10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

Hey sooz, hope you're doing ok. I can totally understand why you almost wish you'd never had a BFP, it just makes you feel even worse in a way because it's like all your dreams come true and then it's taken away from you. It's absolutely heartbreaking, especially at this time of year. Have you got any plans for xmas? Do your friends and family know what's happened? I hope your cycle gets back to normal ASAP. What are your next steps?

Hi cola, glad to hear you're recovering well and the investigations all went well. It must be good to finally get some answers and find out a bit more about what's going on. Do they hope that it'll be easier to conceive once everything has settled down again?

We went to our baseline scan last week and I've got a cyst on left ovary so can't start treatment until January as got to take the pill for a month and then clinic are closed for xmas so we'l be starting early Jan. Apparently it's really common and taking the pill reduces it and a get rid of it and they don't like to chance it as the IVF hormones can increase the size of it which leaves less room for healthy eggs so can compromise your chances. I felt really upset last week as it just feels like another setback on this shitty journey and yet another delay when it's taken so long already, I keep building myself up and getting myself into a good place and then something else happens. Think for so many of us this time of year is particularly hard as it somehow highlights your own sadness when others are so happy but I'm trying to focus on getting back on the healthy wagon and get myself in best possible state for starting in Jan. It also reassures me that the clinic aren't just out for the money as they could've just let us go ahead and risk it but they seem really on the ball and professional so that's good.

Welcome to everyone else who has joined the thread. Sorry you find yourselves here but hopefully it'll be a good source of support xx

Hi chlo, sorry to hear that the ivf cycle was deferred but as you say, you want the chances to be as good as possible so in the grand scheme of things not much longer to wait (though in the reality of ttc feels like ages!). Can imagine after being all set for it that it felt like a big set back, it’s taken us a while to get our heads round ivf etc. Sounds like you have a good way to think about it now though that frames it positively and you are signing up to a very healthy Christmas. Maybe room for a glass or two of bubbly though

We saw dr. Ramsay on Saturday, he’s lovely and it was very reassuring to meet him. Hubby is all good, though we have sent off for dna frag test to be sure, and my doctor has said it should definitely have made a positive difference to have the cysts and endo off and tubes de-gunked so even though I don’t want to get my hopes up too high, I do feel quite optimistic about the next few cycles. I’m thinking it’s a lot fewer obstacles for the sperm and egg to navigate at least

Congratulations bertie on the new home and only weeks to the appointment now. Sounds like you are well and looking forward to Christmas? X

I am a bit confused as to where I’m at in my cycle today. The lap caused bleeding, which had all but died down by Sunday but picked up again yesterday. Possible it’s my period come 4 days early. Will have to be patient. Can’t wait to get trying and see how my new sparkly insides work!!

Thanks for your message cola. Yes in reality it's not a long time at all and I'm so glad we've found it out now rather than if we'd decided to wait until January to start treatment as we originally discussed as then we'd be delayed even further and I truly hope we manage to have a baby next year at some point! Please god! But yes, we really geared ourselves up to just go for it and it was a real shock and I just felt like I'd had all my positivity and energy just knocked right out of me again but I'm starting to feel a bit better this week and just trying to plod along. I'm really worried about xmas as it makes me feel sad that we're another year on and still in the same position essentially but I think it's more the thought of it that's upsetting me so I've got to try to keep the anxiety and horrible thoughts away and just take it a day at a time and just look forward to the future.

Dr Ramsay is such a nice man isn't he? I absolutely love him and just think he's an amazing doctor. He's the best person that we've met throughout this whole journey and I really trust him. Our consultant at the Lister knows his stuff but I really wish we could have Dr Ramsay seeing us through the whole thing.That's good you had the frag test just to be sure. There's another lady on here whose husband has an infection so he's having antibiotics but they've already had 2 failed rounds which is just awful when it could've been so easily avoided. Fingers crossed your new sparkly insides will be working just fine for the next few cycles! xx

Chlo22 I’m sorry you have to wait until Jan - ttc is such a horrible game of patience isn’t it? I have the same thoughts about Xmas. We started ttc after last Xmas and expected to at least be pregnant by now. I have anxiety about all the family meet ups and the “when will you be starting a family,” type comments. In reality I’m sure I’ll enjoy it and I hope you do too.

Sooz I understand what you mean about wishing you hadn’t got that bfp. It’s so cruel.

Bertie we’re moving soon too - although it’s into a place that’s pretty unsuitable for a baby! We’ve wanted to for ages and held off because we thought we’d be expecting by now but as it hasn’t happened we’ve bitten the bullet. I hope your move goes smoothly and isn’t too stressful. It is an exciting distraction from ttc though!

I’ve just ovulated but DH has been working away so not much hope, not that o have a lot after a year of ttc. I can’t wait to get the ball rolling with testing now.

Well I've got a horrible cold which is causing me to cough pretty much constantly, but other than that yes. I wonder if it will delay my ovulation as I'm due to ovulate this week or next.

Feeling rubbish here too, had the worst af pains ever and upset stomach too, was even sick last night. Googling at 3AM had me thinking it could be a mc but still bfn so think I’ve just got the bug and af at the same time!

On the plus though managed to get a doctors appointment a week on Friday with DH so happy to be getting the ball rolling with investigations!

sounds like we are all going through a few meh days in run up to Christmas! This AF ive got the biggest spot ever on my face. I hate that about my pms, always the onslaught of spots!!

I had my fertility accupuncture appointment today. I switched to a lady who is closer to where I live and she is really great. She’s been able to tell me so much about the female reproductive system that chlo if I could pick my chief consultant for ivf etc I’d wish it was her! I hope Christmas is much better than expected. It is a hard and emotional time of year but I like the fresh start feeling we will get in January. New year, new steps, new hopes xxx

bugs get well soon you poor thing, hubby and daughter had that a fortnight ago - was not a happy time!! Well done getting the doctors appointment and hope you get a nice gp xx

bertie get well soon, colds are pure misery! If you like making up potions yourself, I find some honey, fresh lemon juice and crushed ginger made into a tea with some hot water really hits the spot.

betsey sorry about DH being away during ov, that always makes me feel sad if we miss a cycle. But the upside is no sweating the two week wait this time and hopefully that is a welcome change and a nice break emotionally from the heartbreak of getting hopes up only to get bfn & AF

Maybe our next thread needs to be called Something about sparkly insides. I’ve been wondering given my two years trying now whether I should shift myself to the Infertility boards. the next chapter for me is either a much hoped for bfp in next three cycles or going through ivf. I think this thread should keep going here and im happy to stay in. I really want to see everyone getting their babies and their answers. It’s been a comfort to me when I went through all the stages.

Hi folks,
I wasn't planning on dropping in til 2018, but I've actually got my first appt at the fertility unit on Tuesday (heck knows how that happened so fast - I'm crapping myself!) so I think it is time for me to move on to the infertility boards and get myself prepped for IVF.

Cola I see your lap went well and I really hope your sparkly clean uterus is going to get it's act together at last for you!

Everyone else - I will try to check in now and again and I sooooooooooo wish you all the best with everything, I really do. If you haven't discovered the fertility podcast yet that is my biggest recommendation to anyone (and was recommended to me by a lovely person on here and I'm really sorry I can't remember exactly who) as it has made me feel less alone and also at times made me laugh about things.

Heaps of love, over and out x

trying I recommended the fertility podcast I'm so glad you're finding it helpful! Good luck with your appointment

cola Glad your lap went well, sounds positive

bugs definitely a good step forward making that first appointment!

My second month of clomid hasn't worked, all the usual pre AF symptons so expecting that to start shortly. Blood test shows I ovulated but not exactly feeling positive as I may have ovulated but I'm still not pregnant!

Oh no, but that's a better sign, sunshine! Remember even totally fertile people don't always get pregnant in one month. They reckon it's a 20-25% chance so it's a good sign you're ovulating. Average is 3-4 months I worked out but can be up to 8 without anything being amiss.

I like the idea of sparkly insides :) There is another thread floating around somewhere which is TTC 18m+ moving on to IVF which I popped onto for a bit but as we aren't anywhere near IVF yet didn't feel like it was right for me.

This thing is defo an exercise in patience.

I will have to focus on getting the family fertility history down before our appointment.

And Betsy - I'm curious about your new place now! What is it like that makes it unsuitable for a baby? Is it something exotic like a narrowboat? :)

trying good luck with the appointment! Progress! Xxx

sunshine fingers crossed for the clomid over the next cycles and I must check out this podcast! Xxx

bertie I met a lady who had a Home birth on a houseboat in December (brr!) and lived on it raising her kid there. I don’t know how she managed but fair play to her!!! X

Had my Hycosy yesterday and all is well anatomically. So hormones are correct and I'm ovulation and plumbing is correct.

It was very unpleasant I was told to prep for period pains.... I have not experienced anything like that. It took several attempts and local to get the catheter in. I brought a pad but the amount of blood was more and i am still have cramps 24hrs later. Did anyone else have this experience? Doctor and nurse were lovely

Hi All, sorry for not replying sooner.

@chlo22, thank you. My parents know and a few close friends. And my boss at work. Haven't completely decided on Christmas yet. We'll definitely be with my parents on the day, as I don't want it to be just me and DH, think I'll get too sad. My DB and DSIL and their two DCs will be at my parents on Christmas Eve as they want "a pyjama day" on Christmas Day. Which breaks my heart all over again. I feel like I'll never have that cosy day, just me, DH and our little family. So I'm unreasonably pissed off at my DB and not sure if I want to go to my parents on Christmas Eve to see him. DH will probably talk me round, though.
(I have to say, part of this is based on years of Christmases when DH and I lived several hours away from my family and even further from his - every year we'd have to pack everything up and drive off for the festive season to see people. Not once, in ten years, did my DB drive over to where I was living to see me. Not once - EVER! So I'm quite bitter about it )

@Colabottles64, glad the lap went well and I hope the acupuncture is doing good things! You sound very positive for the new year, well done you!

@BertieBotts, I agree, this whole situation is about patience! I suppose it's good to practice it every tww but I'd rather do without the practice, tbh!

I reckon I ov'd today; I got two fab positive opks yesterday and a fab one today. Fingers crossed my bbt rises tomorrow to confirm - I'd love my cycle to be back on track after the mc! DH and I have dtd Mon, Weds and Fri this week, so I feel we're in with a good chance. But I need to learn not to get my hopes up too much!!

Catherine I had the HSG and I had a bit of pain after it and bled for a day, how are you now? Would try calling 111 if any concerns Hun. My period after it was shockingly painful and so much dark brown blood, it was very different to normal but was back to ok within one or two periods. Hope that’s some help to know xxx

Sooz I would be pissed at DB too! Having to do all the travel every Christmas is shite. We are staying home just us this year and I’m delighted. We will visit the relatives after Christmas. It can be hard to win right.
Really glad to hear cycle getting back to normal and hopefully what they say about being extra fertile after a mc proves true. We’ve all waited far too long! Xxx

Sooz we always have to travel at Xmas as we live abroad and it sucks. When we finally have a baby we’ll definately be staying out. I have the dream about a pj day too. It’s so hard.

Oh Bertie it’s nothing exotic! Just bricks and mortar. It’s a sixth floor apartment, no garden and inner city plus we’ve had to downsize to two bedrooms as it was stupidly expensive. That also means money would be tight with me on mat leave. We just decided if we’re not going to have a baby that soon then we’ll tick all our other dreams off in the meantime. I’m sure we’ll fit a baby in when the time comes, it’s just impractical!

My update - I’ve started spotting at 7dpo which is ridiculous even by my pre af spotting standards. There wasn’t much hope for this month with DH being away but still....

How we all doing ladies??

I’m in the fw and have so much hope this month post lap. I’m nervous about getting my hopes up but It’s nice to feel more hopeful rather than the kind of “this is pointless” rut I was in.

Hope all are feeling well x

Good to hear everyone is getting a least a few nice Christmas plans in place. Hopeful for a little Christmas magic for everyone.

HyCosy was a nightmare was still having bleeding (old brown) 4 days later, which then changed to a more pink discharge. Phoned the clinic and the doctors who gave me 2 antibiotics in case it was an infection. Stopped bleeding a whole week after the original scan and still have the odd cramp over a week later.

The past 18 months of disappointment are getting to me. My first set of blood tests were requested wrong so had to be repeated the next month. Which delayed my appointment to gyn. Then the scan be such a drama after having to wait 6 months for it. Now my gyn appointment for feb has been cancelled and moved to 5 weeks later in march. It just seems like every step has been full of negativity and I am so fed up of it. I have never even had one positive pregnancy test to have some hope

Aww catherine1988 I know how you’re feeling, the constant waiting each and every month is so depressing - I wish I had some positivity to send your way! X

We were at the doctors today for first appointment, GP was really nice but just a Locum so maybe won’t see her again. She has given DH a bottle for his sample and I had a swab to rule any nasties out first of all. I’m going back on CD22 for bloods but with my long cycles I’m now wondering if this is going to be late enough, she said day 21 or 7 days before af so I’m thinking as I’m usually 30 days that 22 will be too soon. Anyone any ideas if this will be ok? My best friend is a GP but I’ve not told her we are trying yet, thinking I should!

You ovulate approx day 14 so the day 21 progesterone is measuring the peak post ovulation. So I would imagine, does anyone else know? you could always call the doctor and check if you want reassurance

Think I will need to double check then. I seem to be ovulating days 17-20 which would mess with the test if that’s the case. Think I’ll try and track ovulation really carefully this month and let the doctor know. I did say to her that my I’ve been much later but looking at it 7 days after ovulation this month will be Xmas day so not going to get a blood test appointment! Either way I’m resigned to baby news for next Christmas, I’m not going to be get myself bothered over another month!

Sounds like a plan. I know when i had my day 21 progesterone they said it didn't need to be too specific as it fell on a bank holiday weekend. I like your attitude! I need to find some of that 😀

Well I've been ill and then DH was ill, so not sure we managed to get the fertile week properly this month. We possibly reached it once. But it means I won't be too hopeful I suppose so can just relax and enjoy Christmas. The nice thing is actually my period is due on the 20th at the latest so at least I shouldn't be in limbo.