Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2796204-Lights-twinkle-its-icy-cold-outside-tis-the-season-of-Yuletide-come-and-join-us-yes-you-For-this-is-JS62?msgid=68412463#68412463" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2768810-come-hither-upduffed-viroids-here-we-will-hold-your-hand-through-scans-rejoice-at-your-hairy-shins-and-of-course-share-your-lust-over-ian-mcshane-it-s-js-grads-48?pg=16" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Jelly!!!! Amazing news, congratulations! Who had that amazing dream, was it Angel? You need to dream like that more often!

Cori hooyah! Still no sickness here at 4 weeks plus 4! Tender boobs though, which is unfortunately timed with DS learning the word 'boobies' and poking them all the time 😳

Tri you're not out yet, got my gingers crossed for you.

Pretzel is conceive plus really cuntraband? I think it's totally acceptable

Morning Viroids. Anyone else due to test soon? I'm 11dpo today and feeling slightly crampy. Af due Monday/Tuesday.

Pud The Friday and Saturday of marathon weekend! Had positive OPKs both the 21st and 22nd.

Another BFN today. Can realistically start making boozing plans for when we're back in Ireland later this month.

cori Sending a hooyah your way but hey we've all symptom spotted that early.

singing Ah well, if it's not contraband... props halo back up

Boo for bfn trijo, still hoping it's just too early for you. Shagging on marathon weekend does show great commitment!

Not yet for me sofie. GX the witch stays away for you. I'm on CD9, DP actually snuggled me in bed last night, so things are really hotting up. He said he was too tired for a shag. Hoping he doesn't say that next week, when I'm icing.

Yaaaaaaaaaay Jelly

Hooyah Cori (although I know entirely where you're coming from. I felt sick last cycle from 6 DPO until the day the witch arrived but kept testing BFN. DH thinks it was some form of chemical pregnancy but all I know is it is now CD5 so he's going to get jumped repeatedly next weekend)

Yey for snuggles Pretzel! Reckon it would be good to get in there with a no-pressure shag before icing if you can.....

I've found my people!!

Name: Elbi.
Age: 33.
DCs: None yet. 2 of the whiskered variety.
TTC: #1.... After NO shagging for 2 years(!) due to endo pain I had a laparoscopy back in Feb and things are tentatively better. Have managed it a few times recreationally so now need to get my heart outta my mouth and get on with it...

Nice to meet you all. Glad to find I was just a viroid all along but didn't know it...

Welcome Elbi :)

pud that's my plan (it's not going very well!)

Welcome elbi! You have indeed found your people

I genuinely have JSed like a teenage nympho this FW. Including once on the sofa!

Think I'm in the TWOT now.

Gynae last Friday said I have a very healthy looking cervix and my womb lining was already thickening at CD8 so GX this is my month!

And hello Elbi!

Welcome Elbi!

Flash what a superstar! Haven't had a couch shag for years! Jealous Congrats on healthy womb, gx this is your month!

2 years elbi

I've just been recapping the acronyms on the first post again as I'm still not fully twigged to those and me and DH have been howling laughing at Ghost Jizz how did I miss that one!

Whoever invented that term

@Jess yup, actually 2 years, 4 months.....

Sofa sounds loadsa fun. Although my cats would want to sit on us

Also thanks for the welcome all

Hey all, ive been lurking here for a few days, its hillarious. Im in a bit of a predicament.... Came off pill in jan, withdrawel bleed as per, then af 28days later....yay.
Then a shitty 51day cycle that had both my dp and i convinced i was UTD. On cd51 (wtf) i began a three day af.
We werent even ttc but after being convinced his super sperm had dtd we were pretty disappointed so have spoke about 'just seeing what happens' and are currently shagging as and when as without contraception, i hope that doesnt make me an infiltrator. Im 39 so am probably pushing the boat out even considering this is possible.
Anyway this month all the signs of ov., obs im not using any kind of cuntraband but cd10 the signs started. Bloating, sharp stabby pains, sore nipps and my fanjo was extremely moist, thank fuck for those cute sweet smellng knicker liners.
We dtd cd 10,11, 12 and 14 ( poor sod was knackered cd13) then cd15 i start spotting. Think its ov bleeding, but all symptoms disappear and it turns into what i think is af....ffs.
Very light af but heavier than spotting.
Day five and still some when i wipe,id quite like a shag, if im honest, not a baby making shag, just a shag, quite like doing it just because its alot of fun and im going round the bend trying to work out what my ovaries are trying to do.
I dont know whether im cd19 or whether i need to start a new cycle and be cd5, any ideas.

Elbi I have endometriosis too. After a lap is a great time to try to get pregnant, whilst everything is fresh and clean. 😂

Inside it could be between 6 months and a year for your periods to regulate post pill. 😞

Thanks honeysuckle, yeah i guess i was just hoping after the first cycle being normal id be ok. Never mind. Its so frustrating.
So shall i count this as cd5 then?

flash congrats on your healthy womble!

inside I don't think I'd count spotting as cd1, only flow. As honey said though, it can take some time for cycles to regulate post pill

Today's news - we finally shagged last night, after almost two years! It's only cd9 but hoping this bodes well (and we did it on the sofa as well! And the floor). Also relieved to find my fanjo still works after the ventouse delivery and accompanying stitches I had with DD fifteen months ago.

Hi all, I bought the clear blue dual hormone OPKs today. When is it that I should start testing on a 35 day cycle would you say? I usually ovulate around day 25. Xx

honey Ah you have my sympathies - hope it's working out ok for you. I will try to make best use of my 'fresh and clean' innards Makes it sound like I've been shoving fabric softener up there.

Nice work on the sofa/floor/working-fanjo combo pretzel - hope it brings good things. We tried the floor this morning! Just practising though. Gotta wait this cycle out as am due AF next week.

I must be old. I cannot be doing with shagging on the floor any more. I have a giant, comfy, bed and I will absolutely shag in that but floor...nah (although I very nearly had a shag on the kitchen table earlier before we realised that next door were in their garden ). My sofa is comfy ish but there's always a pile of shite on it (and usually a bra or two) so it never gets used that way. I mean, it HAS, but not for a while!

According to my app, I'm due to ovulate next weekend so I'm planning on jumping DH tonight if he stops pissing me off about how long I've just spent in the bath then Monday and Wednesday, and every day Friday - Monday next week. Hopefully that should cover the whole FP. I know when I ovulate (get copious amounts of EWCM but also can feel it happen, it's like a twangy-pop on whatever side sometimes both but we're not mentioning that although twins would be EXCELLENT ) so if it happens outside that timeframe I'll just keep on shagging

Welcome Inside, sorry that your cycles are all over the place, it is a PIRA when you are trying to conceive! I would suggest ordering some cheap ovulation testing sticks from amazon (bear with me Viroids, there is a reason!) so you can see when you ovulate and have a better idea of what is going on. It may be worth also downloading Ovia or another similar app to track your cycles until you work out a pattern. I say this not for ttc purposes but because mid-cycle bleeding can be a sign that things are not all hunky dory down there. I know this because I'm having a polyp removed on Wednesday for that very reason. If I hadn't known about it, it could have made ttc/pregnancy quote tricky.

Having said all that, it is v v likely to just be coming off the pill that is the issue. But I think you should start taking now just in case - I first went to the docs in Oct and still won't be able to ttc for another cycle while my womb recovers, and my cycles are so long it is basically forever away!

Oneyorkshire, i did think about opk but all seems like stress (i can get quite nuerotic about things at the best of times lol) think ill give it another month then see how i go.
This af seems to have gone now, which makes it a five day one, alot more like my pre pill cycles so im hoping that we are done and dusted and that my previous very light only three day bleed wasnt actually an af.
Ive had blood tests and they are all normal and i managed to bully my dr into a scan so thats booked for a week or so, so that will hopefully rule out anything sinister.
Tbh the way my hormones have been im pretty sure its side effects of bcp, im swinging between crazy angry, to blubbering wreck within two minutes, poor dp doesnt know what to do. Hes just throwing wine chocolate and flowers at me on a regular basis and hoping for the best lol, bless him.
Anyway the fanjo seems to be behaving so far today so think ill cook him a nice dinner, shave my legs and reward his efforts of sympathy and understanding when hes home from work, were are kid free til tomorrow so i may put my sofa to good use this afternoon.
Im keeping a diary so hopefully will start to see a pattern, here's to a 28day cycle this month.
Hope your womb recovers nicely sooner than expected.