40+ ttc: bring on the bfp's!

[ababsurdum]

Continuation of the long-running 40+ ttc thread.

Link to the previous thread.

Hello all,

How are you getting on?

I have a question on IVF.

If you manage to retrieve a decent amount of eggs, get more than one decent embryo and they freeze the ones you don't need. When you do a frozen cycle with the frozen embryos, does this count as a new cycle (the ones that cost £3k here)?

Or is this total pie-in-the-sky at my age?

Well I'm out again this month. My temps had been staying up until this morning when it had dropped quite a bit and then af arrived.

I'm obviously disappointed, but at least now I can go and have my hormone levels checked by the doctor. I was told that I needed to have 3 regular cycles before they would do any checks and I've now had that. I'm booked in to see the doc a week tomorrow. At least I will hopefully find out if there is any likely chance of falling naturally, or whether we need to start looking at ivf using egg donation. Has anyone else looked into or tried egg donation?

Ali, I haven't done IVF myself, but at the clinic we went to when it took time to conceive DD, the cost for a frozen cycle was £800 (for the full cycle it was £3000). I guess medicines will add to that. I think there are some ivf threads here at mn, might be possible to get some tips from them. This might also help you jelly? I don't know much about egg donation unfortunately. Sorry about af, though. Hope you get some answers!

As for me I am on the uneventful cycle day 3 dpo, and for the moment enjoying not having to poas or symptom spot. Probably won't last long.

AF due for me on Sunday Jelly and I've known I was out since Tuesday due to spotting and a BFN yesterday.

Am trying to switch off a bit and adjust my expectations. It might happen this year or it might not happen at all!

Hi Ali and Jelly, sorry you're out. It's so gutting.. I hope you're both ok.

Hello ladies, how is everyone? All quiet here just wishing I was 10 yrs younger and had more time to play with! I know I'm so lucky to have my two. Just wish I'd started in better time etc etc. Too many what ifs! Can anyone help me get better perspective? Sending you all baby dust!

Hello Clara I know exactly how you feel.
When my BH and I decided to try for a baby it took 2 months for my cycle to become regular again which finally happened on Xmas eve. I remember thinking at the time that there was every chance that we could have a baby by Xmas this year. This month is the last chance for us to get pregnant and have a baby due before Xmas. I know that seems a silly thing to think, but as I fell pregnant first time of trying for all 5 of my previous pregnancies (I missed carried 2 babies at 11 weeks) I thought that we would be ok.

I'm beginning to struggle with the arrival of af each month. I know we've not been trying for long at all, and I should be greatful that I have 3 grown children and a granddaughter, but I naively thought it would be easier than it is proving to be.

I know I am desperately running out of time (I will be 49 in a couple of weeks) but would dearly have a baby with my BH as he's not got children of his own and is quite a bit younger than me.

I have an appointment at the doctors on Friday to discuss having my hormone levels checked.

Hi I'm new here. Last week has medically managed mc after missed mc. 12 week scan showed no heart beat and baby stopped growing at 8+4. Obviously devastated. This should have been our much wanted first baby. We are both 42 so time not on our side. Got pregnant within 3 months of trying. Hoping to ttc as soon as possible. I also have hypothyroidism but don't know if this had any effect on mc. I know I may still bleed for another week or two and need to wait for period to return, but has anyone else had similar or have any advice? Thanks. Jo

Welcome Jo, and sorry for your loss. It must have been hard, especially since it is your first (mc is hard no matter what, but for me it was helpful to have a young child to distract me). There is nothing I can say that will help, I think, but the experience for most of us (I have followed the ttc after mc tread here for a while) is that it does get easier with time.

I am 40 and had a very similar experience with a mmc early January. I was about ten weeks and it was discovered that the fetus had stopped growing at 8+1. I already have two children, and the doctor at the epu said he was 95 percent certain I mc due to a chromosomal abnormality that is more likely to happen as we age. I found some comfort in knowing that it most likely wasn't anything I could have done differently. I also had medical management, and bled for about two weeks, and spotted longer. We started trying again when the bleeding was over. I feel I need to try to catch every egg that comes along, hoping that the next one will be a healthy one. The two cycles post mc was for me shorter than usual, but it is also quite common that they are longer I think. I am now on my third cycle, and this looks like this one will be more of the normal length.

While you should probably make sure that you get a thorough follow-up due to the hyperthyroidism when you fall pregnant again, it might well be that your mc was just down to bad luck. Hopefully it will happen for you soon! The best of luck!

Clara and jelly, I also often feel discouraged. But I try to tell myself that as long as we catch ov every month I am doing what I can to make it happen. Not always easy, I know. But one of those future eggs must be a good one, hopefully...

Hi everyone and welcome Jo,

I'm sorry for your loss, I know, how it feels. My very first pregnancy was a missed mc (I was 32) and I too found out at the 12 week scan. I found that the best way was to try again asap. I think you should definitely go and talk to your GP about your hypothyroidism and TTC, as it can affect both conception and pregnancy.

Talking about mc, while I fell PG last month, and I would be 6 weeks, I know that I've already had a mc. Even before managing to organise an early scan. PG symptoms have faded away by now, even before started properly, and as it was my 7th pregnancy, I know how it feels.

I too, like many of you feel a bit down, I feel that there is nowhere to go from here. While I have 3 children (aged 8, 6, 4), I wanted a last one, but it seems that it is too late. I'm turning 42 in July (I started TTC for my 4th when I turned 40 ). Also, it is likely that my husband will be sent abroad for a whole year (coming home in every 2 months), so that probably will be the end of the matter.

I know, I'm lucky because I'm not childless, but it is hard to come to terms with the fact that this is probably the endgame for me, and there is the lingering sense of loss right now.

Before I'm off to see the midwife today, I'd like to mention, that with this last PG of mine, it took a very long time for us (7 cycles)to conceive, and interestingly enough it coincided with my smear test (which was done just a couple of days before my OV). I'v read anecdotes about how smear test "helped" with falling PG. Have you ever heard this?

Hi all,
I've been reading the 40plus threads and found them really encouraging and helpful. Nice to know there are people in the same boat.
I'm 41 (42 in Dec) and have been trying since a month after I turned 40. Have 2 kids already, age 6 and 8 so very lucky but would love one more.

I posted before or say I finally got pregnant straight after a laparoscopy where they removed a polyp in my womb and a cyst just beside my ovary. I was thrilled but had a miscarriage at 5 weeks 5 days. That was last cycle. Just waiting for af to arrive as I feel the usual cramps and desire for choc and bread. We tried this cycle too but I doubt it worked. Should know in a few days but not sure how long this cycle will be.

I know what you mean about feeling pessimistic Clara. I have ups and downs every month. It's hard as well because my son aged 8 is desperate for a baby, I think he's as broody as I am which is funny, but it's extra pressure. I've told him we're 'giving it a go' but that it might not happen to manage his expectations. So now I have to try and distract him as well as myself from all the baby thoughts!

One thought that makes me feel better is that after Ww2( I think) the average age for women giving birth to their last babies was 42 and that was before all the medical help we have nowadays. So I just bear in mind that it's all perfectly doable and natural. Hopefully, we'll all get lucky soon.

Sorry about the terrible username, don't know how to change it.

Hi everyone,

Jelly, good luck with your tests today.

Jo, so sorry for your loss. It's such a tough time. Take a few weeks to grieve. I was started trying straight away and put the grief on hold which I don't think has helped me. Hopefully you will conceive just as easily as you did the first time. But yes, I can understand wanting to try straight away in case that egg is the one.

Welcome April and User. Good luck to you both for this cycle.

Mack and User, sorry about your MCs too.

Thanks Alibaba. I had a brief check with my consultant today. I think I'm going to try a few more cycles naturally now and then try ivf. Not sure about the whole ivf thing now. The clinic I'm going to will only do it up to age 42 so they recommended July at latest for ivf. My current plan is if I'm not pregnant then we'll go for ivf then but I might change my mind as it gets closer. good luck to you all too for this cycle. I'm still waiting for period to arrive, it's due any day now but might be different this month after miscarriage.

Hi everyone.

Quick update. I saw the doc today and have to go for blood tests on day 21 of my cycle which turns out to coincide with my birthday! She said they get the results within a few days and to give them a ring to discuss the results. She suggested that my partners sperm be tested as he doesn't have any children, just to rule out any problems there. She did say that although the chance of me getting pregnant naturally is low it isn't unheard of. She also said if we were considering ivf that we need to do it sooner rather than later because of my age and confirmed the best result would be with egg donation. We would not get any ivf treatment on the NHS due to my age, which we knew already.
She did recommend dtd every other day of the month to help increase our chances.

Mack and User sorry to hear about your mc, I had 2, one being my first pregnancy and the second being my 4th pregnancy. Each time I had one period and then started trying again, and was lucky enough to get pregnant straight away. I was however much younger then, my youngest child turned 20 a couple of weeks ago!

Good luck to everyone this month 😊

Good luck ladies x have everything crossed! I am saving like mad for VR or we may consider IVF using ICSI.... not sure yet but need to be quick. I can feel the clock ticking away!! 🙄
We have older teens in the family who are very reluctant to work so at the moment they are having hand outs which grates on me as it's money we could be putting away if they would just get themselves a little job! 🤔

Thank you everyone for your replies and sorry for everyone's losses. I guess we all know how it feels unfortunately. I'd not heard about the smear possibly aiding conception. That's quite interesting and I actually received my reminder that mine was due not long after finding out I was pregnant so obviously couldn't have it then. I asked dr about when I should ad he said once bleeding stopped etc, ideally before ttc again. I stopped bleeding/spotting three days ago so will book it in a few days. Then just waiting for my normal cycle to start I guess. Good luck ev1 ttc and hope we all get what we want at our next attempts. Jo

Hello all! I've not quite caught up with everythimg here but I hope all are doing well. A lot going on in my life, mostly sad, which means TTC hasn't been the focus. We're still DTD but not as fervently. Such is life/what is meant to be - plus other cliches.

Onwards and inwards

Hope it turns in to a BFP for you April xx

Hope you don't mind me joining you all. I turned 40 earlier this month and am ttc #1. We're on cycle 9(ish) and about to enter FW again. I had a chemical at Christmas which makes me hopeful we can conceive naturally. Time is ticking on though...

Welcome mini and wishing you good luck! And also welcome to April and Jo as I haven't been online for a while. Jelly, did you get your results? Hope they came through ok.

City, it's nice to have you back with us. Sorry to hear you've had some sad things going on and hope you're ok.

I'm back on cd1 today so been a bit down. Going to try Violets tip on evening primrose oil this month. Also really confused abt whether EOD or ED/when feel like it is best in fertile window as hear conflicting things on this. If anyone knows pls tell me.. Hugs to all

Hi Clara,

I've done a little research on the net. The latest research says there is a higher chance if you do every single day. Unless yr partner has low sperm count (this is rare). The NHS recommeds every other day throughout the cycle- simple because it is more realistic. If you have the steam every day is the way to go. Good luck.

Oh thanks Mack, that's good to know..!

Hi everyone-sitting here with the niggley pains that let me know FW is starting and I'm feeling optimistic and excited actually surprised I can still feel this way after 7-8 cycles.