Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2796204-Lights-twinkle-its-icy-cold-outside-tis-the-season-of-Yuletide-come-and-join-us-yes-you-For-this-is-JS62?msgid=68412463#68412463" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2768810-come-hither-upduffed-viroids-here-we-will-hold-your-hand-through-scans-rejoice-at-your-hairy-shins-and-of-course-share-your-lust-over-ian-mcshane-it-s-js-grads-48?pg=16" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Those emoticons look way more vulgar than I'd intended. Oops....

Jonny at your emoticons!

Ooft, Elbi, ex's new wife being upduffed, that is a shitter. When you have your baby it will be a lot cuter than theirs.

Bit random about your app there Pretzel! I use Ovia which I get on with but not everyone does.

Choo, I'm sorry it's a bit shit at the moment. You will get there and until you do I will be holding your hand.

Well, the womble grape is gone! Operation was a bit uncomfortable but okay, but really painful for about 20 minutes afterwards, I threw up with the pain so feel as though I've let Yorkshire down a little bit on the 'hard as nails' front. The surgeon said that their is a much higher chance of getting pregnant now. I had a word with my fallopian tubes when he showed them to me on the screen and instructed them to produce me some twins! (How is that for positive attitude Kwick*?!) and the surgeon said there was room in there for 2 haha!
I'm now milking it for all it is worth and eating biscuits in bed while I watch Bake Off Creme de La Creme and DH entertains DD. Smug face.

johnny loving the vulgar emojis. Didn't realise regular emojis worked on here!

pud you brave champ! That sounds a bit scary, well done for getting through it and telling your fallopes what for! I've been scoffing mug cake and Oatly custard today and thinking of you.

Yup, maybe I should try a different app. I used fertility friend with DD. Means manually copying all my data across though, which is a fannyache, and ff is quite floral too which I'm not keen on in a tracking app. Might try ovia or shine, or just lump it being out by a day, thanks for the suggestions.

Clue says it's a known bug. Sigh

Lmao those emoticons!!

pretzel did you try another app yet?

Good luck with your recovery Yorkshire milk it for all it's worth!!

When I found this fred yesterday I showed my OH the 5 fred rules because they made me laugh so much (haven't even told him what forum this is on for privacy) but today we were talking about TTC... He said he wants to have sex TWICE A DAY??? for the next 2 weeks... I said once a day was perfect (and I got to type the sentence "I want premium cum" which made my day) and he replied by responding with the fred rule #1... F*$k! Lol!! We're both in our 20's so I don't think it will make a huge negative difference... Will it??

I didn't like ff. I'm still using Ovia - just to track mind. Choo sorry it's all a bit shit

Do not mess about with b complex if you have regular cycles with a good lp (10 days +) you could completely cock up your cycle. FYI I learnt a regular cycle is deemed within a certain amount of days. So it doesn't have to be a 32 day every month. It could be 31, 32, 31 30, 32. That's deemed regular apparently. More of an ish

Am I even making any sense!!?

Every day isn't even needed. Optimal is every other day. We just give points to the enthusiastic

Johnny im loving the emoticons, made me pmsl,so here's to vulgarity (is that an actual word)
Oneyorkshire yay for the removal of the womble grape and if i was your fallopian the+bes i would be a little bit frightened and would definately do as told. Anyway dont feel you let 'up north ' down just blame the sickness on the anesthetic
Im feeling positive (and alot less emotional) about things today, i have alot more cm, bloating and tummy pains so am hoping that this is it and that i am going to get past the 15day cycle by actually icing, im cd9 so if im spotting the symptoms right im heading for icing at around day 13/14 and a 28/29 day cycle, If not im throwing a major strop and will be using opks next month (i know i know).

There was no anesthetic to blame it on Inside, well there was some 'local anesthetic gel' which we all know is about as much use as an elastoplast when you've chopped your whole leg off.
Pretzel I always think of you when I make microwave mug cake! All the time The oatley cream is quite good too actually, I had it on strawberries yesterday. You could pour it into the middle of your mug cake??

Yorkshire eeep what did you have done??? You are not going to tell me they removed a cyst without anaesthetic?????

Haven't tried another app yet, Clue might be accurate enough, it was only one day out on icing so I might just put up with it.

No anaesthetic! 😱😱😱😱 pud you are hard as nails. I'm not keen on the Oatly cream but that's not surprising since I don't really like dairy cream

country you always make perfect sense of course

snooze I've always read that every other day is optimal, but I'm sure the occasional every day shag as the mood takes you won't do any harm especially if you're young whippersnappers

Dtd this evening! Swimmers deposited and he finished me off for good measure no hallowed ghost jizz though, made a right mess of the playmat.

snooze I'm in my forties my df in his thirties and we do it at least once a day (usually more!) still no bfp though!

Wowwwwww just laughed so much at this thread! Count me in! I need an online slap every time I use a b*stard pissy stick too early, and you sound like the type of ladies to do this.

Age 24
TTC #1
Cycle 3

Let's do this

Morning!

sofie any luck?

pretzel that app looks like it's been smoking something funky. FF all the way here! I don't like Ovid, too many ads and messages of advice to scroll through

And YESSS to all the sex!!

Johnny ugh that sounds shit (literally). The emoticons were class!

How are you feeling pud ? Hooray for the demise of the womble grape! How long til you can start shagging? Are you off work just now? No anaesthetic! you're hard as nails - ooft!

snooze shagging is good! Most people ttc don't do it enough! Although eod is the recommendation for swimmer quality

country totally agree! No way I'd recommend b complex to someone who didn't need it. I am strong believer in not messing with your body if no need. My cycles are perfect 33 each time. Just stupid 10 day lp (now 12 - woo!). But hang on...you're tracking huh? Sure you're not joining us......?

Bloody hell cori ! I don't have the energy / inclination for every day! I'm such a lazy git

Welcome TLH!

Hi can I join please? I've read half the thread and will read the rest in a minute.

Age:26 (I know I'm young but DH and I have been together for nearly 9 years and have always wanted 3)
DC: DD is 5 DS is 3

DD was a totally accidental pregnancy.with DS, We talked about another baby and we're in that 'lets just see' stage when I found out I was pregnant second time. We only had sex once!

Decided to try for our third and final last year. I got pregnant first cycle but sadly ended in an early mc. Didn't want to try again after that as I was too upset but we've decided to start again now nearly a year later. DH and I have set our selves a 30 day challenge of sex everyday doubt we will make it but it's just a bit of fun. I'm a bit worried as my cycles have really screwed up after the MC. I've had two missed afs whereas before I'd never not had a 30 day cycle.

Sorry to hear so many of you have had MC too

Hi feline you sound like you'd fit right in here (with the cat love as well as shagging!)

So sorry to hear about your loss. We have people here who've experienced all different challenges ttc and all ages. Hopefully you'll get to know us all soon.

I forgot to actually update on myself!

I've no idea what's going on because typical post MC wtf cycle is totally all over the place. We are dtd eod in hope that we catch icing at some point. No idea when to poas so I'm just poas every 3 days or so!

Pressed send early

I'm on day 27 now. Last time post mc I iced Day 26. I had icing pains on day 17 and a positive opk day 21 (my anniversary). Had ewcm all last week. I don't feel like anything is happening icing or upduffed wise. I'll just keep shagging and see what happens!

Ha choo no. Just tracking as post pill pre pg my cycles were bonkers. 23-42 days. Interestingly post pg 28 days every month.

The only thing I took when ttc was horse pill sized vit-c and folic acid. Dh was taking selenium and vit c

I meant to say Pud you're totally hard as nails!!!

Pretz you grubby mare! Oatly cream is pretty good to cook with. We're still off both dairy and soya at the moment.

Welcome feline and tlh :)

choo keep shagging, keep positive.

pud fuck off you had that with no numbing. Wow.

johnny I'm good thanks. Trying to focus on things other than pregnancy, i really hate early pregnancy, its such a mindfuck. I need to self refer to the midwife but im waiting until 6w to do it.

Who is next to poas? If its before 14dpo, don't!

Jelly I know, it hardly feels real, does it?

I am just shagging plodding on here, not sure if ov has happened or no, but taking my b complex and jumping on dh every other day like a good un.

Thanks for the welcome! This is our first month trying again so I'm excited and scared at the same time. I'm sorry for your loss choo. I hope you are looking after yourself.

Is it really sad that I've started binge watching one born every minute?

Opk test lighter this morning so I'm officially TWOTTING.

Eek I don't know if I'd want to watch OBEM, it seems to show all the worst bits!

Oh yes country I have made a nice mushroom sauce for pasta with Oatly cream before which was quite good.

Oh and welcome to tlh and feline I mean to say!

What is oatly cream?

Cream made from oat milk.