Thread 28, TTC #1 | We may be hormonal giraffes but we don't eat no low fat humous

[Londonjam]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

AF I think is here am planning to book blood test with the nurse but I can't remember when I have to.

Day 5 of cycle and day 15. Does that sound right? Dr told me this after MC so it's all a bit of a blur.

Hello. Thanks for all the kind messages. Feeling a bit less shocked now.

Lovely list jam. May 19th for me if you'd be so kind.

Got my gynae appointment tomorrow. No idea what to say other than "please stop me bleeding and please get me.pregnant!" Not literally him of course. That would be weird.

Pyjamas it's all already been said but do whatever you need to do to stay happy and sane.

Hope everyone else is ok. Harriet hope you're bearing up ok. Sorry if I've missed anything, haven't finished reading.

flash lovely to hear from you, hope you're doing OK; I'd lead with your line at the appt...

pyjamas good for you to do what you need; some space sounds good, but like others have said, sad it's got to this; fx your OH starts to come around

Sorry for AF miw

Harriet hope you're OK

BTW that book sounds insane - going to steer clear for now, sounds like it would only annoy me...

Trying out temping this month to see if there's any sign I'm not ovulating despite LH surge; will see how that goes

And thanks so much for the list jam, sorry haven't given you dates - sort of avoiding it, as know it'll bite me in the ass. But appreciate that makes little sense - so put me down for 9 May, please!

Good luck with your appointment flash - make sure you get some answers! Are they testing your hormones?

pyjamas a mindfulness retreat sounds like bliss! I'm really looking forward to getting back into running once bleeding has stopped.

kerry that's great they haven't found any issues yet.

binky what is fertilitea?? And crucially, is it caffeine free? I'm day 2 without caffeine and doing ok so far. Though going home to Belfast this weekend and no one makes a pot of tea like my mum so that will be hard!

Does anyone else have any good bank hols plans (apart from AF coming - jam and skipper not out til you're out!)?

I really can't rate mindfulness retreats highly enough binky! I've only gone to one, but it was one of the best things I've ever done. It was 6 days long in Totnes which is beautiful, about 3 meditation sessions a day, gardening, silence between 9pm and after breakfast with one entire day of silence and my job was to look after the hens every day and collect their eggs in the morning and evening. No mobile phones or contact with the outside world either. So healing and absolute bliss. I'm so sad they're fully booked for when in need it next month! Really good value for money too. This is the one I went to: www.sharphamtrust.org/calendar/course/the-barn-retreat-six-day-meditation

DH is behaving totally normally today but we haven't spoken anymore about tomorrow night so we'll see. I'm still going, I know deep down that I need to be firm on this and stand my ground, or it's a slippery slope to a marriage I definitely don't want. I'm not going to get very drunk by any means, just some drinks and a laugh with my friends after work, nothing crazy.

Good work on your two days caffeine free Harriet!

Thanks v much for the list jam - I'm due next on 22nd May, and hopefully I'll be in the middle of the countryside somewhere shut off from the world 🙂 I figure even if I do get a BFP, the time alone to reflect on it will be a good thing.

I thought the same about that book and the bloody avoiding touching receipts - whatever, I have neither the time or the inclination to bother with all that hassle! This is all stressful enough! There is good stuff in there on supplements though.

Had my PT session this morning and did another 10 mins of Headspace - both really help me with The Sads 🙂

Good luck flash

Miw I think I had blood tests between day 2-5 and another day 21

That retreat sounds heavenly pyjamas. I've just completed level two of Headspace and loving it

So I'm 9 DPO today and seem to be bleeding. This is totally and utterly unheard of for me so I'm a bit stunned. I'm pretty sure it's early AF - but my cycle length has never ever been this short. I'm regular as a clock and pretty much always have been. Perhaps something fertilised and since failed?

If it's full on AF in the morning then I'll call to book my HSG. And buy some clomid 😬

Tell a lie I'm 10 DPO. Still very early for me 😯

What type of bleeding Jam? If it's spotting it could be implantation. I'm brown spotting and feeling queasy which is normal for me, so pretty sure I'm out.

Pretty sure it's AF

calling it! Day one cycle 18

😫

Oh fuck, sorry hon :(

Oh Jam, what a total and utter shitter. I hope you're doing okay. My cycles have been totally messed up since we started going to the FC. I swear it's like our bodies know and are just fucking with us.

Looking back I noted white cm exactly two weeks ago. We HS on day 10 then DH went away and I now think I ovulated on day 13. We didn't HS again until day 14.

At least this would mean I had more of a normal LP.

I am going to start OPKs earlier this cycle!

Period pains really kicking in on the train. Does anyone else get the most mental temperature changes too? I'm sweating 🤒

PMA for cycle 18 is
We are meeting the new neighbours for drinks tonight and I can have a drink 🍷
I can book the HSG today
I'm going to try clomid
It hasn't happened this cycle but it will
One cycle closer to starting IVF
It had never happened this cycle so today is no different from any other - actually it's better as it's the start of a brand new cycle

Happy Friday girls xxx

Hi all, I was wondering if I could join this thread? I recognise some names from other threads! This is cycle 8 for me. I've had a bit of a rubbish time recently - I conceived on cycles 6&7 but lost them both (at 5+1 and 4+6). The doctor said there was no reason not to try again this month, but I'm feeling pretty down and anxious. The TTC after miscarriage people have been lovely but I feel like a bit of a fraud because my losses were so early, and while DH is fantastic and supportive, I feel like I need to stop talking constantly about TTC to him, especially as he is (in his own, quieter way) clearly also really shaken by the last couple of months. So, anyway, I'd love to join the thread and chat!

Hi lisa think I recognise you from other threads! I've had 3 mcs now - 2 very early (4+4 and 5) and have just had a mmc - had procedure to remove it on Monday at 9 weeks but had stopped growing at 6 weeks. You shouldn't feel a fraud at all. Any loss is upsetting and one you've had more than one the cumulative effect is especially bad - people talk about losing your pregnancy innocence and I've definitely had that!

Anyway, I would say definitely try again when you're ready. I conceived immediately after my second one. The NHS refers for recurrent mc testing after 3 mcs so my logic was if I needed that I wanted to get it asap! Some people need more time though.

This is a lovely supportive thread and lots of people have had early losses so you will be very welcome! Don't know how I'd have got through the last few months without it as my DH is also a bit worn down by it all.

I'm so impressed by your PMA Jam. Totally agree re temperature changes, I think it's something to do with the hormones isn't it? It always makes me feel so grotty though. Hope you're feeling a bit better now though and you've got some good painkillers to help you through the worst.

Welcome Lisa, I'm so sorry for your losses.

Oh jam I'm so sorry, what a total bitch. I'm also so impressed with your PMA though.

Welcome Lisa - very sorry to hear about your losses 💐 You'll find lots of support here.

Had a blazing row with DH this morning - I had just done my HIIT session and was full of endorphins and feeling pretty good about myself and he asked what my plans were for tonight (knowing full well what they are), I calmly said I'm going for a few drinks with my friends, nothing crazy, then I'm coming home. He said he was going to the gym and he would meet me in the pub to come and get me at 7.30. That instantly got my back up and I said no, I don't want him to because I know he's only doing it to control me and watch me. He said that's exactly what it was and it all escalated from there. I totally lost it and blew up in his face shouting I don't need a fucking curfew or a chaperone or a marriage where he controls everything I do. I admit, I really lost it. Fuck him - I'm still going. I won't get drunk, but by fuck, I will have some fun.

He'll come and get you at 7.30? WTF?! I'm not surprised that you lost it, I would have done too. I can't believe that he still thinks it's acceptable to treat you like this.

Hi Lisa - I'm still lurking around and recognise your name from other thread, so sorry to hear you've had a tough time of things.

Sorry to hear about AF Jam although sometimes her arrival is a bit of a relief from the anxiety of the TWW I guess. You've got such a good attitude to it all. I never understand the warmth that comes with AF though as your BBT falls when she arrives? She doesn't even make bloody sense!!

We are off to the GP tonight, bit sad that its come to this but that is really self-involved so I need to snap out of it. Hopefully they'll just do the basic tests and give us some reassurance - think hubby in particular could be done with that.

PJs So did he actually confirm that he was coming at 7.30pm to "watch and control"? If he said those actual words then I'm not surprised you blew up at him, well done for standing up for yourself. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong - and even if he is frustrated by this process, he cannot continue to treat you and blame you like this. You are supposed to be a team and he needs to have a long think about that. Really hope you're ok.

Exactly kath - WTF indeed.

Yes flora - that's exactly what happened! I said 'no I don't want you to because I know it's only because you want to watch and control me' and his response was 'that's exactly it' (not said sarcastically, he said it like it was the most normal thing in the world) which is when I saw red and totally lost my shit. I told him he needs to back the fuck off, that he's ruining our relationship, that I absolutely will not allow him to control and manipulate me, that supporting me does not mean controlling me, that I don't want children if his behaviour carries on and his attitude needs to fucking change. I wish I had said it all calmly, but I'd seen red and I was shouting all of this at him. He maintained that he's not being unreasonable and 'reminded' me that it I'm emotional because I've got my period, which then caused me to blow up even more. I told him to fuck off with his patronising bullshit and stormed off. All this before 7.30am. Brilliant.

Wow PJs - not entirely sure to say other than just sending a crapload of support your way. I think its gone beyond his concerns to do with TTC - because if its just going to watch and control - then theoretically its not even to stop you drinking - if that makes sense?

He can also fuck off on the whole "you're emotional" bullshit - yes because you're going to just accept a statement like that at a different point in the month?!

I wouldn't beat yourself up about roaring at him, not sure anyone else would have done it differently.

At a very basic level, its a couple of drinks on a Friday night - and he's not happy about it. TTC or not - that is abusive behaviour.

Welcome Lisa xx

Pyjamas - what the actual fuck?! What is his problem? Your DH infuriates me he really does, I feel quite protective of you because you've been through all the same shit I have and I can't imagine having to put up with this on the side. He thinks he supporting you but he's not, he's guilt tripping you and making you out to be the bad guy. Glad you're standing your ground. 😤

Wow pyjamas you are absolutely in the right here. I think your DH has actually lost it a bit. Once you've had your welll-deserved night out and the dust has settled I think you need to have a serious and calm talk with him about how this is affecting you - to the point where you might not even want to have children with him anymore. His behaviour is not justifiable on any level because drinking at this stage will have no impact whatsoever on ttc, as you know obvs. Being happy and having a life is really important too - as we all know this can be a really long journey and you can't just become a hermit! I'm trying to focus on being healthy in mind and body as that will put me in a good place either to conceive again or to deal with the fallout if I don't/it doesn't work out. That's what you need - not to become a ttc martyr!

Yikes Pyjamas - your DH is sounding like he's got a touch of the Water Torturer going on: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2268977-The-Abuser-Profiles?pg=1 (I used to go out with a fella who was a combination of Mr Sensitive and The Victim. I wish I'd been reading Mumsnet at the time, I might have kicked him to the curb sooner!!)

If he honestly thinks coming to pick you up at 7:30 is reasonable when all you want is a couple of drinks during AF - it's not. You're doing the right thing standing up for yourself. You're not his possession, you're his partner. I hope he acts more like that and soon.

Thanks guys, I know you're all right and I am proud of myself for standing up to his bullshit. And Skipper - I always feel protective of you as well!

Wow that's an interesting link kav - very eye opening reading the water torturer description - he's a less extreme version but that's exactly how I feel. I think the most telling thing was when we had that monumental bust up a couple of months ago when I admittedly overdid it once and we agreed to write letters to each other. Mine was heartfelt and addressed to him, his was a clinical, formal account of my behaviour and written with a divorce lawyer or an explanation to his family in mind (his words).