Thread 26. TTC #1 - Calm as a hysterical cucumber

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has somewhat worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Here's our Grad's Thread. May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

We don't have rules as such but expect to be talked down from the ledge with kind but firm words if you get too hysterical. But most importantly, don't convince yourself that you're pregnant in the tww. That is paramount!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Good lord pyjamas I'm shocked reading this. His behaviour sounds extreme - he sounds unhinged. Shouting and swearing and throwing your things? What the actual F?

You don't deserve a second of this. So bloody what you let your hair down tonight? You've done nothing wrong. Having a few drinks has probably helped you to unwind and let some stress out, if anything.

It sounds like he has got completely tied up in knots and is blowing things way out of proportion. He is bang out of order and should never make you feel like this.

If I were you I'd be tempted to take myself off and sleep at a friend or family's place for a night or two to let him know how much he's hurt you , how massively out of order and serious his behaviour is and that you won't stand for it.

I'm so angry he's treated you like this

Thank you jam

I managed to get about 5 hours of sleep - I'm still in shock and bewildered. I actually feel sick and like there's a big knot in my stomach. It's times like this I wish I had my family - I would normally go straight to my mum, but she lives abroad. My best friend is ill and I don't want to burden her.

Sorry for taking over the thread with my problems guys - I just feel like I have nowhere to go. Hopefully we can sort it out soon.

You have nothing to apologise for pyjamas, that's what this is for

I'm so sorry this has happened - you should not be treated like that, it's totally out of line.

Am I right in saying you'd thought he was in a mood with you before? It sounds like he might have been bottling something up for a while. If so, staying and talking it through sounds like a brave but sensible thing to do. Do you have a back-up option if he's still in a similar mood or won't talk (e.g. somewhere else to go nearby, even if it's just for a few hours), to have a chance to cool off?

As others have said, please please don't blame yourself - being made to feel guilty or ashamed is a totally shitty thing to do. Thinking of you

P.S. I'm not sure how ill your friend is, but just wanted to say don't see yourself as a burden - friends are for times like these, don't let it hold you back xx

Pyjamas we are all here to support you.

I agree what the others have said, everyone is entitled to go out and have a drink when they want and you told me that was what you were doing well before. Who cares you got completely drunk , it's your Birthday and you needed to unwind with all the ttc stress.

I think he needs to understand that he didn't communicate his feelings in a sensible manner by any means!

Leave him to come to you, he is the one that has behaved unacceptably and he probably knows that.

You will sort things out I'm sure but you need to have a proper discussion and explain to him that you deserve to be spoken to decently not how he acted.

It may take some time but it will be okay.
Sending you a virtual hug.

Thank you quiet

Yes - he was moody before and I suspect it's because he knew I was going out. One of the things he shouted last night was "you did it on purpose, you've been planning this all week." Then put on a whiny voice, impersonated me saying I want a baby then said "like fuck you do"

I'm going to get up and dressed in a bit so am at least more put together for a discussion.

If he's the same - maybe I can go to a coffee shop or something.

Part of me wants to say fine, I'll never drink again, but I feel like I'm being bullied and controlled.

I am sorry I went overboard, but it was a mistake, I can't be perfect all the time.

Was supposed to say you said to him!

Still can't type correctly.

No apology needed at all pyjamas, we are always here to listen. I'm glad you managed to get some sleep last night, even if it was a few hours. Can you take it easy today? I agree re your best friend too, I'm sure she'd want to do all she can to help.

BFN here on a FRER. Fuck knows where AF is! Thought I was at least 16 DPO based on my usual symptoms (EWCM / cramps) but clearly not.

Pyjamas, going out and having a few drinks does not mean you don't want a baby! It doesn't do any harm at this stage at all and I'm sure the stress that DH has caused you is a million times worse for you. He has no right to make any decisions about what you do and don't do either. I'm really sorry, some of the things he said last night are so cruel

pyjamas That's an awful thing to say to you!

You're right - if you had meant to have fewer & feel it was a mistake, then fine - you're not perfect and can do things differently next time.

And if it's about the mistaken idea that any alcohol is terrible for TTC, well you can set him straight.

I so hope you don't feel bullied into a decision you don't want & get to the bottom of why he's reacting this way. Stay strong

Ugh, sorry about the FRER kathrino - not out yet though?

Oh pyjamas

I have a friend with serious illness and she would always offer chats to help. I'm sure your friend won't mind? Think about RL support.

I haven't been on here much as I am trying to step back from TTC this month.

Good luck all.

I'm so so sorry you're having a shitty time pyjamas

Obviously you 1 million percent don't deserve to be treated in that way.

I do think though that long-term TTC places enormous pressure on couples, and sometimes I think even though it's harder for the women (imo), the men seem to bottle it up more and maybe then just snap. Apparently infertility is as stressful to deal with as having cancer so it really is an enormous thing to deal with.

BUT obviously that doesn't make him shouting and screaming at you okay, and implying that just because you sometimes have a bit much to drink you don't want a baby is LUDICROUS. MASSIVE HUGS

I would go elsewhere for the weekend if possible, but I know it might not be. xxx

Thank you MissyJones80s ! The scan is the ones they give you when you're having IUI - they check your uterine lining, ovaries, etc and can see how many eggs are maturing, how big they are. They use the scans to see when you're getting close to O and time the procedure that way.

They do this by sticking a big wand up you which is quite hysterical!

It IS lovely to cycle to work, although I do worry about the amount of fumes I'm breathing in. Where I live there are great cycle paths, and it's a 30 minute trip. I often think as I'm cycling how lucky I am.

Thanks for your kind words too Kathrino and Jam

I need to catch up, I had such an early night and long lie in (whoops). Just wanted to say...

Pyjamas - you have done nothing wrong so please don't blame yourself. That is a complete over reaction on your DHs part. I think he's completely misunderstanding how fucking exhausting TTC is for a woman, both on a physical and an emotional level. You are doing so much to make this happen and you are allowed a night off from time. Screw him. Get out the house today and surround yourself with people who love you. Maybe go and have a nice breakfast if you haven't already, replenish some of that sugar and salt you've lost. Don't worry mate, we'll always have your back xx

Oh pyjamas I'm so sorry for how your DH reacted it sounds truly awful. You have done nothing wrong and definitely did not deserve that. I hope you can talk things through and sort it out, you should never be made to feel like that. Thinking of you

Sorry for the BFN kath still have my fx for you

Saw him briefly and he mumbled good morning. I saw he's taken off his wedding ring - that really hurts.

Going to try and talk to him once he's out of the shower and comes downstairs.

Oh pyjamas, what an awful thing to go through. And what a huge over reaction from your DH. He's clearly stressed from TTC but should never make you feel scared in your own home. That's totally unacceptable

I really don't think any partners understand how emotionally and physically draining TTC is for women. Constantly monitoring your body and then the monthly feeling of failure is horrible. He needs to understand that you need to relax and going out is your way of coping. The stress between you is far more damaging than the odd night drinking.

If it feels like he can't talk sensibly about it this morning, go out for the day and try again this evening or tomorrow. Your friend will definitely want to hear from you. We are all here to support you but sounds like you might need someone in RL.

Taking off his wedding ring is such a petty and passive aggressive move. I hope he's a bit more mature when you try to talk to him this morning pyjamas. Take care of yourself.

This is not going well. He's gone to get his bike serviced, said he's got nothing to say to me, he feels like he's irrelevant and I just want to do what I want when I want regardless of the consequences and he's put his wedding ring in the safe 😢

What a dick. I'm so sorry Pyjamas. Do you have anywhere you can escape to today?

I honestly don't know what to do to fix this. I'm so sad. I said we really need to talk, he said there's nothing to say, he's busy, going to get his bike serviced and that I can work around him for a change. He's just so cold. It's awful.

Nowhere really to escape to kath - don't really want to sit in a coffee shop alone, my best friend is ill (but being v supportive on text) and my other friend lives in Cornwall.

Got any family nearby Pyjamas? If you're near me, I'll come over and see you. Just PM me if you don't want to put it public.

Pyjamas are you London based? I'm sans DH all weekend and knocking around if you want a coffee and rant I'd be happy to lend an ear.