Thread 26. TTC #1 - Calm as a hysterical cucumber

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has somewhat worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Here's our Grad's Thread. May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

We don't have rules as such but expect to be talked down from the ledge with kind but firm words if you get too hysterical. But most importantly, don't convince yourself that you're pregnant in the tww. That is paramount!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

So sorry pyjamas- like skipper I had an early night and only just seen the thread now. How awful lovely, what an over reaction from him and totally unacceptable behaviour. You got drunk which is just silly behaviour (and obviously linked to how much stress you're going through TTC)- he however has been aggressive and cruel which is unacceptable

I second that you need to get out today and perhaps stay somewhere tonight to give you both space. He needs to know that you are not sitting around feeling sorry/ guilty as this is totally not your fault. I'm sure your friend would want to help- one of my biggest supports at present has her own health issues at present but she's said supporting me back is actually a welcome distraction. We are all here for you (I will definitely be checking in more than usual this weekend now and feel free to pm me if that's helpful) but this doesn't beat RL support

I hope you're ok- remember you are not reaponsible for his dickish behaviour x

We're in and out all weekend but if you need somewhere to hide, just let me know and you're welcome to use our place. We live in a portered block and the porter has a spare set of keys which you're welcome to use pyjamas

And like others pyjamas I'm afraid I have some plans on and off this weekend but let me know if you need RL support and will do my best to get back to London x

pyjamas that is totally unacceptable behaviour from your DH, I'm so sorry. The fact that you went out on Thursday and he was still raging angry on Friday night really concerns me, and the fact he was trying to start a fight before youd even left. Did you not talk Friday morning or during the day? I have a feeling he does not like you going out because 1. You're disobeying him and doing your own thing 2. He can't drink so why should you 3. He's jealous. Does he go out with his friends too? I feel like he's pissed off because he wasn't invited in some way and there's jealousy factor. This is a HUGE overreaction on his part. There was absolutely nothing wrong with you having a few too many drinks once in a while because 1. AF had arrived 2. You deserve to enjoy yourself 3. It's your birthday very soon! To put this into perspective - if my husband saw me coming home at 2am, drunk and throwing up (even if I'd ignored him all night) he would have ran outside to get me and carried me in and looked after me. Whether that was holding my hair back whilst being sick, getting me water, putting me to bed. That's what husbands should do and you're NOT a bad wife or a horrible person. He should not have made you feel like a piece of shit - there's no reason he should be 'ashamed' of you. He has totally overreacted and I'm sure it all stems from something much deeper, hence him taking his ring off this morning. I just don't understand that petty behaviour. Please don't apologise or chase him, he clearly thinks he's done nothing wrong with how he's acting this morning. I wish you had your mum close to you I can't believe he's spoken to you like that, thrown your things, ignored you and scared you. I also can't believe a grown man has kept a silly 'argument' going for this long. Please take care and know that you have done nothing wrong Big hugs xxx

I'm having a bit of a hard time ladies so I've been struggling to keep up. I keep wanting to reply to everyone but I just feel overwhelmed and feel like I have no energy for ttc. AF arrived yesterday. Does anyone else want to make a new thread? I don't feel worthy because I've been so flakey lately. Just know I love you all ❤️

pyjamas seriously what the actual fuck?!? He is behaving awfully. There is nothing wrong whatsoever going out and having a good time and yes sometimes one drink takes it too far...we've all been there plus he knew you were going out anyway it's not like you just rocked up from work steaming and even then what's the problem!!! It's not like you have a drink problem...even then he should be supporting me not being vile like this. You are right you need a serious chat you need to find out what has made him boil over because it really sounds like he's on a total downer and you are the one in the firing line here.
Why take the ring off over one night of fun, there must be more to his thinking over this surely and he needs to tell you exactly what he is thinking.
Either way you should not be made to feel like this. You can have a drink or three if you want and not be made to feel guilty about it. He needs to lighten up over this or the stress is what's going to impact on your ttc chances NOT an odd night in the tiles

alexia totally ditto to all you just posted to pyjamas ther

Sorry about AF Alexia - but I wouldn't worry about being flakey...I wouldn't even call it that. Everyone needs a break from time to time and the good thing about this thread is you can come back a week, a month, 6 months later and no one forgets you or judges you. I selfishly would like you to be here more often because you give such good advice but you do what you need to do. Xx

Hep - saw your message too, was thinking about you but realised you must of gone on a break whilst I was on a break so missed it completely. Hope you are okay xx

Alexia 💐 sorry you're having a rough time. Hope you have some nice plans for the weekend that you can throw yourself into and distract from TTC/AF. Hugs

I'm so sorry AF arrived for you too sk1pper and that the pain was so excruciatingly horrible. Hope it's calmed down now Thank you for saying that, you're the best ❤️

Binky my love, I was so sorry to read your news yesterday but please don't worry too much. I know it will have come as a shock but this is actually a good thing, you have found out so early! Now they will be able to help regulate your cycles so you don't have 34+ day waste-of-time cycles and they will make sure you O every cycle. I haven't been properly diagnosed but I'm sure I at least have PCO as I have a lot for the symptoms too and didn't always ovulate. LovelyFishy had pcos and conceived naturally and is now expecting a baby girl in May. It doesn't mean you can't conceive on your own, it's just best to let them regulate/shorten your cycles and make sure you're always ovulating so you're not wasting your time and that you have the best chance of conceiving. Has your DH had a SA done? My friend also has pcos and has 5 lovely children, is pregnant again and has conceived naturally at least 8 times (no fertility drugs or even metformin). You will get there lovely

We're just relaxing (working a bit) this weekend but we have VIP tickets to see "The Weeknd" on Monday night which includes drinks and a 3 course meal before the show, lounge access too - so I can't wait! Should cheer me right up

Thank you all so much for your offers of help and RL support, I'm genuinely moved. I got the impression we would talk when he gets back so I'm going to give it one more try. This can't be just it forever. He's heading out again later for his friend's 40th which I'm assuming I'm uninvited to.

You hit the nail on the head there I think Alexia with those reasons. He does go out with his friends (although not drinking at the moment) and I'm genuinely relaxed about it and tell him I hope he has a good time. You made me think of what I would do if I'd seen him being sick - and I absolutely would have wanted to take care of him. He's just disgusted though and has made me feel revolting.

I promise I'll catch up properly on the thread - this upset is just all-consuming right now.

I made a new thread just in case -

LINK

And don't forget pyjamas you are the Queen of fuck-it nights/weekends right!? So this was your much deserved, and totally allowed, FUCK-YOU-AF night. He can't control you and zap your fun and happiness completely. He should have looked after you that night instead of viewing you as some vile monster. You will need to get to the bottom of his anger/issues but I hope you can resolve this today and that he apologises profusely and takes you with him tonight. I really hate the fact he's punished you and dragged this out for so long!

You're exactly right Alexia - that was my fuck it night and what's sad is it really was one of the best nights ever. I haven't laughed so much in ages. It's all such a shame.

He's got home and said he's going to write everything down and give it to me because he doesn't want to argue, I'm going to do the same. Probably the best way to raise things as it's so heated right now. He also said that he saw a neighbour and had to cross the road because he was so embarrassed 😞

The neighbour probably just wishes that he/she had such a fun night out on Thurs! Writing it all down sounds like a good idea, he needs to know how much he has upset/hurt you and I'd guess at the moment, he's too angry to listen.

Writing it down is actually a really good idea. You can both get your feelings in the open without shouting/interrupting each other. It'll be a good way to try and explain what TTC is like for a woman. And be honest about he made you feel!

As for your neighbour, they probably couldn't care less what you're up to and was wondering why he was being so rude! This is between only you two!

You are not revolting for throwing up...I'm pretty sure we've all been there, including him at some point. I'm glad you got to laugh and have fun before it all happened.

That sounds like a good idea pyjamas- hope it helps open the communication and for you to move forwards somehow

Thanks for the new thread Alexia, I'm off there to get comfortable...

Wow, Pyjamas81, I am just catching up and I'm so sorry. I echo what everyone is saying: your DHs behaviour is way beyond the circumstances and you do not need to feel ashamed or sorry. His behaviour sounds shameful and so hurtful (and the wedding ring? wtf is that?)

I know it's easy for all of us to tell you what you should do and you're the one in the midst of this situation, but don't feel bad for having a night of fun, there really needs to be a dose of perspective here on his part.

I'm so sorry -- we're all so sorry.

Hi everyone, mayI join your group?
I come in peace

:)

HI @Aneta553

This is our old thread. We've moved on a bit since then, you can find us here now!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2947764-thread-30-ttc-1-hilda-hopefuls-are-still-riding-the-shag-wagon

@Flashingthepan Thanks!! I will follow the link