Is it a line? Time for some wine? Yep, it's TTC after miscarriage thread number nine.

[BertieBotts]

Hello ladies

Hope you don't mind my little poem...

Fingers crossed for some sticky beans this time.

(Newbies welcome too!)

Oh Halloumi that is so very very annoying, it sounds like you are dealing with it very well though - far more sensibly than I would! The horrors of thinking of my own grandma knowing don't bear thinking about, she'd be exactly the same telling me all the things I did wrong. Grrr.

Anne I'm sorry about af, I hope you manage to have a lovely weekend though. Sunday is supposed to be a fabulous day so hopefully you'll get to enjoy it.

mulder just another person encouraging you to see the dr if you are hurting, it's always worth getting checked.

Hopefully halloumi And I'm glad you have lovely supportive friends. What's the saying? They're the family you choose for yourself. Or something like that!

It is surprising though the people who are much more supportive and understanding than you expected, and vice versa. I think it's often just down to their own experiences and whether they can relate. But there's no excuse for massive twattishness. If they don't understand or have anything kind to say they should fuck off. If anyone one in the family mentions your loss and you don't want to discuss it I'd just cut it off with "It's really personal and I'm not going to talk about it" or if they persist or venture opinions on the causes say "I know you don't want to upset me and I find talking about it/what you're saying very upsetting".

How are you doing tiffin? Thanks for your kind words x

@annelovesgilbert. I know how you feel, I should have been due Saturday or have been 4 months pregnant and thought at Christmas (when I as pregnant again) that at least the due date in April won't feel so hard but no such luck. I never had a date with my ectopic as it was all such a mess. My AF Saturday morning was horrendously painful and that was my 3rd since the chemical at Christmas so not sure why it was worse than any of the ones before. It's done now though so I'm staying positive that this is the month for us.

@halloumisandwich - sorry to hear that: people just don't think sometimes and if they haven't been there themselves they don't realise that you question every single thing you did and worry you were the reason it went wrong. I don't blame you for not wanting to tell them next time. Xx

Have you got your holiday soon anne? That's a good plan to have a set amount of time for self pity and then snap out of it. It's not good to bottle things up and can be cathartic to let it out.

Thanks - I have made an appt for next week, I'm just so oooover all of this docs and shit. It also think constipation might exasperate it which is not very enjoyable lol!!

Well done for booking an appointment. It's so easy to not want to bother anyone or make a fuss. But you're being responsible for your health which is so important anyway but esp after a miscarriage.

Hopefully it's nothing but good to be sure

Holiday's in a couple of months but we're off away tomorrow so long weekend ahead

Thank you for the very sensible advice RE meddling relatives anne I shall try and put that into practice if I need to. Enjoy your long weekend!

First day back at work today. Managed to avoid eye contact with everyone for over an hour. Didn't tell anyone else about what happened (though all the senior staff know, and we're really good about it)

It feels like trying again is so far away!! Plus, feeling really out of practice... have not let poor oh near me in weeks! :s

Evening all. Quickly checking in -- sorry to "welcome" the newbies and sorry for AFs and difficult family.

I have over 20 test sticks for the Clearblue digital test any use to anyone with a long/erratic cycle? DM me if so. Seems a waste to bin them we've decided to keep things simple since it's worked for us before (plus, ££!)

Good luck to all, as always.

Anne I'm sorry for the epic AF! And for all those stupid symptoms that could mean either thing, too. At least it sounds like you have a great DH supporting you (nodding in agreement and wine in hand is the only right thing to do! ) Hope you can enjoy your birthday and weekend away, even if it's less partying and more relaxing. And yes, my workplace is amazing, as are the people in it!

Think I am ovulating / about to ovulate as the EWCM has made an appearance today. I never get ovulation cramps as far as I know so there's not much to go on, but we've been busy playing the odds anyway! The long road until the 23rd (or AF) starts here...

Anne, sorry that AF arrived. Hope it is a nice short one so you can enjoy your weekend.

Mulder, Hope the appointment goes ok, definitely good to get it checked out.

Dancing, glad you survived the first day back. Make sure you look after yourself and only start TTC when you are ready.

halloumi, your rant is totally justified and I hope things get better and your family find a better way of dealing with it and processing it. I don't know why people can't just say "I'm really sorry, life is just sh!t sometimes" and leave it at that. And you should not in any way feel that any of it was your fault. My Mum is lovely but is not massively helpful in that in her view it is simply a case of people knowing too much - "in her day, people didn't even go to the doctors until they had missed their second period". How is that helpful?! I had a MC at 10 weeks so I might well have known then too and the fact is I did know and I did lose the baby, so shut up!!

WM, good luck this month. I'm around ov time too so on it like a car bonnet (not literally, much too old and inflexible for that sort of thing these days!) although it's difficult as (sods law) DH is on night shift...!!

Happy Friday everyone - only one week til we can stuff our faces with chocolate

Hi anne I'm getting on ok, thank you for asking. I'm feeling a bit more positive, I've been using some micro-current therapy which I originally thought of because it's supppsed to help reduce scar tissue (and I was worried about ashermans syndrome). But it seems to have helped my mental state quite a bit too. Good side benefit. The sunny days have helped too - I don't miss being in the city when it's glorious like this!!

If I can just avoid the pregnant people then I'll be doing just fine! My bleeding has pretty much stopped and I'm dying to do another test to see if it's negative, but I still have a week to wait. I'm taking my my temperature each morning to see where it's at and have bought a Fitbit to keep an eye on my heart rate. Plus hopefully it'll help me lose weight as I'm still carrying way too much following DD. I like doing things, it keeps me busy and stops me falling into the self pity downward spiral of doom.

Hi all, just catching up. Sorry for the AFs and difficult relatives.

Halloumi, My mum was pretty awful with my first MC. I hadn't told her I was pregnant, and she actually said "oh that's a shame, I didn't know you were pregnant so I can't be too sad now you're not" and then next time I saw her " sorry about your little mishap". She has got better though, and was much more supportive with the last two and I think as Anne says it's down to no personal knowledge or never having had to think about it before. It's hurtful but not malicious and prob not worth the stress of an argument.

I'm about 9 DPO I think although still 1 st cycle after last Mc. I had some spotting..... I obviously want to be implantation / pregnancy BUT the thought of being at the beginning and having no idea how this one will turn out is a bit intimidating. Not going to test unless monAF this time next week.

Hi all
Anne sorry for AF, it is all just such a complete pain sometimes isn't it.
I am 4dpo and have had to come home with a really sore throat and ear.
Sorry for those with insensitive relatives. We have had a few of those. SIL after the first one was like 'but you guys have a lovely life so not the end of the world if you don't have kids', I was around 10 days out from first mc at that point and I almost fell down I was so shocked that someone would say something like that.
People for various reasons just get word vomit around this issue. Like they just open their mouths and complete shit falls out, I have decided to just ignore everything that other people say from now on.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Thank you for the hug you sent me many messages ago!
Sending one back at you xx
Sorry to hear that period showed up, hope it's all over soon.

I'm on CD26, normally period would be due next monday or tues i.e. CD 29 or 30
Have realised that I get really twitchy around now, trying not to think of what CD I'm on, willing the time to fly by so I can just know for sure!

Do you all test each month?
I don't at all, if my period shows up I know it's al over.

And I haven't wasted any money on a pregnancy test (only ever get the cheap ones over the internet- they use them in GP surgeries/A&E).
That would grate even more each month if I was pissing on expensive sticks & getting constant negative results!

I was in Tesco the other day and I couldn't believe a 2 pack of Clearbluep preg tests was almost 15 quid! wtf?!
Someone's raking it in at the expense of all us!

Sorry, having a cynical moment this afternoon!

Also wanted to ask- do you drink alcohol during the 2WW?

I just carry on as normal, presuming I am not pregnant- which has been correctly the case for the last 9 months!

Am a regular wine drinker- and was when I fell pregnant the previous 2 times.

Turquoise
I drink a small bit during tww, it's hard enough I reckon.
I temp so I know when my temp starts to drop that there is no reason to test. Although I did crack and test last month, but that was because there was a frer in the cupboard mocking me.

Sorry for others who'vwho've had bad reactions from family- I think you'ryou're right, people just don't have a clue what to say and it all comes out wrong. When just a 'i'm sorry' would do!
Supposedly I should have ovulated yesterday but I'm still getting nothing on the opks. Didn't last month either and my odd af makes me think maybe I didn't actually ov, so will see what happens this month... i've had some EWCM so hoping I just missed it with the sticks. I'll test if i'm late, and I have ic tests too. I also drink during TWW, not loads, but i figure if I am, it's just a blob and not even connected to me for most of the TWW, and wine helps me relax/not stress as much!

Turquoise Regarding your questions: I haven't ever tested unless I'm several days late because I feel that way lies a never-ending spiral of testing repeatedly (desperately) in case it was too early to register HCG--and I'm also too cheap for CB digital! I'd rather just a heavy clear 2nd line or a heavy clear AF, so I wait for one or the other. I drink only moderately during the TWW. As halloumi says it isn't even connected yet, so no real harm, but I like to get myself in a healthy trend, and I find it easier to stay on said trend than to go on and off it all the time. Special events like this past NYE and last weekend for SIL's birthday I did indulge a bit, but nothing shameful lol! Same with the caffeine, I just keep my daily intake consistent so I don't need to cut back every TWW (I also sleep better).

WLMcl

I agree with you totally on the not testing til late thing!

Before I didn't really get all this multiple testing, is it a line/is it not etc
I really didn't get it- but now I understand more, if you are testing say 5 days before your period is due, it's no surprise that you'll keep doing it, to check, just in case it was too early to pick it up.

Also, I had no idea about the early pregnancy tests- that you can find out before your period is late etc

In past pregnancies it's always been solid 2nd lines and no doubt about it.

Also, yes it's that spiral of repeated testing that I think would send me totally crazy!

For me, continuing to drink alcohol and tea/coffee is more just about trying to keep my sanity!

I've read about other women who don't drink alcohol, caffeine or eat "bad foods" during the 2WW- thats entirely up to them, but I'm of the opinion that you're either pregnant or not, nothing you do will change that.

I know I'm posting multiple times but it's the weekend- and my time when I start thinking about TTC non-stop!

The week at work usually helps keep all the thoughts at bay.

Who here has had their bloods done?

I recently went to my GP and had the day 21 progesterone done (on my CD22) and the result was 57.8- apparently this is normal.

Also, my FSH was 6.7 and LH 3.6- done on CD2

I did post on another thread but thought I'd ask here as some of us are 6 months + TTC

I'm 38, TTC baby no.2 after a MMC last summer at the dating scan- this is our 9th cycle!

Cannot believe I'm typing that out- 9 whole months!- could've have practically had a baby by now.

Finding it hard to keep the faith...I really presumed that worst case scenario would be me not becoming pregnant until Christmas last year.

Now it's looking unlikely that we'll have a baby in 2017...and creeping ever closer to not giving birth again until I hit 40.

Obviously nothing wrong with having a baby at the age of 40, but I'm a bit like, FFS I was 37 the last time I became pregnant...time is not on my side!!

Oh dear, time for I think!

Turquoise
I haven't had those bloods done, in that I think those are the hormonal ones.
The no 2017 baby thing is really playing on my mind too. But I am trying to convince myself that the most important thing isn't getting pregnant again, it is getting a healthy pregnancy next time (whenever that may be), it reduces some of the crazy panicky voices in my head.

Hi to all the new people - though I'm really sorry you have reason to be here.

So, I'm an idiot and tested at 11dpo and I got a positive. I don't really feel happy, just so scared that I'll lose this. I wish I'd held off for a few more days - I feel like I've just made the wait to see what happens all the longer.

Lisa will keep everything crossed for you. I can't imagine the fear that must bring just yet. Really hope it's a sticky little one for you!

Oh Lisa! Hugs and fingers crossed for you! Keep going with your mantras or relaxation or whatever else works for you. It might be scary but it is good news! X