Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2796204-Lights-twinkle-its-icy-cold-outside-tis-the-season-of-Yuletide-come-and-join-us-yes-you-For-this-is-JS62?msgid=68412463#68412463" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2768810-come-hither-upduffed-viroids-here-we-will-hold-your-hand-through-scans-rejoice-at-your-hairy-shins-and-of-course-share-your-lust-over-ian-mcshane-it-s-js-grads-48?pg=16" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Hi all... sidling into the thread following kind invitation of choo and honey

Vital stats: 37 ttc no 2. No 1 took bloody forever and I was on the Elderberries thread for barren old hags women over 30 having trouble with no1. I had weirdo cycles plus DH had/ has severe erectile dysfunction so (massive tmi warning) we ended up using a mixture of shagging with drugs for him or turkey bastering with a nice cup o jizz for me. The spunk syringe seemed to work and we had DD in 2015. Trying for no 2 now like I say but body not playing ball and OV happening on day16-17 of a 25ish day cycle. Planning now on trying B complex 100 as rec'd by choo to see what happens!

Er so if that didn't make you all run screaming, can I join?

Welcome to the madhouse johnny :)

Think I'm coming down with something. All the signs of an impending cold - probably what my DS had last week but percolated over the weekend. Down with that sort of thing.

Ah Johnny you'll fit in nicely here! Welcome

Also an old'in and took ages to get DS thanks to aforementioned short lp but once I worked out it was that and got on the complex it was relatively quick. Jelly and kato also had success with it.

I'm a bit hungover 😳 I'm still in the wallowing phase of mc so we drank quite a bit of wine last night. Wine now finished so we will be starting to be healthy again to prepare for another bash at ttc

Tri I'm not surprised you're coming down with something! You just ran a marathon!

Country! Are you joining us? Do!!!!

Singing mils are a whole breed of crazy! Mine is lovely but just so socially unaware. She says so many things that grate on me about the way we bring up DS and she ended up leaving her b&b because she thought it was dirty. A very difficult person to please. But she loves spending time with DS and I was very happy to see them bonding. She lives in Scotland so never sees him.

Em did you poas?!?!?!?

fuels the crazy

Feathered are you coming back yet? Go on you know you want to!

Johnny I'd recommend b complex 100 without the evening primrose combined. Take the EP separately. Reason for it is you want to be able to stop EP instantly when you get the bfp as theres some evidence it can cause problems in pregnancy. B6 alone does work for lp but can cause deficiencies in b12 which can apparently risk mc. So I take complex instead. I took only b6 first time and lost that baby which of course could be totally unrelated but I've always wondered. Second baby was b complex and is DS.

My midwife recently told me when I was mc to carry on with the b complex when pregnant next time but I need to research this as that's not what I'd thought and I've always stopped at bfp.

It's amazing that doctors don't promote b complex it because it definitely works. My fertility doctor went so far as to tell me that the concept of short lp was 'nonsense'. Same one who told me if you get pregnant straight after mc you're more likely to mc (which is bollocks - miscarriage association say actually research shows you're less likely to mc in first 6 months after mc). That fertility doctor stressed me out big time because I was actually already pregnant with DS when I went to see her (3 weeks after mc) and she made me even more scared I would mc. Gr it annoys me that they don't know enough about this and are advising vulnerable people ttc.

Choo I see you have just mc and I'm so sorry that is a very hard thing to go through.

Dr sounds like an arse.

So yeah have just ordered B complex in 100mg dosages, excited to start popping the pills! Probably won't arrive till after BH now.

TriJi did you just run London? Am in awe 🥇

Jo even....

Yep, got around in just under 5 hours. Legs mostly back to normal, if it wasn't for the lurgy I'd get back out running today.

NO I am not joking in with you mad lot.... I'm here for the show

choo I did POAS, this morning. BFN (and it's one of the super-sensitive ones) but that's fine. The witch is due at the weekend. DH and I have agreed that I will test again on Saturday (unless I come on in the meantime). Still feeling pukey but ho hum. As DH said last night, it's either a parasite or a bug.

In good news, I lost 3.5 lbs at fatfighters this morning so only have 2 lbs to get back into target, which I should do by next week.

Hello Johnny! I admire your tenacity and hope it pays off again before too long.

Nooo trijo, hope you shake it off quickly.

choo that's awful. I think they do get so desensitised they can be brutal, but misinformation is totally unforgiveable.

Well done on the weight loss em. Sorry for the bfn, gx it was just too early.

CD2 here, and currently alternating between sitting on the sofa with my jeans undone and having arse rain on the loo. (DD is napping.) The glamour. Thank god i didn't have it this morning, I was looking after my one year old and a friend's two year old (so clearly I'm totally prepared for a second child now, yep? ).

Hi johnny

Sorry about bfn em but you as you know, you're not out until the witch rears her ugly head!

I have a question viroids. So, ttc since March '15, took a long time for cycles to regulate post-pill. Decided we'd go to GP to request testing in January this year but then got bfp in December (then mmc in Feb). Only been one cycle post mmc, what's a realistic timescale for me to tell myself before going to GP? 6/12 cycles?

Nova can you get a telephone appt with the GP and ask yourself? Put yourself on their radar, like?

Jo wow that's a brilliant effort. I am just getting back into running after an awful 2016 healthwise.

at arse rain. Sexy!

Welcome johnny. Another b-complex survivor here with a DD to show for it. Current LP is 8 days, hoping to increase by a day a month with the vits.
Just don't shit yourself when your piss is bright (i mean lumo bright) yellow. Scared the bejesus out of me first time round.

nova I'd give it 6 months probably.

em sorry about the bfn.

In the TWOT here. Just waiting patiently, sitting on my hands, determined not to do a lemon.

country come backkkkkkkk

Evening all! Welcome to the many newbs, great to have lots of action in here (huh huh huh). Great melon story Jess, that's brilliant!

Thanks for the marathon love lads, I wasn't too far behind you Trijo with 5:08, which is bloody ridiculously long time to be running for. And I got overetaken by a fucking rhinoceros at mile 3. Anyway, it was all good fun and I got to eat loads of guilt free biscuits so yey.

AF arrived with hurricane force, actually had to leave work today due to the pain/feeling like I was going to pass out. Despite a belt and braces approach to san pro I also couldn't make it through an hour of teaching without having to go and change. So that was fun. This is the worst it has been so I'm hoping that the removal of my womble grape (uterine polyp for you medical types) will put an end to this nonsense. Interestingly I appear to have had an 8ish day LP this month. I didn't contraband last time so I had no idea about this. It could have been affected by the womble grape I guess though??

Corgi, 30 weeks?!?!?!? I won't say too much as I know you are very anxious. But Eep!! :-) How is DH feeling?

Oh and Country, Hi you big loon!

Ttc #2
Cycle 3
Day 4
AF just finished!

Hi young! After 4 days? Blimey, mine lasts about 9 days

Mine used to be around 5-7 days but since being pregnant and having the coil they have shortened and became so much lighter! Not that I'm complaining though xx

pud! well done on your marathon you incredible woman you. I'm good - 31 weeks now! anxiety much better now feel close to the end.... DH is very excited especially when the bump wriggles about! bless him

I've been awol. Grandad died. Awful. Terrible timing too as 1 year on Sunday since my ectopic. Had gynae appointment today for my LP spotting and have been prescribed progesterone! So have to take that for 10 days for 3 cycles and see if it helps. But he did say everything looks good and I have a very healthy looking cervix. So lucky me!

Sorry for your loss flash

Name: Alletrix (HP is life.)
Age: 23
TTC #2 (#1 with DHTB)
Cycle: 13

What's B complex? Where do I get it and what does it do?

Someone impregnate me already!

Welcome alletrix. HP solidarity fist bump

B complex is just a vitamin a few of us take for short lp defect.

Have you spoken to your gp about it taking 13 months