#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!
Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

Snork - my clinic chose my donor for me. I too felt overwhelmed at choosing and now that you say it I am a very obsessive decision maker so maybe that's why I couldn't face it.

After all, any donor on the books will be healthy with good quality sperm which are the only things that really matter.

I did request a graduate though (because, rightly or wrongly, I wanted to give my child a good chance of having the wherewithal to keep up with my family and friends, and knowing the donor has a degree ensures a certain minimum level of intelligence which I know sounds terribly snobby, but we're generally honest on this thread so...)

Pickle - it seems very much the norm to pay for treatment up front in the UK.

One of things I liked about my clinic, but also baffled me a bit, is that I didn't have to pay for either the sperm or the IUI until I turned up at the clinic on IUI day. It's so trusting of them! Imagine if someone just didn't turn up and they would have already defrosted and washed the sperm and then the clinic would be out of pocket.

Phew, I'm glad you said that Shoes. I was beginning to think that I was very shallow because I do care about the characteristics of the donor. I know being healthy and actually having a child is the most important thing but I'm Oxbridge educated and intelligence is an important part of my identity. If I were choosing a (male) partner for myself then it's likely a characteristic that I would find attractive and want to pass on (sub-consciously or consciously).

I'm clearly more shallow than that because I do like the sperm banks that give baby photos of the donors so you get an idea of looks too. The clinic I might be using have their own donors but give very rudimentary information - height, weight, hair and eye colour, race, skin tone and occupation. I'm going to 'shop around' but clearly my priorities might change after a few failed attempts.

I'm rubbish at remembering everyone's usernames while I'm posting but thinking of those in TWWs and best wishes to Kwick.

I've already paid for the sperm which is why I have £0 but thought I would pay for the tests at the nurses appointment and then in may start to pay for the treatment....oh well back in the overdraft we go
Will catch up with everything in the morning, I'm off to bed 😴Night all x

miri thanks so much for sharing your experience using the clinic bank! That's what I'm leaning towards, so it was really helpful. I LOVE what you said about 'a very kind and generous irrelevance', I had to answer loads of questions on the clinic forms and one was about how I see the donor, that's more or less what I wrote! Of course I am aware that for my child they may potentially be much more than that, and I would never want to downplay the significance for them, but for me personally they're kind of just a facilitator.

shoes and tygr, I don't think that sounds shallow at all! As you say, if you were having a child with a partner, there would obviously be things that you would look for in a partner, it's such a personal thing. I can absolutely understand people wanting more information and making decisions based on certain characteristics, it's just that for me, I get so easily overwhelmed by the vast array of information and choice available. I struggle even trying to buy a mascara! (why ARE there so many types of mascara?! Surely they all just do pretty much the same thing?!). Ultimately I think everyone should do what feels right and comfortable for them, and I'm aware that what feels right for me now might change, I guess that's all part of the point of the implications counselling too.

If someone else could narrow down the pool, give me a few options, with some basic info, and I then had the ultimate say, that would be my ideal. So I get the limited choice of a clinic's bank is a pro for me. I had a brief look yesterday at the Cryos site and couldn't even get past the first profile, it was like a weird form of internet dating (which I also hate!).

pickle the whole money side of it is such an extra stress, isn't it. I find it reallt weird having that be part of something SO emotive. I've been stressing about it this week. Hope you get all the info you need to be able to make a plan.

Oh tygr I meant to say that I think having a doctor you feel comfortable with makes SUCH a difference, I don't think you should feel bad at all about asking to change. I also don't think it matters what your reasons are for feeling uncomfortable with your GP, or whether it's 'just you', if you don't, you don't! This whole process is stressful enough without the extra stress from the GP. I can empathise with feeling like you've got a 'mental health issues' label and this affecting how you're seen. I'm sorry the GP isn't willing to help out with some of the tests etc, my GP is happy to do all my blood tests etc, it seems unfair that some surgeries take this approach and some don't.

I don't know why, but it always seems like I start to panic half way through my tww. I start convincing myself that I'm not pregnant, that I never will be. I get really focused on my age and start to crumble under the weight of the thought I may never have a child. I've been struggling to not symptom spot. I have had cramps, sometimes fairly bad, since day 3. It's this stupid progesterone. I'm seeing a different re on Thursday. Maybe he will offer a better plan. I read so much about people triggering with 2-3 follicles and I don't know why my current re won't. I'm at the age where I don't want to just wait and see any more. Blah. Don't mind me. Just in a panic mode and needed to vent a little.

Deep breaths Karen. As Kwick would say, we're in perfect time.

You have to be in it to win it and you're in it.

It's so difficult Karen isn't it? I find the 7day mark really hard too as this is when I start thinking I should have some sort of symptom!
I was determined to not symptom spot this month and I've been terrible at it! I saw 3 brown spots on my knickers yesterday (sorry TMI) and I've been reading about implantation bleeding non stop since!! As a result I've starting using opks yesterday as a 'no pressure' test... my issue is that deep inside I don't 'feel' it's worked 😓

I also emailed my mum on Thursday telling her not to be too optimistic as I am too old and my eggs aren't good anymore (there is nothing to prove this but I guess I was losing it!).

I got a lot of cramps last month while on the progesterone but they've been very rare this month (as I'm not on it anymore). Do you really need to take it? Have they tested your natural levels?

I think my clinic only accepted to do the IUI with 3 mature follicles because they were 100% natural so I guess I can't sue them if I end with a high risk pregnancy! And still, 2 doctors had a chat with me to explain the risks and all I was saying was it's only 1% chance and I'll deal with whatever happens. From what I've read on the internet, not many clinics would inseminate with more than 2 mature follicles but it could be different overseas... always worth exploring options I guess!

TMI Alert!!
I'm freaking out now... just after writing the previous post I went to the toilet and had a lot of brown watery mucus. It's still early for AF as I'm on 11dpiui but I'm so scared it's on its way early. So annoying, I wanted to have IB and now I don't like seeing this as I don't know what it means!!!!

pez that could totally be implantation bleeding. It's minimal bleeding and by the time it comes out it can turn brown. Deep breaths for you too my friend. I know both cycles I got a bfp I swore it hadn't work and the one with a bfn I thought I had every sign. Such a mind fcuk.

This is why I don't like my current Re. No tests, they just put me right on progesterone. I hope the new re has some answers that I like.

Hopefully by the end of the week we both have good news. And least I'm meeting the new re right before my next cycle. I will push to jump right back in.

Thank you tygr. In it to win it. That helped

Sorry for going AWOL - have been finding every day tasks, other than binge TV watching a bit beyond me.

What did I miss?

Karen and Pez - take deep breaths and relax!!
I can understand how stressful everything can be, but stress surely isn't good for your bodies right now... Try and do things that calm you; reading, walking, etc.
You both need to maintain a PMA and believe it will work, because it will! It's not a case of if, it's a case of when, but I know that's the hardest thing about it. Wouldn't it be easier if we could read our future in a book??

Pez, that sounds to me as though it could be IB! Are you usually regular with AFs?

Crikey, there's babies everywhere at the moment. Still annoyed I can't try for another six months.

Kwick it's lovely to have you back I hope you've been taking good care of yourself and have been watching loads of good TV! ❤️

Hi kwick. Nice to see you. I hope you are ok. You haven't missed much with me. I'm a week into the two. Driving myself bonkers like usual. We are having very nice weather. Very sunny but windy. Sitting outside in the yard watching Molly play.

Thanks Karen and Caution. In the past 5 months I've been charting I've never had a luteal phase until 13days but I wouldn't be surprised if my body was playing tricks on me... and of course now I feel crampy...
I very rarely spot before AF so if it is AF I will know for sure tonight or tomorrow at the latest. My temp was still high this morning so fingers crossed it still is tomorrow.

Kwick, good to hear from you 😊 hope you're ok x

Right....try and catch up with everything...
Hope the tww is coming to an end pez, miri & karen
pez keeping my fingers crossed it's implantation bleeding!!! (Never tmi on here 😊)
tygr sorry the nurse wouldn't give you the info, did they say you'll get a call back from Gp or do u have to book an appointment to find out results? Try not to panic too much as you say could just be wrong timing rather than not ovulating
Hi paisley I have brought 6 straws of donor sperm so can do between 3-6 tries depending on whether they use 0.5ml or 1ml. There weren't a huge amount of donors so didn't want to have to panic each try, (they have done in my clinic at mo) also worked out cheaper. I wanted someone with similar colouring to me (maybe so I could convince myself these features came from
Me rather than a stranger) I wasn't overly fussed about education initially but after finding current donor has a PhD was rather pleased as I'm very sciency too

kwick I've missed you!! don't blame you with hibernating with the TV. I've got my appointments booked...:nurses appointment in 3wk5days and all scans start in about 9weeks

Got my estimated cost things through today-about what I expected so all good-phew! Will have to go into overdraft by about£800 for about a week but that's not too horrific.hadnt accounted for them sending medication-don't quite know how that'll work as I may be at work-another question to ask🙄

If that makes you feel better Pickle, I bought 3 months worth of magic potion on my credit card back in December!! I get my annual bonus in March so I'm hoping that will cover it plus the next batch if needed 😉

Bless you Pez; if I'm honest, I don't get the body temperature and how it fits in with everything, so I'm not sure, but you said you hope it stays high so I hope it stays high too
Try not to read into the cramps & spotting/bleeding too much. Could be something, could be nothing... Have you had anymore symptoms tonight?

Glad things are all ok Pickle and that it's all what you expect. I'm still tossing up clinics because I can't decide which clinic I like the sound of best..!! I was going to stick to CARE (where I had my donor counselling appointment thingy) but there's so many places that are cheaper; not that money is much of an issue, because I've saved accordingly, but if I can save money then I think I'd rather save than not!

Getting really nervous about my laparoscopy now. It's the anaesthetic that's panicking me more than anything; so many risks and things attached and associated with having an anaesthetic. I know it's a bit silly to worry about but I can't help it!

I'm out . Temp is down and started AF... 2 days early when I'm never early and after spotting when I never spot. Also don't understand what the whole fatigue episode was on Thursday / Friday but there doesn't seem to any logic in this process anyway.
It's so disappointing it didn't work when I had 3 giant follicles and the time seemed perfect.
Off to IUI #3 then 😬

Oh pez I'm so sorry, wasn't ur AF late due to progesterone?so maybe that's what screwed up your dates for when due. Big hugs 💐

Pez - sorry that AF has got you. It could well be that the progesterone has meddled with your cycle. Our hormones regulate our cycle so introducing a boost to one of the hormones is probably quite likely to bring a change to your cycle.

It is impossible during the tww not to attribute any symptoms to possible pregnancy. If you weren't TTC you would just think 'oh I'm a bit tired today. Maybe it's the grey weather' or something like that but when we're hoping that any symptom might mean something, we give every little feeling more weight than it deserve.

As you say, time to start planning the next attempt. That for me is one of the positives about IUI. Pretty much the moment you have an unsuccessful cycle you can throw yourself into lining up the next one so you're doing something positive towards your goal

Agree with shoes CD1 is here so ring your clinic in the morning and get your scans booked in....just keep swimming pez x

You're so sweet, thank you pickle and shoes. I wish I'd never taken the progesterone in the first place as things have been all over the place since then...
Anyway, I'll call tomorrow to book my first scan for next Friday!
I think I also need to rethink the financial aspect as this bringing added stress to the situation. I'm due to borrow money to fund the house extension but might squeeze a few £k in for more IUIs/IVF...

And I really need to relax this month and sleep properly!!!

Miri, my fingers are crossed for you tomorrow. We need some good news on this thread ☺️

pez that's sucks, I'm sorry. On my ivf attempt my cycle stretched to 41 days as it was a long protocol, and I was on the progesterone, but still one week after transfer I had the brown spotting and just knew it hadn't worked. The symptoms I had felt disappeared and I just knew. I'm sorry it's happened to you. Xxx

kwick thinking of you, honey.

Re payment. I bought a 2 ivf cycle package, and paid up front. I then only had to pay for meds and donor, which meant I could embark on the cycle without money thoughts, which was quite nice.

I use my FC donor bank, though that wasn't my first choice (see below) but I'm quite happy with it now.. I suggest making friends with the embryologist responsible for donors as they can prove quite helpful in the long run.

I had a long list of requirements for mine of what they should/shouldn't be... and in the end as I brought forward my ivf cycle I couldn't get any sperm shipped in as there was no time, so that left the FC bank. And there was only one Caucasian left! So I had to choose him or wait.... Strangely my list of requirements went out the window, and I went with him. Lucky for me I have since read his description and he's an obstetrician who's travelled the world and plays lots of sport, so I look at that as fate!

My new protocol and meds list arrived yesterday... here's to another £1300 on drugs! And less than 2 wks till I go again. I'm both delighted and anxious. Anxious because at the mo I have full cycle all paid up just waiting to go, but once I start that cycle I have nothing left in the, kitty, so if it doesn't work, that's 4-6mths of saving up again...

Yesterday was my friends (ivf twins) baby shower, such fun, loads of presents, it was like Christmas! I'm glad that all I felt was joy for her, no envy or jealousy at all, I think being happy for her increases my general happiness which is only a good thing, right?!

Crap pez. Sorry to hear that.

Thanks Karen - that is the proof that symptom spotting can drive us crazy 😉 but it's sooooo hard not to!

Thanks Stork. I'm already re-planning everything, dates, money etc. It helps me focus on the next round. I haven't even cried yet!
Wow the cost of drugs!!! You must be so eager to start again 😊

Re donor, I have one more vial left and then I'll look at more profiles today so I can switch next month if needed. The way I filter is race, blue/green eyes (as not a single person has brown eyes in my family) and then good family health history (when all grand parents are still alive that's a big tick for me 😉). And then any decent education/creative skills is an added bonus!

Re baby showers, I also have 2 coming up in March/April and I'm really divided on this. I still don't know if I can handle these events; I'm so happy for my friends and not jealous but it just stings so I'll decide nearer the time...