We're ovulating again, so let's jump our men. It's TTC after miscarriage thread ten!

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

I hope I did ok with the title (thanks for the inspiration Emwithme). I felt a bit lost without a thread to post on so I thought I'd have a bash at it.

swimchickam exactly the same babies are fine,announcements make it feel like someone has poured cold water over me.
Dancing I know what you mean about needing this to be your month.
If this turns out to be a sticker my 12 week scan will be around the same time as sil 24 week one and definitely happening around my mc due date.
Too scared to poas anymore,just in case it is positive and goes wrong again.
Too scared to tell dp I might be.
Too scared to go to loo in case it's all over.
Am now just trying to pretend nothings going on.
Miscarriage really is the thief of joy.
Sorry for the maudlin,just have no one to confide in and children who now constantly ask questions about sil baby.

Thanks ladies! Maybe next time I will try the 'I was ...' line.

I agree Yellow and Swimchick - I'm ok(ish) once the babies or born but it is the pregnancies that hurt. I just don't want to know if someone is pregnant or see a bump!

NoCatsHere

Sorry to hear about your MMC, I had one last summer, finding out at the dating scan. Altogether super shitty.

Went for medical management, and got a negative pregnancy test about 3 weeks after the bleeding started/put the pessaries in.

We just started TTC straight away, we didn't bother to wait for my first period.
It was mostly because we were feeling positive and fine about TTC again.
Also, for me, I was desperate to be pregnant again and also my age was freaking me out (turned 38 during that time)

Unfortunately we're now on cycle 11 TTC so it made no difference not waiting for first period post-MMC.

Still desperate to be pregnant again, but now finding it all rather tedious and feeling like BFPs & babies are something that just happens to other people.

*to clarify, we started TTC straight after I got a negative PT.

Very surreal situation- pissing on endless sticks, waiting for that second line to disappear!

all round, it's just shit isn't it?! Turquoise I'm finding the eager waiting for a bfn so odd. Been a long time since I didn't want that second line to appear! Epu told me to test end of next week but of course I tested yesterday... and the line appeared almost straight away Really didn't want to see that but then got upset that it may be the last bfp I see

The emotions surrounding that bfn after mc are so bizarre, Juan. A complete whirlwind. I remember feeling every single emotion both when the tests were still positive and then when I finally got a bfn. Look after yourself x

Thanks emvy 😘 it's very odd!

Juan yes all round shitty shit shit!

It was strange waiting for that BFP, I was surprised that it was still strongly positive 1 week following medical management (couldn't help but test!).

My biggest fear was still testing positive weeks later and then needing an ERPC, which is something I wanted to avoid in the first place.

Also, my medical management was long/drawn out, relatively.
I didn't pass everything at the start- the "main event" occurred over a week after the pessaires went in- the day I was due back to work!

Also, I had to push away thoughts that this might be the last BFP I would see. I reasoned that I'd fallen pregnant quickly twice before, no planning or anything- it would happen again v soon!!

So I felt quite happy & almost excited with the BFN- we could just get on with things again after losing 13 weeks or so on a pregnancy that was never going anywhere.

Fast forward to now, almost 1 year post MMC and we are still trying
Cycle 11 now
Wondering if that BFP was the last one I'll ever see!

The wondering if it's the last one is something that hit me as well Turquoise. I remember seeing the bfp for the first time and being so shocked that I'd actually managed to get pregnant (first pregnancy so was all very strange and exciting). Then it all got snatched away and I'm convinced it was a fluke and now it'll never happen again. Rationality completely goes out the window sometimes, especially when it was so easy to fall first time round and then takes ages when you're actually trying. Another two fingers from Mother Nature! It seems that mc doesn't just snatch away any joy from ttc and pregnancy, but also rational thoughts and feelings, too!

emvy
Re the rational thoughts & feelings- yes absolutely!

I just find it crushing to hear about other pregnancy news- friends & acquaintances & work colleagues.

Obviously, I know that others getting a BFP & having babies has NO impact on us and our baby but I can't but help feeling totally jealous, quite frankly!

It makes me compare myself in terms of how many children we've got, age gaps etc

Just compounds all the shitty feelings about myself & inability to get another BFP!

Don't get me started on celeb pregnancies & birth announcements- can't help but have a read in the glossy magazines!

Doesn't make me feel any better about myself or the situation

It's really tough isn't it Torquoise . I hate feeling jealous - I wish I could go back to a time where I could be excited for someone else and to a time where I could look at a baby and be excited for the future, instead of looking at a baby and wanting to cry or run away. All of the extra emotions that come with (and following) mc are so unexpected, continuous and difficult. It really bloody sucks! And as you say, it doesn't make us feel any better yet our brains think it a good idea to bombard us with ridiculous thoughts and feelings that only make us feel like crap.

Sorry for the grumpy post everyone. On a more positive note, the sun is shining and fw week is just around the corner!

Emvy I think we're entitled to grumpy posts!! This is rubbish after all. But, you're right about the sun (not that I've got off the sofa all day other than to do my opk!!) Currently sitting and knitting my friend a baby hat, hoping that it will make me feel less guilty about not being able to ask her how the pregnancy is going.

What a lovely thought Dancing and a wonderfully chilled hobby! I was soaking up every possible moment of sunshine until planning for next week called!

Hi everyone, can I (tentatively) join please? I say tentatively because I am supposedly 6 weeks today, but have been bleeding since Friday. Have scan booked in at EPU tomorrow due to ectopic in December. I am assuming scan will confirm I have indeed miscarried. I also miscarried at 5 weeks this time last year.

With my DD (3), I fell pregnant straight away (I realise now how lucky we were), yet this time after over a year later with 2 miscarriages and an ectopic all I have to show for it is scans from ectopic surgery.

So devastated to be going through this again, just keep thinking it must be my turn soon, surely?

Should say scars from ectopic surgery

I'm so sorry you're going through a difficult time usedtorun. I'm also sorry for your losses I have everything crossed for you that actually everything is okay this time around. Are there any other symptoms other than bleeding that you're having?

Thanks @emvy I had some minor cramping on Friday night and my boobs are no longer sore. The bleeding hasn't been massively heavy, but when I miscarried previously at 5 weeks it wasn't either. My periods are pretty light too so guess I just don't bleed too much! Even my ectopic wasn't too painful, just a niggle in my right side that hurry a bit when I turned over in bed or got up. I felt daft mentioning it to the EPU because it didn't really hurt, but very glad I did.

So I guess on a positive note, my miscarriages tend to be pretty easy compared to the experiences some of you ladies have described.

usedto mine were a bit like that. Fingers crossed the bleeding stops but I also know what you mean, I think when you know you know.

Morning all I'm cycle 2 after miscarriage and entering into my fertile week. Had mmc at 11 weeks and an erpc on 11th April so this is my first really cycle even though I did ovulate after my miscarriage.

I'm excited about entering fertile week again and starting to try properly again, so is my oh lol. We conceived on c2 last time and I'm under no illusions that it'll be that quick again but here's hoping.

I guess for me although it's been heartbreaking and devastating and such an up and down journey so far I don't want to let it define me or my future. I'll always remember my little pumpkin but I need to face the road ahead with positivity for my own sanity.

Anyways just a little about me. Hope everyone is ok on this grey Monday and ready for the week ahead!

So sorry usedtorun. I have everything crossed for you all the same but also get the whole knowing thing.

Tigger were you on the October thread? I think I recognise your name? Sorry to see you here it's great that you're thinking positively, I definitely need to start thinking more like that!

Just had scan, couldn't see anything so either miscarriage or ectopic. Awaiting blood results and follow up bloods in 48 hours.

I just don't think I can keep on doing this, particularly with the impact it is having on my family, but how do you come to terms with not having that so longed for baby to complete the family?

Oh usedtorun i'm so sorry to hear that news. I'm sorry your going through this agin. I'm not sure you ever come to terms with ever not having that baby you long for. maybe at some point people do make peace with it all, maybe by doing something they might not have been able to do with another child, like some exotic holiday? Who knows, i'm still feeling i have it in me to try again, i'm giving myself the cut off date of my 40th next year, so we shall see, but who knows if i'll get there and then say oh maybe until I'm 41. its so shitty. hugs.

in other news i got a bfn this morning. exactly 3 weeks after medical management, weird mixed feelings of relief i don't have to go in for any more treatment but so sad not to see that second line appear and worry like you others i won't see it again.
juan i tested a week ago and got a pretty strong positive so it shows how long it takes for the hormones to disappear completely.

at least this means i'm clear to start again, so in a way some good news amongst all the crap.

Hello all and happy Monday! Sorry to all the newcomers , and sorry for the shitty weekends all round from the sounds of things. I’ve just entered the TWW after finally getting a positive on the OPKs on Friday (had nothing the past 2 months so delighted that I’m definitely ovulating, I was beginning to worry!) Will anyone else be joining me in testing on 26th May? A BFP would be a great start to the bank hols….