Thread 26. TTC #1 - Calm as a hysterical cucumber

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has somewhat worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Here's our Grad's Thread. May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

We don't have rules as such but expect to be talked down from the ledge with kind but firm words if you get too hysterical. But most importantly, don't convince yourself that you're pregnant in the tww. That is paramount!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Thanks for the reality check too Jam much as I want to get excited I also know at the moment there's nothing really to be excited about. I can wait, I can wait, I can wait...

We only looked at 4 places Jam, I had buyers regret for a while after we'd moved in, as it needed so much work and felt like it would never feel like home. But now, we've been there nearly 4 years and it's finished and I love it so much. It makes me sad to think we'll need to move at some point for more space.

You've been on a rollercoaster this cycle flash and hope you end up on top with BFP

Glad to hear it turned out good. The place we are buying doesn't need much doing at all, which is what we wanted. It has however got planning approval to do an extension - which we both feel quite excited about.

I think people underestimate how many emotions can be involved in buying a house, but unless there is a specific misgiving you or OH has about the place your buying (bad location/really stretching your budget etc) once you are in, and living there it will start to feel like home, but don't be surprised if either of you doesn't feel like it straight away. Equally, you might get in there and feel totally delighted by it and never look back, but it's all normal!

Thanks for the reassurance. I had a BFP from DPO 12 - 18 last time before it all went away so kind of figured if It would show around that time again. I'm not holding out much hope but if no AF I'll be testing with you on sat flash.

I think all properties have more to do than you realise and you just have to accept that. My friend has just moved into a really fancy, high spec place and they've found quite a few thing they didn't expect! If you've found somewhere you love, it shouldn't matter if you've seen 4 or 400!

flash thanks for all the acupuncture info, I think I'll book myself in. And fx you'll get a bfp come the weekend! Same for you macs! I'm also going to test on Saturday.

DP and I just moved into our 1st home on 1st Jan. He was friggin useless in the whole buying process, didn't arrange any viewings, complained about stupid things in various houses, dragged his feet with the mortgage application and was generally cruising for a bruising the whole time. It took a few drinks for him one night to admit that he was worried about how big of a decision is it.
Now we've moved in and there are millions of things needing done. The house was build in the 30s and has crumbling walls character. DP calls it the 'fun house' because just when you think you know the place, you find another wee surprise hidden somewhere. We've had great craic creating an entire narrative about the man who lived here before us. Ex-cop with one leg who was a massive radio enthusiast, possibly in the well known Irish mafia.

I'm 9dpo and relaxed symptom awareness (RSA) indicated sore boobs and a gurgling tummy, could be hunger though.

Thanks jam. Feeling pretty teary about it randomly after feeling okay when it happened. I think it's because this is the first month my LP has been perfect, we had a GOS at all the right points and I ovulated on the perfect day...so maybe without thinking about it I'd got my hopes up . We love our house now but we were pretty young and naieve and just got the first one we went to see, it had so much to do to it in fact it's still not finished and we've been there 10 years!! I think DH had a teeny bit of a melt down a month after when the realisation it was real kicked in...i think most blokes tend to do that before like yours! He loves the place now though in fact I'm not sure he will ever fancy moving as we've put so much of ourselves into it!

Missy if your LP was perfect that is a good sign, means your body is getting ready to do what it needs to do, I know it doesn't make it less disappointing.

I realised the B vitamins in my pre-conception vits is only about 2 mg total! And as I was taking them to stop spotting which needs a dose of 50-200 mg, no wonder it hasn't helped! So I have ordered the B 50 Mega Complex from Holland and Barratt, which people on the Miscarriage boards recommended. It also has folic acid in, so can take it instead of pre-conception vit.

So here we go...

CD1
TTC#1
Cycle 6
BFP???AF 21March

Thanks flash yeh maybe i realise loads of you guys have been ttc much longer than me so it's not abnormal but I know the closer you get to the 6 month mark the more people seem to get down so that's prob me at the moment! If you guys can do it so can I!

Good stuff about the vitamins there hope it works out for you. I just take folic at the moment.

alexia or anyone what were those cheap but effective OPKs you suggested I can't find the post any more!?

Oh just reading back at my message above I hope no one misreads it it doesn't mean to sound like because you guys have been trying longer than me it's abnormal! What I mean is it's totally normal for it to take much longer than expected xx

So sorry about AF Missy and that you're struggling a bit at the moment.

Flash, I think a FRER on Saturday sounds like a good plan, particularly if the bleeding (yesterday? I can never keep track of time on this thread!) was implantation. Keeping everything crossed for you, you so deserve that BFP.

Macs, don't trust the boobs! Hoping AF stays away today and it was just a bit early yesterday.

Kaydee sounds like you're well on track. I'm in awe of your dedication to HS!

Jam, think I probably did just miss it. Trying not to stress about it now as there's nothing I can do about it! Hope DH is feeling a bit better today. We had one day of house hunting and offered on the second place we viewed. We knew as soon as we walked through the door that we wanted it and have never regretted it for a minute. I think in London it's hard to make a mistake too.

Sorry for AF missy, I know what you mean. We're now onto cycle 7 and that was quite hard to take as we've passed the 3 month and 6 month mark where some sites say that's the average time ttc. Fx this is your cycle 😊

Fx for flash, macs and gaelach and anyone else waiting, really hoping more bfps are on the way!

Hope the rest of the house buying process goes easily jam there always seems to be so many little things that need to get sorted in the final stages and it takes time - our mortgage advisor somehow put DH down as 'Mrs* which stopped the whole process!! Can laugh about it now but at the time was so frustrating!

I'm so with you all on the beach holiday, could think of nothing better right now!

I'm going for no BFP, AF due Sunday. Have calmed self down now.

How does everyone feel about stomach crunches/ab work during 2ww? I don't do anything else differently but not sure if thats a step too far?

Okay, so I've just about recovered from last night's ordeal to post. It was absolutely torturous. I got into bed around 11 and DH was there watching TV. All I could think was 'we need to have sex immediately!!!' I had just got a 'darker than control line' OPK at 10.30pm. I let him know I was going to put Preseed in hint hint and he replied 'oh, do you want to do it now?' which immediately got my back up! I then tried so hard to make it happen, literally pulled out all the stops except a BJ. Absolutely NOTHING would work. It was like he was broken! I cried, I screamed and then ended up angry-messaging my friend for a while whilst he fell asleep. Not long after I woke him up again to try. I was panicking. I could see my 'baby' slipping away. This was night 3 of him failing me and by this point I seriously lost my temper. I'm not proud but I slapped him whilst he was lying down (not on his face, his torso) and told him to fuck off, leave me alone etc. As he was sat on the side of the bed I also kicked him in the ribs TTC has made me crazy, guilty. Then to cut a loooong story short the rest of night went something like this. Millions of angry, begging messages asking him to fix it all, why doesn't he love me? Am I really that unattractive? He then came back after an hour or so. I was calm. We tried again. Still not working! I then started having a full on panic attack. Crying, sobbing, hyperventilating, screaming and thinking about everything and everyone I know who's pregnant and blaming him for all this. He was still being sweet despite everything and was trying his best to calm me down. He was even sat on the edge of the bed rubbing my feet to try and sooth me but I was adamant I was not going to sleep until we'd had sex! It was already 4.30am by this point. We weren't sleeping. I couldn't understand why he was doing this (obv not his fault) and why I'd wasted all day pissing on sticks, temping, taking Femara etc. for him to just ruin it all and not even give us a chance this month. I was literally begging to have sex like some possessed banshee. Anyway, I eventually calmed down again and we FINALLY had sex at about 5.10am. We then had to get up at 7 Absolutely exhausted and emotionally and physically drained. The stress has probably my ruined our chances anyway. It's ridiculous how instantly happy I was once I'd got it. We definitely hit an all time low last night. I probably shouldn't even be writing all this but it's weirdly therapeutic and I know we're not the judging type here promise I'm not usually like this

Missy so sorry about AF I use Step® 90 Ovulation Tests - Highly Sensitive Ovulation/Fertility Tests - 20miu/ml Ovulation Tests Brand change to:One Step® [[www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0071N6YOA/ref=cm_sw_r_wa_apa_r5VRybABWN36Z?tag=mumsnetforum-21 these]] OPKs.

Jam hope you get the house stuff sorted soon so it's one less thing for you to worry about. Keep dragging your DH along, it'll be so worth it in the end.

Kathrino hope you managed a GOno stressS

Binky hope you get answers soon my love. Please keep us updated xx

Kaydee you've done so well this cycle. LSFX for you!

Flash the opk thing does work for a lot of people. I'd be cautiously optimistic if it's darker tomorrow, especially as it's worked for you before.

LSFX macs. How are you feeling?

Welcome all newbies and good luck to those testing soon!

Sign me up for the Seychelles too

Sorry link fail. OPKs for Missy - www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0071N6YOA/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Wow Alexia. What a roller coaster. Absolutely right there's no judgement here, although of course you know it was wrong to hit/kick because he couldn't/wouldn't have sex with you. I'm not saying that to be cruel or judgemental, but because if your DH had done that to you, I would be saying exactly that too.

Can I suggest that you take a cycle off from using OPKs/temping etc. In my opinion they should be a useful tool to guide you, not something that turns the process into such a hell as you experienced last night, which will do neither you nor your OH any good.

You might want to also take the opportunity tonight/weekend to do something non-TTC related, that is just fun and relaxed for both of you. I also think that you owe him an apology for your behaviour, as you need to make sure that whatever happens, you keep your relationship with him strong and paramount.

Our DHs/OHs/DPs are not our ticket to a baby, in the same way that we don't want them to judge us for what we do or don't do to get pregnant (drinking, exercising etc), and we can't let ourselves or each other forget that. We will all need our partners strength and support whether that be through the journey of parenting, or the different but equally challenging journey of less than optimal fertility.

I know that you know all of that and it comes from a good place Alexia, I swear. You've been through a lot, and been so supportive of me/everyone.

I really appreciate that Flash, you're absolutely right. I have already apologised to him, and he's apologised to me too. We had already made up well before we eventually did have sex though. I should add that I didn't actually hurt him or hit him full force but it was wrong for me to do that. If he had stuck to our 'relaxed' EOD plan I was not going to OPK, just temp from CD9 to 3dpo/crosshairs. I've also been very ill this cycle so for peace of mind (and because I've suffered from anovulatory cycles and LP issues) I need to know when I O. I'm CD15 today and we hadn't had sex since CD10 which was making things a lot worse. We haven't really encountered major issues like this before but we stuck it out and got through it together. He even said to me earlier "I'm glad you didn't give up on me". He didn't want to let me down.

My relationship with DH is so strong that nothing will or can ever break us. He's been my best friend and my world since I was 18. I get scared imaging my life without him and I know he does too. I'm so lucky to have a love like ours. We're going for dinner tonight and I'll try and plan something nice for the weekend.

Oh alexia definitely no judgments here but I think flash definitely has it right that a month off the OPKs etc might be a good idea - too much knowledge can definitely be a bad thing. OPKs & BBT are great but before we had them people just had sex throughout the month and conception still happened, so maybe something to think about?

Glad you have made up though & a non TTC weekend sounds just what you both need

I really hope you're ok Alexia, that sounds awful for you both. No point torturing yourself - you know it wasn't ok and he knows you know.

The pressure isn't going to help either of you - I'm trying to think of anything to suggest to help you let go of the pressure and take it easy but I struggle because I lose it in a big way myself sometimes. But if there's anything you can do to avoid both of you going through that again you need to find it...

I think like Flash said...you should try the Just Shagging method...just DTD without knowing exactly when you're ovulating. Pressure should come off some, and if you're able to do it enough you should hit the window anyway.

Much love to you.

Sorry you both went through that alexia. I admire your honesty sharing that here. DH and I have had some dreadful arguments in fertile week. Never physical but we've said hurtful things to each other. TTC puts an incredible strain on your relationship.

Why was he not on board with EOD? Did he say?

Do you think performance anxiety could be upsetting him? It must be a lot of pressure on the to think right I have to get an erection and I have to orgasm.

I also think that a BJ is not the end of the world. Especially if you are using pressed too.

Take care of each other xx

Oh wow Alexia - what an emotional and exhausting night for you both. I'm glad you've made up and agree with others about doing something non TTC related. The pressure of all of this really is insane sometimes. Me and DH never argue, yet we have been arguing more recently because of TTC, it really does bring out the worst in both of us.

Personally - getting rid of the opks and that fucking thermometer has done me the world of good. I was in a shit mood yesterday - but am putting it down to hormones and twat bags at work! BBT and OPKs served their purpose and gave me the info I wanted - if we can stick to EOD, then I'm happy. So I see where your frustration comes from if EOD wasn't happening, I'd feel like a good chance was slipping through my fingers as well. Big hugs to you xx

Thank your for your replies ladies, I knew you'd understand ❤️ Means a lot.

Lucy, Kaydee and Pyjamas I did want a relaxed cycle this time around (lol). That's why we planned EOD. I wasn't going to opk, just temp from from CD9-3dpo (1 week) to confirm ovulation but because I'd been so sick with flu my temps were unreliable, and then because DH wasn't doing his 'job', I needed to get some control back and see what was happening. I still get ovulation anxiety because of previous anovulatory cycles so when I knew I was going to O later this cycle due to illness I wanted to know when. My cm was very confusing too. I also like to know when I O to keep an eye on my LP length. So basically... I can't give up tracking even though I'd love to! I should add that I didn't track for most of our first year ttc and I was mostly relaxed but never got a BFP.

Glad being relaxed has worked for you this cycle pjs

Jam Usually EOD would be fine (last month we did 5 in a row) but I don't know what happened to DH this cycle. We HS CD10, he then said he wasn't well on CD12 and was exhausted. I was fine waiting until the next day because I didn't have a +ve opk yet. I expected us to HS CD13 though. That didn't happen either! Tried the next morning (CD14), still no sex. So it had been building up inside me over the last few days and then seeing the +ve OPK yesterday made it obvious we needed to finally do it! I didn't anticipate a night like that though I think he definitely felt the pressure but he's always been fine with knowing about +ve OPKs. He's fully on board with ttc and wants it just as much as I do. I do appreciate it must be hard for them to perform on demand. Let's hope it there's a next cycle it's more relaxed ha!

Alexia - It's such a crappy process and I don't think anyone truly understands until they've been there themselves & even then, every situation is different (anxiety, etc), so & hope you can move past it & onto happier times (& your sticky BFP)! Hope you enjoy your dinner

Am just a newbie here, but wanted to wish you all the best Alexia - totally get the need to find some control in the process. Maybe you can talk through what happened this month (pressure or something else?) now the dust has settled?

Jam - thanks! And no, acronyms weren't that bad, just couldn't see myself as a 'DTD' sort of person. Then again, hadn't imagined I'd be recording EWCM (get me...) on my phone, so guess things change

Fingers crossed for those waiting!

Oh Alexia, I know how disappointed and upset and cross I felt earlier this week when DH wouldn't stop working to come to bed so I can only imagine how you must have been feeling.

I know you know this already (and it's absolutely said from a place of concern and support) but I think it's important that you do what you need to do to prevent the situation from happening again - whether that's dumping the OPKs or finding someone to talk to or whatever. I'm so glad that you and DH have made up but I know that if my DH acted towards me how you acted to your DH last night, our marriage would be over. That probably is more a reflection on me and my experience than anything els but, as Flash said so eloquently, you need to focus on your relationship.

I hope nothing I've said has offended you. Take care of yourself