Thread 26. TTC #1 - Calm as a hysterical cucumber

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has somewhat worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Here's our Grad's Thread. May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

We don't have rules as such but expect to be talked down from the ledge with kind but firm words if you get too hysterical. But most importantly, don't convince yourself that you're pregnant in the tww. That is paramount!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Dinner was lovely thanks Kaydee

Quiet yes it's so hard having no control. We've discussed it a lot since last night and how to avoid this again. Mainly DH doing his job haha!

Kathrino I felt a bit like ahh reading your comment, mainly the bit that said 'our marriage would be over'. So I asked DH if he felt like leaving me due to my actions. His response was "what? I've already forgotten about it". I then pushed him for his true feelings about last night and he said "Look I know what you go through each month - side effects from femara, opks, temping, periods so for me to just let you down like that I completely understand why you lost it as you've been building up to this moment since your birthday. It never would have got to that crazy stage if I'd done my job. I just wanted you to understand I wasn't doing anything to deliberately hurt you".

I'm relieved at his reply but deep down I knew that anyway. Our relationship is solid but I do understand your concern and it was dramatic circumstances.

So stressed out and in floods. Just everything piling on top of me and I can't sleep worrying about the flat and our appointment next week. No support from DH. I asked him how he felt about it and he just said shit, really low. Didn't bother asking me. Even though I'm the one desperate for a baby all these years, devastated that we can't conceive.

We've had a massive row and he said he wasn't sure about the flat, his heart is not in it, not sure about the area and would have rented for another year.

Every word is like a dagger to my heart. I've done everything for the flat purchase and the stress of it is pushing me over the edge. I feel like he is effectively washing his hands of the responsibility of it. It's all on me - I'm risking every thing we have our entire life savings on this and it's all on me.

Oh Jam, I'm so sorry. You're going through two of the most stressful things in the world and I'm just so upset for you that you have so little support from your DH. He may be finding it hard but that doesn't excuse his behaviour at all, you guys are supposed to be a team. I hope you are doing okay this morning, thinking of you

Oh no jam I'm so sorry. I really feel for you. Your DH is wrong- buying your own place is absolutely the right thing to do. You will be starting a family and the security of your own home will be so worthwhile. And it isn't all on you. If he didn't want it to happen he bloody well should have said something sooner - he can't have it both ways. Ask him now if he wants to pull out and give him a deadline to decide. If he doesn't (and he won't) then it's a joint decision and if he says anything else negative you can remind him of that.

We've all said this before but TTC is so all-consuming for us and really not for the men. I think for the sake of your relationship and your future baby-making efforts you need to focus on the great things about your DH and your relationship. I think we just can't expect them to feel the same way as us, frustrating as that is, so there's no point in punishing them for that.

Really sad that you were so upset though. Hope you got some sleep and feel bit better now.

Jam so sorry you feel like everything is piling up on you. Where are you at with the flat? Are you fully committed or is there wiggle room? Similarly, if your DH doesn't think his heart is in it, where do you stand on it? Is it one you love & have to have? It unfair of him to put it all on you though, you wouldn't have got as far as you have with it without him signing forms, going to viewings etc. I would give him a deadline to decide & think things through, as given the choice himself, he'll have to work out whether he is just apprehensive or not. So sorry though, hope you've managed to get a bit of sleep!

Oh london 💐* Sorry you had such an awful night. Remember- everything seems worse at nighttime- I hope that this morning nothing looks quite so bad. Harriet* has said it brilliantly. You are a team going through these 2 major life stresses, it's so hard but wishing you all the luck in the world x

Alexia- others have said it all really- your behaviour was totally not on, but very pleased you have apologised and moved on from it with your DH. You are very lucky he's a forgiving man! We all get the TTC crazy, but I agree with others who say you should think about how you can cut back the pressure. The reason TTC sucks so much is that it feels out of our control, and it sounds like this was the crux of the issue. But we can't always control things- and if I've learned anything from my long term health problems, anxiety around control is never good for our bodies. I'm a big one for reflecting and trying to move forwards in a positive way, so I hope that you will/ have spent some time thinking about how you can stop anything like this ever happening again

Stay strong girls👍

App bold fail! 😬

Also, for you lovely ladies who asked, I've rebooked my scan for 2 weeks (which almost coincided with TWW so that will be great for my craziness 😫) and gynaecologist friend has said if that's ok the blood test is probably just a weird one, nothing to worry about. So hopefully no cysts in 2 weeks and it's just my body playing tricks with me!

jam

I'm dialing back from this thread, as am going for a low stress month.

jam so so sorry you are going through this ball of shit. Your DH behaviour is worrying, is he like this about loads of things and has he been like this your whole relationship ? Just wondered if it was just who he was or maybe if he's having some sort of life crisis at the moment? Either way I totally feel for you doing all of this alone, two very important things and actually what should be exciting things as well and he's making it all shitty and giving you a whole load of stress just when you don't need it. The reason I ask about if it's just the way he is or if this recent behaviour is new is I'm trying to figure out if it's the kind of thing you might be used to expecting from him, in which case how have you dealt with it before? Are you happy with feeling like this through the rest of your lives together? If not some big decisions may need to be made because it sounds like you are so unhappy...again I don't know you guys you will have to figure that one out.
If on the other hand this behaviour is new maybe he's having a bit of a melt down/ crisis ? I know that again doesn't help with the way you feel but maybe the pressure of a number of things has got to him and tipped him to the point where he is super worried about everything in an irrational way...? So frustrating if this is the case because you don't want to miss the boat with the house arghhhhh totally feel for you

I'm sorry I've been AWOL for a couple of weeks. I got pretty stressed this month (which is a very common theme amongst us at the moment!) so I've been trying to dial back during the TWW. I've still been reading though, I'm sorry so many of you lovely ladies are having such a tough time, it really isn't deserved.

I'm jumping on for a bit of advice. We had an appointment booked today for a fertility MOT. We thought if we knew we had no problems then if it took another 6+ months we would be less stressed as there's no reason it shouldn't happen. Today is 10dpo so I took a test. Well 4 actually. 1 FRER, 1 CB digital and 2 different brands of IC. I think I may have a squinter on the FRER but the other 3 are definitely negative. I have cancelled the fertility MOT - am I wrong to get my hopes up? DH isn't convinced (and won't be until we get a clear positive or feint lines on 2 different types of test).

alrxia you sound like you are also having a shitty time of things emotionally at the moment. I think we all need to remind ourselves that when ttc with our DH we are doing it as a partnership and we are hopefully going to bring a gorgeous bub into this world in a strong and healthy relationship. Our relationships need to come top over everything here, if for some super shit reason we all never manage ttc we will still have an awesome relationship with the person in the world we love most.
Our DH are no robots and sometimes, at the most flipping shit times, they just don't feel like a GOS, most the time they will try for us but there will be that odd fuckin bad timed occasion when for whatever reason they can't!
Also a GOS has turned from a spontaneous act of passion into a slickly timed operation - at one stage early on with my DH I kinda started feeling like he was DTD every night with me no longer because I was totally ravishing to him but just part of this biological process...which was a weird feeling to have. I tried to make things a little more spontaneous since feeling like that because a GOS for me is really important on that emotional level - as I would imagine it is for most but not all people.
Alexia it sounds like your DH totally feels awful about what happened and I'm glad you guys have patched things up I'm glad you have apologised too. We can all have moments in life when we lose the plot whether it be for ttc purposes or not. As long as we can talk it through and try to better ourselves in the future then we're all okay xxx

tonks! I see a line! My last bfp I had nothing from clearblue and a clear line on FRER - I would take that as positive - congrats!

What is your fertility appt though? Is it private and have you paid? If you've already paid maybe you could go anyway and they could confirm the pregnancy? If you don't lose any money by cancelling though I think definitely forget it!

The fertility MOT is private, we haven't paid anything yet. I rang up and cancelled and they never mentioned payment so it should be ok.

Ooh that's a definite squinter Tonks but I think I see something there too! I'm not surprised the others were negative though if you're 10 DPO. I will keep everything crossed for you and the line gets stronger and stronger.

I can see a line Tonks

I think I can see it better when I don't enlarge it Tonks! Try not drinking much today and going again later if you can't wait until tomorrow to test again. I know I wouldn't be able to wait!

I did a FRER this morning, also 10 DPO, but it was snowy white and OPKs are white now too. Definite red herring. Plus side, no spotting since first thing yesterday morning, even though I had a bath, and prodded around to see if I could find anything. Think I will do one Sunday morning if no signs of the witch by then. I feel moody and have huge boobs, but not actually pre-menstrual if that makes sense.

Alexia . The reason I went for a quiet cycle last month is because I was becoming overwhelmed with the whole ttc thing. Long story short, finishing 2016 with no bfp after my mc was devastating for me. So much so I basically fell out with OH as his Christmas night out fell right on my OV day. I was very moody expected him to cancel when the truth was, in the middle of our argument he told me that the whole night was planned around him organising something for my birthday the following weekend that actually suited more of his colleagues better!! My Dad is very sick at the moment and because Christmas fell in the tww I felt I was on edge all day. Watching everything I ate, trying to avoid drinking etc... The reality is that could have been my last Christmas with him which breaks my heart and I never took time to appreciate what I had. I know how much you and your OH love each other and that you will get there in the end, but what about agreeing to have a fuck it weekend each cycle where you just focus on each other, do things you love and dont mention ttc. I found it quite liberating and for the first time in a long time we had some good old sex for no other reason than we wanted to. I know it's easier said than done but the stress you were both under can be detrimental to you both. I hope you have something fun planned for you both this weekend x.

Ohhhh tonks, wait a day or 2 (if you can) and test again. But I definitely see a faint line congratulations!

hep fx crossed a chilled cycle is what you need x

binky i hope your test goes well. Will jump back and check how it goes x

jam i was watching some LLL with Phil & Kirsty last night and I thought of you. I really feel for you, you must feel like you are taking everything on the chin right now! In terms of buying what is your DH concerns? In terms of the London market I don't think there is a great risk in buying, even with Brexit looming. Property there doesn't seem to dramatically change all that much. Worse case scenario the flat doesn't fly up in price like property has in the last decade. But if you do wait too long you may find that you are priced out of the market if prices do go up despite Brexit. My BFP is in London so I've been through a few ups and downs with them with regards to renting/buying. Do you think if you wrote to one another using text, email or such that maybe he would open up a bit about what is causing him to be soo tense about changes? Sometimes it's easier to be honest when you are not directly looking at each other and scared to say the wrong thing? How about suggesting that once everything is concluded you let him pick a weekend away, even somewhere nearby and inexpensive, where, like I said to alexia, you both just focus on each other? No ttc talk, no worrying about moving etc.. just do some of the things you both enjoyed when you first got together? It could be something as simple as a cinema day, long walks, visiting a nice food market? It's been a stressful few months for you xx

kwick thank you. So lovely to hear from you. Always hear for you and again, I hope you have someone there for you for hugs in RL. x

Fx that we are on a bfp roll again everyone x

tonks I can also see a squinter

Oh, flash you are not out until you are out! If it helps, this cycle I had very few pms symptoms. I usually get sore boobs but this didn't happen until after my bfp. What I mean to say is sometimes no symptoms are just as good as none! Really hope Sunday brings you good news x

I don't know about anybody else but your post is a real wake up call for me Peaches, I really appreciate you sharing. It's given me a lot to think about. I'm so sorry about your dad too

Congratulations Tonks that's a definite early BFP! A FRER detects hcg at 6.3miu, the clearblue digi is much higher. They state 50miu but I've seen it work on less. I wouldn't use a digi again until you have a darker line on a FRER. Did you do anything differently this cycle?

Jam I really am so sorry you're having to deal with all that added stress from your DH I really don't understand it. I agree with what Peaches said, London property is a safe bet and it's very unlikely you'll lose money. You will waste more money lining your Landlord's pockets for another year or two and the house prices could well go up in that time and you'll regret it. I really think you should keep pushing and drag him through this. Lots of love and hugs.

Binky fx for your next set of tests/scans. Glad your friend was able to give you some more positive news about it.

Thank you Peaches, I'll take that on board. And thank you also Missy and Binky I really appreciate all the comments about the other night and would love to reply in more detail as you have so kindly done but I don't want it to take over the thread any more than it already has.

Quick update- Last night wasn't a success either but I held it together and went to sleep. Wanted to try again when I temped but quickly realised he had woken up with a horrible head cold. Frustrating but what can I do. I know I'll be crying again in 2 weeks time so I'm preparing for the worst already so I can avoid a huge meltdown again. A bfp would be a huge surprise after this awful FW.

Sorry I forgot to say I'm so sorry to hear about your dad Peaches - I truly hope he gets to meet this little bubba and you get many more Christmases together

Thank you kath. In the last few years my OH and I have been through a lot. I have helped nurse both his parents through terminal illnesses as well as someone very close to me. Having a baby was our way of looking to the future and striving for happier times. I guess seeing my dad so ill has made me realise that I have to find happy times in the here and now too. I just hope this pregnancy processes well and he can share in this happiness too .

Thank you alexia i would love to think he will. Trying to be positive