Ttc after miscarriage thread #8

[Miami81]

Hey. Just starting new thread. Hope the rest of you find it.

Claire
Sorry for your loss. Welcome here though, it's a lovely bunch of ladies who are very helpful and supportive.

Emily
It ain't over til she really arrived. Spotting can be anything.
Stay calm, enjoy your holidays and I am sure it will resolve one way or another for you soon.
Fingers crossed it's in the best way.

I know you're right but some times the TWW literally seems to go on for all of eternity! As lovely as holidays are, I struggle with my mind not being occupied so hopefully once I'm back at work next week time will go a bit quicker.

Miami Thank you so much. Support is very much needed at the moment!

Emily Sending positive thoughts your way and try and relax the best you can!

Does anyone else just feel like life is on pause until you manage to actually get and stay pregnant?!
I find it so hard sometimes. DH wants to book holidays for later in the year and I am terrified. That I won't be pregnant yet, that I will be pregnant but not past the 12 weeks (or 16, or 20, or you know 30 (magic viability in my head)) I am terrified of miscarrying away from home and its just all consuming sometimes.
It is causing us some problems in the way we speak to each other about things, I thought we had compromised by planning staycations this year, so in my head no planes (good) and if we were pregnant and it all went to shit again we would still be confident and comfortable with hospitals etc. But he has now started to seem very annoyed about that.
So - any magic advice? How are you all doing with the planning ahead stuff?
I think I probably just need to reiterate my reasons and just how stressed the thought of being on a plane miscarrying makes me, I had a tummy bug on a plane back from Greece once and it was awful (the easyJet staff were lovely and basically just gave me full use of one of the cubicles and loads of water) I can't even begin to describe to him how anxious the thought of miscarrying like that makes me. Am I being insane? Should I just live my life? I am such worried.....

• such a worrier

It is so tricky Miami. DH and I have adopted the attitude that as this one (massive) area of our life is not going to plan and hugely emotional and stressful then we should make the rest of our life as great as we can. We have still gone away on holiday and I'm really glad we have. TTC has come into it, for example, we wouldn't go anywhere with Zika or that requires anti-malarials. Last October we went to California. Neither of us were particularly excited about it but we had a brilliant holiday. I got a BFP halfway through, which did mean I was a little anxious for the second week but still really enjoyed it. We tend to book holidays just a couple of months in advance which I think helps with deciding where to go.

TTC and miscarriages has been a part of our life for over 2 years now and I don't want it to stop me from living my life. Yes, life is not how I imagined it being at this point, but this is the only one I'm going to get.

I think if the thought of a holiday abroad would be so anxiety provoking you wouldn't be able to enjoy it at all that is a different matter. And I hope your DH would be understanding of that. How about trying a long-weekend city break with a short flight and seeing how that goes? We had a lovely weekend in Copenhagen last year. And worst comes to the worse, you can always get an earlier flight home.

So that's my waffly answer! Don't know if it is any help?!

And yes. I 100% feel like my life is on pause and I'm stuck on this merry-go-round of trying, TWW, disappointment, repeat whilst everyone around me moves forward.

Thanks emily
I think the idea of booking things with less notice is a good idea. DH work is awkward in that he needs loads of notice. So maybe if we put time in and then decide where we would actually go closer to the time that might work.

My first pregnancy i didn't even think twice about going abroad but i made sure i knew where the docs were and hospital just to be safe and I took my notes with me. Mc never crossed my mind i was more concerned about the work i do causing harm. But now i think i may be like you miami very on edge but life will be very different when you get your sticky baby so try and just enjoy it all. And as Emily said just try somewhere not too far for a couple of days. But if your really not up for it don't push yourself just explain again to dh. I'd love a break away in some sunshine right now it makes the world seem a different place.

Can do empathise miami. Stay cations sound like a good idea, it's so true you just feel in stasis so much

. I'm planning to go to NYC in a few months - am just hoping for the best.

Can you book stuff just a couple of months in advance maybe? Or just go somewhere close like France?

I know what you mean about paranoia, I've been worrying about stillbirth of my next one today for absolutely no reason. Need to get out of this thinking.

On a different note - first period after miscarriage, I've been doing 1 pad every 1.5-2 hrs for 2 days- is this OK??

Mulder
Sounds pretty heavy. Worth giving your epu a call?

Fuck my life.

Mulder that sounds pretty heavy. I'd be tempted to give the epu a call if you have one near buy.

I'm on day 5 of bleeding. Managed one pad so far today so hopefully heading to the end.

Oh, crazy i would just wait a few days as you've definitely had a positive see what happens with af. Fx still.

crazy don't clear blue digitals need higher levels of pregnancy hormone to show positive than FRERs? I think it has to be 25 whereas a FRER will be positive at 10.

Shouldn't it be at that level by now though? With AF being due tomorrow?

Crazy I am with emily here. Frer's are definitely more sensitive and also it is the middle of the day.
Please please please try and not do more tests. Try and step away. I know it is so difficult but seeing whatever on a test at this point won't affect the outcome. You are pregnant, we all saw the earlier test (which I assume was fmu?).
Try and do something to get away from thinking about it, we went to the cinema a lot, it is a relatively easy distraction.

Yes crazy, emily is right. The digital ones are quite insensitive. AF isn't due til tomorrow right? Fx for you, big time.

No the other one was actually evening urine :/

It goes a lot on how much you've drank and the space between going to the toilet. The more you drink the less it will show. We all saw a positive my first pregnancy my bloods were 35 on the day after my af was due i didn't get a positive wee test until a week after that.

Say yesterday it was 10 then today it would be around 20 which wouldn't be enough for the CB digital. As agonising as the waiting is I do think waiting until AF is late does mean less head fuck.

Rang the nurse at the place I had my erpc and she said it was fine but would ring me tomorrow to check on me. Phew

Mulder I am so glad you spoke to someone. Glad they have put your mind at rest.

miami I'm such a worrier and it's so hard to know what Is OK or not!!