Thread 27. TTC #1 - we're stressed, we're fed up, we're bitter but I promise this will all be worth it when we're holding our precious babies

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Here's our Grad's Thread. May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

Good luck with your IUI Kerry. Glad they're doing a trigger - twins would be amazing! 🤞

Sorry Flash and everyone else who's had af arrive.

kwick Hope you get back home soon. You're Winder Woman!

skipper sounds like an possible anovulatory cycle? Can you do a few temps to check what's going on?

Very sorry to everyone I've missed. I'm absolutely exhausted. Mentally and physically drained with this shit. The last 4 nights DH and I were meant to have sex. The first two I was ok with it not happening. I let him sleep, they weren't the most important days but I did let him know my feelings briefly the next day.
Flipped out a bit on the 3rd night. It was a long one but I let it go because I didn't have a positive opk yet.
Well yesterday I got my positive opk 💔 the same shit happened again! I tried patiently for 3 hours. Hand job, blow job, making out all while watching TV. Only got close to sex once and it flopped. Then let him sleep for 45mins, woke him up again and kept trying everything I could. It's just soul destroying and insulting. By 1.30am I'd lost my cool. I was going between crying my eyes out to swearing my head off at him. He has not done anything since last cycle to make this better! We've only had sex once since then too. He said he was going to the Dr tomorrow (today) but I kept saying good but it's too late!
We now have absolutely no chance of a baby this cycle and there will be no 2017 baby for us. My heart is broken. Wtf has happened to him? It's never ever been this bad. We have not said one bad word to each other since last cycle, we NEVER argue. We're best friends. I hate that this is now happening so regularly, it's ripping us apart. He promised me he'd never put me through what he did last cycle again so I can't get over how let down I feel. I did everything I could this month. Took femara, didn't temp much (2 days), didn't think about ttc much, ate so well, fertility smoothies daily, exercised, 2.5+ litres of water every day. All for what? He's been calling and texting all day but I've ignored him. I'm actually still in bed, given up on life.

Wonder*

I'm sorry to hear you've had a rough few days. Hugs and flowers for you.

Perhaps it's the pressure of knowing there are days he's expected to perform? Perhaps if you go for EOD, if you previously had a regular sex life, and don't worry about OPKs it will happen? Or perhaps he is a bit depressed about not being pregnant yet etc and just as stress and worry can throw off our cycles, they can also cause problems for men physically.

But he wants a baby too so I don't get it! He's obviously got some major issue going on, testosterone? I don't know. There's no way to take the pressure off by him not knowing because I ovulate at the same time every month. He knows this! The last 5 cycles my +ve OPK has been CD13, 13, 12, 14, 13. So even if I didn't opk he'd know I was ovulating. He can also tell by how 'wet' I am. We've discussed this all so many times. He likes to know what's going on and says it doesn't affect him at all, but for some reason he can't perform lately. It's killing me! He hasn't mentioned being depressed, we're obviously both gutted we can't have a baby but he's much more positive a person than I am. Also EOD all cycle long isn't possible and it's not something I'd want either. We used to do EOD leading up to and during FW or two days at a time, then a day off. Grr I'm so mad and sad

AF I think here now got some red but at least that means that I've had a 28 day cycle and 10 days after ovulation wahoo but boo at the same time so maybe 'waboo'...

alexia I tend to think the same as flash here. It kind of freaks me out going from dtd just for fun and now it actually having a function and needing to be timed to the day...I know that's the way it is when we are struggling ttc but I imagine DH is under a lot of pressure to perform. Do you dtd outside your fertile period as well to keep the sex for no functional side alive still? It sounds like he feels bad he can't perform if he is going to see GP about it, which will no doubt be a psychological thing. Sometimes blokes just can't do it and it must be as heartbreaking for them as it is us but does not help you feel any better or less frustrated about things I know. So sorry you are having a shitty time of it.

I'm sorry about af Missy

Our sex life was good at first but then life happened and it was 1-2 times a week usually. DH has never been sex mad but when not TTC that suited us. We're loving and affectionate in many other ways. It's been a long 2 years TTC and our sex life has gone to shit. It's just all about making a baby. Tbh I'm even bothered about any other sex, I've grown to hate sex. It's just such an unrewarding chore. The last 2 cycles have been the worst ever though. Yes he's very apologetic today and saying it'll never happen again and that he's going to make it up to me but that's impossible.

Perhaps that's part of the issue, he must feel he's failing if he feels he has to make it up to you? I appreciate without his contribution you can't conceive but I wouldn't want my DH to feel that he was "doing it for me", it's something you do together.

I think if TTC has made you hate sex then perhaps you would both benefit from going to some counselling to help you put that into perspective. I know we all feel down and it's completely understandable to feel depressed that it's not happening, but I think I'd feel pretty sad if my husband hated having sex with me and was only doing it to have a baby, or was angry with me if despite all my wanting to I'd been unable to have sex.

I know this doesn't help but you have a long life and marriage ahead of you, hopefully with babies in it, and it is important that you try and deal with it together.

missy lol @ "waboo"!

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time alexia - your DH must feel rotten as well 💐 for you both. I was just thinking last night that thank fck our TTC chances don't depend on me 'finishing', otherwise we'd be well and truly screwed. I've never been into the actual sex part itself so it really is a chore for me as well. I really hope it gets better for you both xx

💐to skipper and flash as well.

We finally got around to it jam - and thankfully I think that's job done for this cycle! Made sure it was a quickie so we could get some proper sleep. Poor DH is knackered as well.

I really feel for you and your DH alexia, it must be very upsetting for him too. I think you could be more understanding and patient with him; you know he wants a baby and it's not his fault he is having performance issues.

You sound like a strong team - work together on this. I appreciate you are making so much effort with him, but I think he needs the pressure off a little.

Why was EOD not an option?

I understand you must be so frustrated and that you're trying so hard

Flash I know you mean well but really... of course he's failing!? And he knows it. There's no way of dressing it up. Two cycles in a row now he's hardly had sex with me and although I don't enjoy sex much because it's so stressful now (I haven't told him this) I still put my all into it and lately I've got nothing back. He has let me down, he has let us down. He's not doing all this just for me. We BOTH want a baby. He's not doing me any favours!!! All it takes is one or two well timed GOS realistically, that's not much to expect from your husband who also wants a baby, surely? I hope he gets the help he needs so we don't ever have major issues like this again because I can't cope with this. Why I'm so angry is he told me last cycle it was a one off but he has not tried to work on any of the things we discussed since. I need to be firm and angry now so that he doesn't think this is ok and he will do everything to better himself. I'm also taking medication each cycle. He knows this. So I've endured the horrible side effects, for what? I mean, maybe I'm wrong in all this? I just don't know anymore.

Thanks pyjamas well done to your DH for putting in work and giving you the best chance possible this cycle. 🤞 for you!

Ahhh I give up. I was very very patient with him since AF ended and then for the last 3 nights. Then the fourth night in a row I still get nothing. Two cycles in a row! Am I meant to accept that? When I'm taking horrible medication to have a baby and doing all I can. Can I not expect sex once in 4 nights? I cba. Maybe I need help by the sounds of it. I've completely lost it now

And EOD isn't an option because he's not able to do it!! He hasn't managed one GOS since March 1st.

I love and appreciate you all but I can't do this anymore. Talking and writing it down is not helping at all. I'm a desperate, broken little girl by the looks of it.

Apologies Alexia, if there are things he agreed to do which would solve his performance issues and he hasn't done them then you aren't being unreasonable to be annoyed that he hasn't made the effort.

I was only coming at it him from a point of view of him being physically unable to sustain an erection, and assuming he wasn't doing this on purpose and didn't have medication etc to help with it already.

Alexia I understand - I would be very distressed too if my DH couldn't perform for two cycles.

I see what you mean about him not proactively seeking help. He does need to take some responsibility for making it happen too.

Try to stay calm if you can - I know it's so hard - and ask him to book an appointment today with the GP.

You are not broken, but I do think that you need support in a real way to help cope with this, not because you are unreasonable or desperate but because clearly it's taking a massive toll on you for something that you can't control, ie your DH's ability to perform.

Thanks everyone for the positive wishes for the IUI - I had it this morning and it went really well - it was just like a smear test. I was very relieved that DHs sperm count was high - 38 million - as the sample he produced looked tiny and I was worried they might say there was something wrong with it.

I should ovulate later today so we'll have sex this afternoon and tomorrow and then my period is due 6 april.

I'm so sorry to hear of the stressful time you're having Alexia - I have been through similar issues with my DH, who had an op in the end, so I know what it's like, but I can only imagine how difficult it is when you're TTC. SO so frustrating to miss out on opportunities.

Congrats Kerry. LSFX for you for the next couple of days!

Alexia so sorry about what you're going through after last month, it must be so disappointing, especially if there were things he said he'd do. It can be such a punch to the gut when nothing changes.

As others have said, maybe it would help talking to someone together, to help you work it out as a couple? You sound like you have a really strong bond btw you - try to hold onto that while you work out what's going on. Look after yourself - totally get taking a step back, and maybe a pause while you get things back on track will help? Just remember, you might be upset but you're not broken - your strength and positivity is one of the reasons I joined in; might not feel like it now, but you've totally got this xx

sorry for af flash but thats such a massive improvement on your lp so things are looking good!

fx for you kerry really hope it works for you!

alexia , i really feel for you and im not going to try to say i understand how you must feel as i really truly dont, i can only imagine the frustrations and emotions involved when you have invested so much in ttc over such a period of time. Maybe you could take a month off- if you hs you hs, if you dont, you dont, maybe dont take your meds for a month? give yourself a break from them (im not sure if they can just be stopped like that though so if they cant then ignore me), go away somewhere, plan something you both enjoy doing, or even take things out of your comfort zones, hs somewhere completely different at a random time of day, try things you havnt tried before?
I can only presume that its the pressure he is putting himself under that is causing the issues, maybe it didnt even occur to him that it would happen again? I have a friend who didnt hs with her partner for over 2 years because of his mental health issues- he was on medications which meant things didnt work as they should so to speak and even though he has been off them for a little while now it is taking time for him to be able to physically do things, they are getting more intimate again but its been a slow process, even with everything out of his system he can not force things to work but they are getting there, i believe they have used Viagra and he has also had some counselling that has helped. I know this situation is not the same as yours but I am just using it as an example that these things can be overcome and sometimes what occurs is completely out of every-bodies control. But I promise, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is a way to move forward from this and you will have your baby, together you can find the way.

Just had to pop in with for alexia - so sorry you & your DH are struggling. Really hope you can find a way to work through it together.

Still reading along with fx for everyone - especially those of you who are just starting / going down the treatment route.

Hello ladies I would love to have some words of wisdom.
I got married August last year and we decided after Our honey moon it would be the perfect time to stop taking my pill and just go with the flow.
A side note, when I was born my right ovary was removed due to a cysts that was growing with it.
About a month after I stopped taking my pill I was rushed into hospital with a ruptured abscess in my right Fallopian tube cause by scar tissue from the removal of my right ovary and some pesky streptococcus bacteria.
I had a laproscopy to drain the abscess and thought that was the end of it. Whilst still in hospital fighting the infection a lovely nurse told me to see her privet gynaecologist as she wants to make sure my other tube was okay before we ttc. As soon As I was out I booked in to see him and was adviced to have another laproscopy so he could remove adhesions around my bowel caused by the abscess and do a dye test to check my good tube. The surgery was a success, the right tube was completely removed as it once again filled up with fluid and the left tube and ovary were fine! The ovary was stuck to the back of my uterus but was freed and looks healthy. I've since had a scan showing developing follicles in the ovary.
It's now march and in the space of 4 months I've had 2 laproscopies and so many antibiotics. I take a probiotic to stop reoccurring Bv and I'm currently under weight ( but I'm not skinny to look at!)
I have one ovary and tube on my left side and a belly full of surgery scars! just need some hope here. I feel like my body was never meant to carry a child even though my heart so desperately wants one.
Sorry for rambling on!
Thank you for just reading this ladies much love x

Oh Alexia I can understand how you may be feeling. I can appreciate when it feels as though you are putting in all the effort and taking medication to help you ovulate but DH can't perform. Definitely get him to the GP to discuss it, it sounds like perhaps subconsciously he is struggling with performance anxiety even if he says he isn't. Lots of love.
I think part of our problem is not HS enough to be honest as well as no pattern to my cycles/ovulation. We HS once in the last 2 weeks. As it happens it seems this is another anovulatory cycle so don't suppose it matters but I've said to my DH thar if they prescribe me something like Clomid, we will need to focus better on the timing!

Lots to catch up on but just wanted to say thanks for all your comments about my friend's shitty comment about infertility being nature's way of controlling the population. As it happens another friend (who has had IVF) very diplomatically told her as such.

The hospital have called me about 3 times this week offering me earlier appts but because I'm working I've not been able to accept. They called today and offered me an appt for next Tuesday in the evening after work!

Those who been through the process what can I expect from the first appointment? It's at my local NHS trust.

Lots of love to you all.

Alexia I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time. TTC is hard enough without the added stress of missing cycles. I'm sure your DH is just as stressed as you about it and I'm sure it's another obstacle that you can both overcome. You're a truly inspirational lady and I know it will happen for you.

Good luck to everyone else. I'm really rooting for each of you.

Alexia - Oh Alexia, I'm so sorry that you have all this going on in your life right now. I can completely understand your frustration, especially as your 2 years TTC now - it all just feels like wasted time when you miss cycles at this stage. It's also more frustrating when the problems stem from the man, as you say all he has to do is deliver the juice and the rest of the ownership is really on the woman. But I will say this, do not underestimate how much TTC will be stressing him out. Not at a personal level, but at a "caring for you" level. In a strong, loving relationship the man will always be impacted by how the woman is feeling. So if you're disappointed, heartbroken and mentally and physically exhausted from TTC some of that will be rubbing off on him because all he wants in the world is to make you happy. I feel like you guys need to talk about it, away from the bedroom. And I mean really talk, go for a nice walk, get a coffee somewhere relatively private and get everything out on the table including your fears. I think only then you'll start to scratch the surface of what he is feeling and why this is happening. I wish I could help you more hon I really do. You are not broken, you are an inspiration and you will get there, YOU WILL!

Kerry - So good to hear it went well. If you don't mind me asking, what exactly is the procedure in relative detail?

I'm definitely having an anovulatory cycle like Alexia mentioned. You don't have an estrogen peak which would be why my Clearblue opk hasn't displayed anything other than low. I'm trying not to be disappointed but I really can't help it, just another cycle down the drain and like many have already said, my last chance for a 2017 baby. I feel angry at my body, it's letting me down so much at the moment...like it's just giving up with the whole thing.