10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

Hi All, can I join please?

Me: 35
DP: 47
Ttc #1
Cycle #10

Just waiting for proper af (tomorrow hopefully) to start cycle 10.

Going crazy that it's taking so long to conceive and due to age have started fertility tests.

Tested today, bfn, bah! Spot on my chin is now enormous!! AF due Thurs. bloody waiting!

Welcome Sooz - I can tell you I've felt lots of frustration over past months. I felt quite hopeless and despairing at times. As times gone on I've realised it's not all bad though - having had this time, it's forced me to rethink my diet, my stress levels, my outlook and every change I've made I'm so glad of. I had been feeling like I'm stuck in a hopeless nightmare, but seeing & knowing others are finding the same challenge has been good support and digging deep to find different ways to think about it has really been rewarding. I guess I'm trying not to fight it but to go with it more. Great that you're doing the tests, a good step to help bring some understanding xxx

Thank you, Cola. I'm just starting to see that a new month gives more time to sort myself out so I'm determined this cycle to be more healthy, in mind as well as body! I'm really hoping to find support here; I don't mind admitting I have found it hard on the regular buses especially when people join and disappear a few weeks later, marvelling at their good fortune! (Or worse, joining to announce their good news!)

Welcome bridget , sooz , jem.it's not fun ttc for a while but really hope that you will have your babies soon .l am taking a break for a while but still rooting for you all.

jem Fx that bfp comes before you go to the hospital hun . the patience slowly wears off and it gets more and more frustrating each month.

cola hope af has stayed away. Have you tested again today. Hope you get good news. It would surely be refreshing to see a bfp from a long timer.glad you enjoyed your weekend

keeping how are you? any symptoms yet? When is your bfp due?

chloe sending hugs your way . sorry oh is away when you need him. It's so difficult timing dtd and even when you do, you are still waiting on chance. What a bummer.!!

Sorry you are feeling down too marriage and best of luck.

Ohh margo ,sorry the witch got you too and hope you are feeling better now. You are approaching fw again. Good luck.

ice how were the results? Hope all is well and that you ok.

That is SO hard to take on the boards, I reckon there's a point each month when all the ladies with bfps, naturally are excited and share the news, but everyone with a bfn stops posting because they get disheartened making it feel from reading the posts like EVERYONE has a bfp except me!!

I've made my hubby start taking his vitamins regularly this week. He doesn't have the greatest fitness level and eats loads of shite food (cereal for brekkie, subway for lunch, loads of biscuits) but stays the same slim size (typical man! I'd be 18 stone if I did that!) I know vits seems kind of obvious but we hadn't thought of it so now he's on the man conception ones from wellman or pregnacare. We haven't had his sperm tested but I figure can't be any harm.

Apart from folic acid, I take omega 3 every day, I'm not really a fish eater so figure it's my only shot to get some. Anyone trying any different supplements?

I don't know why but now that we are coming to 12 months trying, I feel a bit scared of testing. I guess I'm afraid they will find something is wrong, even though having had my daughter already should be proof enough all the bits work! Like, if I try to think myself what might be holding us back, I'd have to say my stress level through most of this year (work, lost close relative, anxiety), we don't manage the NHS recommended sex every 2-3 nights (we do a big push for fertile window using OPKs and then weekends rest of the time!) & maybe my hubbys sperm count is a bit low because he is quite static all day and eats crap. I feel like we're doing things to tackle all three of those since October and that maybe this baby is just around the corner. I'm definitely feeling more positive than I did even 4-5 months ago. Conception really is a miracle - just a frustratingly commonplace one that seems to be everywhere at times except with us!

I will genuinely be so glad to see the bfps on this board. Everyone here has been through the long wait and i will be so happy to see the much hoped for pregnancies xxx

Mimi - hey and thanks Hun! No af yet but no bfp either. Due on tomorrow. We shall see! How about you, where are you at? Xxx

It is such a rollercoaster ride cola .l hope this is it for you hun. Any symptoms? ?

I so loved your view on what happens on the boards . most people do post af or cd1 but we don't notice it much. It's the bfps that we desperately want to be posting too that we notice.l guess it's a little difficult when they only ttc 1 cycle (boo) but on the other hand seeing those bfps give us hope that one day we will be posting too.

I am on a thread were some ladies l started ttc with have babies almost 9 months now.lt is just a difficult journey but I hope we all get there one way or the other.

Ladiesssss!!!!
I know I say it every time but work is crazy!!! But kept my mind off it though! 11DPO going to try and wait three more days to test... only symptoms are mega sore boobs and nipples and dry skin everywhere!!
Welcome to the new ladies wishing you all lots of luck :)
Cola I hope AF stays away!! When are you testing again? I'm crossing everything for you! Keep your chin up! :) I agree as well I would be so happy if one of you ladies got your BFP!
Chloe how's everything?? Glad you got some reassurance from your friends :)
Mimi thank you fur asking after me! Trying not to test so badly!! How's you??

Cola Good luck with the hubby health kick, I hope it works for you. I share your frustration at "miracle of life" I see every time I go to work, all those bumps and buggies, especially the ones that don't even seem to appreciate it!
Faith Good luck, fingers crossed for you, well done for keeping strong with not testing
Sooz Welcome. We've all gone a little nuts at the waiting to conceive, I should know I'm medicated for it insert maniacal laugh! But seriously glad to have you with us, I hope you find this great group of people as helpful and supportive as I do.
Mimi I hope the break does you good. Thanks for asking about the test, to be honest, I don't know. The blood test came back negative. I was told the pelvic exam and sample tests were clear too but now the doctor wants to redo them??? I've just had a very uncomfortable internal ultrasound, the tech said she saw no cause for concern. But who the heck knows?!?

On the subject, has anyone else had a internal scan? AF is still rather active, when booking the appointment I made them aware of this and they said they would probably do an external test, they gave me no instructions of anything I had to do or wear. I arrived and felt rather stupid. I said that I thought it was external and that AF was visiting, they said not a problem, internal gave them the best view, but I still felt rather wrong-footed. I was supposed to pee within the ten minutes before the test, they sent me out to take care of that and made a joke that they thought I'd run away when it took so long, excuse me if AF doesn't appreciate their timetable. I was supposed to be wearing something I could pull up (I was wearing trousers that are easy to pull down), they pulled a curtain around the bed, I was told to undress and sit on the bed with a towel over my lap and then they opened the curtain before I was even on the bed, so much for modesty! No small talk was exchanged to help me relax or explain what they we're doing. They asked how long AF had been visiting and looked frustrated when I told them. The worst was I asked my DH to come in with me, thinking I could use his support, the whole parallel of having a scan on my stomach when there was no baby to look at had me rather upset and the idea of having him there to hold my hand was reassuring. The reality of what they actually did had him go white as a sheet and have to sit down with his eyes closed for the whole thing, poor man, I spend most it switching between focusing on the uncomfortable sensation of what they were doing and the worry he was going to pass out!!! Was this normal and they were just being clinical? Or was it me, did I do something that made them angry?
Any ideas ladies?
P.S. Sorry about the rant. XxX

Iceauntie, just sounds like that was horrible treatment, I'm so sorry. Of course you didn't do anything wrong. I love the NHS and think the health service is great, but there really isn't a lot of thinking from the patients point of view and that results in poor communication and some awful experiences. So sorry it was that way. My visit to triage when I was in labour with my DD was horrid. They put me on a bed and shone a large flash lamp into my lady parts without so much as a curtain drawn. I was morto and in agony and for the whole hour or so I was there they hadn't a single word to me that wasn't dismissive and condescending. They sent me home, and my baby arrived less than two hours later at home. Ugh when this baby eventually gets conceived I'm having a planned home birth!!

I booked in doc apt next week to get checked out. I was booking a smear and thought might as well bite the bullet. I feel like there isn't anything wrong and it will happen in next few months but feck it, can't be any harm.

faith the sore boobs sounds promising!! I am a right moody cow today - AF due tmw. I think she's gonna show as I tested yesterday and neg so looks like it's onto lucky #12!

Hi everyone,
Welcome to all the new people.
Cola- reading your posts makes me feel like I'm reading my own lol. We're like you, we're only really now trying to do everything i.e the vitamins etc and having sperm tests done so hoping it will happen soon and trying to stay positive and keep on taking care of myself and being healthy etc. I know what everyone means about some of the boards.. sounds harsh but when people are saying how depressed they feel after cycle one I'm like get a bloody grip!! I guess it's all relative and they're entitled to post whatever they like but I read those boards and found it very discouraging whereas this board is great and I've found it's really helped me xx
Ice- did they say why they wanted to redo the tests that came back clear? Sounds like a not very nice experience unfortunately and one that could've been avoided. It's a bit of an ordeal to go through these tests anyway isn't it and requires a bit of sensitivity which isn't always given. I had no idea what to expect when I had the hsg done and I found it very painful but apart from that, the nurse kept asking me a million questions like do you want a boy or a girl and then saying good luck, I hope it does happen for you one day whilst staring at me pityingly. I was like what the hell just happened there and I came out feeling like I had no hope at all!
Faith- well done for not testing. I'm really going to try not to going forward as it just causes a lot of upset and anxiety and I had a bit of a brain flash after the last episode of testing every day 5 days pre af and feeling absolutely shit every time it didn't happen... if I am going to get my bfp, not testing until the day I'm due or a few days after won't make it not happen whereas testing loads prior to that just causes a whole load of misery and upset I don't need! How are you feeling about work? Is it a welcome distraction? I do miss my job a lot, probably more so the people and long term I don't think I could not work but I had to travel so much and was so stressed that I just felt really miserable and stressed and decided with dh it was best to take some time out. I don't want to feel like I'm waiting around for it to happen but I guess ultimately I am.. I've given myself till Jan to have a break and then I guess we'll see.
Mimi- everything ok with you?
Xx

Baby-bombed today... Feel so happy for her because she had an mc last year but really wishing it was me too.

Feeling like this board is a good 'un so thanks for making me feel instantly welcome!

I'll try and catch up on people's stories so forgive me if I don't comment straight away, it's not that I don't want to support you guys too! xx

Day off today yayyyy!! Although pretty sure I'm getting a cold and headaches that I can't shift :(
Ice thank you :) and that sounds bloody awful! I would not have been happy with this at all! The only thing I could think of is they probably do this several times a day so it's just routine to them? No excuse though! Bless you xx
Cola thsnk you! And I really hope she stays away for you!! The planned home birth sounds like a plan!! Good luck with the doc appt .. keep me updated on AF situation xx
Chloe thank you! I'm thinking the same! It's a massive waste of money and just lots of upset! Work is definitely a welcomed distraction! I love my job and my staff! And it keeps me mega distracted! I totally understand why you took some time out... what did you work as? :) xx

Haven't been on here for a while, AF got me last week so on to cycle 11 now. Sorry I don't participate much as I find I can get a bit too obsessed if I'm not careful.

Big hugs to everyone in the dratted tww, and those who have been claimed by the witch.

I'm feeling pretty chilled at the moment. Am taking part in a clearblue ovulation product trial that involves collecting my FMU every day for about 6 weeks so that's giving me something to do at least!

My DP is a contractor and has no work at the moment so I'm hoping that him being at home is going to lead to more sex this month! I worry that we don't have enough, as we normally only manage every other day during CD12-19 (I seem to ovulate CD14-18) and tbh once that's over neither of us can really be bothered due to tiredness. We are really happy together just not teenagers any more I guess!

Good luck everyone x

Well, AF got me today, a day late, the old wagon! I felt it coming on yesterday and I had awful pms yesterday so here we are. I had the disappointment yesterday when I realised I was feeling panicked and anxious as hell - classic pms for me.

On a really positive note though, this cycle I had one day of really bad pms where I've been having it for up to a week in other cycles. It's been very disruptive and made work very challenging, today is a month to the day I started my healthy eating and the shortest spell of pms all year which can't be a coincidence! Also I'm not bloated this period at all, and weighing myself the morning I'm 4.8kg lower than 17th Oct!! I'm feeling super proud of myself!! Really going to focus my energies on my eating and fitness over next few months and not go too off the rails for Christmas. I was in the supermarket stocking up on fruit and veg one day this week and as I packed my bags, I realised how long it had been since I'd been eating so well and had so much good, fresh food - the year before my daughter was conceived I'd been in tip top shape and cooking good meals & eating well. Somewhere along the way between juggling work and a kid, that got compromised and I've been leaning on freezer food dinners, takeaways, grab and go foods and getting energy from high-carb, high sugar snacks. It's obviously something that impacts on my hormones so perhaps going back to basics will tip the balance in our favour. Reading a lot about PCOS this week, makes me realise I have a few of the symptoms so going to ask doctor about that Wednesday. Diet seems to play a big part in that too!!

I feel like I'm finally taking control a bit in all of this. I'm like a drill seargent making sure hubs had his sperm vits and he's benefiting from better cooking too. Lucky sod Trying really hard to see the good side of what's happening and be more positive and that's definitely lowering my stress levels & making me much happier! I was in a bit of a rut for a few months feeling discouraged and sad, it's nice to feel more empowered & optimistic. And it's nice to feel good in my clothes with that weight loss, I keep checking myself out in the mirror

Cycle 12, CD1 let's be having you.

faith how are you doing Hun? Hope there are no signs of AF!

trying - sorry to hear about AF. I hear you about tiredness through the month! We manage it at weekends mostly lol. Fingers crossed for this cycle xx

sooz don't worry you will get to know us quickly enough

chloe where in cycle are you at Hun?

Happy Friday all xxx

Cola - that's absolutely amazing, you must feel chuffed! That's a lot to lose in a month, no wonder you feel proud of yourself! Is that the ketogenic diet you mentioned you were following before? I'm in the tww at the moment but DH was away at the right time this month so think we're out this month but I'm feeling ok about it.
I think the book that I mentioned has really helped me as I feel a lot better about everything and a lot more in control like you. I think looking after yourself and being healthy really helps when you're ttc as you feel like you're actually doing something positive to help yourself and to help the situation.

My best friend is due soon so me and my mum went to a baby shop to get some presents for the baby shower a few days ago and before I would've found it upsetting and uncomfortable but I felt fine which was a relief as I felt so horrible before. My mum actually said something about 'when you have your baby' and I thought 'yes, when I have my baby' whereas before, I would've found that upsetting as I thought I'm never going to have one as I'd got to the point where I'd given up and was talking myself out of it. I might feel like that again but hopefully not, as I feel a lot happier embracing it and taking control rather than feeling how I was before.

TTSR - I think this board is quite good as everyone seems quite normal if you know what I mean. Some of the other ones I went on were quite obsessive and just filled with people posting photos saying is this a positive result etc etc and seeking some kind of gratification or something?! I know what you mean about the sex thing. From what I've been told, I think every other day is fine when it's the right time of the month. Some people say about doing it twice a day at peak time but then I've heard that can reduce the sperm quality?
Faith - I was a sales manager for a fashion company which was great but very cut throat and competitive and it involved a lot of travelling which wasn't really working for me anymore. The boss' daughter also started working there and took time off whenever she liked and was just generally a nightmare so I just got to the point where I thought I've had enough and I couldn't help but get really uptight about it! I think I'll probably go back it one day in some form or other but we'll see. What do you do?

Hope everyone has a nice weekend xx

Hi Ladies - not been on here for a while so trying to catch up... like Rational I can get a bit obsessed so tried to keep away for a little bit... but I'm back now!
Not much to report this cycle, currently on day 13 going to DTD every other day during my fertile week which started yesterday. I think last month we overdid it a bit so trying to be more relaxed!
One thing I am sure of is that the early pregnancy testing has to stop, I just waiting for AF last cycle and it was so much less emotionally draining than taking a series of negative tests - I would advise giving it a go guys!
Can I just say that I am loving the positivity of this board - that's why I am still here - I also feel we are a supportive bunch who are all sharing very similar issues and helping each other through them - it's brilliant! I really hope this month we get some good news from at least one of us...

Cola That is amazing news that your new diet has helped with PMS, and what a fab weight loss, such a positive thing to do not to mention a great step towards a BFP! Loving the positivity

Faith stay strong and don't test... thinking positive thoughts for you this cycle!

Chloe well done you for having a break from your job, such a positive but I'm sure difficult decision to make. It's not worth it if it makes you miserable and stressed it is for the best, I have left jobs in the past because of this and have always come through it positively. Never worth staying in a job if it makes you ill.

Ice Your internal scan experience sounds horrible - your rant was totally justified! Your poor DH! I have never had one but hope you didn't have a normal experience and if you have another they will be more sensitive!

Mimi where are you on your cycle? Last month we were similar timing wise!

Welcome newbies and love and positivity to you all xx

Hi ladies
Soooooo AF got me Saturday!! Stupid witch! So onto month 12! Ordered some conceive plus for this month anyone else tried it? Onto CD3 ....
Rational the trial sounds interesting! Keep us updated and I know what you mean about becoming obsessed I do the same!
Cola so sorry she got you! Onto the next one we go! Amazing stuff with the weight loss and healthy eating well done! I know what you mean about taking control I felt like that last month and this month it's s great feeling :)
Chloe I bet that job was very demanding! Absolutely understand you taking some time out! I'm a manager of a hotel... love love it.. how's everything with you??
Margo lovely to hear from you! DTD every other day should be plenty I reckons :) definitely agree with you about the early testing though! I love this board too, keeps me going!

Hey ladies,
How is everyone doing? What a bloody miserable Monday it is today!

Nice to hear from you Margo. Totally with you on the testing. It just made me feel really crap and disappointed so definitely going to avoid it going forward! DTD every other day sounds like enough, I've had friends who have said do it as much as possible and even twice a day at the peak times but then the doctor told me not to over do it as it can reduce quality of the sperm.

Faith - I hadn't heard of conceive plus but had a google and it gets good reviews on amazon so sounds like it's worth a try. Let us know how you get on. I bet being the manager of a hotel is really interesting and you must see all sorts!

I had a bit of a wobble yesterday. Another one of our friends has just got pregnant and I'm so pleased for them as they've had to go through several rounds of IVF and I know they've wanted it for years and had some tough times so they really deserve it. But... it's hard when yet another person seems to have got the lucky ticket that we want so badly, as I know everyone else on this board does. Obviously it's encouraging because I know a few people who have tried for a long time and recently finally got pregnant which is a massive positive but a part of me is also scared as each person announces their goods news and another month goes past for us that that'll end up being our story if you know what I mean? I'm so happy for our friends, but obviously you can't help but want it for yourself can you?

Anyway, it's my best friends baby shower in 2 weeks time and today I've been planning loads of games and buying stuff online for it and I feel ok so guess it was just a wobble and a bit of a natural response.

How are all the other ladies doing out there? xx

Evening all!
Had a GP appt this morning as my 21-day progesterone was 1.2 or something, apparently low. I think I ov'd late though so she said do three tests over five days this cycle. She's going to try and get me an ultrasound too.
I am so happy she's clued in and suggesting we don't hang around due to my age (35). I feel like she's on my side and that really helps!

Hope you're all doing okay. I like the sounds of people living more healthily - it's inspired me to try too! Lost 1lb yesterday and have a bmi below 30 now!

Hey all! I love the positive vibes here and the way still we can be open about when it all feels crap and a bit shite. I have felt much better through the last cycle because of the support so just want to give you all a big thank you

faith we are proper aligned cycle buds now, I'm CD4 so we will be going through the madness again this month! Sorry about AF. It's hard every month. Don't have conceive plus but I do use preseed (flipping most awful name of a product ever??) - I don't do the whole plunging with it, just use it as lube with the comfort of knowing it's sperm friendly. It hasn't been a magic cure, have used it for a few months, but it's a good lube.

chloe - huge empathy with you on the other people's baby news front. It's hard because they have what you want and yet with all your wanting you can't know WHEN it will happen for you which is just a total pain in the ass and feels so so so unfair. Even if you're over the moon for them it still hurts. A friend I was out with recently has just found she's pg. it stung but I just have to force myself to keep thinking about the things I'm doing and focusing on using that pain. It's hard but it's going to make us appreciate it so much more.

margo I'm sure I've read every second day is better in many regards for sperm quality. This is something I definitely over think every month, I get paranoid we are either over doing it or not doing it enough. I suppose doing it at all is the most important thing Best of luck!!

sooz delighted you have a good GP and hope all goes well with the tests

This week I've got a trip to the doctors Weds for a smear (ugh!!) and then to talk about trying for a year and no baby. Hoping they can help give me some good advice and check my hormone levels. From Dr. Internet ive convinced myself I have PCOS - we shall see! I've just got my bmi south of 25 for first time in ages which is cool and apparently important for PCOS. We shall see, Dr. internet can be unreliable

Does anyone here take evening primrose oil? Never taken it but sounds like it would be good for cervical mucus

sooz that's great that you're getting somewhere and you feel like your doctor is taking it seriously. Helps give you a bit of reassurance doesn't it. Hope all goes ok.

cola yep, you're right, it stings a bit initially doesn't it but as you say, important thing is to focus on yourself and not lose your head over it. The whole PCOS thing is a bit of a mystery to me. When I was a teen, my dr was pretty sure I had it as I had really heavy, irregular periods and suddenly got a bit hairy in places I wasn't before (oh the joys of being a woman) but she told me she couldn't properly diagnose it as I didn't have any cysts, just showed the symptoms so she put me on metformin but it made me feel so ill I gave up on it and gradually lost quite a bit of weight doing the low GI diet and seemed to get hormones under control. I had another apt a few years later and she said she didn't think I did have it but I've always thought I did really but then once I came off the pill last year, my periods have been completely regular and when I had my hormones checked they were fine so god knows!

Hope you get on ok. Dr internet can definitely be unreliable and always makes you think the worst! xx

Morning ladies CD4 here! Excited about FW coming up and birthday on Sunday with OH taking me to the new Forrest can't wait!!
Chloe yeah I saw the reviews and thought ah screw it might as well try it! Yes see all sorts! Everyday is different which I love... I know exactly what you mean though it's always hard hearing about other people's positives and just wanting to be able to announce your own! It'll be our time soon though! Amazing that your doing that for your best friend though very commendable :)
Sooz how lovely she's made you feel so relaxed! Hope everything goes smoothly for you ...
Cola bless you! Thank you too... I really do love this board!
And yes we are true cycle buddies!! Yayyy! I e heard of pre seed... I got conceive plus cos it came in the applicators so I can get it right up there haha I don't really ever notice EWCM so might be an issue? So thought I'd try this... OH is excited as he loves lube but he's been put on a bit of a ban because it's not sorry friendly hehe... I've thought about evening primrose because of lack of CM may have to purchase some! Good that you've had a chat with your doctor as yes dr google can be somewhat unreliable ;) hold everything goes okay for you xxxx

Having a tough one today ladies. One of my friends announced her pregnancy today and sent us a scan pic on our watsapp group so I congratulated her etc and then one of the other girls started messaging me privately asking how I was getting on with it all and she'd heard I wasn't drinking.. basically fishing for info which made me feel awkward and obviously I don't feel great saying yeah still no news, still trying! And then one of my best friends came round this afternoon and told me she's 7 weeks with number 2.

I'm really really pleased for her and I feel bad saying it but I just feel a bit bombarded with it again and a bit overwhelmed and am feeling a bit sad tonight. That's the third person this week and I can't help thinking come on, it must be our turn next surely.

How does everyone else cope when you feel like that? x

chloe three in a week!! I have to talk about it, I have to tell someone how much it hurts and how it makes me feel. Usually my best friend. Once I've had that chat I feel a bit better. I need to say out loud how I'm feeling, how unfair it feels.

The little bit of wisdom I've gained from a tough year emotionally between work stress, bereavement and TTC is that you absolutely can't control how you feel and just need to let the feelings out, talk with someone and let yourself feel the feeling. Often with TTC that's easier for me not with OH as I find the outside listener just a bit easier. Of course oh and i talk about it and comfort each other but it's nice to talk to someone outside the bubble.

The great thing I've learned also this year is that while you can't control how you feel, you can make changes to your mindset. This has really made a huge difference to me. I'm naturally optimistic but I was in a real cynical negative spiral for months about almost everything. I heard a Ted talk about mindsets. It really made me think about reframing my perceived failures and negative experiences & building from them.

So when it happens to me now, I just try to let myself feel the hurt & injustice and then I talk about it, and then I try to use it to fuel my journey on. Hugs to you chloe and hoping there's someone outside the bubble you can talk to xxx