Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2796204-Lights-twinkle-its-icy-cold-outside-tis-the-season-of-Yuletide-come-and-join-us-yes-you-For-this-is-JS62?msgid=68412463#68412463" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2768810-come-hither-upduffed-viroids-here-we-will-hold-your-hand-through-scans-rejoice-at-your-hairy-shins-and-of-course-share-your-lust-over-ian-mcshane-it-s-js-grads-48?pg=16" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

CD4 here. The witch is more than welcome to bog off any time she feels like it.

C is ill again so I'm working from home today. He's only tried to eat my work laptop 4 times so far...

Hi everyone, hope you don't mind me joining in now, DH and I are going to start trying in about a month when I'm done with my current stage of studying towards my degree (OU). I am beyond excited, and a bit scared which I guess is normal, especially with my health issues - fibromyalgia and thrombophilia

Name: Deer
Age: 23
DC: none yet
TTC: starting soon

Welcome deer! Is that a Gilmore Girls reference or am I way off?!

trijo boo for waiting. I forgot about how ttc was mostly waiting. Not something I'm good at.

Yes pretzel it's a GG thing

feline omg I've been binge watching one born too, but this would be my first so everything looks TERRIFYING.

OH very pleased we can have all the shags so am I to be honest, I've been helping my parents for the last 2 weeks so I'm very shag deprived. "Premium cum" has now become an inside joke with my OH and he wont stop saying it, what have I done?!?!

Spent about 3 hours working out all our finances today. We only just decided to start TTC but it seemed smart to work out what we'll be able to afford and what our savings will look like. Realised I have no idea how much a baby actually costs, the Natwest baby calculator said about £3300 for the first year, does that seem accurate? Can anyone with sprogs already shed some light please? We'll have about £7k savings and around £1200 disposable a month after rent/taxes/debts. Will we be okay?!

Sorry to bog down the fred with money shit have some apology gin

Snooze we're in about the same scenario moneywise and trying for our first (well, will be - AF showed up today...) Hoping it'll all be fine!

Also hi other newbies

Ahh that settles me Elbi, my OH made a joke about our baby living in a plastic bag and I almost lost it thinking we were going to be broke haha

Hello thl, feline and deer! Welcome to the thread.

I watched one born when I wanted a baby but wasn't ready to start trying yet, but as soon as baby making became a realistic prospect I couldn't watch anymore.

Snooze I think costs of a baby can be really variable - breastfeeding tends to be cheaper than bottle feeding for example (especially if you don't express). Most people seem to manage and if you've got a bit of savings you can use for the expensive one offs I'm sure you'll be fine. My biggest ongoing expense is nursery fees and I definitely think it's worth considering what childcare you'll need if you'll be working after having a baby.

AF is still MIA here - 2 days late now. Not sure what's going on and feeling a bit down about the whole thing. Didn't test this am, but I guess I should tomorrow if still no sign. Just hoping I'm not in for another 90+ day cycle like I had last year

Evening all!

Welcome to the newbs, there are bloody loads of us now, I can't keep up so I shall just wish everyone the bf-ist of p's!!

I did have local anesthetic (I'm not that 'ard) for manual dilation of the cervix - ow - and the polyp has no nerves in it so that but didn't hurt. Think my womble/body just threw a bit of a fit afterwards. Was totally fine today so went to work. Going to do a gentle jog tomorrow and see how I go. Need to do lots of plyo box work in prep for my next race so will leave that for a week or so in case organs start falling out

Baby costs: We tried to get ready for DD on the cheap - lots of second hand stuff etc, but it still cost us well over a grand. That was fine though because we were both working full time! Mat leave was generally okay too but you may have to take into account that you/DH/both of you may be part-time after the baby is born and you mah have childcare costs to take into account. We have lost about 1.8k a month in income - but this is obviously a sacrifice we are willing to make. God knows what we were spending it all on before!! You may find that you can make major savings (we don't go out anymore, I shop at Lidl etc) to make ends meet though.

My child will not sleep. Why do I want another one?

We're both working but I'm freelance so I don't get mat leave :( but it does mean I can work from home once the baby is old enough (no idea when that will be) so childcare costs shouldn't factor in unless we hit some major money walls. Second hand is a good idea though, especially as everybody says half the stuff they bought they never even used??

snooze I think self employed mums are entitled to maternity allowance, which might help with finances in the early days

jogging pud bloody hell you are hard as nails!

sofie I've got my gx for a bfp tomorrow!

Cost of baby - you will just manage. Try not to worry. That sounds a great amount to start with. You can pick up loads of stuff from Facebook local selling groups and NCT sales so as long as you're not too precious about things having to be brand new then you can save loads. Things not to scrimp on - anything to do with a mattress, as the mattress needs to be new to avoid mould/smoke etc, plus car seat (for obvious reasons). Don't buy any fancy wipe warmers or diaper genie type things - total waste of money. Remember as well that folk will give you things and want to buy you things. Buy some newborn clothes but don't go overboard, in case you end up with a baby that's too big for them like me! (DS was 9lb 10oz and went straight into 0-3 months). pud is right about childcare costs / cost of going P/T. These are things you need to think about but not until later on. Employers can offer childcare vouchers which reduce nursery costs, plus you'll get child benefit (around £70 a month).

Whether or not you can wfh with a baby really depends on your baby tbh, so unfortunately you'll need to wait until you meet your baby to find out. Some babies are more high needs than others and it might be harder to work with them around. I certainly couldn't have worked with DS because I found adjusting to having a newborn really hard (I have no family nearby and my DH works nights), he was really windy and sleep was apparently for the weak. But I've got friends who managed to work from home really early on.

Blimey yorks I have had a baby with no pain relief and I am xing my legs and wincing!! Interested in plyo box work if it makes organs not fall out as my pelvic floor is nonexistent since DD decided to exit in an hour flat

Sofie...... what cd are you? Dare you test?

To whoever asked about cost of baby - not much until you back to work full time, when you will have to live in a skip off potato peelings. Well not really, but dh and I both have decent jobs and live in a cheap area of the country and I am always dismayed by how little disposable income we have after mortgage + nursery bill + commuting costs. Cannot wait till she is 3 and gets free hours!!!

But it is so worth it! Today she came into our bed at 645 and put her chubby little toddler arms around my neck and said "well done, Mummy!" Melted.....

Ah babies aren't that expensive! It's kids and teens that cost a fortune!!!! The babies are the easy part. As some one else has mentioned child care costs are your big spend, if you have someone close to look after them you're onto a winner!!

at no pain relief/ anaesthetic!!! I'm such a wimp! Amazing strong woman!!!

Babies are cheap. As long as you don't want a top of the range £1k+ pram you'll be fine. Like pervious posters have said, kids are expensive. I've got two and if they both need new shoes at the same time, it will cost me about £60-70 as I only get their shoes from clarks. Honestly you will just find the money. Before kids I'd have easily just randomly spent £100 on clothes for myself but now I'd rather spend that on kids clothes. you'll be amazed at how much you spend on crap pre kids. I was 20 when I had my first, no maternity pay and DH was only earning about £20k back then but DD still had everything she needed.

Kids are expensive, but as feline says you just find a way, and tbh babies dont need a lot except love cuddles and feeding, nappies and stuff obviously cost money but alot of the other stuff is unnecessary.
Im a bit down today, i need to pass myself a grip, no signs of icing. Ive got some cramps and am now worried that af will arrive tuesday so that ill have two 15 day cycles in two months. Ffs someone give me a slap. I was desperately hoping that my cycles would be regulating by now and i was starting to get some indicators of icing earlier in the week, that would have been cd7_8 so to early right?
Viroids i know its cuntraband but i may be forced to use opks next month, well if i have another shitty short cycle i will anyway.

I was all geared up to start spotting positive signs if icing and shag loads this weekend but now im like i actually have no idea of what my bloody insides are doing and all in all i just feel crappy about it all, ffs i might change my username to moany old cow.

Inside I hear you. This morning Fertility Friend decided that on fact, I ov earlier this week. So + the b complex is working but - no sodding baby this month as we had assumed it would be today.

Is cd 7 or 8 too early? Does it matter when you ov as long as your luteal phase is long enough?

Im not sure i just meant is that too early lol. I always used to be 28days so im waiting and waiting to get to ov at day 14, oh i dont know, thing is its all guess work because have no idea whats actually happening. Im just having a shit morning and was hoping id get to at least a 21 day cycle. Oh well only time will tell.
Shit that you may have ov earlier than expected johnny, is there any chance you couldve caught it?.

I'm going to join the wtf's going on club too. BFN again this morning. Last three cycles have been 28 days, now CD32 and nothing.

I've even been using cuntraband and had a positive around the right time, with ewcm and everything, but I guess I didn't ice when I thought I did.

So I told DH that I was due to OV this weekend and he said "oh god my nuts"

We DTD every other day from end of AF to Wednesday. App says OV due Saturday, and EWCM turned up last night typically when DH wasn't available for a shag so it'll be every day this weekend. Which will be nice, being able to have leisurely shags rather than "we need to have sex and the only window we've got is in between me getting in from work and you going out to Cadets so just fuck and run please" (oh fuck, this is MN, surely I should've put "doing your hobby" rather than Cadets...what are these mythical hobbies that everyone seems to have?)

Babies are expensive. I remember my aunty saying to my cousin "If you wait until you can afford them, you'll never have them, but when they arrive you just make it work".

Em, I ahve similar thing to you. DH works long hours and will be out of the house for about 14 hours a day. I work evenings and often we won't even see each other before I have to leave for work so most of the time we DTD around midnight when I get in from work and just collapse asleep after as she has to leave for work around 5am. We are determined to finish our 30 day challenge though.

Can I ask a bit of a tmi question? When checking your cm, how do you know if it's cm or.. er... The remains of the night before if you know what I mean?

He not she!

Sorry for the wacky cycles. That sounds bloody frustrating. I didn't get ewcm this cycle, I only knew I was icing due to contraband opks.

You can tell its ewcm because it has an egg white texture. It will make a string between your fingers unlike Erm the other stuff.

Agree that you just sort of manage with money, as long as you're not absolutely scraping by to start off with (although even if you are, those families are often eligible for tax credits etc). We hadn't saved up or anything although we were lucky to get a lot given to us by my sister, who has a young daughter, for free as she's not planning any more kids.