Is it a line? Time for some wine? Yep, it's TTC after miscarriage thread number nine.

[BertieBotts]

Hello ladies

Hope you don't mind my little poem...

Fingers crossed for some sticky beans this time.

(Newbies welcome too!)

Oh and my lovely DH has just emailed me to say he's booked me a session of reflexology for tomorrow after a friend mentioned that she got pregnant after a long time of TTC the first month she had reflexology - twice! So we'll see how that goes. I'm not entirely convinced but anything that relaxes me will help and it certainly can't do any harm!

Bless your DH peach, he sounds really thoughtful and I hope you enjoy the reflexology. When I started mine I was already pregnant but not we're back TTC I'm hoping for general health benefits and that in itself might help us along.

Having a better thank you. I felt wobbly as hell yesterday post bawl but we had a fantastic night out at a friend's and I feel tired but happy today. It's my DSC's birthday this weekend so we're in full on planning mode which is really fun.

More stories of dickish colleagues. WTAF? But well done everyone putting up with it for staying calm and not lamping anyone. I've never had much of a poker face and sometimes it's all you can do to bite your lip and neither scream nor cry.

Miami, you're doing great and I wish you all of the symptoms! I really liked being able to watch the weeks indicator change, but it's not an exact science and it can freak you right out if they don't progress as hoped, even if everything actually is fine. When are you likely to get your first scan? I really hope the EPU get you in early. That's what they'e there for!

God, that sounds so traumatic WLM, you poor thing, sending you a big squeeze. Did you have any pain when it happened? Totally agree with others, no TMI here, and it's helpful to share stuff so people can advise based on their own experiences. I passed a massive chunk of grey/pale pink stuff after taking the horrible cervix pills and eventually having the surgery, I never worked out what it was as there was some a chunk of fetus left hence the surgery. It was horrifying, and it was completely in content e.g. was also bleeding a lot, so I can't imagine how you felt weeks after it was meant to be over.

Not the same at all, but my last af was torrential, just gushed every time I went for a wee, and on the last day was really black and chunky, and it took me right back to the worst week of my life. Never found an af so harrowing and it was several on from the MMC. I hope you're having a gentle day my love. Go easy and cry it out whenever you need to. It's exhausting having a proper sob but also healing and cathartic.

@Anne yes he's a proper gem, I'm so fortunate to have him. Do you have reflexology every week? I think I need to get back in touch with my body and be kinder to it and I'm hoping this will be a good start.

I had it every 3 or 4 when I was pregnant and once recently. Can possibly stretch to fortnightly but not monthly. I'd love to but it's just too expensive, especially now I'm doing driving lessons as well.

*weeks!

I'm sorry there are so many people with totallly idiotic men in their work place. It's baffling how they can get it so wrong.

I'm also sorry to hear that lots are you are out for this cycle. This is so hard isn't it.

I'm not a runner at all, in fact I loath running I am sooooo unfit. I try and keep active walking the dog and maybe if I'm really lucky and they aren't lame, riding my horses. Not sure if I'll continue the riding though if I get pregnant again, part of me doesn't want to risk anything, but then another part of me thinks it could be another long 3 months and I'll have nothing at the end of it.

I've never had reflexology either, I had a lot of chiropractic through my first pregnancy though. I was a student at the college so got treatments for free. Maybe I should go back and see someone, who knows if that helped.

Feeling a bit down today, it's one of those days where I just want to be pregnant again, preferably 12 weeks + so I don't have to worry. I keep on having moments where I think I should be looking out for kicks not waiting to see if AF will arrive. I don't have a clue when that will be, I'm just over 3 weeks post ERPC and I was sort of working on the basis that it'll be a month before I see AF. I had slightly longer cycles before my mc, probably 32 ish days although not clockwork.

I was hoping we'd get a good shot at ttc this month, but I haven't got a positive on the ovulation sticks so I don't think it'll happen. I thought I might be ovulating last weds as I had the ewcm which I've always used in the past as an indicator, but the sticks said no at that time so I think my body is just a bit confused. Given that we've started trying I keep on symptom spotting - which is stupid. It's so unlikely, I'm getting my hopes up for nothing. I just want to wish the next few weeks/months away.

Once again everyone had made me feel incredibly blessed that I work with wonderful people who simply told me how sorry they were for my loss.

I used to really look forward to Fridays, as they would be when I'd start a new 'week'. I'd wake up excitedly early and find out all about baby's size and growth etc. Now it's like a kick in the teeth. Woke up today feeling miserable. Seems so surreal that my scan was only 3 weeks ago. I feel like a completely different person now, as if I've been given this knowledge that I wish I could just hand back. Must stop thinking about the fact I would have been 15 weeks today.

I hate that other people know these feelings too, but so grateful for a safe space to share with you all.

Tiffin yes, I keep wishing away the time. Keep working out if af arrived on x date and my cycles are back to normal and I catch first time then I'll be 12 weeks at y date. Too many ifs; I'm just setting myself up for disappointment.

@DancingUnicorn I was just thinking that yesterday about Thursdays which were the start of the new week for me. They just feel a bit flat now. It's a horrible feeling.

I would've been 12 weeks today. I can't help but think 'what if'.

I start a new job next week & feel like I need the distraction; but today is a bad day. I had an induction today & they asked if I had any children yet, what their maternity benefits were etc.

I feel like I'm just wishing time away & wanting to be pregnant again, but at the same time terrified I'll miscarry again too.

Sorry to pop back with such a miserable post but it is looking like a 4th miscarriage for me. I went for my second reassurance scan today but there hasn't been as much growth as there should have been and she couldn't see the heartbeat anymore. I've got to have another scan in a week for confirmation before they'll let me go ahead with medical management. So feeling pretty down in the dumps.

BUT I was very impressed to read all the running chat a couple of days ago! I have found my running hugely helpful and beneficial for my mental state through this whole sorry situation. I would recommend joining a running club to anyone. Most clubs have beginners groups and some people I've chatted to at my club have gone from just starting out to being able to run 8 minute miles in 6 months. I also find it good to have somewhere to go where no one knows what is going on with all of this.

Running I'm so sorry for your loss. 💐

Oh keepon I'm so very very sorry to hear that, it's so fucking unfair x x x x x

How far along are you now? You must be in bits, I'm crossing everything I have that it's a mistake and it'll be okay this time.

We've sadly had a lot of people joining in here but they're the kindest most supportive women and while we wouldn't wish anyone to be ttc after sufffering such a heartbreaking loss it's the place that's still keeping us all going.

Impressed with your running. I need to get out there again before I lose my mojo!

Tonight I'm making birthday cakes and hoping one day I'll get to do the same for a little one of my own.

Sending you a massive hug. Please keep chatting if it helps. Thinking of you x

so sorry Running

Oh keepon there are no words. You poor thing, my heart is breaking for you. Take it easy on yourself.

So v v v sorry to hear your news @running sending you a huge hug and just know that we are all here for you to hold your hand and for you to rant and share - so sad that this group has to exist but so good that it does as these awesome ladies really understand what we are all going through !
I went to my first running club meeting tonight and thoroughly enjoyed it - you are v right it was great to have somewhere to go to do something I love where people
Know nothing about all this!
Have also booked some reflexology for next week - it definitely helped with my fertility after my v first miscarriage as the next month we conceive ds!!!
I too am going to indulge in some prosecco this weekend - I have to chair a pta meeting so I figure prosecco will make it a more
Enjoyable experience!!! X

Oh no keepon, I'm so sorry to hear your news and that ended up back here . I will keep hoping that the scan was wrong this week .

Glad running has helped you. Inspired by you and others, I'm going to do parkrun tomorrow. I may have to walk part of it but I'll try not to and even if I do, it's a start.

Hi all just wanted to introduce myself. I haven't read through all the posts as there is a lot! I started bleeding at 7 weeks(9th March) and had a scan and was told no heartbeat on 12th March, went on to mc naturally but my hormone levels went down then back up again and so I had surgical management of mc on 10th April. Finally today I have been discharged with HCG of 25, so it's been a long nearly 7 weeks!
I work with pregnant women and newborn babies so initially difficult going back to work plus three close friends just announcing pregnancies. Starting to feel better both physically and emotionally and want to start ttc straight away. Is anyone else trying before first AF?

Keepon I am so sorry to hear your update. There really are no words to describe how shit and unfair rmc can be. And having to wait another week for confirmation is the worst - I really wish there was a marker they could do a blood test for to just tell you one way or another to avoid limbo. We're all here if you need us. I hope you also have lots of support in RL.

xx

keepon that's heartbreaking, I'm so sorry for you! Recurrent mc is so unfair. You have survived this before, and you will survive it now, awful as it is--but we're all here for you too!

Daisy you are certainly in the right place, these people are amazing! I'm very sorry for your loss. Particularly if you've had surgical management, there shouldn't be a medical reason to wait for first AF. I was physically wiped out and wanted some time to recover emotionally, so we didn't try that first cycle. Whereas others feel that TTC makes them feel like they're doing something positive and it helps their emotional recovery. It can be a stressful business to go through on top of grieving, though, so please take your own time.

Thank you everyone for your kindness today! It means so much to know you all understand how something small that a medical professional might shrug off can hit so hard. I spoke with a colleague at work who was also having an awful daythe anniversary of her mother's passingand realised just how much the people all around us carry with them. It's a lesson in compassion for others, and in perspective. Anne I've had a full work day but also a fully relaxing evening, retiring to bed pretty much instantly as I also seem to be catching the bad cold everyone at work has had!

Daisy, so sorry that you find yourself here. A lot of us did TTC before first AF so long as the bleeding had stopped to minimise the risk of any infection and it's important to feel emotionally ready too obviously. My understanding is that waiting is from a dating point of view only.

Tip for everyone - if you are feeling emotional out vulnerable in any way, do not watch Mind Over Marathon. It is hugely inspiring and makes me definitely want to do park run tomorrow but it is incredibly emotional.

Oh my goodness keepon i'm so sorry you're going through this, you must be going to pieces. Keeping everything crossed for you for next week xxx

Oh no Keepon! That is just horrible. I'm so sorry. Much love! I hope everything goes as smoothly as it can in such horrible circumstances.

Daisy - i went for it first cycle after mc and got pregnant (didn't last). I had a natural mc though so I'm not sure after erpc. As long as no risk of infection I don't think there is a reason to wait. Sorry you find yourself here.

Keepon I'm so sorry to hear that. It's incredibly hard waiting isn't it, knowing that it's fairly certain that it's not good, but still having that tiny bit of hope.

Daisy sorry that you're here too. I'm three weeks post ERPC and started trying again last week. No idea if I'll be lucky this time, I guess I'll have to wait a couple of weeks to find out.