Thread 26. TTC #1 - Calm as a hysterical cucumber

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has somewhat worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Here's our Grad's Thread. May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

We don't have rules as such but expect to be talked down from the ledge with kind but firm words if you get too hysterical. But most importantly, don't convince yourself that you're pregnant in the tww. That is paramount!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Thanks peaches after freaking out about the OPK I now feel pretty calm. I don't feel optimistic but I don't feel like it's a definite no either. We HS at some good times, although I'm hoping for increased freqeuncy next month, and when I panicked the other night that with my one tube and frequent spotting it was never going to happen, he agreed that we need to HS more frequently next month. So that's a bonus!

Fx flash!! And extra GOSing has to be a good thing!!

You never know either alexia - lots get their BFP when least expecting it!

So sorry about your dad peaches but this also does make you refocus on what is important in life - I truly hope your pregnancy is delightfully uneventful

Ok TMI, I feel really 'wet' and keep expecting to see blood but there's none, but not much CM either, just a bit of white. Plus I have a sortof 'hot' feeling inside my vagina. Not like thrush, more like when you've just HS. Plus my boobs don't fit in my bra, and this morning even DH said they looked really big.

flash dont want to get your hopes up but that's exactly what I have been experiencing this week, eek! Except last couple mornings/nights i feel like my boobs have been used as a set of boxing ounch bags. Even if its not then good news that OH is totally on board with upping the GOS quota .

On a totally separate issue, i meant to say earlier i hope you don't mind me still posting, not quite ready to disappear to the grads yet. Not ready to give up you all up just yet. Plus you are all due your bfps any cycle now and I want to take you all over with me

flash fx for those symptoms got a good feeling for you!

The fact that I've got no spotting makes me feel cautiously hopeful, as I haven't had a full day in the 2WW without spotting since last summer.

Oh stay as long as you like peaches, when I do get a bfp I will be here and not joining grads at least until week 6, as that's when I'll have my early scan.

I think I'm going to be the Flash that cried wolf soon with this whole BFP thing! I wonder how many cycles before I stop convinving myself I'm upduffed?! Maybe I'll name change to that if AF arrives.

Tonks I can definitely see it! Congrats

jam hope you're OK, sending you positive thoughts

flash I've got everything crossed for you. All your symptoms seem good!

I'm at desperation stage. Off work today and driving myself crazy googling everything. Tomorrow morning can't come quick enough. It will be my first time using a frer (can't get them in any shops where I live, so had go order online) so obviously I've convinced myself that it's a sign. Everything is a sign...

Thanks so much for all of your support
I am feeling fairly terrible still to be honest. We finally went to bed at 6am. He poured all his negativity - and accused me of forcing him to make an offer on a previous flat that we didn’t get. None of this was true – I would never have made an offer without his consent. I never want the responsibility.
I got very very upset and angry and told him I hated him at one point  I said this is one of the most stressful and emotional periods of my life and I don’t have his support – and it makes me worry for our marriage. I told him I feel like I’m swimming against the tide and that I’m exhausted by it. I ended up throwing the towel in and saying fine – have it your way, we are not buying the flat. He did an instant 360, looked horrified and said no we have to get it. So he’s putting me in an impossible situation – he will be negative and unsupportive and pour stress and doubt on me if we buy it – but we can’t not buy it.
I started writing an email to our solicitor saying sadly we will no longer be buying the flat – and he grabbed the phone off me and threw it on to the sofa and said repeatedly “promise you won’t email them, promise me”.
So when push comes to shove – he does bloody want it. I just have to do all of the work and constantly bat off his doubts and fears and negativity. I have to shoulder all the stress.
All the while I am thinking – how on earth can I expect my body to conceive life when I am flooding it with this stress and starving it of rest?
He is very apologetic today – but it’s falling on deaf ears to be honest. He’s done this so many times, why should I believe he will be any different now?
Anyway I realise this is a TTC thread and not a relationship one. We will somehow get through this. It’ll just be the most miserable house purchase in the history of property.
tonks definitely a line, congratulations!
hep good to hear from you, I was wondering how you were doing
peaches so sorry about your dad. It sounds like you and your DH have been through a hell of a lot. I also found your post very thought provoking. We do have to find happiness in the moment and not keep living for one day getting pregnant.

jam i'm so sorry for all that you're going through. Perhaps when you can face talking to him you should say that in future you will give him three chances on big decisions "do you want the flat? etc" and that if he says no three times over a period of however long, you will take him at his word. It's one thing to be the driving force behind something you both want, it's another thing to have to be the driving force and be made to feel like you are forcing him to do something he doesn't want.

Say that if he doesn't want you to email them and pull out, in future you only want to hear his genuine concerns voiced in a mature way, you do not want to once hear that you talked him into it, or made him do it, and that if he wants his concerns to be taken seriously then he needs to remember that what he says has consequences, ie that you may well have ended up emailing the solicitor and pulling out because he made you believe that was what he wanted.

And TTC is all about relationships Jam don't ever feel like you can't share!

Gaelach have your frers arrived? Stay calm, I've peed on everything I can get my hands on. You'll feel better for having waited (I can never wait!)

Oh, what a hard thread to catch up on. But some brilliant advice and support though.

jam This thread is for sharing whatever you need. I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. I really hope you DH begins to understand how his negativity is affecting you and the whole process. Investing in London property is much better than having your money in a saving account at the mo. And buying while interest rates are still low is the best idea. If you waited another year or so you'd be pushed out further from the areas you want to be. Sorry, I know you know this but maybe worth repeating it to your DH if he's so worried about it.

Alexia no one is here to judge you and I'm so sorry it's been so hard for you. As others have said, I think you really need a break from TTC and time to focus on your relationship and an opportunity to be the people you were before you started trying.

Tonks congratulations, definitely something there. When are you going to retest?

Flash it all sounds promising. Everything crossed for you. And good luck gaelach

AF still not shown up over here. No idea what to think. I spend my day swinging between optimism and pessimism. Deep down I don't think think is my month though after the BFN.
I have a stinking headache today but I think that's because DH insisted on making me decaf tea this morning and I've not had any caffeine all day.
kathrino trying so hard not to trust the boobs but they're so persuasive sometimes!

Ugh Jam, it sounds like he's trying to manipulate the situation so that he never has to make a decision and you end up 'forcing' him to going ahead with something. It must be so isolating for you to continually have to battle against that. And there's no point him being all apologetic this morning if he doesn't change the way he behaves and the way he deals with stressful situations. I hope you can relax (and catch up on some sleep) over the weekend

Flash, I'm so hoping that this cycle works out for you. Same for you Gaelach and macs too. I think we're about due a lovely run of BFPs.

Peaches, I always so value your contribution to this thread, please don't leave us anytime soon!

That's exactly it flash - I don't mind driving the project the emails take me minutes if that, but I can't shoulder the burden and responsibility of it. Kath it is really isolating :( I don't feel that I can lean on him.

Macs that's really reassuring thank you. Your comment about decaf tea was so sweet and made me think my DH would never think to do that. He's never treated me like I might be pregnant.

Can I ask if and how other peoples OHs support you through this? It might give me some ideas of what my DH can do.

Thank you for everyone's messages, I'm cautiously optimistic for a stronger line to come but trying not to get carried away (not that it's working!).

I'm going to retest on Sunday morning. I'm all out of FRERs so have ordered some from amazon to be delivered tomorrow (but I'm out all day) - I'll let you know how I get on.

Flash fx for you, your symptoms sound very promising!

Alexia I'm sorry this cycle is not going to plan. I wouldn't write it off though, it only takes once. The main difference this cycle for me compared to others is extra stress, acupuncture and drinking lots of milk. It's by far been the most stressful. I came across the term TEBB (Tail end brown bleeding) and convinced myself there was something wrong. Then convinced myself I hadn't ovulated, even though my chart looked like I had. And I haven't had a proper nights sleep in the last 3 weeks, I keep waking every few hours.

Peaches I really hope you get to share many more christmases with your dad. It's a worry I share with both my parents who have health issues. I suppose the key is to make every day count.

Gaelach and Macs, fx for testing. This thread is long overdue a string of good news and I have a good feeling!

Jam I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with DH. TTC/house buying are two of the most exciting yet terrifying life experiences there are and it's such a shame that you're losing the exciting part of it. I hope you manage to resolve your DH's worries with the house and manage to move forward.

jam I'm cross with your DH for you. You're totally right - he wants you to shoulder all the responsibilities. It's not fair. Now that he has stopped you from pulling out he has shown that he does want it. And if he ever tries to say that he didn't in future you can remind him of that moment. My DH was a bit like that about our wedding. We had a 6 month engagement and we both agreed on that, but when things got stressful with the planning and he tried to say it was my fault I wasn't having any of it.

Of course you wouldn't buy a house if he hadn't wanted to. Of course it was a joint decision.

I think you're right though you need to not stress for the sake of ttc. Where are you in your cycle?

Lol harriet my lovely RL friend is cross with him too. He took me out for lunch and apologised profusely. Said he finally sees it from my POV and me saying "Right we are not getting it then" made him realise he does want it. He said his attitude towards the whole thing now will change. We shall see.

Cycle wise I am 6 DPO. On the extreme offchance my egg got fertilised it's probably feeling totally stressed out and pissed off. Haha.

tonks you have no idea how much it reassures me that you can be stressed and still conceive.

Also no more talk of grads leaving if they don't want to. Please stick around as long as you want.

Fx he does change his ways jam! Me & DH have had situations similar to this before, not TTC or house buying, but sometimes a big blow up and realising what could be lost, while not how you want to resolve the situation, can be enough to change behaviour - I hope so for you

Friend from work just had her baby, and both her first and middle names are on my favourite names list. Grrr. Obviously delighted for her but now what am I going to call my fictional kids?!

Just wrote a lovely long reply and it crashed....

alexia I'm sorry for what has happened but it sounds like your relationship is so strong and hope you can move on and try and have a happy 2ww.

jam house buying=super stressful. I could never tell how committed my dh was and did pretty much all the work by myself but realise now it wasn't because he wanted it any less and more because I like being in control and he knew that and felt that arguments were less likely to occur if he let me do the work than if he did anything and did it wrong...
Hope you manage to iron thjngs out and move forward with the purchase though, property is a good thing to buy atm. Once you get the keys I am sure you will both be over the moon as even if it isn't perfect it will be yours and you can make it what you want.

Fx for all testing soon.

I am sitting on cd 5, nothing much to report really.

Jumping from page 19 to post before I catch up but wanted to offer my support Alexia for your terrible night. I'm so glad you and Dh Have such a strong and understanding relationship. I hope things are smoother for you over the next few days!

I'll read and catch up after. Didn't want to read and run!

And now I caught up!
Oh jam sounds like a frustrating situation you have there! My partner is ofnthe opinion that you don't need to buy a house and we should just rent forever . This does not fly with me AT ALL, so we have had a fair few chats about the future security for retirement and our kids and he finally came round. Now to save for the deposit

So I had my blood tests and got half the results back. I have borderline fsh/lh levels so off to the gynae for me! Waiting on the rest of the tests but I think it points to PCOS (which I suspected)
Cycle day 75 and I've spent the week in freefall. Crying at everything and hating myself, thinking I'm a horrible person and terrible at my job. And I don't paint my nails enough....

Someone give me some wine and chocolate and bed until AF rears her ugly head and I can deal with cramps and fainting spells !!!

Thanks kaydee
*
Glitter* yes re the keys 🔑 this is what I'm hoping for! I think he will be the same with pregnancy / baby tbh. Might as well start prepping for that now... deep breath...

Hi vi you poor thing in this limbo, how frustrating. Do you have to wait long to see gynae? We saved for years for our deposit - it is satisfying to do it yourself.

I hope you're all having happy relaxing Friday evenings girls. DH is out with the boys doing his ginger pig course I got him for Christmas - no doubt will involve booze but I want him to enjoy it so did not say a word. I'm having a chilled night in. I made Jamie's sausage pasta bake and have had a mini bottle of red wine. My rosacea has flared up badly because of the stress last night - so I've also got a bag of frozen peas on my face!

Here's the list with our newest grad;

BFPs due
Macs - 22 Feb
Missy - 25 Feb
Flash - 26 Feb
Gaelach - 26 Feb
Quiettime - 1 March
Londonjam - 4 March
Hopefulbunny - 5 March
Smittenpears - 7 March
Kathrino - 9 March
Mrsbluebell - 10 March
Kaydee - 11 March
Alexia - 11 March
Pyjamas - 11 March
Binky - 12 March
Miranda - 17 March
Harriet - 19 March
Winging - 21 March
Missy - 21 March

Grads
Kav
Mrsg
Wanting
Music
ScottishLady7
Starmist
FXSkip
Dixiechick
NS
Presh
Gimble
Peachytech
Starfish
Colourmylife
Poppet
Peaches
Tonks