Ttc after miscarriage thread #8

[Miami81]

Hey. Just starting new thread. Hope the rest of you find it.

Oh Anne, that's just heartbreaking

I woke up in the middle of the night and knew the baby was gone. Soon after I woke up again with blood down to my knees.

User i just knew from about 8w i kept saying something isn't right. I don't know how. I did the same with my dd i knew I'd to into labour early i knew id need surgery and I knew she'd be on intensive care and i wouldn't be able to get to her. I kept saying to the midwife that would be my worst fear and i was right. That's why i went for a private scan this time at 11w because i was so right with dd. But for whatever reason i believe he was too poorly for this earth which breaks my heart because i know i could of looked after a poorly baby. But i wouldn't of wanted to if he didn't didn't have any quality of life. To be fair on his scan he actually looked like he gained angel wings. I also didn't really have any pregnancy symptoms especially compared to dd.
Anne i just kept saying ok i knew it i told you, i knew it no one would believe me i knew it. As all doctors and midwifes basically said they didn't care because i wasnt bleeding.

lentil and fluff*

Sorry for my self indulgent outpouring. I didn't mean to upset anyone. It's so cathartic getting it out. DH and I've talked about it plenty but no one really completely gets it like people who've been there themselves.

And the sonographer wasn't unkind at all but she was very young and I don't think she'd had that happen before which was why her colleague was more worried about her!

The only good thing I can say is all 3 hospitals in the trust have been wonderful, I know some people have bad experiences so we were very lucky and if that's how they deal with the bad side of things, I feel in good hands when we hopefully end up there pregnant again.

fluff im sorry they didn't listen to you, that's really bad. Were they better once they realised what had happened?

Anne talking on here makes me feel human. Epu were fantastic. They gave me the number and said next time if i have any concerns ring them straight away. The only people that pissed me off were the reception staff they had no clue what they were doing. It was my midwives and doc that were crap telling me i got my dates wrong when i couldn't of done not by nearly a month. And because I was bleeding. My response to that when I was tbere because I was so cross so imagine a cross voice well he's dead now and I'm still not bleeding. Epu agreed the midwives handled it badly. The sonographer also didn't give me a photo that i asked for so the nurse went and made her print one off.

Oh ann I read your post and sobbed I had a mmc first pregnancy (I've had 2) and I too never look forward to scans I never look at the screen and I shake through out however I just new something wasn't right no hyperemisis just a bit of nausea I booked a private scan stared right at the screen and told my husband see look the baby's to small no heartbeat before the scan lady could open her mouth then she burst into tears too as she knew my history the only one not crying was me
I was super calm till we got home told the kids that yup like mummy thought the baby went away then they hugged me and I just went I think I actually felt my heart cracking..... you will find joy in pregnany but you will probably only see scans for what they are a check up and relief when all is well but I hope one day you get your sticky bean who's little heartbeat on a scan shows you miracles happen in the everyday . People win lottery and will never know the absolute ecstatic joy that little flicker will give you x

That should have said second time round I booked private scan first one at 11 weeks scan I had no idea was in ante natal clinic and was bloody awful made me sit in the waiting room till they rang epu then sent me out to the corridor incase I upset anyone ffs

Anne, iecgi, fluff
Thanks for sharing your stories. I have been at the epu for the scans for both of mine thankfully. I knew something wasn't right with the first one almost from the moment of the test. Weirdly it was like it was too easy, I somehow have always presumed that we would have a hard road ttc. I now beat myself up that my attitude has caused all this drama. But I also never felt pregnant,
I don't know who said it earlier in thread about just knowing they weren't going to get through a successful pregnancy and they were just playing the part of a pregnant woman, that was totally me. Second one I felt pregnant up to a few days before scan. We went for a private scan at 7+4 as I just couldn't wait any longer. Our little bean had a heartbeat, which was amazing to see, but then came the blow of hb too slow and size measuring more then a week behind. We were in the epu a couple of days later to confirm hb had stopped.
Our epu are amazing. Since the first time they always offer to turn off the screen for us. The optimism and innocence is gone, and mostly when I hear friends are pregnant it is that naivety that I am jealous of. We are never now going to not dread scans, that's hard to accept but will just be how it is. I will always feel sick doing a test, I have known both times without doubt that I was pg before test though, so I can prepare myself a bit.
It's a hard road, but worth it.
Now tell me someone is testing soon, we really need a load of BFP's on here soon.

Everyone next week anne i know I'm not because I've had a lot of cramping on and off over the last week but we dtd once unprotected as i thought I'd ov and we were going to wait till after af but i still had ewcm so not sure if you can have that after you ov or whether it stops as soon as the egg dies. My friend was pregnant and she's had losses before after her 12w scan she bought nearly everything for baby and at the 20w scan got bad news she's now in the frame of mind that you shouldn't get excited until after that scan and i get that. My dp didn't really know anything about pregnancy or babies before dd he was clueless he announced it on fb after i asked him not too before the scan and then at the 20 w scan he thought it was just to check sex nothing else after i told him that was the last thing they told you if you were lucky. He thought the scans were for our benefit not medical. I hope I'm either pregnant or he changes his mind. Keep your fingers crossed for me ladies. anne what day did you say you were due? user is also due next week. Anyone else? It's really weird because I'm praying for all your bfp but knowing people haven't had a problem i feel jealous of but you girls i just want it so bad for you.

Sorry Miami i read that last message as anne had posted it. I must be still asleep. anne user are in the running next week. I'm not sure on anyone else.

Miami i think peanuts hb was slow but she didn't tell me how fast or slow just said that slow movement is the hb. I was so wrapped up in he was 3half weeks behind i didn't think about speed of hb until i left and rang my friend that's when all panic kicked in. And when i went to epu they hid the screen and wasn't going to show me my baby i had to ask.

Ok so next week we hopefully will get some results. Great.
I am having the absolute biggest build up to ovulation that has ever happened. I am cd9 today and bloated, some ewcm, pains in left and right ovary. Basically it is all warming up nicely. So much bd'ing to do before next weekend, DH will be a husk of a man by the time I am done with him.

Fluff
I know others had suggested it, but do you think some counselling might help. It sounds like you could very quickly grow to resent your DP and that is very damaging.
Being in a neutral environment with him and discussing why he feels this way might help. There is a part of me that thinks maybe he is cutting himself off from the pain and disappointment of what has happened.
Have a google, I found some helpful blogs about men/the fathers going through miscarriages and it really helped me understand my DH a bit more, we have talked about it more since then. My DH felt he couldn't be sad as he had to mind me in my sadness, people who knew kept asking him how I was so he felt like there was no outlet for his grief, that he had to be the big strong man and just take it.
It is a very difficult time, but hopefully with time the pain will lessen a small bit and your
DP will be open to the discussion again.
All the best.

Or also fluff totally hoping that some swimmers made it through for you!
As long as there is ewcm there is hope. Apparently it shuts off really quickly after you have ovulated.

He wouldn't go to counselling with me. The way he deals with things is to dismiss it i try and talk to him but he just wants to forget it. He spoke to me when it first happened because I made sure i asked him every day. He can be quite emotionless thanks to his dad. He hates having serious conversations and will just ignore you. He can be very hard work sometimes.

Morning ladies how is everyone this morning? So who is testing first next week? I'm not even in my fertile window until late next week :(

I've been spotting for three days now and feel quite distended. Now worrying I have retained products even though I already had one period since MC

Lentil
Where are you in cycle? I feel very bloated around ovulation?!

And some people get mid cycle spotting.

Morning ladies.

I wanted to say thanks to those who were so honest and open last night. That is totally what this group is for. All my miscarriages have been early and I cannot imagine what it is like to get that news at your 12 week scan. to all.

I am finger crossing for everyone who is testing next week. Here's hoping for some BFPs and sticky ones at that!

I have managed 6 days off my new minimal alcohol lifestyle and am already like pass me the wine! Off to a wedding today but I'm driving to help myself exercise self control. Think I'll allow myself a glass of fizz for the toasts.

Looks AF is finishing off so will be getting back to DTD tomorrow. Unfortunately I'm away at a course when I'm likely to ovulate so will have to get lots of swimmers up there waiting!

Miami, I'm CD23 today.

I'm trying to keep my MN addiction under control so just popping in briefly to check in with everyone's news.

AF for me today, 32 days after ERPC. I knew it was coming bc of cramps and "woe is me" feelings but I must admit I still POAS earlier in the week!

Good luck to anyone testing soon and everyone else!

Lentil
Implantation? Possibility? Did you track ovulation at all. Hoping you are ok, jeepers the symptom spotting from other people (i.e. Me) won't help. Anyway take it easy and take care.
It is always possible to have retained products as you said earlier, things they told me to look out for were excessive bleeding (maxi pad every 30 mins), temperature or unbearable pain. If anything escalates to that point for you then definitely get medical help.
Or indeed if you just don't feel right. I found that listening to my instincts of what was normal for me was very important.

Water
Sorry she got you, but good that cycle is back. Fresh cycle, fresh start.

Keepon
Yep the only way I can make myself not drink is driving as well. I would always be like oooh I'll just have one otherwise......
enjoy the wedding.