Is it a line? Time for some wine? Yep, it's TTC after miscarriage thread number nine.

[BertieBotts]

Hello ladies

Hope you don't mind my little poem...

Fingers crossed for some sticky beans this time.

(Newbies welcome too!)

I'm having a massive cathartic sob. I miss my babies so much my heart hurts.

DH came in with coffee and toast, saw me bawling and just squeezed my hand and said "it'll happen for us". His two were laughing and causing havoc downstairs and I know how much he wants another little one. But I'm the one who's not a parent, not a mum, and it sucks.

Oh anne i am a mum of a living child but i know a bit of your pain it's horrible knowing your babies are not in your arms. I'm sending you huge hugs. Just remember you are a mum just because we can't see your bundles of joys they were here they grew in your tummy for a short time they will always always be a part of you. You'll always be a mum to your angels just like I'll always be a mum of 3. They were just too precious for this earth. Xxx

Anne
I have had to come off fb for the day. Between suggested posts from tommys saying #weareallmoms and loads of our friends and acquaintances having their 1st mom's day love ins, I just can't cope. Big unmumsnetty hugs to you. Tomorrow will be here soon.
And it's just a day that has been made up really. My nana would have laughed at all the ridiculous over the topness of it all. She would have been happy with a hug and a cuppa.

miami and fluff x x x

You're absolutely right, it's just a day. And I had a brilliant day and night out with my own wonderful mum yesterday, I know I have a lot to be thankful for.

I hadn't given today any thought about the losses but I think the step mum card has stupidly hit me like a train of sadness and misery. Which is totally stupid as they're the sweetest kids. But it's shone a bright stupid light on everything I'm missing.

It's all the babies we've lost but my middle one in particular. I should have been fat and happy and 7 months pregnant and she'd have been a whole real person in May and I still can't quite believe what's happened.

Fb can fuck right off, you're absolutely right.

Are you doing the bluebell wood miami? Sending you love and a big squeeze.

My head is banging and I'm puffy and snotty and still in my pjs.

I'm going stay in bed with tissues and a new thriller and just cry it out. Tomorrow, as you say, will be here eventually and sometimes it's healthy to just let the sadness escape for a bit.

Ugh this is just the worst day, isn't it? I swear if I'm lucky enough to have children Mother's Day will be banned. It's so hurtful for so many people. My DH lost his mum 17 years ago and this day (and the whole ridiculous run up) is so triggering for him. And today I feel pretty miserable as I should also have been due in May and instead I'm here on my AF. Ugh. Massive massive hugs to you Anne and to everyone else feeling the same.

I feel silly for crying.. I'm going out with my own mum but I can't help thinking that my first baby would have been due in 4 days time.. Instead we have had 2 losses..
I know my husbands way of coping is that it was "just a blob" and he talks about when we have our baby but for me they were both my baby's even though their heart stopped beating at 6 weeks..
In getting to be positive I'm trying to believe that it was all just bad luck and maybe next time we will have a healthy pregnancy and baby... It doesn't always work for very long...
For now it's sunny and I'm going to immerse myself in the 7 job application forms I have to do and planning some nice lessons for my kids this week,.. (My kids being my lovely class of 7 year olds!)
Hope everyone has an OK day!

Hi all I was on the first TTC after MC thread (known as sundayraspberry back then) and just wanted to send you all some and (or for those of you partaking) as I know today can be crappy. Ps if Brenna is still about, thinking of you too

Thinking of you all today. We are all mothers.

Hi all. Just popping my head in...

AF arrived today for me, of all days. Not a surprise because I was feeling really hormonal the last few days, but I was so hoping for an apt BFP today.

Much sympathy to all who've found today tough. I'm more or less NC with my own mum, so despite my lovely children it's always a rather bittersweet day.

keepon I'm so pleased for you!!! Please do stick around
Waterfeature sorry about the AF! I'm just finished my first after MC today. It was a bit overly harsh for a day but otherwise pretty normal; and I've had my fill of this weekend so I think I won't have any problem going off it for the TWW!

knorrig and sunday you're both very sweet and considerate. I get to see all the Mother's Day fb posts twice, as I'm American and our Mother's Day is in May. It doesn't really bother me though; it isn't a huge deal for most of the people I know, with a big build-up, just a day to go for a meal or to a national trust house or something. I feel a lot of sympathy for those who are bothered by it though, as that is how I always felt about Valentine's Day! After a rather damaging first relationship I was single for a good many years and always felt so lonely and almost angry at the massive Valentine's day celebrations, so I know where you're coming from. DH and I don't do anything on Feb 14 for just that reason; it's so exclusive and unnecessary. So you guys just feel how you feel--your feelings are valid. Sending hugs! X

Ladies I'm having a major wobble. Got myself absolutely convinced that this is going to turn out to be a chemical. Had a tiny amount of light brownish stained discharge just after going for a poo earlier. Peed on another stick like a crazy person this evening and it was so so faint. I desperately want this to work out but I know there is nothing I can do to influence the outcome.

Sorry to offload, just wasn't sure where else to turn to.

Take a deep breath keepon and talk it out love. You know we're hear for you

What CD day are you now? Are they the same type of tests you've been using?

I've peed on plenty of sticks while pregnant for reassurance! It's completely normal and you know you're not crazy.

As you say, nothing you can do to alter the outcome but trying to stay as calm as you can. However, dark blood is old blood, so it's an awful lot better than the bright red stuff. Any pain? Cramping or lower back ache?

I'm sure that everything's developing absolutely as it should do and you've just had a scare. These things are always going to frighten the crap out of us. Of course they are! But there's no reason to think it signals anything bad.

Keep talking and try to get some sleep x

Keepon as anne says sounds like old blood. Could be implantation bleed that has taken a while to work itself out.
I think you mentioned that you have a heart shaped uterus? One of the nurses mentioned that I could maybe expect slightly elevated chances of bleeding in a first trimester, something to do with it being possible that both sides of the heart shape don't get the message about the pregnancy straight away.
It is super shitty but try to focus on a positive outcome. If you can at all maybe try not to poas for a day.
Would your gp be up for doing hcg bloods for you? Given what you have been through and the ridiculous stress this will be causing you maybe that would be better then poas?? I mean how consistent can those things be anyway, surely you would magically have to have the exact same pee concentration in order to get similar result?
Big hugs. We are here for you, holding your virtual hand.

Thanks for your kind responses Anne and Miami. Feeling a bit calmer and accepting of the situation this morning. Not sure how many DPO I am but did test a bit early at the weekend as we were going to a party on Saturday. I've decided I am going to buy one digital test tonight to do tomorrow morning and then I will step away from the tests. One day at a time.

Really good suggestion on the HCG Miami, worth thinking about keepon? I hadn't had it before but if you haven't t's just two blood tests 48ish hours apart. You could try the GP or EPU.

Good you're feeling a bit better today. Did you think you were due af the day you tested or was it earlier? I know you're not sure when you ovd but could also be implantation as Miami says.

I think with the HCG that when you have a good result through blood that it's developing at the right rate you're out of one set of woods.

With my last mc it started at 5 weeks but I already knew from the tests it hadn't ever really got off the ground. I was still getting positive digis, and the level they test for is 50+, which mine were at, but they weren't rising.

One day at a time. Do kind things for yourself, eat cake, get lots of sleep, hassle doctors if there's anything they can do to reassure you

I just don't think I can face the EPU at the moment. Think I'll do a digital tomorrow and then make a decision. Obviously if it comes up negative I'll know things aren't going anywhere. I think I tested a couple of days early but my last 2 cycles had been shorter than normal. I've had a bit more spotting this morning but it is very much only when I go for a poo, apologies for the TMI! Here's hoping it is just implantation. I wish my boobs hurt. Oh it is all so stressful!

keepon, keeping my fx for you. I had spotting with my first (successful) pregnancy, so it does happen and if dark and only when you poo, I wouldn't be too concerned (very easy for me to say that, I know!).

I had a wee moment earlier when I got a bit excited as it was about 3 weeks since I stopped bleeding. Almost immediately I went to the loo and AF had arrived . Given how long it takes me to get pregnant and the fact that my cycle are all over the shop, it makes sense but it still feels shit. Going to meet a friend tonight (one of the many) who is due at the same time I would have been. Obviously will need to be super stoked for her and terribly interested and excited, but I just want to hide under the duvet with a bottle of cava

Thanks swim. I hope things are OK with your friend tonight.

I've just done another test. This one is clearly positive but is a different brand so only needs a hcg level of 15 to be positive. I've also had more spotting, this time similar to I would get before AF. Think I might give in and ring EPU tomorrow and see if I can get blood taken for hcg levels.

Crossing my fingers for you running

Having such an epic AF!! (2nd post mc) day 7 and I'm still doing a medium bleed, pre pregnancy I had such light periods, and because I don't want to put my cups in as normal have been using pads so using loads of them. Had brown blood first day, then red then brown now, it's good to shed lining but gee wonder when it will stop!! Had an ERPC.

Mulder ugh, that sounds awfully annoying! When AF is unpredictable it messes with your life. For me, this AF was heavier than usual (but then mine were always relatively light) and just the normal pain factor (mine were always pretty painful before though--it's why I went on birth control pills in the first place, to control it a bit. I would vomit sometimes and miss work). However, my friend had an ERPC 6 months ago, and she's STILL having epic AFs! "Normal" apparently applies to any and all things after mc...

Morning Ladies,

@keeponrunning85 I have everything crossed for you. BFN for me this morning which I pretty much knew but was our first month trying after a chemical at Christmas and I thought we might finally get some luck. Next month should have been my MM due date so that's going to be tough especially as I thought at least if I'm pregnant it will be ok but I won't be. So fed up with the world today! AF needs to show up now so I can start to feel optimistic again (at least for a little while) xx

Keepon sorry to hear you AF is all over the place. I bled for 3 weeks after my first mc in Aug 2015 and then my first AF that came about 3 weeks later lasted nearly 9 weeks and I had to go back in for a scan. It was obviously really difficult (and meant we couldn't even really try again) so when I had my second mc in June 2016, I decided to go for acupuncture afterwards to get everything back on track and it worked for me. It might just be luck as the second mc was earlier (at 6 weeks compared to 9) I continued to go and then conceived in Sept 2016 (now 27+4) If anything it helped keep me calm at a very stressful time.

Good luck to all with your journeys.

Nicola What CD are you? Does the you're not till you're out thing help? It is true x

Sorry you're suffering Mulder, that sort of pain and bleeding is so exhausting.

Give them a call keepon, worst they can say is there's nothing they can do at this stage. But it's worth a go and bloods would put your mind at rest.

swim, how'd it go with your friend? My only friend who's currently pregnant lives a way away and we tend to chat rather than meet up a lot so I'm spared for now. It was hard enough hearing how it was an accident and bad timing! Hmmmm.

I'm embracing my inner hippy this week. Booked reflexology in and bought myself a fertility bracelet! None of it can hurt and after my massive slump on Sunday I need to do something to try and chill me out a bit.....

Ooh let me know how reflexology goes, am defo convinced that accupuncture was not for me but might try reflexology.

I'm pretty sure that accupuncture stopped my period () as it went from gushing to nothing literally the afternoon I had it. Maybe was a crap practitioner.

Period is lighter today' I literally will be loving my light little periods If I ever get them back hahab

Fingers crossed for you keepon, hope you're not getting too stressed out.
My period (1st after mc) was so odd, I seemed to just bleed for a few hours each morning for 3 days and that was it. Did a test in the end on saturday just in case and of course it was a bfn. Also had a wobble on Sunday, I hadn't really expected to but sobbed in bed for a while. Still feeling so down today, no reason, I just don't want to see anyone or do anything.. and of course, I have loads on at work! Hope we can all get our positivity back in a few days, i'm going to go for a walk on the sunshine now in the hopes that'll cheer me up