Ttc after miscarriage thread #8

[Miami81]

Hey. Just starting new thread. Hope the rest of you find it.

Hmm. Bleeding seems to have stopped (at least nothing since I got up at 6.30am this morning. So that's 3 days of very light, mostly brown bleeding, with the odd streak of red. WTF. Will have to wait until tomorrow for FMU to test which is driving me MAD!

God emsler I'm crossing my fingers and toes it's implantation. You lot potentially getting upduffed is what's keeping me sane at the moment.

Crazy it's so difficult isn't it. What CD are you now?

Emily enjoy mull, sounds fabby.
Sorry for your loss Nimisha. I had the medical management for my two mc's and it totally wiped me out. Mind yourself and take it easy. Your boss will sort work out, that's why they are managers.
Bisquick there is nothing that I can say to make you feel better. My cousin suffered a late loss and it made her very resilient, I asked her how she went on to get pregnant again and she said that counselling helped, but also accepting that the worst possible thing had already happened. And she got through it. She has two beautiful babies now and is my inspiration that I will get through this messy time as well. Your plan to get counselling seems spot on to me. All the best.
Emsler fingers and toes crossed for you.
Crazy stay strong. Tww is the absolute pits.

Hey Miami, your cousin sounds amazing, what a woman. I had counselling while I was in the middle of my awful divorce and it was really helpful but I went in knowing what I needed from it.

For losses like miscarriage and stillbirth, do you know how it can help, is it trying to get to acceptance?

I know some people on here have had counselling through their hospital/EPU. Mine doesn't offer anything like it but I imagine the process of sharing with women who've been through the same thing is similar to what we have here, which is very helpful.

There was a piece on Channel 4 news last week about early pregnancy loss and they interviewed Dr Quenby. It was really interesting and it might be my perception but it seems like there's a lot more about miscarriage in the media at the moment. Which is also a good thing if it raises awareness and helps people lucky enough to not understand, to say and do more of the right things and less of the stupid thoughtless things.

Thanks Anne and Miami81. We're also waiting to hear back about an offer on a house today so it's a pretty stressy day all round!

Miami81 I've heard that before from people who have suffered devastating losses - that the worst has already happened and acknowledging that makes them feel much calmer about life in general and more able to cope. I think those people are amazing to be honest.

Anne
I think it is basically a form of bereavement counselling. But also coping mechanisms for others around you being pregnant etc. I think I will maybe get it, was going to ask gp for recommendations.
I think as well it would help me and DH. I am blaming myself and struggling to speak to him about it, isolating myself is what he was saying I am doing. So it seems like help may be required.

Is anyone getting a sore uterus in between MC AND first period? It's kind of stinging not period pain- should I go back to doctor?

Oh Miami, I know it's fucking awful, the whole thing, but you can't blame yourself. Do you know what it is in particular that makes you feel that way? Counselling, maybe first for you and then for both of you might be a really good, healing thing to do.

You might find a whole load of new complicated stuff crops up when you're TTC again. Last month for me was really unsettling. I know it turned out I was pregnant but my goodness I cried. Literally sobbed and howled down the phone to my Mum, and all over DH, just with the unsettledness and fear, and hope, and pain and uncertainty of the whole thing. That I'd never conceive again, that I would and would lose it (ha), that I'd have loss after loss (again, we'll wait and see on that one...), that our marriage will suffer, that DH doesn't care as much as me, what the fuck my life would look like without children, that I'd have children and it wouldn't be worth it as I'd be a crap parent (bit premature, admittedly), honestly, all sorts of stuff.

And I'm not telling you how to feel, sorry if it sounds that way. I'm also not saying I haven't blamed myself as well, but even if they find something "wrong" with either you or me, it means it's something they can fix, not that we're at fault.

I've had cramping but in the ovary areas, not the uterus Mulder Stinging could be an infection? Maybe give it a day and call the doc or the EPU. Can't be too careful.

Hmm Mulder, I had a weird feeling almost like it was loose and moving around - you know when your boobs are unrestricted and you run up stairs? Like that but in the womb area. But not stinging. I agree I think stinging should probably be checked.

Miami I know what you mean about blaming oneself. I am trying really hard not to go down this road of beating up on myself. I had one job as a mother, to look after my child, and I feel like I failed at that.

But, if you're inclined toward faith, my dad said something I found comforting - he said "god writes the letters and mothers are merely the postmen. So stop assuming you have so much control over it." I found that useful since I kept acting like I had so much control over it and therefore fucked up.

And if you're inclined towards science I also found it useful to remind myself that women have children in war zones, amid accidents, etc etc, so I probably didn't lose this baby because I thought the wrong thing or ate something or did something minor.

We take on a lot of blame onto ourselves because it feels like the one part of the process we can control, but as scary as not having control is, it's also a bit freeing to not blame oneself all the time.

Mind you, I say this now when I'm calm and have had what I'm calling a good day. But I'll need to keep reminding myself of this when sadness hits.

Gosh the thread has been busy today!

Am feeling very contented after a lovely walk with DH today. Can't remember who asked but yes, it is the same Mull as the song, and yes, I am partaking in alcohol this holiday. Although I have decided that I am going to go (almost) teetotal once we're home, and just have 1 or 2 drinks max at a weekend.

emsler I would definitely test if I were you.

Crazy did you manage to resist?

Thanks guys- will call the doctor tomorrow!

Bisquick & anne
Thanks for your kind posts.
Emily I am going to be trying the little to no alcohol thing after this weekend coming. Due AF on Friday. Eeeek genuinely shitting myself about ttc again.

Please do mulder. I'm sure all is well but the post mc period is so vulnerable. I got thrush with my previous one, never usually get that, and felt tired, shakey, dizzy, generally run down and shit. You need to take the best care of yourself. If stuff feels wrong then make sure you see someone.

Miami, it will hopefully feel exciting but it's probably going to feel a bit wonky at times. You know we're here for you. Have you asked the clinic what you need to do if you catch before your next appointment?

To massively overshare, we've become experts once again at the post work quickie Whatever happens this month I'm enjoying prioritising time with my very handsome husband.

Also keeping booze to a minimum. Enjoying the odd glass of wine but we're working our way through the crate of becks blue non-alcoholic beer I bought when I was pregnant

As we're actively ttc I don't want to feel guilty for anything when I get a bfp again.

Well, I tested, like an idiot, and BFN. AF is officially due tomorrow (14DPO) and the brown spotting has completely stopped so I don't know what to think. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

emsler you're not an idiot, you held on to hope and it's better to be positive than negative especially when your body is out of sync.

I went for my ultrasound today and those pains I've been having are from a suspected ruptured ovarian cyst. The sonographer could see fluid around my right ovary. There wasn't any cysts on either ovary though. Not sure what this means for ttc and trying not to google.

toddles off to google

You're not out till you're out emsler. Fx af stays away. What news on the house offer?!

light, good you got it checked out. If you don't have any other cysts you should be fine for ttc I'd have thought. Any treatment required for the one that they say burst? Is the pain better now?

Lightgreen if it makes you feel any better on my first pregnancy i didn't get a positive u test until about 4 or 5 days after i was due af. Well I'm waiting patiently for af should be in a week if it works right then can try again. Although I'm still feeling lost with no answers to why it's happened does that wondering ever stop. My fingers are crossed for you all waiting for your bfp.

I've had some spotting and a temp dip today so could be implantation :) It's unlikely but I can't help symptom spotting anyway! Boobs sore and feeling a bit stretchy or crampy so I think I'll be in for a rough period even if no pregnancy. I think it's going to be a six week cycle so that's not really surprising I suppose.

I did manage to resist! Whoo go me :) I feel like a drug addict in the early stages of recovery... I'm 16dpo and CD25 (early ovulater) so FX by Saturday I'll have either AF or my BFP. How is everyone today?

Well done crazy! Has it really been 8 days since your possible bfp?

That definitely sounds promising bertie

I'm not sure the wondering does stop fluffiny. I've had a bunch of tests and they're all clear, and it's happened again. And when I started the treatment with my last (and very early) pregnancy, the doctor said if it worked and we got a healthy baby, we'd never know if it was the drugs that did it, or luck.

A while ago someone mentioned super fertility/a non-fussy uterus and I was reading about it yesterday. But who knows. There are so many variables that need to go the right way.

I now wish I hadn't spent my teens and 20s worrying so much about getting pregnant, what a waste of worry!

Anne
I have been worrying/wondering about unfussy uterus also as each time that we actually hit the correct dates (DH works away a lot) we got preggers.
So I have been concentrating on improving egg quality for the last couple of months. Apparently it can be done. So less caffeine, hardly any alcohol since Christmas and ubiquinol (supplement mentioned in it starts with the egg). I figured if I am unfussy then the raw material has to improve!!
DH is on a concoction of wellman vitamins, banned from cycling at the gym and banned from using his laptop on his lap!!
It may all be pointless, but at least if it does happen again I will feel like we have done our best with the things we have influence over.

Yes :) thinking that may have been an evap line though... definitely won't be testing again that soon next month if I'm out this month

That makes complete sense Miami. I was stressing about how if/when that's the case "nothing can be done" in a dramatic fashion.

The article I read was about uterine linings and chemicals they find in those of the serial miscarriers, nothing on sperm and eggs.

Do they think it's bad eggs or bad sperm (each perhaps only on that occasion?) or a bad blend?

DH has been cutting down his caffeine, quit the fags, cut down on booze, on a multivitamin, upped his water. We both really need to do more exercise! And I'll keep the laptop thing in mind too. Thankfully he has tepid baths, by choice. I like to boil myself bright red but I don't think that affects eggs.

But that's very good news about you conceiving quickly when you could, dates wise. Are you using an app and is he going to be home in your next fertile window...?

I'm grateful that my cycle seems quite resilient and I've got back on track with ovulating as expected after each loss. Apart from the truly awful night we found out about the HCG not rising it's almost like the last mc didn't really happen. Never thought I'd feel like that.

Hmmm, not sure I agree with the unfussy uterus theory -- at least not for me. I fell pregnant very easily for all my children, thought I was someone who just didn't have miscarriages... In my case it's got to be age-related I suppose (MC at 42 and 44, babies in 20s and 30s).