Thread 28, TTC #1 | We may be hormonal giraffes but we don't eat no low fat humous

[Londonjam]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

Oh pyjamas that is so unfair. You have done nothing wrong. And I'm glad you had fun as I feel your DH would have behaved in a similar way regardless of what you had done this evening.

Pug sounds very proactive in terms of the clomid and your job application. FX you get it and then get your bfp. Sods law and all that!

Thanks Alexia. Well he told me to take it 10 days a cycle for 3 cycles, but I've been given 60 pills. So if I do get bfp, I should be able.to take it for at least the first few weeks, which would hopefully give me time to see a doc/arrange more progesterone. And I will keep up with the B vits.

Also just HS on CD8. Nothing like a date with a dildo cam to get you in the mood eh (ok, maybe it was the wine!)

Glad you had a good time PJs Again, I will say that you are handling this whole thing so well.

Pug I've also accepted a new role at work hoping it'll have the sod it effect!

So we went to GP after work today, happily she has ordered 21 day bloods for me and an SA for DH. In honestly I found the whole thing so fucking sad that it's come to this, then went and met some colleagues for drinks and was baby bombed twice - feeling very strong but also just gutted that we've come to this. Without meaning to sound like a total wank I'm just gutted, I'm a classic type A personality so not being able to conceive feels like a huge failure and so glad I've got this place to vent and feel like I'm not this lonely freak.

AF due in next few days so most likely
I've just had that drop in hormones that leads to the "woe is me" effect but fuck, never knew this would be hard.

Flora sorry you're feeling down. It's never easy when you realise your path to a baby is not going to be as you'd hoped. This is a great place to let it all out though. And so many of us are in a sadly similar boat we can definitely sympathise.

Hi everyone, catching up on a very lively thread. SO sorry to those AF got.

Pyjamas, W T actual F? I am so sorry and second everyone's good advice above. We are here for you. Hope you had a really lovely time with friends.

Flash, YAY for progesterone!

How is it STILL 6dpo? I am so bored...

Sorry you're feeling rough Fox - I always get that "drop" in hormones too, makes me super cranky and emotional for a day but it's good you e acknowledged that. I'm sure you'll be good to go again in a few days time.

Pyjamas - he told you to go to bed?! Is he not treating you like an adult at all anymore? I really don't like the way he is speaking to you, it's very disrespectful and condescending.

More spotting this morning so pretty sure I'm out. I also had a negative on the pg test...though it's not even worth mentioning any more. Just want to get on that Clomid now.

Sorry you're feeling down flora - I also get that "drop" in hormones a few days before which just puts a cloud over everything. Like skipper said, it's good you acknowledge it so you can cut yourself some slack over how you're feeling. I'm a type A personality as well - I've always achieved what I've wanted with hard work and being in a situation where the amount of work doesn't make a difference to the end result which is beyond our control is a difficult pill to swallow.

Sorry about the negative test and spotting as well skipper - I've got everything crossed for you that the clomid will be just the ticket.

DH eventually came to bed last night, gave me a hug and said a short sorry. We obviously really need to deal with his behaviour properly so the issue is by no means done, but it's at least a positive step. I said I accepted his apology but didn't say sorry back, I have nothing to be sorry for and that 'go to bed' comment was unacceptable. I'm glad I stood my ground and I am proud of myself. I grew up in a household where my mum was totally controlled by my dad (had no friends, no social life, not allowed to work etc) until he left her for a younger model after 25 years of marriage and she was left with nothing. She never confronted him so it's engrained in me to avoid confrontation, but I vowed to myself when I was very young that I would never allow a man to treat me that way and my independence is of fundamental importance to me.

So, I've woken up in a good mood today, feeling strong, and happy I went out and had a great time with my friends 😊

Hello pug glad you went for the role, good luck. Sounds like there will be a few of us on clomid. We can compare night sweats lol

Pyjamas glad you had a lovely evening 😊 glad your DH is showing signs he knows he's in the wrong.

Sorry skipper are you all ready with clomid for day 2?

I wanted to Parkrun this morning but my glands are up in my neck - which never happens so I'm going to have a lie in instead. Got the HSG booked for day 12 and been told not to HS before so it feels a bit weird not gearing up for sex week. Hope it still gives us chance to catch the egg

Pyjamas - so glad you didn't appologise, he will have to learn that it isn't acceptable and you're having none of this silliness anymore.

Jam - I am ready! But I got to wait for the flow...bleh, knowing AF is coming is the worst time in the cycle. Give me the unknown of the 2ww anytime. So glad you've got your HSG booked, did they give you any documentation? I've still got mine if you want me to scan it in, it's only things like what to expect, a description of the procedure etc

Glad to hear hubby is showing some signs of having that lightbulb moment PJs and well done to you for staying so strong and resilient - particularly in context of your family history.
Sorry about the negative Skip when do you start taking the Clomid? Will be following closely to see how that process goes.
Thanks for the support ladies, I just need to get my head around the fact that seeking help is not "failing" and that this is not just another life milestone that I can tick off - but something more important and a different approach from my usual.

Wow I've a lot of catching up to do!!

Sorry jam and sk1p what a piss take
pj what the hell?!! I'm glad you went out and stood your ground
flash that's a positive step forward. , wish my appointment had been aa productive!
Have only scan read so far sorry if I've missed anyone.

So anyway need a bit of advice. We had our first appointment at the fertility clinic yesterday. Asked the usual questions and took down the results of DH's two SAs (first was private, 2nd done by them). Then said that the NICE guidelines had changed on morphology and that 4% was now considered the lower limit not 15% as our nhs test did. GP referred us on basis of 4% and 7% and the combined factor of motility only just being borderline too.
Clinic said that they want to repeat the SA (I expected this ) but on current numbers they werent concerned. They would order ultrasound for me.

Their standard follow up appointment is 2 months but earliest they could fit me in with that consultant (who I didn't even see) is 4 August! ! I was totally floored by this, I kind of expected a plan but have left none the wiser. Not sure really what to do now. I'll obviously wait to get scan appointment and see outcome of that but can't help feeling left in limbo land a bit
August seems so far away when it could again lead to nothing. They also don't maintain cancellation lists

Skipper agreed, seeing bfn and waiting for AF is grim. Hope it doesn't keep you waiting long. I'm excited for you starting clomid! I've got my HSG docs but thanks for offering xx

Flora you're doing really well. Starting getting help was a huge mix of emotions for me too - relief but also disbelief I was having to do it. DH absolutely hates the doctors hospitals side of it. It definitely adds an element of control to the situation for me though, which is really helpful

Winging 4% is normal, at our last appointment the consultant said they usually see morphology at 4-5%, that's very normal. It's got to be read in context with the count and motility. It also fluctuates so it's good they are repeating. Proxeed Plus boosted my DH count, motility and morphology quite a lot - it's expensive but it works. You need to give it three months to take effect also. Our next available follow up appointment was August 23 so I feel your pain! I didn't bat an eyelid though as I know you can get cancellations. Call them every day 👍🏼 the receptionist knew me by name haha but we got in months sooner. Are results good for you so far?

Lovely ladies I just do not seem able to get back on thread on a regular basis! But I do want you to know that I think of you often and I am sending loads of PMA your way!!!

Flora, I think most of us are in a very similar position. We're intelligent, articulate, successful and always have pretty much got what we want in life and so it's really hard when something doesn't go that way. The lack of control has such a big impact too. I've been reading about that more generally (in other contexts) and about how it can generate feelings of hopelessness that effect everything in life like how you feel about the future. Take care of yourself

Pyjamas I'm glad DH apologised (and you stood your ground!). Hopefully this is the start of a new way forward for you guys.

Hope you're doing okay sk1pper.
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Winging, sounds like you're in the unexplained bucket now (we have under 4% morphology but we're told that we we're essentially unexplained) and so they generally like you to keep trying to a while before they do anything. It's rubbish though isn't it? I'm sorry you didn't come away from the appointment feeling more reassured or with a plan.
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The GP seemed to take all factors into consideration ie the fact that motility was borderline, count was adequate but not good and morphology together. ..resulting in not that many viable sperm. Clinic just seemed to take each figure in isolation.

jam I've had nothing apart from day 21 bloods so ultrasound is the next thing which will come through soon, so I guess I'll wait for that to be done and it will be interesting to see results of SA as more time has now passed since he's been on all the supplements. Will look into proxeed, to be honest we're spending a fortune on individual things anyway so it might be we can swap some of that out for proxeed.
Good advice re calling in, I'll try that once scan and SA done and see what the reaction of the receptionist is!

Fox - start the Clomid CD2 which at the moment is Tuesday. Will let you know how it goes...

Lovely to see you kwick!

And hope your tests all go ok winging - it's a nerve wracking time.

I've had a really good day - DH is out with his mates watching rugby, his dad is also out for the whole day so I get some alone time, booked our counselling session for next weekend (quite nervous), booked a 14k hike in May for me and DH, signed up to another nutrition plan to get some new recipes and booked a 3 night stay in Champneys for when AF is due 😁😁😁

Me and DH had a really good chat earlier - we know there's a lot of stuff to work through, but I think he's finally seeing the light that controlling me is not the way to go. Lots to talk about in therapy!

Really good about the chat, pyjamas. Does DH seem receptive to the idea of couples therapy? DH and I haven't done it but I've heard from good friends it can be really helpful.

Yes, he's open to it which is great. Something is clearly still bothering him and he's moody again with me but I'm trying to ignore it. I so wish his dad wasn't here this weekend! And we have to go to his niece's birthday party later - I love his family, but just really not up to it.

Oh pyjamas sorry his mood is back 😞 Sounds like his default for dealing with emotion is to strop!- glad he's receptive to the idea of counselling, communication is key. FX today is better than you think🤞

I'm in FW now and doing the crazy googling of babies and baby stuff thing Why do I let my hormones make me do this to myself?!

Feel so terrible today, the heaviness of my impending period is all I can think about. I'm still lying in bed, I know if I get up the thing is going to start...ugh.

Hugs skipper ❤️ Can you get out of the house maybe and do something fun?

Sorry you feel so terrible today skipper like kerry said is there anything you can do to cheer you up a bit today in or out...online purchase treat if you are not up to going out? Take care

In other news, looks like DH is away AGAIN during FW so unless I ovulate today or tomorrow (which is highly unlikely) I might be out again this month maybe it's not our time...

Sorry you feel like shit today skipper - such a horrible feeling knowing that the last scrap of hope will disappear as soon as you get up 🙁 Hope you have something fun planned for today.

Oh how annoying missy! Really pisses me off that the window of opportunity is so small!

My FW kicks off on Weds and I can barely stand the thought of it - ugh.

Thanks all, yeah it's CD1. Hard to think of any PMA on cycle 22 right now...im sure something will come to me.