Is it a line? Time for some wine? Yep, it's TTC after miscarriage thread number nine.

[BertieBotts]

Hello ladies

Hope you don't mind my little poem...

Fingers crossed for some sticky beans this time.

(Newbies welcome too!)

Your stone sounds beautiful nicola. Pop it under your pillow or hold it over your tummy for a bit before you go to sleep yo really embrace the hippy! My stones and bracelet arrived today. Bracelet is absolutely beautiful, really recommend it. It's very short which is good for me with child sized wrists but she she makes them to order so can do all sizes.

Threw up last night and felt sick as a dog for hours till I konked out on the sofa early doors. Poas again today. Blindingly bright bfn. Still cramping off and on though no more stabbing so expecting af but open minded.

Nice to see you peach

That's so useful wibble, really appreciate your medical wisdom. The dr only mentioned steroids in passing as other things to lob into the mix if need be.

I'm taking the aspirin and desperately hoping I can get back on the (really bloody stingy) jabs again with a bfp soon. The only small problem with a plan is it's got me champing at the bit to be able to put it into action!

All very well having conceived wiry speed to date but it hasn't got anywhere so far and I hope our luck hasn't run out.

Sending to all on this sunny day x

Wrist looks weird... but this is the bracelet.

That's really beautiful Anne, what a lovely idea. Fx for you.

Sorry about AF, nicola. Your bracelet is so beautiful, Anne - must be lovely to know that you can have it always with you if you want to.

I'm having a bit of an off day - had a bit of a cry earlier, after a trip to B&Q (of all places!) that was just packed with babies, toddlers and a surprising number of pregnant women. I also did a really, really stupid thing this morning and peeked at the antenatal thread for women who have my would-have-been due date. I don't know what I was thinking, but of course it upset me. I'm trying to tell myself to get it together - and compared to so many of you other brave women, I haven't been through that much at all - but right now I just feel a bit low.

Oh lisa I'm sending you a big hug. You never know what'll set you off and we've all been caught off guard.

I had a tiny peek at my old antenatal thread and it was awash with bump photos. I shut it and hid it! I'm so happy for them but my grief and the absolutely overwhelming shitty unfairness of not being there made me want to be sick and then run away somewhere!

It's not miscarriage related for me at the moment (though mother's day was a goddamn waterworks for most of the day), and my general mental state is fine, but I'm having a proper sob about once a day. The hearse I saw the other night, a picture of Rio Ferdinand in tears, my DH planning a surprise for my birthday. I must be half dehydrated most of the time.

You know there's no competitive sadness here, all sobs are welcome and equal. God, it's better out than in x

peach it's going to make me super fertile! And if not, well it's pretty and I like pink things

Thank you, Anne, that's such a lovely reply. I'm sort of glad I'm not alone in being so curious about the antenatal thread, but I wish that neither of us had put ourselves through it!

I've been generally a bit teary recently, which scares me as I associate it with depression (I had a serious period of depression about two years ago that I recovered pretty well from). I don't think it's anything to worry about at the moment, but I'm always so scared of going back to that place.

Btw, Anne, I love your username - I was obsessed with Anne of Green Gables as a child! I remember being at university and someone mentioning that it was Canadian - I felt like the biggest idiot because I had read those books over and over and somehow just not realised they weren't set (as I had assumed) in the UK!

Just checking in here.

Never seem to get much time during the week to look through and see what is going on...maybe I'm on autopilot during the week and it's the weekends when feelings come crashing down!

Cannot believe it is the 1st of April! This year has gone by so quickly.
Such a beautiful day today (in London) so much sunshine, blossom trees in full bloom, we were out with some friends in the park.

But I couldn't help but feel sad

I got my BFP in April last year...our LO should have a 3 month old sibling right here with us...urrgh all so unfair.

Not sure why but I had a look at the due date calculator on this site...and it gave me the exact same due date as I had for my pregnancy last year (my LMP was 1 day later in March last year...yes I'm sad for knowing this!) which gave me a bit of a chill down the spine.

So I think I've jinxed it for this month, thinking about it too much and daring to let my mind wander to potential due dates!

CD 20 and I'm going to get my day 21 progesterone done on Monday.
DH is meant to be doing a sperm sample but hasn't got his act together to organise a telephone appointment yet.

It's been a full 9 months of unprotected sex now and I still can't quite believe that nothing has happened so far!

I know that this is all quite "normal" in the grand scheme of things, but it's so hard to accept when things have come quite easily up until now (sorry- feeling v sorry for myself!)...it'd definitely my comeuppance for the all the luck we've had up until now!

Hoping everyone is doing ok!

I am also guilty of looking on those boards. Makes you feel crap doesn't it. Don't know why we do it to ourselves!
I'm also feeling bit crap today. Not quite b&q but we went to pc world and same story. We bought a lovely new laptop which we've wanted for ages and dh keeps wanting to spoil me which is obviously lovely but I just felt totally miserable all day. I've been ok but then someone will say something or I'll see something on social media and just makes me feel crap again. Eurgh fed up of feeling like this xx

anne your bracelet is gorgeous!!

Im on CD12, used a soft cup after dtd earlier and took it out, there was a bit of brown blood on it. Realistically this is just old period blood not implantation bleeding right? Dont want to get my hopes up!!!!

Would be too early for implantation anyway, that happens after ovulation. But brown is old blood so could be anything tucked away up there.

Did I mention on this thread I'd cut my finger? I had an operation on Friday to repair the tendon and nerves and the recovery is very painful :( it's a distraction from ttc for sure!

Oh no bertie that sounds painful! How did you do that?

Thanks - was just doing a massive e hope I think lol!!

Hello ladies.

Just thought I'd check back in. Have been keeping an eye on you all from the sidelines. Sorry to all those who have had difficult moments this weekend. I hope the lovely weather is helping today. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed for some BFPs soon.

I'm doing ok thanks Nicola. Seem to have got through one week at least. I think the fact that I have zero expectations of getting a baby out of this pregnancy is helping. Had a bit more spotting on Thursday but nothing since. I'm hoping I'll get some nausea or something in the coming week. Planning on ringing EPU later in the week to book a scan for towards the end of the following week. In the interest of trying to carry on as normal I decided to still do a trail run in the Lakes this morning which I booked a couple of months ago. It is fair to say I hated every moment and spent the whole 10 miles wishing I'd never started! I found it much harder than I would usually have anticipated and had to walk a lot. Hopefully that's a sign that things are going ok.

I'm back off to lurk now but I'm thinking of you all.

Oh @BertieBotts that's not so good! Hope you're pain free and mended up soon im a little confused this weekend. Ovia has predicted my FW to begin on Tuesday, right through to sunday with the peak being Friday. I've used ic opks on fri sat and today. they're showing darkening lines, not fully positive though. My CB monitor still shows blank circles. Im thinking ov is going to be earlier than Ovia suggests. Lots of dtd ahead this week just in case-don't want to miss and waste another cycle (which I believe has been our main problem-that and stress!)

I'm sorry that lots of people have had tough weekends. It seems to hit me at the strangest moments, in fine and then really not. It's been a tiring weekend for me, we had my PIL visiting and whilst they are nice, we're very different so I find them visiting incredibly exhausting. It was doubly gutting because we'd planned it so we could tell them as my 12 week scan was supposed to be on Friday.

I'm keen to get back and start trying to get pregnant, but then part of me cannot face DTD at all. Plus what if I do and then lose it again? It almost makes me want to not try. How do you stay strong?

😣😕 great well my AF has decided to go AWOL the month i had my clarity and decided TTC was making me bat shit crazy and accept it's probably grief not broodyiness in charge of the opk... 3bfn later I'm bat shit crazy again does not help i suppose that we got our very shocking bfp this time last year will this horrible gut wrenching loss ever go away i should be holding a 3 month old now moaning about lack of sleep and how quick they grow and how much they've changed in such a short time... I have a beautiful family but one of us is not here and it hurts so much

Hi all, just checking in as we've had a busy weekend away in England (I know that's where most of you are from so you'll know it's been great weather for tourists like us)! Did Windsor castle and a show in London and strolled along the Thames in Henley and environs, what's not to like?
tiffin I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you find it helpful to be here. Trust me, anything and everything is fair game, nothing is TMI! Everyone has their own pace and ways of dealing with the grief of a loss, so don't rush yourself. I needed to wait a few weeks after the mc before I felt remotely like DtD, and we did not try in the first cycle because we wanted time to recover and to just be us as a couple, not a couple ttc. That's what was right for us, but of course not for everyone; some people try straight away and others decide to wait longer before actively ttc. Miami has been giving us great nuggets from her counselling sessions, so having a read back through her posts can yield some gold!

iecgi the bfns can hit so hard when AF is late, it's not something I expected but it does! I know what you mean about grief and broodiness hand in hand, half of me wants to cuddle every baby I see like a mad woman, and half of me doesn't feel any connection to them at allbecause it's not mine and that's the only one I really want! Take care of yourself and please don't be afraid to see a counsellor if you think it would help. It's helped me through all sorts of thingsyou don't have to be clinically depressed to go (actually it helps if you're not to that stage--think of it as preventative maintenance on your car, if you knew about a problem you could fix, you wouldn't just leave it until the whole thing broke down on a motorway and stranded you there). X

Morning everyone , so glad you had a wonderful visit WLM, the weather did us proud! And that's such a good analogy about maintenance and how it's better to try and help yourself before it's even harder.

I'm out of frers and too cheap to (probably) waste the swanky CB digis so haven't poas for 2 days! Af due tomorrow. Really not sure what to think tbh. Boobs are at an all time massive, soooo painful, hot, hard, getting in the way of my arms. DH is all conflicted, delighted at the visual and desperate not to hurt them!

He's driving me nuts symptom spotting, which makes me feel weird and self conscious anyway and I really think he's setting himself up to be disappointed, again. Last night I was having a weep at the end of Liar Liar and he asked how I could possibly not be pregnant. I know he's excited and stressed and probably lots of other emotional things, but bless him he's making things worse! I KNOW I'm bawling and my boobs are huge, I also know this has happened before and af has showed up a day or two later.

We have a week of DSC with us and we're away for my birthday this weekend, lots on to keep me distracted. If af does show up it'd be nice if it's asap so she can be gone by the weekend and we can have a drunken romantic one

Good luck Anne.. I've posted some first response tests from Amazon but haven't used them before..
It sounds nice that your husband is so interested :-) mine I know wants it to happen also bit found it so difficult going through the past 2 miscarriage so says no baby talk and wants me to wait to 7 week mark to tell him if we get pregnant again...
I went to epu today for stomach scan and bloods and of course started bleeding this morning just before appointment... Although no cramps and no where near as heavy as af would usually be..
Scan confirmed nothing retained from last miscarriage. Bloods came back with hcg being very low (she didn't say how much) so best guess from epu is probably left over hormones from miscarriage still and to do another test in a week.
I'm glad to have it confirmed there was nothing left from miscarriage but a little bit disappointed as deep down I was kinda hoping we could be expecting again already.. But thinking positively hopefully this means my body is getting back to normal and we can try again...

Hi, smurf, I'm sorry that you had disappointed news, but I hope everything gets back to normal asap.

Do you think you will wait to seven weeks to tell him next time? Obviously it's up to you as a couple, but I was quite shocked at that idea - I can't imagine going through three scary weeks of early pregnancy alone.

Thanks Lisa...
No he'll know as soon as I do even if I don't tell him :-)
After our experience this time around with the miscarriage we both said we wish we hadn't known we were pregnant as early as we did... We had our first scan at around 3 weeks.. We watched as it grew at 5 weeks and then saw a heartbeat at 6weeks to then watch the heart slow at 7 weeks and stop at 7weeks 2 days... Tbh it was incredibly difficult because as the weeks went on and we had scan number 3 and saw a strong heartbeat only then did we get our hopes up and told our parents and started to get excited to go back for a reassurance scan a week later to be crushed by the news that it looked likely to end... So we said next time we will try not to find out so early because for us the 7 week mark is a goal to get past... And it is when a scan should be able to give us a definite answer.

In truth I seriously doubt that I will get past the 4 or 5 week mark without testing but we shall see... I do agree that I reckon being oblivious might be better but I don't think my willpower is quite strong enough....

I'm so sorry you had to go through that I know what you mean about it being hard to hold off testing. I'm 7dpo and currently determined to wait until AF is late, but I imagine my resolve will start to crumble towards the end of the week...

Sorry smurf, good news that no RP though.

Anne, keeping everything crossed for you. So cruel that BFP and AF symptoms are so similar......

Inspired by keepon and her trail run, I went back to a swimming class I used to go to but haven't been to for some time. Felt good although this was my first conversation. Swimming buddy: Good to see you again, it's been a while. Me: Yes, time flies. Good to be back. SB: How old is DC1 now? Me: 3. SB: do you think you'll have another one? .

My AF has just finished - was a bit heavier and longer than usual but not nearly as bad as the last one so hoping body is slowly getting back to normal. Planning to jump DH this week and hope for the best .

Hi, I'm hoping it's ok to post here. I feel like it's probably stupidly early to be even thinking about ttc again. Found out at my 12 week scan last Friday that I'd had a mmc, baby was measuring 9+4 with no heartbeat. The hospital has been amazing, and I had my SMM yesterday. I'm surprising myself as I feel very calm and positive about the future. Planning to start trying again as soon as possible, so hoping AF comes back swiftly!