Is it a line? Time for some wine? Yep, it's TTC after miscarriage thread number nine.

[BertieBotts]

Hello ladies

Hope you don't mind my little poem...

Fingers crossed for some sticky beans this time.

(Newbies welcome too!)

Wow more BFPs!
Congratulations Ctilbrook

I seriously hope that BFPs are catching this month!

Thank you for your sweet post Anne it was really kind, and for all the others who said something.

I'm so glad I've got this place to come and vent!

Seriously, I don't really talk about any of this anybody in real life- apart from DH, but he's quite positive about everything.

I'm the realist but I've been trying not to come over negative or make it obvious how I feel about our friends & acquaintances being pregnant or having their babies.

I don't want to be feeling jealous & start going off on one, but some days I just can't help it!

This morning I looked at FB and an old friend from school had given birth over the weekend to baby no.2

Her eldest was born just a few weeks before my LO who turned 3 earlier this year.

I didn't even know she was pregnant again and it really gave me a jolt.
She gets to have the age gap that I wasn't able to have (feeling sorry for myself!)

we're not really in touch, except FB keeps me informed, haven't seen her in years- but it's funny how these things can have such an impact on your mood or feelings isn't it?

Hope everyone is doing well...and some more BFPs to come soon!!

Miami that's great news about the HcG bloods!

Really keeping my fingers crossed that things go smoothly for you now.

Turquoise I'm sorry, it's such shit, isn't it? You can go off on as many as you like here. Facebook is crap for that. Even before I was trying I had to block people for the amount of baby pics. Maybe you need to find a field in the middle of nowhere for a scream/rant/swear fest. I think I'd love that!!

Anne, I'm doing ok. Still waiting for af. Still getting very faint positives on a hpt. 22 days post surgery today. Surgeon told me to treat that as cd1, so I'm expecting af from this weekend. Really hoping I don't have to wait too long! Treated myself to a bbt thermometer, so hoping that'll help focus me!

Hope af buggers off quickly swim!

Miami - brilliant news!! Really hope it continues in the same vein! :)

I tested this morning and it's a bfn. I guess the sore boobs means that af is on the way (or is just my body fucking with my head). I hope it's not long, it's horrible not knowing when it'll happen.

I should be 4 months pregnant by now, this sucks. I just want to start over again and not wait around for another month of uncertainty of thoughts of will it happen or is my body now permanently broken. Did the ERPC screw things up - I stupidly read something not long after about how it causes Ashermans syndrome in loads more people than they say, but that it's undiagnosed so they don't know about it.

I knew getting pregnant this time was unlikely, but I thought I'd read the signs and there might be a chance. We were so lucky to have got pregnant on the first cycle both times we tried so I feel a bit like something has gone wrong if we've tried and it's not worked. Sorry I don't know how to phrase that without making it sound like I'm being an impatient ungrateful cow, but it's just different to how it's been in the past for me and I am very much a worrier who see the negative in all situations so I automatically fixate on the worst scenario.

Crap, I didn't realise quite how much potentially being pregnant was keeping my mood up over the last couple of weeks.

Tiffin I'm so sorry. A bfn doesn't mean there's no chance this month though, but I can imagine how disappointing it must be. It's ok to feel that hurt over again.

I also was lucky enough to get my bfp first time before. On some level I expect it to happen for me again that way, I have to keep gently reminding myself that it was lucky last time. And that a healthy pregnancy is the most important thing. It's hard though, because all the plans for the year are up in the air now, and it's hard to make new ones when we're not sure if/when I'll be pregnant again.

Doublechocolate
So sorry to hear you're feeling this way- I could have written your exact post.

For me, the thing that kept me happy & feeling positive in the first few months after my MMC was the thought that I should be pregnant again very soon based on before.

I too fell pregnant twice within weeks of stopping the combined pill- LO is now 3 years old and 2nd pregnancy ended in MMC last summer.

We've been trying since then, now on cycle 10. I had the same fears about the effects of an erpc so that swung me to take medical management.

That was pretty long & drawn out with endless bleeding/spotting for several weeks.

Bottom line is, I've not been able to conceive since then- I guess what I'm trying to say, is try not to worry too much that the erpc has had a negative effect.

It's so so hard, post-miscarriage when you are mentally calculating how many weeks you should be now.
I should have a 4 month old and it sucks big time.

Wishing you all the best

I could also have written your exact posts Turquoise and Tiffin. I got bfps first time with DS, MC and then chem. The one thing that got me through was that I thought I would get pregnant instantly again. 2nd cycle since mc & chem and I got a bfn this morn (still early I'm trying to tell myself) and feel pretty sad that it's not all going to happen again so quickly. Feels unfair that as well as losses I now have to worry about getting pregnant - which wasn't a worry before.

Re: eprc - my ob almost preferred me to have one (I didn't) but he sort of said it is a good opportunity to 'clear everything out' and suggested It was a quicker way to get back to normal. So there can be *positives too. So try not to worry too much that it has had a negative effect.

Oh and Tiffin I also have sore, tingly boobs and feel a bit angry with my body for messing with my head.

Thank you, you are all such lovely people. I'm trying to keep slightly positive, I read the Amazon reviews of the cheap tests and lots of people say they are rubbish. So maybe there is still hope (frantically searches for some positivity).

Dancing I know what you mean about plans for the year. I would love to book a summer holiday, but I found out about my mc when I was in France and that was awful, hearing about it from a Dr who didn't speak the same language as me made it way more difficult to understand and made the process much more drawn out in the UK. So I don't want to go away again in my first trimester but that leaves everything on hold for who knows how long.

Turquoise it's so bloody hard isn't it. I'm so sorry that you're still trying. None of us deserve this.

Look it sounds like we're in very similar places. It's horrible when your body is saying one thing and the test says something different. Fingers crossed it's just early and this is still your month.

@miami that is brilliant news on the hcg - are they going to take
Another one to see if it
Doubles ?
@citi huge well done on the bfp - send some positive baby dust our way!
@anne how is the rage - looking at my ovia from when I got
My bfp
In January I was really angry / grumpy in the days leading up to my bfp too - so fingers crossed it is a good sign!
I found out that my hair dress who I really really like is pregnant and has the same due date as we should have done :-( she told me at the end of our appt and I really appreciate that she told me and she was
So kind about what had happened to me but it still really hurt and after she left I had a v v big cry! It's so unfair :-(
Am still really conflicted about waiting to try though as have been really enjoying things you can't do when pregnant! Last night went to the pub for a friends birthday and had a brilliant time drinking pear cider from a champagne flute!!!! Although obviously would
Sacrifice all that to know we were having another little conkerchops!
This just sucks!

Sorry you're struggling Tiffin, just to add to others, I was the same - caught the first time we tried before christmas and was hoping the same would happen again after the MC. Mine happened naturally (the same day I had the scan telling me there was no heartbeat!). So don't despair - it will happen for us too and a healthy pregnancy is the most important thing. So frustrating though not knowing when it will and not knowing whether you might be or might not be when planning anything!
Still no AF over here . Have booked a doctors appointment for next week when I'll be 2 weeks late - figured I can always cancel it if things resolve themselves in the meantime, but it feels good to be taking some control over it!

Morning all,

Feeling a little deflated this morning: cycle 4 since my miscarriage and looks set to be a BFN (testing tomorrow) but I've been pregnant often enough to know the signs. I think I'm so frustrated this month because I felt we did everything, digital ovulation sticks, sperm meets egg, reflexology, I even had pineapple and Brazil nuts as I heard they are good for implantation. It's been 16 months of trying and pregnancy loses now and I swear the world is trying to rub it in. We went for afternoon tea on our last due date just to get out and had a baby shower next to me, I bake cakes as a sideline and have done so many new baby, baby showers etc. Feel so frustrated at the thought of another month trying. Sorry to moan but I needed it today and no one else seems to understand. Xx

Sorry people are having a rough day

Woke up with a stinking cold and I'm still bloody knackered despite loads of sleep so I might just be coming down with something. Fuck bags.

Boobs are so massive I'm bursting out of bra - DH's face! I've noted it down so I can get back to seeing a pattern.

14 months since we started trying, and 3 losses down. So I know it's not that long, but it has felt like bloody years what with all the pregnancies which went nowhere and the pain and bleeding and heartbreaking shitness and injustice of it all.

Oh well.

(I do seem to still be pretty grumpy! Sorry)

@annelovesgilbert -it's shit isn't it! Moan away as I know it makes me feel better when i do. Hopefully your feeling of shitness is a good sign though and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for some good news from you in the next day or two. Xx

On a slightly more positive note. Have any of you been given odds on your next pregnancies? The one thing that keeps me optimistic is the RMC consultant said every time I conceive it has an 85% chance of going well and going to full term/take home baby stage. The 15% accounts for chromosomal abnormalities which can happen to anyone.

Different variables will affect people differently. But I'll take those odds. Just need to get knocked up again!

Thanks Nicola, you're so kind x

@Tiffin @Turquoise @Moon Oh, I could have written these posts. We got pregnant after 2 months of trying (we'd tried for a year and a half six months earlier and then had a break for our wedding / to move countries / new jobs, but when I got pregnant so quickly that time around I kind of felt like something must have changed!). When we had a MMC at 11.5 weeks (and a subsequent ERPC) I naively assumed it would happen again quickly. We're now 7 cycles on and what would have been my due date is coming up and I'm absolutely devastated and desparate to get pregnant again. Really scared of Ashermans too, even though I know it's SO unlikely.

@Nicola @Anne so sorry you're both having a hard day. I'm really really hoping that you both get BFPs tomorrow - I was in a FOUL mood the night before I got my BFP, I even told my DH that I wanted to move back to London and give up on having a baby - that's how utterly fed up and grumpy and miserable I was! So I really hope your grumpiness is a sign - although if it's not, it's completely justified, I totally understand. We're on 2 years now of trying (discounting the 6 month break, but even during that it was all I could think about!) and it's just SHIT.

Loving the positivity Anne. My OB pretty much said my mc was 'one of those things' and the subsequent chem was sort of part of the first mc so I keep telling myself that next pregnancy I have the same chance as anyone else. Now I just have to get knocked up.

In other positive stories, I just found out that a friend who has had the worst time ever (1 healthy birth in 8 + years of trying, so many losses) is now pregnant with twins. What's for you won't pass you by and all that

I feel like a cloud has descended today. I'm going to join in the foul mood of this is shit! And I've only been going through it a few weeks. Just seems SO unfair, and I hate that you guys have had such shit times too!

Let's hope the flurry of bfps catches for those waiting.

Unicorn that was my Sunday. I spent the entire day crying. It's so fucking unfair.

I'd like to join the rage party too please

Rage away my lovelies.

I'd (again!) been naive and assumed that OF COURSE I'd be pregnant again by the due date of my longest lasting pregnancy, which is mid next month. I was 13 weeks by the time it was over so there's been plenty of bloody time. And here I am, pretty 95% sure it's not going to happen. It's just a stupid date, one of many, but it really mattered and I needed the prospect of hope that all the shit hadn't been for nothing.

I feel so disappointed by my body. Knowing they haven't found anyway wrong doesn't usually help at all. If there's nothing wrong then why the fuck has it kept on happening.

So I try and rationalise the losses and make them seem less bad, so the overall picture is a bit better. And sometimes that works. I sadly know a lot of people who have had one miscarriage, they've all gone on to have a healthy pregnancy not long after. I know someone who had a heartbreaking MMC, also at the 12 week scan, but that was between two healthy pregnancies.

There's always hope, but there have been plenty of wallowing days when the stats have been so spectacularly against us (hell, I couldn't even miscarry naturally, it's incredibly rare for the medical management to fail TWICE) that the prospect of a healthy squidgy baby in my arms seems a million bloody miles away.

Dancing, I promise that it does get easier. I know I'm all ranty this week but the shit days become less frequent and it's going to continue to hurt, but not as badly and not as often x

It does just seem like a bit of a rubbish day. to everyone. At least we have this place to vent.

To join in, I'm a bit grumpy and tired and crampy and just noticed some brown spotting so I think that AF will show up on time (Saturday), which is very annoying. I was absolutely petrified at the idea of being pregnant again but I feel quite disappointed that I might not be this month. We spent over a year TTC (although with some breaks and caught the first month we tried 'properly') so it all feels like such a long time to wait. However, I have also been enjoying doing things I couldn't do if I was pregnant (long runs, booze, soft cheeses) and so I guess if I'm out now that's just a bit longer to enjoy those things. Hopefully we will all get there, the hard bit is not knowing when.

That's the way I look at it @hometown - pragmatically I suppose - if it doesn't happen this month (I am
Equally terrified and excited ofmit
Doing so) then have another month of enjoying all those things!
I had my boss ask me again today if I'd decided what to do! Whether to try again or not -
I have him a v withering look!!!!! I know he is worried about me but still!!!

Congratulations to all the BFPs
It's now 18 weeks since my ERPC, and period is due saturday or sunday. I'm sure I'm not pregnant this month (we only managed it once in the FW) and have no symptoms, but keep imagining itchy boobs & stabby vaginal sensations (nice eh?) and I am peeing loads, but I always do) but I think at this point I'm still hoping, and aware will be disappointed
My periods have been really light since the ERPC (apart from the cycle before last where I had a MASSIVE bleed CD22 and then continued to bleed on and off for a week and a half, then brown/black spotting for another week-if it hadn't been so early I think I'd have queried another MC, but GP said not to worry (didn't mention MC, I don't think it had occurred to me, but she wasn't concerned about it)
Anyway, onwards and upwards...
Good luck to all