Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2796204-Lights-twinkle-its-icy-cold-outside-tis-the-season-of-Yuletide-come-and-join-us-yes-you-For-this-is-JS62?msgid=68412463#68412463" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2768810-come-hither-upduffed-viroids-here-we-will-hold-your-hand-through-scans-rejoice-at-your-hairy-shins-and-of-course-share-your-lust-over-ian-mcshane-it-s-js-grads-48?pg=16" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Well it's official, we have just had our first TTC #3 shag

Hello, I'm new here
Name: Bel
Age: 36
TTC #1 since last August, got BFP in March, then MC at 6 weeks.
Waiting for AF to return and then will probably start again

Hello all!

Trijo and pud well done! I was tracking you - amazing people!!!

Hi to jean, haribo, em, angliski, billy (amazing name), bel

Jess your farm experience sounded fun 😂** and I nearly pml at the melon child abuse! I hit DS accidentally with my bag the other day when I flew off my shoulder during a tantrum (his not mine). 'Shouty and ranty ' describes me. Are you me?

Jelly well done on the shagging!

Pretzel Any joy yet?

Jean my cats are banned from bedroom during ttc! They try to sit on my head which is a bit off putting. Are you in Ireland? Or somewhere else exotic?

Flash that's gutting I'm sorry :(. Enjoy your wine

Cori again I'm just so chuffed for you!

Angliski and bel hi and I'm so sorry about mmc. I just had one too. It's very hard. Welcome!

Corgi bloody hell that time is flying!!!

Angel sending you a hug as you sound down :(. Hoping 6 months go quickly for you

Bleeding has stopped and I'm starting to turn my brain towards trying again. Last time I mc I was upduffed 3 weeks later so there's high expectations which scares me. I need to fix this.

I made dh get up with the kid this morning as I get up at the weekends (dh works night). I'm eeking out my lie in for another 5 minutes. Got to work at 8

Mil been here all weekend. I am OVER it

I'm now very late for work!!!

Still getting bfp :(

How fucking depressing - hate this bit of waiting for negativity before ttc again. You spend all that time praying for bfp and then it goes to shit and you then have to pray for bfn. Fucking bastard mc.

Hi Bel welcome to the madness.

Shit one choo what a blooming head melt

Yeah, waiting list is for nhs, it's pretty shit where we live (NI). We got put on treatment list just before christmas, & at that stage they said it was about 10-11 months long

Legs in bits this morning but not as bad as they were after my first two. 4:53 is a long time to be out there!

Massive hugs for choo

Seriously, I need a grip.

I am feeling generally pukey. Threw up cleaning my teeth this morning, cold tea is turning my stomach. I have a weird pukey-feeling lump in my throat. My nipples have gone perma-erect. All is familiar from earlier in the year.

I am not due on until the weekend.

I need to get my head together. Far too much work to do (and college stuff) to be fannying about worrying whether I'm pregnant a week before I'm due on, FFS.

(I know, POAS. I don't want to in case it's positive, in which case, what if it all goes tits up again like it did last time. Or if it's negative, because then, well, it's negative isn't it).

em you get many of us telling you to POAS just yet. You will instead get your first official hooyah. Symptom spotting is a dangerous game, it will lead you cray-cray. If the witch isn't due till the weekend you are at most 9-10dpo, waaaaaaaay to early for symptoms! Sit on thy hands (or thy husbands face if that helps).

Welcome bel sorry about your recent mc.

choo thats so shit. Hope it sorts itself out soon.

Oops you wont get**

Hooyah em!

Won't she Jelly....? Em I was the WORST for POAS early, but it {insert Phil Mitchell voice here} AINT WURRRRFFFFFF IT! Hold that pee until the weekend and then you'll have a definitive answer. Although if it was me and I was 10DPO, I'd had wrecked about £20s worth of FRERs by now ;)

Choo it's so unbelievably shite. I hated, hated the MC bfp knowing my body still wasn't done. It's a crappy limbo of not being able to move on from it just yet. Big hugs and well done for hosting MIL while you're going through this.

Cori I remember lurking a while back so know how vigorously you and DH have been JSing for your baby....I'm so delighted an adoption is on the cards! Huge congrats and here's hoping it moves swiftly for you and your family.

Good work shaggers! Welcome to everyone.

choo what a headfuck. Much love to you.

em i got morning sickness from 9 or 10 dpo hooyah! Too early!

Still no shagging here. I swear moths will fly out when I open my legs.

feathered still vigorously at it even if it is just for fun! still think doing it to often could be our problem but hey I'm a nympho what can I tell ya not doing it so often would be like not breathing for a couple of hours!!

I will accept your hooyahs and Absolutely Not Test Tomorrow Morning unless I do, of course

Giant hugs Choo

Choo it's horrible Hugs for you, and I'm feeling your pain with the MIL thing, mine was here last weekend, I love her loads but she drives me loopy with her own unique brand of batshit craziness

Ahh my nips are on fire this month! Any tips? It's making my toes curl when DD feeds.

Bog off are you back as well pretz

Nips not very happy for me in the last couple of days here as well, I suspect it's more that C is teething and at 13 months he's getting lazy with his latch though.

Yeah i wonder if mine are down to R chewing. She was on my boob all night last night. I'm shattered.

jelly, you've not got thrush, have you?

That's a very personal question honey 😂😂

Her nipples, i mean! 😂😳

Hah yes I am, hi country! Fancy seeing you here

Oh, and update from me, still no shagging, AF arrived today, obviously I'm not surprised I'm not pregnant.