Is it a line? Time for some wine? Yep, it's TTC after miscarriage thread number nine.

[BertieBotts]

Hello ladies

Hope you don't mind my little poem...

Fingers crossed for some sticky beans this time.

(Newbies welcome too!)

Hugs to all the new folks joining today--I'm so sorry for your losses. You can rest assured that the women on this forum understand what you are going through, and please feel free to ask anything, rant, discuss practicalities and strategies, anything that helps! I've only been on for a couple of months, but for me it's a lifeline to be able to say here what hardly anyone even knows about IRL.

Update: This is our first month where we've actually stuck to a schedule of DTD at least every other day during the FW, and DH is absolutely delighted lol! I'm delighted with myself TBH, as I had vaginismus for years and could not have vaginal sex (until lots of psycho-sexual therapy and working together with DH saw us right). I'm sure I'm not the only one; it's a common thing (but unspoken, much like MC...) So this FW has also been good for us in that we've had a bit more focused time to be intimate together; we had fallen out of practice a bit. I have found it a bit more challenging to muster the motivation at times, such as at the in-laws' house, but hey ho! Going to continue on said sex rota for another week to be on the safe side. Pretty sure I'm due ovulation about now as I'm on CD 13 but there's no guarantee of anything and I'm not using OPKs. FX for us!

FX for you wlm. Sounds like you're doing everything right!

I'm feeling incredibly miserable this morning, as it just feel like forever until we can even try all this again. I swear, this whole year has just been counting down weeks, and now it all seems completely pointless. Oh well. I guess things will start to return to some sort of normality when I go back to work tomorrow. Also need to decide whether to lie to people, or just tell the truth when they ask what's been wrong. :s

Sorry, that was a long and miserable rant. Don't really know where else to go.

Hi, after lurking for a while, I think I should probably join after finally getting a negative test this morning. My mc was about a month ago at 9 weeks and I had retained products at a scan 2 weeks ago, but I guess that's all gone now. I feel like we can start trying again now, and strangely relieved to see the negative test. I think it means that now the mc is all over and I can move on. Back onto the rollercoaster of ttc

Sorry to see you here too dancing. I remember you from the pregnancy thread. Also sorry to everyone else for their losses.

Welcome hometown and other newcomers, sorry you've found yourself here but as others have said, everyone here is lovely and very open about everything, I've found it really useful to have others in the same boat to rant to. Big hugs all round.
I think I should be in FW now but both DH and I have stinking colds so not really in the mood to DTD as much as we probably should. Still in with a shot though!
dancing I found it useful to tell a couple of people from work, as I think I still looked like I'd just walked away from a car crash when I came back, but I didnt want to tell everyone and then know they'd probably just be waiting for me to say I was pregnant again. Also I found it easier to tell them over email as I was still incapable of talking about it without crying for a good couple of weeks. You have to do whatever works best for you though.

Sorry to see you here hometown. I'm finding it hard to believe it's been less than a week since I found out, it feels like yesterday and forever ago. It definitely feels like a proper rollercoaster ride.

Halloumi, thanks. I'm lucky that the senior people all know, and have been really good about it. It's a really small office, so it's kind of an all or nothing approach with telling people because nothing really stays a secret there very long! Though I'm sure that's usually my fault!! Fx you manage to hit the lucky day with your dtd!!

I feel very strange. Yesterday, I felt completely ready to be back at work. Today I feel as though someone has glazed over my brain! The joys of grief, which is nothing new.

Dancing I'm sorry you're having a sad day. I know the feeling. Today I've been asked when my DD will have a brother or sister by my builders and found out that a friend is 12 weeks. I just wanted to go home and chuck all the builders out and mope.

Does it get easier? I know I'm incredibly lucky to have my DD, but it still hurts like crazy talking to someone who is about as pregnant as you should be.

hometown sorry to see you here too, hopefully we'll be onwards and upwards and have a more successful time next time.

Doublechocolate I hate it when people talk about when our having kids etc or having another. They have know idea of your situation & ppl shouldn't ask. But ppl are oblivious. An unless they've been through it they don't realise.

Sorry about your sad day today dancing. I still get sad days even now. I have moved on from the mc and accepted it. But sad days that we haven't conceived yet still. What a giant rollercoaster this is.

Sending everyone a hug that needs one! AF is due on Sunday for me & just have a feeling she will show & another month will of passed!

Ergh I was feeling ok - sitting in the sunshine with DD, thinking how lucky I am - then my 12 week scan letter turned up 😔

Oh megs, I'm so sorry. :(

So sorry megsmog. I found it really difficult on the day that should have been my 12 week scan. I had the letter before I knew I had a MMC. All these dates make it so much harder. Xx

Thanks both. It hit me harder than I thought it would actually. I have relatively short cycles so telling myself I've potentially got two shots at getting pregnant again before scan was due...

@MegsMog - I have everything crossed for you.

Sorry Meg! That's hard.

DH has a theory that we need to get really excited about making a baby and have lots of excited-to-make-a-baby sex since it worked for us before and now we're all jaded and bored and just have normal sex It's totally bonkers but why not, a bit of PMA never hurt.

Dancingunicorn I'm sorry for your loss, and I know what you mean about feeling glazed over. For ages after the mc, I had to focus so hard on being positive and getting through the day that everything else went by the wayside, in terms of brain power! Even a month later I was still forgetting things I never forget, like getting a card sent to my mom for her birthday. It'll get better! I do yoga every morning which helps me set myself up for the day; you might find something like that useful. I personally found it helpful to tell everyone at work. A colleague had a mmc in the autumn and she bravely told us all when she hardly knew us at that point, so I felt it would be appropriate (they wouldn't be shocked I was telling them). Plus nearly everyone I work with is a woman, plus they're all absolutely lovely! I spend so much time with them that it's a relief not to hide what I'm going through.

Bertie it's worth a try, lol! We're attempting to mix things up too, although DH is currently coming home exhausted because he farms on top of his day job, and it's ploughing/slurry season, don't you know! Then it'll be silage season...then more slurry...then hedge cutting...

Morning all.. rant alert
So, it was my birthday yesterday and my gran (who I don't generally see/speak to that often - she lives quite far away) had sent me a cheque so i called her up to say thank you. It became clear as we were chatting that my mum had told her about my MC, and she proceeded to tell me how she'd been chatting to all of her friends about it and it is quite common in women who have just come off the pill as it takes time for your body to recover. I just agreed to shut her up and get her off the phone as she's ancient and I was still reeling from the fact my mum had told her and not mentioned it to me! I hadn't wanted her to know as I knew she'd tell everyone she knows and blame it on the pill - I remember her saying that the reason a cousin of mine was infertile was because she'd been on the pill so long. I know it's bollocks but i'm already questionning every decision I made while pregnant and I don't need more reasons to think it's my fault. Also, now I suspect my mum has probably told all her friends and family so i have to deal with all of them when I next see them (at a family event in a couple of months). I had very nearly not told my mum about the MC, I hadn't told her I was pregnant yet, but I felt I should. We have a bit of a complicated relationship as she always makes everything about her and doesnt handle bad news well- when i told her she did all the 'oh i'm sorry' but then rushed me off the phone with a 'anyway, i need to finish hoovering, but you know you can always talk to me, no judgement' and I was left thinking 'what would you be judging me for?!' I hadn't specifically said 'don't tell anyone' but i thought it went without saying that it was a private matter between close family!
I don't know whether to bother bringing it up with my mum now or not. We haven't talked about the MC again since and I know from past experience with stuff like this she'll just say it slipped out or she didn't realise I didn't want everyone to know, but i'd like to know what i'm dealing with in terms of how many people know before I see them all!
Any advice from others with difficult family members?
Anyway, rant over, I hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine. anne, any sign of af/bfp yet?!

I'm so sorry halloumi that sounds horrible. I'd be seriously annoyed. I hope you know it's absolutely not your fault that it happened. I'm sorry, I don't really have any advice, just didn't want to ignore! 💐

Ouch halloumi that sounds tough. I'd be annoyed too - how insensitive.

Ouch halloumi that's tough. I think you're right to be angry. It's so hard when people don't understand that your news isn't theirs to share.

HALLOUMI sorry you're going through a tough time x

That's shit halloumi of them both. As if you haven't been through enough to have people talking about it, sharing what's yours and only your news, and then bloody speculating about what caused when you know it's just one of those things, is nt very fucking helpful of them. I'm really sorry. And I hope you have friends or other family who have been more supportive.

Af arrived in a god damn torrent last night, bright red and literally gushing, really sodding painful and a bit grim. I ran the hottest bath ever and read in there for about 2 hours. I also bawled all over DH about how unfair it is I'm not pregnant, how I was really properly ready again this month and how we're doing everything right so it's a load of BS. Bless him, he looked distraught and just agreed and poured himself a big glass of wine.

We finally send the DC back to their Mum's tonight and I have my house back. We're away for the weekend so just going to hope af fucks off soon and we can have some nice long walks, nice big meals and many nice wines!

Good things to focus on next week are driving lessons and reflexology, also out for dinner to a friend's. I'm all for staying positive when you can but I'm also shit at bottling stuff up and I seem to need to a decent bawl at least every other day at the moment to decompress! Hormones, feelings, hard to say. But that's just where we are right now.

How's everyone?

WLM your work place sounds pretty amazing, really pleased you have that support.

Ugh getting massive uterus pains but still 12 days till AF so don't think it's implantation. Gonna leave it a while then go to the doctors - am sick of keep having to go back blegh

anne sorry to hear about AF btw xx

Thanks Mulder

Oh well, another month's another go at it..... After writhing around for hours last night at least the pain is much better today and it usually starts super heavy but only lasts around 4 days these days. Should be able to salvage half the weekend!

I indulged myself in a wee bit of self pity about how I was meant to be 8 months pregnant this birthday and I'm not even fucking pregnant again. But it's pointless so I only let myself have 5 minutes!

So sorry you're in pain . I know it's a ball ache but please see the doc if it's bad and you're worried. Remember there aren't any prizes for suffering! It does sound too early for implantation. Was your last af normal?

Well, if I was going to be pedantic, I could have been 9 months, 8 months or even 13 weeks if the little sods hadn't all crapped out on me one by one over the last 8 months.... But I have a nice cat and a lovely husband so counting my blessings all the same.

Thanks all for validating my rant. They drive me mad but I'm sure their hearts are in the right place. I'm going to take a deep breath and let it pass - nothing I can do about it now anyway, I can't be bothered with starting a row with my mum over it and I have lovely friends and in-laws who have been really supportive. It just means if I do get pregnant again it's incredibly unlikely I'll be telling any of my family until I've had the 12 week scan, which is a shame, but there it is.
Sorry about AF anne, hopefully the fact it's been so 'gushing' means it'll finish quick so you can enjoy your weekend, and at least you can have a few glasses of wine guilt free!
Hope you get some answers from the dr mulder