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Thread 27. TTC #1 - we're stressed, we're fed up, we're bitter but I promise this will all be worth it when we're holding our precious babies

974 replies

AlexiaB · 11/03/2017 11:00

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Here's our Grad's Thread. May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

Thread 27. TTC #1 - we're stressed, we're fed up, we're bitter but I promise this will all be worth it when we're holding our precious babies
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CarleyColie · 23/03/2017 20:26

So sorry for what you're going through Alexia Sad do you have support IRL? It sounds like you could do with speaking to someone, even if just to vent. I can't imagine how frustrated you are, I know that I've felt panicked a couple of evenings when we didn't HS in case I was about to O so can imagine it's totally gutting to have a wasted cycle. He does need to address whatever is causing the performance issues, perhaps as others have said he's stressed about TTC? You are a team, you can work this out together Flowers

Glad things went well Kerry, FX for you!

Hi Hope - congrats on the wedding and deciding to TTC! Sounds like you've had a tough ride but great news your left tube/ovary look fine. A friend of mine had an ovary removed (as a result of ovarian torsion IIRC) and she was lucky enough to conceive basically as soon as she started trying! I hope you're lucky and conceive quickly too :)

Woop great news on the appointment Pug!

On a lighter note, DH and I have been at my parents the last couple of days and I managed to lose an OPK. A used OPK. So I spent half an hour freaking out searching for it, shitting myself that my parents would find it Blush. I had visions of my clueless dad finding it and asking everyone what it was/who's it was Blush Blush. Anyway I did thankfully find it, so no harm done. Also thankfully haven't had a positive yet as we have been a bit reserved on the shagging front whilst at the parents Grin heading back home tomorrow - used OPK already packed, I am scared to even put it in the bin in case they somehow find it!!
Note to self: no more trips to parents in potential FW time...

Kathrino · 23/03/2017 21:20

I'm so sorry this has happened again Alexia, I can totally understand how devastated you must feel. You're not broken - and neither is your DH - and you will get through this.

Here's my two cents (and this isn't really related specifically to you) and will probably be incoherent as I'm so tired.

Sex is complicated sometimes. Often, it's about far more than just the physical act. It's powerful; there's a reason that it's used as a weapon. It's so intimate and, when you're TTC, so loaded with consequences and meaning.

I know DH and I don't have sex enough. That's probably one of the main reasons that we'll end up needing IVF. I'm okay with that. The reason we don't have sex enough is because I refuse to have sex if either one of us isn't 100% enthusiastically consenting. I would rather that we didn't conceive naturally than destroying the trust between us in that way.

I totally appreciate that not everyone will feel that way - it's no doubt a product of the fact that I was raped a few years ago - but I guess I generally think that if you move too far away from it, you lose something of your humanity.

anametouse · 23/03/2017 21:31

I hope you don't mind me sneaking on to comment. DH and I ttc for 4 years, it completely and utterly fucked up our sex life. I want you to know you aren't alone in this. For a while I got him to do it into a cup and inseminated myself (it actually has good success rates and meant we could keep sex just for us)

It didn't work for us as we both had fertility issues so needed IVfF. I'm very very lucky that it worked but for me ivf was so much easier than the strain ttc sex had on us.

Sorry to de lurk but just to say you are not alone

Flashinthepan · 23/03/2017 21:37

Kathrino I want to say how sorry I am for what happened to you. I too have experienced it and it has also changed my perspective and I feel similarly to you as regards intimacy, sex etc.

Alexia not sure if you are stil reading but if I upset you I wanted to apologise. The advice I was giving was based on my.own feelings if that were my situation but only you and your dh know what you need from each other and how best to get that.

Pug congrats on the appointment.

Carley I feel your pain. Half way home today I realised I had left my (clean and wrapped in tissue) mooncup in the work bathroom. Had to call my colleague and ask her to hide it in my desk drawer. I owe her so much chocolate for.doing it but at least she found it funny!

Pyjamas81 · 23/03/2017 22:16

So sorry to hear about what happened to you kath and flash.

Really hope you're feeling a bit better alexia

Your mooncup story made me laugh flash - DH found mine once and he didn't even know what it was ha ha

Have just started reading the book below and I'm hooked! Really great overview of what to expect from IVF (and written by UK authors) from a couple's perspective so you get both perspectives. Fingers crossed we'll get lucky before May, but I'm starting to gather the facts now just in case.

Thread 27. TTC #1 - we're stressed, we're fed up, we're bitter but I promise this will all be worth it when we're holding our precious babies
Mrsbluebell17 · 23/03/2017 22:35

Alexia I just wanted to jump on to say I understand why you are frustrated but please please don't get upset. Is there someone you can talk to IRL? Hope you're ok Flowers

Flashinthepan · 23/03/2017 22:40

Good work pyjamas I think it helps to take control where you can and it sort of allows you to relax a bit with the stuff you can't or at least it helps me.

sk1pper · 23/03/2017 23:12

Pyjamas - sounds like a good book, I haven't looked into IVF at all. Did you get on amazon?

AlexiaB · 23/03/2017 23:26

Thank you all so much for your lovely messages girls. They made me tear up (in a good way!). I really wish I could reply individually to every single one of you. Just know that you're all amazing women and I'm so grateful to be sharing this journey with you. I appreciate you all xxx

aname thank you for popping in and making me feel not so alone in all this. There are many girls here thinking about/about to start IVF- do you have any words of wisdom? I'm so glad it worked for you.

skipper I'm so sorry your body has decided to do this right now Sad I completely understand the pain and frustration you must be feeling. Missing a cycle hurts so much! The whole 2017 baby thing is just added emotional stress too. Hang in there Flowers As you told me, you WILL get there hon.

Flash no worries lovely FlowersFlowers Lol at yours and Carlie's stories!

Kath and Flash I'm so incredibly sorry to hear what you've been through. That's devastating and I can totally see where you're coming from Kath. Thankfully I have never experienced anything like that. DH is one of few sexual partners I've had since I met him so young (same for him really).

Kerry I'm glad all went well today and your DH's count was great! 🤞 and good luck!!!

Happy reading pyjamas. Looks good!

DH and I are ok now. I knew we would be but it has been very stressful to go through this. I've felt upset and teary all day. We've talked it all through. He has his GP appointment booked to get bloods done and have a chat next week so hopefully next month will be a lot smoother.

He came home around 7pm and brought flowers, Nandos and a Lindt bunny Grin I know I'm very lucky to have him! No matter how nasty I get and how much shit I talk/text he never bites and knows I'm just mad and don't mean it. All he cares about is me and my happiness so I know he'd never do this deliberately, it's just so hard for me to see it in the moment when I feel my 'baby' slipping away. It actually feels torturous, I'm not used to not getting what I want! lol. I did ask him why is this happening and he said he honestly doesn't know. It probably is subconscious stress and pressure as somebody mentioned.

The good news is we had great makeup sex! It wasn't all plain sailing but I was very patient and made him feel loved and relaxed. Softcup is in now and hopefully my egg has hung around. I've had very sore O pain all evening though so I'm still expecting AF in two weeks.

OP posts:
AlexiaB · 23/03/2017 23:39

Pug thank you! You're right about the medicated cycle thing, it does feel like a complete waste of time. Hopefully it'll be much easier to time sex when you know when you're O'ing (I've found it easier, well when DH complies lol). So pleased you've got your appointment next week. Sorry I don't have any advice to give but I just wanted to wish you good luck Flowers I'm also sorry this is a potentially anovulatory cycle for you too. Never fun but you're handling it very well xx

Glittery thank you for sharing that about your friend, that cannot be easy and it does put things into perspective for me. Things could always be a lot worse! I have to keep reminding myself of that. At least DH and I are healthy. We will all get there!

Kaydee and Tonks hope all is going well you and little beans.

Hopeyet sorry to hear you've had such a rough time lately. If you've been given the all clear to TTC I see no reason why you can't conceive naturally (if DH's sperm is fine). You have one healthy ovary and one healthy tube now which is positive news. A girl I know on FF had two back to back right ectopics and the Dr removed the tube because it was highly likely to reoccur again, so it was for the best. Her first cycle since flushing her remaining tube, and with the help of Femara, she has conceived (still early days for her). Don't lose hope!

OP posts:
Mrsbluebell17 · 24/03/2017 06:49

Morning Alexia. I'm glad to hear you've made up with your DH and you're on the route to finding out what's going on.

So, I thought I'd bite the bullet and let you all know I'm thinking about going for counselling. I'm totally scared but as an anxious person anyway and one that's taking it quite to heart that we've not conceived yet, I think it may be a good idea.

I also haven't said before that DH had an operation on his testicles when he was younger and so whilst it's not definite, that may have affected the performance of one of his testicles so we may be running with just one that works fully. We've been told the doctor will see us at 12 months not 18 so that's good if we don't get anywhere.

On 6th cycle now. CD16 and got a positive cheap opk and the more basic clear blue on Wednesday. We had a GOS on Monday, wednesday and last night so fingers crossed. Now I guess the two week wait starts. Should I count it from today or yesterday?

Sorry for the long post Confused and for finally telling people more than I've admitted before.

TFI FRIDAY

Pyjamas81 · 24/03/2017 07:11

Yep - got it on Amazon skipper, it's brilliant -easy to understand and breaks down a complicated procedure, gives great insight into how men feel throughout the whole thing, and great descriptions from the woman on what things like the TWW feel like which I relate to. DH is reading it after me!

So glad you've made up alexia ☺️

sk1pper · 24/03/2017 07:40

Alexia - wow he bought you all those presents? All at once? Definitely a keeper Grin Its been so apparent how much your DH loves you from other posts, it's nice he can be so grounded (at least on the surface) when you have a melt down. Is it worth going to the GP with him? They may offer you some therapy, I think there is no taboo around this subject anymore and there should be a support group nearby. You're right, this thread is lovely but it's nothing compared to a face to face chat. Glad you had make up sex though - see you're all set this cycle xx

Thanks Pyjamas!!

Pyjamas81 · 24/03/2017 08:11

Really hope the counselling helps bluebell - I've suffered intermittently from depression and anxiety since my early 20s and counselling pulled me right out of it.

I think we're done for this month with EOD (chart below) - I've never ov'd this late so chances of GOS tonight are slim to none - we need a break!!

Where it says I had ewcm - it just means any CM at all as it's usually like the Sahara down there 😂

Pyjamas81 · 24/03/2017 08:11

With chary his time!

Thread 27. TTC #1 - we're stressed, we're fed up, we're bitter but I promise this will all be worth it when we're holding our precious babies
sk1pper · 24/03/2017 08:38

Ha ha Pyjamas - your chart looks similar to how mine usually looks except we managed 3 days in a row this cycle. Fuck knows how. Also do you use preseed for dryness? I have same problem and it helps massively.

Londonjam · 24/03/2017 09:13

Good news on your appointment pug . Ours was rather rushed - be ready to fire your questions at them! Mine did an internal scan there and then - I wasn't expecting that. They then wanted swabs, blood and another SA and booked a follow up appointment in three months time. Ours was rather abrupt - I hope you have a better experience

Welcome hopeyet it sounds like you've been through a lot. Are you trying naturally?

💐 for you skipper sorry your body isn't playing ball this cycle

lol at your OPK hunt Carley

So sorry to hear you went through that flash and kath xx I can't imagine how painful and difficult period of your lives were and how strong you both are to rebuild your lives.

Thanks for dropping in and sharing your experience aname

Ooh might have to check out that book pyjamas

Alexia glad to hear you're feeling better and that you are sticking with us - was worried you might not come back. Glad to hear your DH has booked a GP appointment too

Bluebell I've had counselling and CBT at various times in my life for anxiety and it helped me massively - much more than medication. It's a brave step and I wish you all the best with it. Re your DH - has he ever had a semen analysis to see if the operation did affect things?

Pyjamas81 · 24/03/2017 09:31

Yep - totally rely on preseed skipper, nothing would be possible without it!!

Flashinthepan · 24/03/2017 09:44

Kathrino didn't want to take away from what you had shared, just wanted to let you know you weren't alone in it.

Bluebell I had CBT at university after developing depression and it's one of the most worthwhile things I could have done to get better. I know lots of people find the thought of it scary for various reasons, and if you don't get on with it at first, don't give up, you may just need a different therapist.

anametouse · 24/03/2017 10:08

(Alexa - no real advice for the IvF journey but for those going trough it, the infertility support boards are an amazing place, they/I'll answer any questions that people want to post)

Good luck everyone Smile

AlexiaB · 24/03/2017 13:47

skipper Yes definitely a keeper Grin I feel bad now as he was so worried he'd lose me! See his texts Blush Glad it's all sorted and I guess we do have a small chance this cycle which is better than nothing. I will ask him later if he wants me to come along next week. The only arguments we've had this year have been because he hasn't been able to perform, so I know if we get this sorted we'll be back to normal. I wish I felt more comfortable about the idea of talking to someone IRL about this. I'm hoping if they recommend counselling to him I can tag along.

pyjamas like the Sahara😂 I was going to recommend Preseed too so glad you've got some. Someone else on here mentioned that drinking grapefruit juice daily is great for CM I absolutely hate it though

Aw thanks Jam. No I think I was just so distressed about it all it wasn't doing me any good discussing it. As soon as we made up and had sex I instantly felt better.

That is very brave Bluebell and I'm sure you will get the help you need. It's not always easy to admit we're struggling, best of luck Flowers I echo Jam's advice, have you thought of doing a quick private SA to check what DH's swimmers are like? Create Fertility's is less than £100. It will either put your mind at ease or save you a lot of wasted time and heartache.

Thanks aname Smile

Thread 27. TTC #1 - we're stressed, we're fed up, we're bitter but I promise this will all be worth it when we're holding our precious babies
OP posts:
KerryLeanne84 · 24/03/2017 17:18

Alexia - very glad to hear that you and your OH have sorted things out!

Just to echo what others have said about sex while trying to conceive - it really is the worst. There have been many, many times when I didn't really feel like it but had sex anyway, although I do enjoy it in the end. I can totally see how it really damages people's sex lives.

Re losing an OPK - this is TMI but I once left a used sanitry towel on the sink in my (family) bathroom when I was younger. I still cringe thinking about it!

Re IUI - I've written a description of what happened for me below for those who are interested. Had definite ov pains yesterday, so fingers crossed that the sperm and eggs met up today.

Pre IUI - doctor referred me to consultant at my local hospital, after tests confirming that I ovulate, and that OH's sperm count is normal (also, in my CCG, they fund 3x IUI and 1x IVF - I'm not sure how common IUI is elsewhere).

IUI - you call the hospital when you start your period, and they book you in for a scan on day 5. Sadly it is based on availability of appts, so you might not be able to be gotten in on some months.

They scan your ovaries and lining, and keep notes of how big any developing follicles are. They take funny polaroids of them! From day 5, you start on gonal-f estrogen injections which stimulates your ovaries and the follicles to grow.

A few days later, so maybe around day 9, you return and they scan you again and adjust your dosage if needed. They'll tell you how your follicles and lining is getting on. From this point, they scan you every day or every other day as you shouldn't be too far off ovulation.

I went in on monday, (day 10) then tuesday, wednesday and scheduled my IUI for thursday. On Monday my eggs were given a double dose of estrogen but on tuesday more small eggs had grown instead of the big ones growing more. But by Wednesday, two eggs were a viable size (over 1.6cm) so they gave me the trigger shot (hcg) and scheduled my IUI for thursday. (I should say they had also been doing ovulation tests on me, but they hadn't yet come up positive, so they decided to trigger ovulation so it wasn't missed over the weekend).

The trigger shot makes you ovulate around 36 hours later, so I was scheduled for the IUI at 9am (so I should have ovulated before 8pm that day which was day 13 of my cycle). I also had to fill in consent forms saying that I had been informed about the risks, including of multiple births, and my partner had to sign ones about the use of his sperm.

One hour before the IUI, I dropped off my partners sperm at the lab for them to wash it and select the best ones to be inseminated. (He produced the sample at home at 7.15am and I had it to the hospital by 8am).

When it was time for the IUI, I undressed the bottom half, and lay on a bed in a treatment room - one of the fertility sisters who I see for all my appts did the procedure. My OH was there with me and held my hand. They put in a speculum to prop open your vagina, then insert a long thin catheter to put the sperm in as high up as possible. I had some very brief cramps during the procedure, but overall it was definitely no worse than a smear test.

The nurse let me know that I should expect to get or not get my period two weeks from Thursday, and not to take any tests before then as the trigger shot can cause a false positive. Weirdly, I was tempted to take one just to see a test with two lines!

Oh and she said to take it easy for the few days after the procedure.

Our chances are about one in five, so I'm assuming it won't work but I am trying to do visualisation of happy sperm meeting eggs (hilarious stuff!) and implanting. Assuming it doesn't work, we'll be back there for a second try in May (april is out due to easter closing at the clinic).

AlexiaB · 24/03/2017 17:56

Thank you Kerry! Really useful info there and it just confirms what I already knew/expected from an IUI. I'm not ready to do one yet but we were thinking about early next year. About the trigger and testing lol... Well lots of people I know/see on FF "test out their trigger". So from about 5dpo (or even earlier!) they use an internet cheapie and test at the same time every day. They then line them up to see progression. It either fades out completely or fades out and then back in to an obvious BFP. It gets to a point where it's like, 'that's too dark to still be trigger'. Not sure if you're up for torturing yourself like that Wink just thought I'd share what I've seen many do. 🤞🤞🤞 hun xx

OP posts:
sk1pper · 24/03/2017 18:04

Kerry - thanks for taking the time to explain all that, I know I could probably find it all out online but sometimes you just want a first hand explaination that isn't full of jargon. I have my fx for you!

Alexia - he does sound lovely, TTC is a bitch but you've got each other, whatever happens, and thats the most important thing. Thanks for reflecting my advice back at me, sometimes I forget to take a leaf out of my own book....whoops.

Ive had a horrendously busy day at work, I had to leave with loads of emails unread which is unlike me. But I'm trying to reduce stress entirely so getting (relatively) home on time is a priority now. The good thing is I found out today they are improving maternity pay where I work...with immediate effect. When I have my perfect baby, I think I can afford to take a whole year out now to look after him/her. I'm SO excited about this prospect.

The other thing is a girl I know on MN emailed me to say that a lot of women ovulate later in March because of the spring equinox. I don't think this is real science per se, just a weird thing that happens. So when I got home I used my advanced opk and guess what...it's reading as peak! Now I'm wishing we had a GOS yesterday. Doh!

KerryLeanne84 · 24/03/2017 18:05

Ah I didn't know about that Alexia! I think I'll try and hold off until the day my period is due as I don't really think it will have worked, so I don't want to get myself too worked up about it.