO keeps me busy each day & work of course.

A year ago it would never have crossed my mind that we needed to have sex at x point in the month/my cycle.

And now it's causing some panic/anxiety when we can't because it's another month "wasted" although I know that doing it at the "right time" hasn't made a blind bit of difference!
Hope you are all having an ok day!

I mean not be able to use the names for a future baby.

On the subject of people talking shit & being totally insensitive with their comments, a colleague upset me a lot last week.

She is newly pregnant and has her dating scan in the next couple of weeks.
She has a 15 month old DS already, in fact she only returned from mat leave a couple of months ago!

Due to some spotting she had an early scan at the EPU...and she discovered that it's twins!

I mean, I am happy for her but oh my goodness I truly felt like running away when she told us all last week!

How it be easy for her?! She's in her early 30s, so younger than me but how fair is it that she's now going to have 3 babies within the space of 2 years or so?!

The thing that upset me was that later on we were chatting and I told her about my MMC.

When I said that I was 12+6 at the scan with the baby showing around 8+6 she was really blunt and said "well, you weren't really 12 weeks pregnant were you?"

Then I explained to her that I had no signs anything was wrong etc and that I believed all was ok, she kind of went "err, ok"

I had to just make excuses and go away from her, she just didn't get it all- and she's a fairly intelligent person!

At that point I realised- even if you've been pregnant and had a baby, unless you have experienced a miscarriage, especially MMC, you have absolutely no fucking idea what it's like.

And the loss of that baby and the future you'd been thinking of etc

People don't realise that miscarriage is not always a dramatic bleed etc sometimes it's hidden away, like Mother Nature playing some fucking awful practical joke on you

She fucking what Turquoise?! What an absolute bitch.

Baby making is the one bit of life which is completely unjust and nonsensical and she doesn't "deserve" her many babies more than you deserve yours. You did incredibly well not to either smack her in the face for being so rude and hurtful, or burst into tears. But I know that sometimes when someone crosses the line that much you just stand there gaping!

You probably were actually 12 weeks pregnant. I was. They could tell from my scans which they double checked when the medical management was failing that the fees stopped developing at 8+5 but the sac and everything else was the full 12ish by then and that's why it was so traumatic trying to lose it.

I'll never forget the sheer disbelief that something had gone so very very wrong and I didn't know. I was chubby and happy and so excited and loved up, we were making plans, my boobs were massive, I was eating all the spinach I could get my hands on, I'd decided where to deliver, I was going to buy some booties after the scan and I just knew it was all going swimmingly. You have to forgive yourself for not knowing, but it takes some doing.

I also feel a bit chippy with the baby. I did everything I could to be healthy and look after myself/the baby, I ate right, slept, went for walks, took my vitamins, wished it a good morning and told it I loved it. And then it bailed on me. DH can't understand that feeling at all but the pregnancy part was between the baby and me and for a while my rage at the universe was partly directed at the baby for abandoning me.

Does anyone know what I mean?

I'd avoid the heartless cow if you can Turquoise. May her bubble of ignorance last, I wouldn't with mc or mmc on anyone. But her lack of drama with baby making doesn't make her a better person. Just a lucky one.

I had someone I've known for years say to me this week 'you know, you need to stop referring to it as your baby. It was a collection of cells'. As she held my fucking hand!!!

On a separate note, this is my 3rd day of positive OPK. Is it possible I'm just due a period? I'm so confused!

I've just been invited to a "pre-baby picnic". Yuck.

She's already had a baby shower, which I (thankfully) wasn't invited to. She's my oldest friend and usually an absolute gem, but despite knowing about my losses and asking LOADS of questions about it, she's turned into a smug pregnant tosser. How many messages do you suppose have to include a mention of her "baby brain" and just how difficult it all is? it was unplanned and apparently quite inconvenient (why the fuck do people say that, even if it's true?!) but she's got quickly on board and she's having a "lil man".

Partly I wish I wasn't so bitter about it. But the truth is she's being a thoughtless twat about it as well, which I feel sad about.

yellow

Jesus Christ, some people. And did you tell her that wasn't a helpful comment?

I had a very good friend refer to a mutual friend's baby, (who is thankfully fine), at 29 weeks as a bunch of cells. A few weeks after my miscarriage. I firmly corrected her.

I'm having a fuck the world kind of day, and wish I could go and cry in a ball somewhere. But I have a meeting to go to instead.

Urgh. Anne. Maybe this whole day can just disappear, we can wake up tomorrow and people will be reasonable and thoughtful again.

Totally agree, TD. Sometimes I feel like I imagined my pregnancy or that it was a dream. MMC. But if I think back, just a few weeks, I was enjoying being pregnant & I loved my baby. Me & DH were so happy... And looking forward to our child. Now we have a new reality. Only those who've miscarried understand.

People can be twats Dancing. Well done for saying something!

I'm actually doing alright today. Could do without my friend being a knob but I'm just going to ignore it. She's happy and I wouldn't wish for her not to be, she's in a smug bubble where nothing ever goes wrong, and I'm not going to rain on her parade. But I'm also not going to pander when she knows exactly how shit parts of my last year or so have been.

Blimey, yellow, UNBELIEVABLE!

It's hard when ppl are so thoughtless Anne.
To answer your q I suppose we're ok with whatever happens. We'd love a baby but realise we may have left it too late and are v busy with our older children so we must actually be mad. In fact I'm deep in GCSE revision (physics, ugh!) with my eldest so that's why I'm not too chatty on the thread...