Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2796204-Lights-twinkle-its-icy-cold-outside-tis-the-season-of-Yuletide-come-and-join-us-yes-you-For-this-is-JS62?msgid=68412463#68412463" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2768810-come-hither-upduffed-viroids-here-we-will-hold-your-hand-through-scans-rejoice-at-your-hairy-shins-and-of-course-share-your-lust-over-ian-mcshane-it-s-js-grads-48?pg=16" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Welcome inside :)

johnny dh was happy but he's quite emotionally detatched in early pg so i imagine he will get better as the pg develops. And yes, 2 bcomplex pregnancies now :)

Good luck inside - hope the scan goes well. Good that the bloods came back ok.

Hi Viroids, feeling a bit anxious today. For the last approx 4/5 days my nips have been very tender but today that's all gone ☹️ The last couple of days I felt queasy in the morning but today I was absolutely fine. Not so worried about the disappearing queasiness as I'm only 5 weeks, that could have been anything, but the nipples are worrying me. Anyone had any experience with this?

singing Sorry you're feeling anxious. If it helps, when I conceived DD I felt like Af was on her way until a couple of days after she was due and then my symptoms disappeared for a bit. I kept on gusset checking as I was convinced I was going to start bleeding, but by 6 weeks I was feeling terrible and everything worked out OK.

I know the first trimester can be so worrying! Despite the lack of Af for three months (and feeling rubbish) I still worried they might tell me I'd imagined it all at my 12 week scan! Gx everything's ok!

I've found my Fred!!
Name: Marshett
Age: 32
DC: None yet.
TTC and surfing mn for about a year but only posted once or twice as thought I'm not supposed to be on MN until I get my BFP but now I've stumbled across you guys !

I came off the pill more than 2 years ago (we used condoms until we got married last year) and AF is perfectly regular (except for an agonising 10 days late last christmas). I haven't done any OPKs but assume I must be ovulating if my cycles regular right? So I checked a generic ovulation calendar and I put my cape on every day on the "green days" and every other day for the rest of my cycle. Still no Joy. So I have a couple of questions that I feel silly asking IRL and I get the impression all is welcome here.

With regards to “ghost Jizz” is this the aim? trying not to give TMI is a “wet patch” ok? I read an article that said all this lying on a pillow is nonsense as the sperm makes it to the tubes within 10 seconds anyway but I have an inverted pelvis (smear tests are a saga of “sit on your fists” ect) and I wonder if this matters at all? Obviously I’ve googled “positions” but no one needs to hear about that!
Also if my periods are clockwork should I try vitamin B compound anyway? (I’ve been on folic acid and vitamin D for years).

I’m so glad to have found you viroids and having read this Fred with keen interest I feel comfortable enough to put my questions out there.

AF is here... onward to (proper) cycle 2. 32 day cycle and 16 day LP again, exactly the same as last month.

Hi Marshett I'm new too. I can't offer much in the way of answers as we're in a similar position (as it were), even down to the invert, but will stick around to hear others' thoughts. Welcome!

Sorry about the witch TriJo - gx for cycle 2.

Hi new faces waves

marshett I don't hang around too long (no legs in the air etc) after a shag but I don't have an inverted pelvis so I couldn't say what's best for you. And ghost jizz, while deserving of a high five, isn't massively important imo. I'd say no re vit B but some experts shall be along shortly I'd imagine!

trijo good well behaved cycle lengths though.

singing try not to worry, easier said than done I know! Have you got midwife appt booked yet?

Think I'm about a week dpo. My newfound blasé (entirely defeated) attitude to ttc is bizarrely refreshing.

@hopingforabfp the leaflet with my contraband opks (internet cheapies) suggests starting to test day 18 of a 35 day cycle (see pic) but if you know you ovulate later you could be more targeted and the clear blue ones are bloody expensive so you'll save quite a bit of money.

Thanks elbi pretty sure it was too early in my cycle, but just glad to have broken our epic dry spell (and hoping for good things come icing). Good work on the floor shagging

em I'm old too, but we all share a bedroom until we move so bed shagging would entail being three feet away from a sleeping toddler. Nuh uh! Floor was quite comfy thanks to DDs wipe clean squishy floor tiles .

pud sorry you're having to wait pud. I know even a short time can feel like forever when you're ttc. Or maybe I'm just impatient. GX that womble grape is whipped out pronto with no probs and it'll be shags ahoy for you!

inside good luck for the scan. Your DP sounds like a sweetheart. The bcp made me a lunatic. I wish they'd warned me of the side effects.

Does anyone have b complex info I can link a pal to? I know the basics but I'd like to give her more info.

singing Argh early pregnancy is scary. Doesn't the placenta take over at 5 weeks - could that coincide with a dip in symptoms? Everything crossed for a sticky bean for you.

marshett first of all, kudos on top viroid lingo. Would it be worth using internet cheapie opks to see when you're icing? Some people are earlier or later - and if you're later then the b complex could help (if you routinely have less than ten days between icing and AF). I agree that ghost jizz is not a requirement and the jizz will make it where it needs to go!

trijo Sorry for AF hooray for regular cycles though.

CD 12 (?) here, negative ic opk this morning. Ready to pounce on DP later in the week .

Whoops, I cross posted with you nova - glad you're feeling chilled out (but not that you're feeling defeated)

Actual LOL at 'shags ahoy'! Tbf we are so bloody busy at the moment that I think we would struggle to find the time to dtd enough to get upduffed so waiting doesn't feel too bad.... yet!

Pretzel I'd be inclined to start earlier than that leaflet suggests - I would be at risk of missing the LH surge if I started on CD15 like it suggests!

Ah, that's interesting trijo - I've started testing later than it says but I tended to ice later in my cycle before (it could have all changed since having DD of course!). I guess it's another thing that varies so much between people, I thought it was quite good as a rough guide though.

Urgh just lost a big update!

marshett welcome aboard! I wouldn't take b-complex unless you have a short leutal phase. Vit c in high doses is shown to help quality of mens swimmers and eggs. Shag in any position you are comfy in. Don't stress over ghost jizz, it's not needed (i hate feeling wet after a shag so often dashed to the loo to wipe away excess jizz). If i were you i would start shagging around cd 10 every other day until cd20, you might not be icing on cd14 and so could miss your window.

tri sorry about the witch. Enjoy the

pret I've got some cb pissy stick cuntraband if you want them??

Thanks jelly, i get on ok with the internet cheapies (I think - I might change my mind though!).

Hey folks

Congratulations jelly and singing! Woo for B complex again! I should get commission for all the JSing babies as a result of that stuff - or perhaps you could just name the baby after me this time, huh?

Sorry about the bfns and witches em and tri

nova when I had my first mc I was told that they technically re-set the clock on getting help to conceive, so another year from conception. But that was the really shitty fertility doctor and I then got a second opinion from a GP who disagreed. I would wait until a year from when your AF came back after the pill. Although if you're over 35 (I can't remember how old you are, sorry!) then they recommend asking for help after 6 months rather than a year.

Hi to the newbies!! Lovely to have you here.

flash so sorry for your loss well done on the shagging!

kwick you are amazing

hoping - contraband! But I would start on CD15.

pretzel congrats on having the sex!

inside it sounds like you're stabilising after coming off the pill. It might be unsettled for a while but will hopefully get better soon. Totally second pud's suggestion of tracking for a few months. That's the only way I discovered that I had short lp and also that I ice earlier than expected, so I'd been shagging too late every month.

sock weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! Hiya! Miss you!

jess is your dd ok? so sorry to hear that she was poorly. Ghost jizz came from a viroid called gaggia I think! Legend. It totally works to suck everything up :D

singing try not to worry. My mum always says the crampy bit at the start is the baby settling down into your womb and getting comfy. :) Crampy is normal.

johnny the b complex usually works to move the lp on by 1 day a month. First time I used it I got pregnant the 2nd month.

marshett I do the bum in air thing :D I don't care that it might not work, it makes me feel hopeful! Ghost jizz is about sucking the swimmers up! It's just for fun though - don't feel you need to. Don't take B complex unless you need to - nothing wrong with it but it's something else to stick in your body and it's not needed if you don't have irregular cycles/short lp.

Been hiding a bit as I'm struggling :( Not sure really what to do about it. Pregnant people everywhere in RL, people announcing baby sexes on Facebook. We had our anniversary last week on the day that should have been my 12 week scan. Instead I was pissing on opks, getting my cape on and drinking wine. I just feel depressed and shite. Our anniversary marked a year since we started ttc no 2. I was so excited, I was so happy, now I just feel empty, sad and crap.

Finally got the bfn I needed last Monday to start ttc again, so we started that day. EOD shagging. My temp levels are all over the place and opks put me as icing on Fri. (I'm tracking to work out what's happening post-MC with my body). last time I got upduffed with DS 3 weeks after mc so I'm kind of feeling like there's a lot of pressure. I'm feeling old and tired and fed up. Also the baby signified us being able to move back home finally, which we were so excited about. It's all gone.

Hey.. Jumping into the fred if that's okay. Been lurking on mn for a while but joined properly today and settling in.

Name: Snooze
Age: 26
DCs: None
TTC: Starting this cycle!

We're only just starting ttc this cycle. I had a mc at 8weeks in 2015 so it's scary but I am excited too. OH has banned opks/tracking etc so we're gonna be shagging like rabbits and keeping our fingers crossed. I just came off the pill and had my withdrawal bleed starting on the 3rd. I only stopped bleeding today and I'm still spotting, usually I'm only on for 3-4 days so clearly my body is in a twist about coming off the pill. I don't have high hopes for the next couple of cycles. Kind of looking forward to ttc in a relaxed way (quote me on this in a year haha!).

choochooo I really sympathise. I've been waiting to try and it felt like every baby I saw was a kick in the stomach. Obviously I was happy for people but the pull is so fucking strong. I had insane jealousy over all of my friends and relatives with baby and was just really struggling, we decided to start ttc today after I broke down sobbing for an hour over it. It's an emotional time and nobody gets that more than the people here I imagine! I still think about my mc too and how old my baby would be but that's really just self torture. I'm sorry for what you're going through and sending hugs.

AF was due yesterday and Bfn on IC this am.

choo I too am surrounded by pregnant people and am feeling old, tired and fed up. I know at least 3 people who have so far announced pregnancy conceived around the time that mine didn't stick. It just feels so unfair.

Thanks snooze and welcome! So sorry to hear about your mc. it does suck hairy balls.

sofie gx for you! Which stick did you pee on?

Congrats on the bfps ladies, tri yay for regular cycles, im a little bit green with envy lol. I will be throwing a major stop if i have another 15day cycle this month lol.
Pretzel my dp has been very sweet. He has been riding the emotional roller coaster of post pill symptoms with me lol, poor sod.
Choco the pill is the devil, it sent me crazy and the regulating after has been terrible. I might start tracking next month as pud suggest, if all my prayers for a normal cycle this month arent answered.
We shag pretty much every day/every other day anyway (im a horney cow and my dp is gorgeous so its his fault lol) so not too concerned about missing it but i would like to know what is going on.
Cd 9 and starting to get some stabby pains on the left and sore back. Also bit more cm (still clear and watery but its there) so gx crossed ladies that im heading in the right direction.

Choo one step cheapie, but I think if it had happened it would be showing up by now so not really holding out much hope - just willing AF to arrive so I can move on.

Welcome snooze relaxed shagging is definitely the best way to get started. Sorry about your mc

Oh choo. Unmumsnetty hugs for you. Are they investigating at all to see why it happened? Sorry that it has overshadowed your anniversary as well.

Welcome snooze, I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think it's self torture, we never forget the ones we lose and that's probably as it should be.

sofie Sorry for the bfn quietly gx for you though.

Hopefully icing is on the way inside!

I think I've got a positive opk today so I'm hoping I'm icing despite breastfeeding, but when I put it in Clue (my app) it's gone a bit bonkers and decided my fertile window is after PMS (see pic)? Anyone use this and have any ideas?

You lot are all fookin superwomen It's so hard when surrounded by pregnancy and babies isn't it? Around the time I got my endo diagnosis, no fewer than 3 of my good friends and my ex's new wife(!) announced they were expecting

Glad Fred is here for moral support. Keep on keeping on xx

Keeping gx for you Sofie!

Thank you for all the welcomes

Singing and jelly, how are you?

Choo it is rough. It took us 3 y nearly to conceive DD and I well remember just feeling it would never happen, and feeling so stupid every time I poas because did I really think I would get a bfp... till one day I did! You will too.

So I think I am ov around now but got hit with the 24 hour sickness bug from hell yesterday. I went for a 7k run before breakfast and felt all bouncy and then by 10.30 I was hunched up in the loos at work. My temp hasn't spiked properly but I had a fever yesterday so think my bbt may have been off anyhow. Argh! DH is away in a work seminar in Bristol today but he is not getting to sleep when he gets home, oh no..... 😎👉👌