#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!
Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

I can't even imagine how heartbreaking that phone call must be Pez, or seeing a BFN on a HPT... I'm absolutely dreading it when I start TTC, but I know it's likely to happen!

I'd say that's a good sign and to be cautiously optimistic! Of course, it could just be very early stages of a nasty cold/bug, but it does sound promising

caution well done on coming to a decision - it can be so hard trying to decide what is best to do but always a relief once you have made up your mind. Xx

pez you are in my thoughts and I have my fingers crossed for you and miri xx

tygr yay first step on the journey x

I had a few days still feeling a little emotional dealing with going from ecstatic to being pregnant and starting to dream of telling people, due date, thinking of my little boo and planning fro next 8 months and beyond ( including reading three pregnancy books on Saturday and joining various threads for those who are pregnant ) to feeling empty like it was a cruel dream.
It was also hard going to the hospital and having to speak to 6 or 7 different doctors/ nurses as I passed through different stages of a&e while they described me as pregnant and then having to explain what was happening. Thankful I didn't have an ectopic pregnancy but sad when I came home to an array of preganancy sticks with positive lines that seem to be mocking me.

I've still not spoken out loud to anyone about it and my feelings as no one to speak to because 1) only two people knew and 2) my mum also dealing with Dad who not well and I know she is upset too.

Luckily work is busy which means in the day I've not been able to think about it.

I have wrote a lot in my diary though which has really helped just process it and I think my mind is back in the right place to try again.

Ready to start next cycle 🥈with hope that I have a little sticky bean just waiting to jump out and into my uterus
Xx

Sprinkling a little baby dust over all of us ❤️❤️❤️

Oh and I can't believe I've got to eat that bloody pineapple again!!! 🍍🍍🍍

Ah ah hoping your comment about the pineapple made me laugh as I thought exactly the same thing last month!
I actually bought 2 this month, the first one I bought from the fruit and veg guy outside the station and it was tasteless!!! So 2 days later I bought a very juicy one from Sainsbury's and actually really enjoyed it! I cut it in pieces that I brought to work in a resealable freezer bag so I could have it as a snack on an empty stomach.

On a more serious note, I really feel for what you went through over the past week. I would have been exactly like you, getting everything planned, up to choosing names etc! That's why I prefer not to test until after my AF due date this month; some of us might have a different approach but I personally know I prefer not to know.

Went to bed at 8.50pm last night (!!) and only woke up at 12am and 5:30am so I would think I slept quite a lot and would be well rested. But my eyes are so itchy and I still have this flu like feeling. I'm probably exhausted.

Miri, Karen, how are your TWWs going?

(whispers)

You don't have to eat the pineapple.

Good luck everyone. Lots of you to have crossed fingers for at the moment

Hi all (esppez and karen, my fellow waiters...)
We're now 11dpiui. We're sticking to our usual rule of no home testing; DP is booked in for a beta HCG test on Monday morning.
We aren't doing the pineapple core this month - after 5 disappointments we've come to the conclusion that it doesn't work Also, DP found it was making her lips bleed last month (obviously a particularly bromide-y one!) which was a bit unpleasant, so she didn't fancy it this time. Funny that you should say that about Sainsbury's though pez - that's where I always bought ours from, and they were super juicy every time.
Basically just counting the hours...

Don't know why the supermarket name turned into a link there... I'm sure you're all capable of finding Sainsbo's by yourself

Hello all.

caution glad to hear you've made a decision. That must give you some relief.

pez and miri my fingers are crossed for you! I'm like you and likely won't test. Im on progesterone but that has never stopped me from bleeding so af should arrive on its own. So hard not to symptom spot. I just keep telling myself it's all because of the progesterone. Keeping busy with a crazy week at work. So glad it is Friday. It's a long weekend with Monday being a holiday here (family day. They randomly created a holiday as February is so depressing and wanted people to have a day off). Also have an appt with a different re next Thursday. I feel like my current one isn't aggressive enough and want to know my options if this cycle fails.

Happy Friday all!

kwick you are in my thoughts.

karen apologies I missed you were in TWW as well - good luck hope time hasn't been going to slowly for you xx

Good luck to all ladies in TWW. I hope I'll be there in three month's time (planning my first IUI cycle in May). I'm currently having a look at donors' lists. I have top three, but I don't want to get too attached to any of them. 3 months is a long time and they could become unavailable.

In the meantime I applied for a wonderful position closer to home, but I'm not getting my hopes high, since a similar selection procedure in the same place was cancelled last year 2 month after the deadline. And of course I'm observing my cycle like a maniac, even started temping to see which day after the LH surge the ovulation happens. I really think that timing is key in an umedicated IUI, especially if I need to get myself and my mature follicles to Denmark on time.

And by the way, thank you all for all direct an indirect useful tips that I have collected here. You are all my lifesavers! xxx

Paisley hi! DP and I have never been too attached to a donor - we've used 4 different ones across 6 cycles. We've tended to go off them after an unsuccessful cycle (worrying they aren't up to much ) and the longer this has gone on the less particular we have become about characteristics. We just need a man who can get the goddamn job done.
One of our donors did do the job on cycle 3, but the pregnancy was ectopic. So, we decided to keep using him because he and DP were obviously compatible etc, but he was then withdrawn from use because he fathered a baby for another family which was born with 'catastrophic genetic complications' (the sperm bank embryologist's words). So we were back to the drawing board anyway. It's worth bearing in mind that things like that can happen.

I'm with Miri on donors. I used a new donor for every cycle just in case there was a compatibility issue (apart from the last one, but that's a longish story which I won't go into right now).

Its very wise not to get too fixed an idea about the donor.

I wouldn't have chosen my donor's hair colour but I imagine I won't give a stuff about that once baby is here.

I've had a different donor each time as well. The only constant is Rh negative and cmv negative.

Ahhhhh, I feel like you're all so knowledgeable and experienced compared to me, I'm almost at the point of habing my initial consultation with the clinic and I have no idea about donors, I feel so confused by the decisions involved!

Feel totally overwhelmed by all the options and how to go about it. Is it weird to not actually want to know very much about the donor? Part of me feels like I don't want any choices or information, or for someone else to choose for me.... my OCD can be triggered by making decisions and I feel like if I even start I could get totally obsessed with tiny details. I think I've been avoiding thinking about it at all for this reason, but I really want to be making steps forward towards actually getting pregnant.

Any advice?! Any tips on things to consider, or how you went about it, would be so helpful. I think I want to use a UK donor so that it's potentially easier for HFC (hypothetical future child! Making up my own acronyms now) to find them/donor conceived siblings if they want to, but that's literally as far as I've got.

What are the pros and cons of using the clinic's stock vs sourcing my own?

Help!

(Also, what's the deal with pineapple?!)

Also, agree with paisley that you're all lifesavers. So sorry to see some of your sad news while I've been absent. kwick, thinking of you especially xxx

Bugger.

Just called for my progesterone test result and the nurse wouldn't give it over the phone - says she doesn't understand them and wouldn't want to tell me I'm not ovulating and then I get pregnant. Do you think that means the test shows I'm not ovulating or she just plucked that possibility out of the air for illustrative purposes? I'm hoping she genuinely doesn't understand the results so hasn't even looked at them.

She says I have to see a GP so has booked me in for next week. However, I spoke to my GP by phone yesterday and I really would rather not see him about this. Basically at the clinic open day they strongly suggested I get my GP to order an HSG scan, so I used the online system to request plus AMH for my own peace of mind that I do actually have a chance and haven't left it too late.

He called to say no - private patients are private and I'd have to have everything done via the clinic. I was totally honest in my request about my intentions and why I was asking.

Was just hoping I could quietly get these results and then do everything else via the clinic. Would prefer to see a female doctor about this stuff anyway but we have a named GP at that practice and I was too flustered to request to see someone else.

Poo.

Hi Snork

I don't know about knowledgeable but I'll do my best to share some of our experience.
Our clinic has its own sperm bank, but also uses Xytex, ESB, Cryos, London Sperm Bank - anyone you want really. All 4 of our donors have been from the clinic's own bank. For us, the pros were:

• inexpensive compared to getting it from elsewhere, especially with no shipping costs;
• no problems with logistics - ie, no panicking about trying to make sure the sperm is in the right place at the right time.

The only con is that there is less choice - there's an overwhelming array on offer if you look at somewhere like Cryos online. No clinic's in-house bank will ever match that. However, we haven't found the more limited choice to be a problem. We've always found donors we were happy with, and the positives were more important to us than extensive choice.
We never had our heart set on particular donor characteristics anyway, and have become less and less concerned as time has gone on. My view is that it is absolutely impossible to predict anything about our future child - even if you get pregnant with a DH, you don't know what your children will be like. Just think of all the siblings who are like chalk and cheese. For me, the sperm donor can't ever tell me anything about my future child because we can't predict how his characteristics will mix with DP's, what the effect of nurture will be, or how epigenetics will play out. So, I tend to think of the donor as a very kind and generous irrelevance
I'm sure some people feel that certain donor characteristics are important but we don't. Also, even if you have lots of info about a donor (such as baby photos, personality tests etc) you still won't know them.

Basically, we've had a positive experience of using an in-house clinic bank and if we aren't successful this time we will continue to do so.

Can you call back and change to a different GP, or will that hold things up even further? I feel so lucky my GP is so understanding!

Sorry you've had a tough day tygr. Our GP practice won't have anything to do with our treatment either, miserable gits

PS I know that if the test shows I haven't ovulated it's most likely the test was done at the wrong time (my best guesstimate based on tracking cycle) and that the test might say anything.

I was just hoping to get an easy tick in the box before spending any money.

I could and being assertive I probably should. I'm sure requesting a female GP is perfectly proper. It's his practice though so everything out of the ordinary would probably go via him anyway.

Because I have some mental health issues - self-managed for the most part - I get the impression that he treats me on that basis. When I asked yesterday about starting folic acid, he said about three times about it not being possible to overdose on it. I have no idea whether he says that to everyone or just to me because anxiety and depression = potential overdose risk?

I don't feel 100% comfortable with him but maybe it's me?

Sorry you've had a tough day tygr. I guess there's a few reasons as to why the test could be inconclusive/not the results you were hoping, but it's better to see your GP so he can explain what's going on. If it were me, I personally wouldn't care who it was, so long as I could get the results; but I understand the issues you're having. If you don't feel comfortable with said GP, make arrangements so you get the results from someone you do feel comfortable with.

I've had the same thoughts about a donor. Would I want to know a lot, or a little about the donor, and would I want to continue with the same donor (if possible) if it continued to have negative results... I guess this is all something to talk about to the counsellor they have when I see her next; it must be so hard to decide on these things when I can't even decide now!!

Been sent all the info re nurses appointment and consent forms....but they forgot to put in the estimated cost form tho 😫Have phoned and requested to be sent it. Was a bit concerned cos it said suggested that I would pay for EVERYTHING at the nurses appointment even tho I'm not having iui for 2months so bit worried I won't actually have the money for that then....I'll phone next week but when do you normally start paying for it-I presumed it would be the first scan of my cycle??!!!
Also said when to start the pill again -2nd day of April AF but the date it suggested I probably won't have started AF so don't know if that makes a difference-jeez I wish I wasn't such a worrier!!
Sorry girlies I'll catch up and reply to everyone soon-my aunt is down as was my bday yesterday,we r just getting ready to go to Chinese 😁

kwick thinking of you sweetie,hope your doing ok xx

Hi Pickle, I paid for my first cycle on the day of the nurse appointment too, which was a good couple of weeks before CD1 and 3 weeks before the 1st scan. For my second cycle, I only paid on the day of the first scan (I have decided not to get any value 'package' and paying my cycles one at a time. It works best for me as I can distribute the cost better).
I'm sure there's room for negotiation though as your treatment wouldn't start until 2 months later.
I find the money aspect quite difficult in this process, of course the financial investment is huge, but I also find it hard when I have to go to the 'till' after my appointments as I would want to keep the baby thoughts separate to the spitting money out act, if that makes sense.

Is that not the case with the pill that you get AF a few days after you stop regardless of where you are in the cycle? In that case, it wouldn't matter too much if you started a bit later or earlier than they suggested, as long as you stop at the right time. I haven't been on it for years so apologies if my memory is wrong!!

Thanks pez I totally love you all, couldn't do this without you. Least when I get the estimated bill I'll have a better idea of how much I have to find,either get a very short term loan or extend overdraft but at least I now don't stumble into finding that out on the day.
Thanks for the reassurance re the pill too 😊