Is it a line? Time for some wine? Yep, it's TTC after miscarriage thread number nine.

[BertieBotts]

Hello ladies

Hope you don't mind my little poem...

Fingers crossed for some sticky beans this time.

(Newbies welcome too!)

Peach I'm so sorry, it's can be hard but please try not to blame yourself, you have done nothing wrong and in no way is any of this your fault, be kind to yourself at the moment, acknowledge you have been and continue to go through a very painful process. Grief hits us all in different ways and at different times and we have to find our own ways to make peace with ourselves on the difficult days and embrace the zen on the easier days. I am so glad I found this board, it is truly inspiring to hear from so many women, being so open and honest and caring towards each other.

I would recommend counselling to anyone who wants a safe place to talk and try and make sense of how they are feeling and a space they can say anything without having to worry about caring about the other person's feelings or judgement.

I'm a psychologist so I am clearly biased but i believe talking, being heard and having a safe space to feel held is so important.

If you feel ready to talk about it openly with someone impartial then I would encourage anyone to give it ago, if it's not for you, you can end the sessions.

I had a really emotional day yesterday, felt very flat and tearful and just had to remind myself it is normal to feel up and down, loss is painful and takes time to heal. Getting hope, support and encouragement from each other will hopefully help us all to heal and persevere too. Hugs to everyone 🌼 xxx

Oh ladies you are all so kind and lovely and I honestly don't know what I would have done without this thread. You always know exactly how I'm feeling and you're so patient with me. Thank you. I think I may ask for some counselling if the hospital appointment goes well although it's hard to know what I would even say beyond "all I want is a baby and I can't stop thinking about it". But maybe I need space to do just that. And I think maybe DH does too - I know he tries to stay positive for me but I can tell it's starting to get to him.

Still no AF either which is annoying as I have PCOS and freak out if my cycles are irregular - they'd been a good consistent 30 days for 6 months. Grr.

@AnneLovesGilbert I'm so sorry. How completely shit of your colleague. It IS hard to know how to tell people but I think we can all agree that at work in public isn't the best option. :( So sorry you've had to go through that.

@Doublechocolatetiffin You're right, my mum hasn't ever experienced a loss (though she did struggle to conceive both of us). I was the first in my family to miscarry but two of my cousins have lost babies in the last few weeks too. Utterly utterly shit.

@NicolaC17 Thank you so much. I think I might give them both a try and see how I feel. It's so expensive but at this stage I'll try anything!

Oof, it sounds like today hasn't been easy for anyone. I hope you've all been able to have relaxing evenings at least

@AnneLovesGilbert that's rubbish. And presumably she'd thought about how she was going to tell you which just makes it worse. Some people have no sense of timing.

@peachgreen sorry you're having a tough day too. My mum has the same ability to say super insensitive things (last week she was showing me pics of someone I barely know's newborn ) and it is hard to cope with. It isn't your fault, as others have said, and it's ok to feel sad and angry and everything else because it is sad and unfair that it happened to you.

I've been enjoying the running chat. I've run half marathons a few times, but didn't sign up for any this year because I was pregnant when all the entries opened. So instead of having long distances to train for I'm focusing on getting back to pre-pregnancy fitness and distance and getting faster. Sprints and hills mostly, which is painful but I can see the difference quickly enough that it's something positive to focus on.

Peach, I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time . Ignore what your Mum said, people so say ridiculous things when they're hurting and when t hey don't know what to say. Your time will come. Hope the appointment goes ok.

Anne, I'm so sorry too. That is seriously shut. She should have known a message would have been better but I think some think it's better to tell these things face to face. It is most definitely not .

I am being kept awake right now by my next door neighbour's snoring. Wtaf!!

I'm either ovulating, or random cramps. My oh doesn't understand why I can't seem to locate the pain or know what's causing it. But keep getting proper stabbing/sharp pains on one side, level with my hip bone.

Also having a low/angry/tearful day and need somewhere to scream. In my client's office doesn't seem appropriate!

Anne how are you doing at work? Hope your colleague is being sensitive.

Dancing I'm having a similar problem, I have all the symptoms of AF, I can't stop eating, I have had a 3-day headache.

I was googling earlier whether it's possible to ovulate while you're pregnant! I'm sure it must be my hormones running riot as everything gets back to normal.

Hopefully you'll find somewhere to scream soon

Hope everyone's having a better day today I feel like I'm turning a corner & feeling more positive these last couple of days; although still sad too.

You guys are the absolute best, the strength and wisdom and loveliness of you all xxxx

It can't just have been the baby bomb - we've all been there! - but last night turned into a mega sob fest and then I fell asleep on the sofa sure I'll never have a baby or be a mum. Woke up, cried some more and eventually nodded off again. Was a mess! I look like crap today but feel a bit more level.

Could have done without some rando occasional colleague asking if I'm "trying again" as she'd known I had the MMC and was off for 2 weeks in the autumn. What the fuck do these people think they're doing?! I sort of nodded and she left me to it!

I read what all you wise what were saying about counselling and I think it might be time to find someone to talk to.

I know exactly what you describe Dancing, I get that every month off and on usually for a day and it matches up with ewcm, squishy cervix and rampant horniness.

Didn't actually have it this month, which was very low down central cramping instead, plus all of the above, but the right or left stabbing is my usual. I'm pretty sure it's your ovary. Hopefully shooting off a lovely big egg!

What cycle day are you? After my first mc last year I ovulated 10 days after so it's possible at all sorts of times. Jump your OH asap and if that doesn't help the rage then go outside and kick something? Sorry you're struggling x

That's really good to hear yellow. It comes and goes. My sobbing was about my tiny baby girl who I lost in November so 6 months and another mc since on from that. But the good days far outweigh the bad ones.

Hope you managed to sleep eventually swim, he must have been deafening!

Mulder, you're on! I feel well intimidated by this accomplished fit lot

Sensible to discuss it in advance miami. How are you doing? Sending healthful peaceful thoughts to you and DH. God I hope you have the most uneventful boring pregnancy in the world ever. It's what I wish the most for all of us these days . Sticky babies and boring gestations.

Have you told the RMC?

Oh Anne - work colleagues are the worst. I am going overseas for a bit and my boss asked 'what if I get pregnant again and need a d&c' while I am away. FFS. As if that is something I want to think about?! Or that it is an thing appropriate to ask!! Honestly, sometimes this whole fertility and childbirth thing feels like pure misogyny.

He. Did. Not?! IN a way I'm glad it's not just me getting this sort of stuff, but I'm equally horrified there are so many thoughtless, indiscrete, utter wankers out there.

Exciting you're going overseas! Can you say where?

Yep. And he is a lovely man and has pretty horrible health issues himself but I almost fell over when that came out of his mouth. People are so strange. DH is working overseas for the next couple of months and am going with him as We are obvs ttc. Am 35 now and don't really feel I have a few spare months not to try ...

Anne thanks for your kind thoughts. The poas demon is prodding me to get some clear blues with the week indicators on to make sure that hcg is rising. But I am trying to deny the evil wench from getting her way (by not going to a boots/Superdrug etc), because it won't change anything and will just make me crazy(er).
No sore boobs yet, I am longing for that achey feeling when I take my bra off and if I could at all have some nausea as well that would be great.
I have acupuncture tomorrow, and have booked some reflexology for Tuesday so am looking forward to that.
Am going to force myself to eat salmon for my dinner tonight.
I am so sorry for the massive cry - but you know sometimes we have to do that. When I was speaking to my counsellor about it she said that it is all part of the grieving process and that trying to bottle it all up makes it way worse.

Miami I'm sure you're equal to the POAS demon! And for the record, my mother had 4 healthy pregnancies and only one of them involved nausea, so don't worry about not developing that Keep the faith!

I'm sure I'm out for this month--AF is due today and I've had cramping all night, right on time. I also got a huge shock last night, AND DON'T READ FURTHER IF GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS ARE NOT FOR YOU.

Before any cramping started at all, out of a clear blue sky I went for a pee and saw pregnancy tissue that looked like the umbilical cord. It was a horrible shock and I felt so ill, thought I was going to pass out. Is that even possible?!? I've had a full, heavy period (during which I didn't pass any retained tissue) plus another full cycle since the natural MC, which was nearly 10 weeks ago, and there was a scan the day after MC to confirm everything was clear. And yet I'm still passing things like the umbilical cord?! (that's exactly what it looked like anyway) Will this horrible MC ever be over?! Has it happened to anyone else like that? I don't have any symptoms of infection, thankfully, so I'm not worried, but my god seeing it was like a trigger that just put me back to how I felt actually during the MC. Don't know how I'm going to get through work today with the double whammy of knowing I'm not pregnant and being shaken by that.

Wow WLM I'm so sorry, that sounds awful. And understandably a trigger for those emotions. I really hope you are able to get through the work day unscathed.

WLMC I had something similar I think when I was showering a few days after the MC, I was washing 'down there' (fairly vigorously because, y'know, blood), and I felt something that felt like a tiny fish bone or something. I looked at it briefly and thought it might be the umbilical cord, or even worse the spine of the baby? I got too freaked out and dropped it so it went down the drain without looking properly. It could be, if you're due on, your body is just getting rid of old tissue still? I've no idea, just speculating really.

I was due AF yesterday, still no sign of her but tested negative this morning using a Superdrug early detection test so I guess I'm out... Still wondering if I have even ovulated since my MC as I've had nothing on ovulation tests and very little EWCM. Urgh. When will things go back to normal? When will I stop randomly wanting to cry? I have to go bridesmaid dress shopping tomorrow for my friend who's getting married in early September. I should have been about to pop at her wedding and now I think I can just get a dress in my normal size and it'll be fine, even if I do get pregnant next month.

Sorry for the moan, and hugs to everyone else who has been struggling the past few days... people are the worst. I'm so glad I have you lot who truly get it to talk to. At least the weekend is around the corner!

thanks dancing and halloumi, I stood in the shower sobbing for a while and have retrieved some equanimity for the day (I hope!) Because I had a natural mc (and because I was 10 weeks) I saw everything I was delivering at the time, so it was awful then but I thought "at least I know it's all over because the evidence is there." I had no clue there was anything retained that would show up so long afterwards; it just hit me out of the blue. I would be 20 weeks today as well. Hope everyone manages Friday OK! Hugs and thanks to you all

WLM, that sounds horrific. So sorry you're being out through this. I didn't have that, just bleeding and clots. Of say worry a call to EPU just to be sure.

Anne and peach, sorry your colleagues are such tools (stronger words in my head but I'll leave them there for now).

AF has arrived today (CD26) so at least I can be grateful she didn't leave my hanging and hoping any longer. Other positive is that DH has agreed to go back to the IVF clinic in September if nothing has happened by then, I'm so pleased. I can't go through ttc for 3 years again before it happens, have already spent 6 years trying and plus I'll be 40 by then so chances not so great.

Just wanted to say how amazing all you ladies are. It is a process of grief and we need to let ourselves deal with it and mourn the babies that will never be, however long it takes. Crying like children is natural and a source of release and talking about it (whether on here, to our DPs, friends, families or counsellors, whoever we feel comfortable with) is an absolute must I reckon. to all this Friday and remember, tomorrow is the weekend

Sorry you're out too, halloumi! I think we had near enough the same due date when we were on the Sept 17 board, so maybe we'll both get lucky next month and share it again FX!

Thanks WLM, fingers crossed we can be due date buddies next month and join the January board together too! To echo what swim said, call the EPU if you're worrying, it's better to be annoying and get reassurance than stress to yourself or find out later down the line that it is something you should be worrying about.
Sorry you're out too swim, I really hope you get your BFP before September, but it must be good to know you're taking steps towards it one way or another.

Thanks wlm. I am sorry that you had such a shock. I had the tablets in my first mc which I thought had forced everything out all at once, but around a week later when I wiped there was a grey piece of material that I can only assume formed early placental material. It gave me the shock of my life and I felt very shaken by it. It is very hard as you feel so let down by you body after a mc but hopefully that is yours now getting that last tiny bit dealt with. I actually started to feel quite positive about it a few days later in that it felt like I was officially physically done with that pregnancy and could move on properly. I hope that helps, nothing is too graphic for these threads. Always here for a hand hold.

Sorry you're out too halloumi. Out took me so long to type my message earlier that I hadn't seen your's

I'm so sorry that lots of people here have been having particularly bad days recently. None of you deserve this

I had my doctor's appointment earlier this morning - she was lovely and reassuring and helpful. She's ordered some basic blood tests for me (thyroid and a couple of other really general health checks) and said I'm entitled to an early reassurance scan in a next pregnancy, or to be referred to the RMC if it happens again. I'm really relieved - I had convinced myself that the doctor would say that losses before six weeks wouldn't count and so that no one would do anything even if I lost over and over again. Even though nothing's actually changed it feels better to feel like I was taken seriously. She also said that there was no reason to wait to TTC again unless I felt I needed a break emotionally. I've been really fretting about whether or not to have a month off, but now I think I just want to plough on.

So sorry you have had such a traumatic start to the day - I think you would be totally ok to ring the EPU to check and for them to reassure you.
This is such a wretched process - most days now I do feel positive and able to look forward
To the future but I do have other times where I just need an enormous cry and do feel a lot better after - all part of the grief process I guess?
I had a long meeting with my boss who I am v close to yesterday - he had been v v upset by what had happened to me and basically begged me not to put myself through it again! Which I know comes from a huge place of care and concern but is not really what I want to hear right now - and makes me worry how he might react if I do get pregnant again!
I took another positive step yesterday and signed up to do the British 10k to raise money for the charity who have provided all the counselling we have received! It feels like I will be doing something to really say thank you for all the help they've given us and will give me something to motivate me and for me to focus
On rather than letting the grief and the worry about try over whelm me! One of my lovely friends has
Offered to be my running body so I am feeling really excited about it!
Hope everybody has better work days today!
Thank you all for being there - it is so wonderful to have a space to talk about this with ladies who really understand x

@Miami I swear men just DO NOT KNOW how to react to miscarriage 90% of the time. When I told my boss I'd had a MMC and would need time off for surgery he said "Ugh, why are you telling me this first thing on a Monday morning?" Stay strong, praying for sore boobs and nausea for you immenently - weird thing to pray for, but I know exactly why you want them!

@Anne How are you feeling today? I bet the massive cry did you good - but sorry you had to go through it. I know how you feel, I often go through those times of just KNOWING it's never going to happen for us and just wanting to scream. It all seems so unfair.

@Swim @halloumi @WLMcl Sorry for your AFs - same here, arrived yesterday. Funny how so many of us are on a similar cycle! I'm consoling myself with a glass of Prosecco tonight as I've vowed I'm going to behave like I'm pregnant ALL THE TIME from now on, other than when I'm actively bleeding. Makes the arrival of AF slightly more bearable. DH is cooking prawns too!

@Lisa So glad the doctor took you seriously. I have my appointment in two weeks and I'm so nervous about it. I'm convinced they're just going to tell me to go away and lose weight which will be SO annoying because my cycles are regular as clockwork and it's only when cycles are irregular than weight loss truly helps with TTC. But it's such an easy thing to blame. Never mind that when I finally conceived it was at my highest weight ever!

@Conker I'm sure he meant well but it's nobody's decision but yours and your DP! Well done on signing up for the 10k, that's fantastic. And great to have a focus.