10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

Hi Cola!

Hope you are well haven't had a chance to read back through thread past a few pages but hoping things are moving along even if little steps forward.

I see in your latest posts your due your lap soon wishing you the best of luck and sending warm thoughts.

Am i right in thinking you said you may have some questions for me as i mentioned i had endo and had a Lap?
Happy to answer any questions if you still had them. If it wasn't you then my mistake xx

hopefully any lap tips welcomed! How long til you felt back to normal? And did you have adenomyosis too? Consultant saw some signs of adeno on my Ultrasound so interested if anyone else had same xxx

Hi Cola

Sorry for disappearance wasnt feeling too good and went to bed.

My lap was over 4 years ago so bear with me for remembering details .

From what i can remember it took around two weeks before feeling back to normal completly.first week very exhausted and second still very tired / worn out similar to how you feel after recovering from flu though healing was quite quick and minimal scarring.

I had to look up ademo as had not heard of it. That sounds terribly difficult for you

I never had any experience of any endo show up on an ultrasound ever as it generally doesn't. But each case is different ,as with recovery time you may well feel fine after a week. I wouldnt expect it to take less than that
Xxx

Was wondering if i can join

I am 29 and have been ttc for over a year. No past medical history, started periods in early teens and have been regular. Was on the pill which i came off 2 years ago 6 months before ttc. Ive had my blood tests which came back normal and ovulating and his sperm is good. Husband and I are both healthy, normal bmi, non smokers and infrequent drinkers.

Awaiting a HyCoSy scan in a few weeks. Feeling blue

Thanks hopefully xxx

catherine welcome and so sorry youve experienced this shite that is TTC with a long wait too. We know the feeling well! Hope we can give you some encouragement & a place to vent xxx

Hey, is it ok to join in?

age 39 (UGH)
I have two daughters spaced 11 years apart due to problems conceiving.
One fallopian tube as I had an ectopic 5 years ago :(
ttc 2 years with my new partner, who has no children and is the most perfect dad in waiting. Breaks my heart.
11 dpo and having crazy symptoms that are probably nothing, I know I should try to be optimistic but Im losing faith.

AF due in four days.

So many symptoms this cycle....telling myself its pms or (gasp) menopausal symptoms as I never had any symptoms with my two previous pregnancies. Nothing.
This cycle, constant nausea, tingling boobs, peeing constantly, funny smells and tastes. I dont want to get my hopes up. I cant, it breaks me very time I get a BFN.

A little part of me is thinking this is so different to anything before.....hoping and praying x

I have not spoken to anyone about ttc. I tried to do everything 'right' so got an education, good job, husband, home and started trying early. I even take those stupid conception vitamins which only purpose, in my opinion, is to give me orange wee. Trying to have a baby has been the saddest time of my life and I fail to see how anything positive can come from this. My husband says whenever we are sitting with our own baby we will start to forget the pain. I find it hard to see the disappointment in his face month after month and alothough unhelpful i feel like i am letting him down. He seems to think the impending HyCosy scan will have answers. I do not think it is a simple and do not regard it as fix. Holding a little pity party for myself today and nervous about the scan

Hi sequoia and catherine, welcome and sorry that you find yourselves here. It’s a good place to be though - just say whatever you think!

sequoia have you had any tests done so far? I hope that this cycle is successful for you, I totally know that “I daren’t hope but I can’t help it” feeling!

Catherine I’m sorry you’re feeling so down at the moment. I have also found this whole thing really tough at times, and the 12 month mark for me was a hard milestone. Have you listened to The Fertility Podcast at all? I’ve found that helpful in making me feel less alone. I’m at the two year mark now and have just been referred for IVF (we have unexplained infertility). I still have good days and bad days but I feel like I’ve learnt a lot about myself and moved forward since last year, so I just wanted to say hang in there and don’t imagine it’s only going to get worse. Whatever this scan shows (or doesn’t) you’ll be a step closer to the end goal. I can’t tell you how scared I have been at times over the last couple of years (I’m the biggest wimp I know), and I’m still scared about IVF, but I have realised that I have to take things one step at a time and also that it’s ok to be scared - everyone else is too. It’s also definitely ok to ask for help - several people on here have had counselling and found it useful, so if you’re feeling this is really too much then that might be worth considering.

Do you have a follow-up appointment after your scan? What are your biggest worries at the moment?

Welcome to the new ladies! I’ve suddenly started getting notifications today after big having any for ages, think my email must have been playing up so just catching up on everyone’s news and appointments!

I’m in the dreaded 2ww, AF due on the 21st (me and dh’s Anniversary!) and feel like we couldn’t possibly have done anything better! Fingers are well and truly crossed! If not think after 18 months we will need to go to the doctors which just seems to be a minefeild!

Hi Catherine, strange for me to see that as your username is my sister's name and my birth year :)

We have been trying since Easter 2016. I have decidedly not done anything in the right order but still having issues. I do have a DC from a previous relationship, but can't wait until DH and I have a baby of our own. DS really wants a sibling too, always has :(

In 2ww too but given up temping for now so only rough end of the week to test by. I am going away this weekend so I have consoled myself this time by deciding to get really drunk if I'm not pregnant!

bertie that’s the best way to time a weekend away!

catherine i know this seems unlikely - and it’s possible it will feel different for you - but I think months 9 - 15 were emotionally the hardest for me. I found it hard from early on but they were the worst because I still had expectation each cycle. In a lot of ways it feels easier now because I’m not testing and expecting every cycle this will be it. I was so angry and sad and it consumed my mind 24/7 for that time, I never stopped thinking about it and I just couldn’t stop. I had counselling and it got me out of that awful place. Now I feel I can mentally get some space from it. That said there are still crappy days but I feel investigations are progressing and we will start ivf in the spring if we haven’t gotten the bfp by then. It’s a horrible rollercoaster.

Girls I’m having a proper crap day - I locked up my neck this morning and can’t turn my head left. The car wouldn’t start the three times I needed it today so I had to jump start it three flipping times. Work was slow and I was tired and couldn’t concentrate. When I collected my daughter from nursery, one of the ladies told me my DD told her today Mummy has a baby I’m her tummy and it’s going to be a girl and she can’t wait. I wish... actually broke my heart! She really wants a baby brother or sister and has started asking me when can she have one all the time. Pass the vodka 😭 On a positive note, there’s only one Monday in the week and it’s over!! That’s all I’ve got 😬

Oh no I’m a proper sad sack today too. Af is 2/3 days late even though I got a positive opk 2 days earlier than normal. I didn’t have the energy to get my hopes up and now I’ve started spotting so af is imminent.

Bugs I’ve suddenly started getting emails again too. Must have been a problem.

Catherine ttc has been the hardest time of my life too. I never imagined feeling so emotionally drained. We’ve decided to start investigations in the new year. I do feel a bit more positive that it’s a step forwarding in finding a solution, whether it be a quick fix or something which requires patience, it just feels so overwhelming at the same time.

So I suppose the lead up to trying is important here. So having children was super important to me, was really dream number 1. I chose a job where it was easy to go part time for when there were children. I fell in love with the man who i wanted to be the father of my children. I married said man as I wanted the security of marriage for when there were children. I always made this clear and my husband also wanted a family life. My husband needed more time, helpful points was that he wanted to be more financially secure and for the right time. Which i totally respected and we discussed this at length. Unhelpful points included none of our friends had children and it should be fine. I respected the financial side of things and that he wasn't ready. I may have got cross and said i didnt care what his friends were doing lothough I did voice concerns and along the lines " if you play with fire you might get burnt". I love my husband, I chose him first and formost and we delayed ttc for 2 years. He got excited when we decided the month to start trying all very positive. So fast forward to now he has been waiting for the baby that never came and the guilt of making me wait. I don't blame him at all and i have said this many times and it was a joint decision but he is still upset. I have also waited 2 years to finally get to try to be a year and a half down the line with nothing to show for it.

So i feel like I am maybe further down the process than him. I think i have given up on a natural conception although that doesn't mean I have given up trying. I just think i might need help.

I am scared of is that my husband will always think that it may have worked when i wanted to start and I waited for him. Therefore forever blaming himself even though it was a couples decision. I'm scared this scan will show something catastrophic and there will be no baby ever.
I'm scared cause I didn't really have a plan b for this. How do i start planning getting on with other parts my life with all this going on in the background

That was a essay. I haven't spoken to anyone about anything. My mum knows we have been trying and that im being sent for a scan but very minimal information as i don't want to worry her. She keeps talking about when i have my baby..... she got pregnant the first month with us two. Also husband although lovely has started to tear up when i mention time of the month

...so ive started crying in my car when i drive places... its not funny but it is...so i though a group might be a good idea

I also found months 9-15 the hardest so far come to think of it. It has been about 19 months. We've had two miscarriages but they were early on so it's been 14 months even since I was last even pregnant (just for a short time). I'm feeling alright at the moment because we've got testing coming up in Jan which has been a long time coming. I am not worried about the tests because we already know what DH's issue is and I feel happier the more information I get about something. What I hate is not having an explanation or not understanding something.

BertieBotts sorry about your miscarriages. It must be so disappointing. What have you been told so far?

catherine it sounds like you have been holding it all in a long while; venting some of this will be difficult but ultimately it does help. Hopefully not too much longer to wait for the hycosy x

bertie the quest for answers is almost as big for me now as getting blooming pregnant I don’t know if we will ever get the detail we want but I’ll settle for the babies xxx

Only info from in laws. When MIL was pregnant with DH she had testing (I guess amniocentesis but not sure, she doesn't know) and he was found to have a translocated chromosome. So he had been told a huge doom and gloom horror story of infertility, miscarriage, possible learning difficulties etc. Actually he is dyslexic but that is probably nothing to do with it.

So went into this relationship knowing that there was a chance it wouldn't be easy for us and he was open about it from the start, and I decided that if it happened it happened and if it doesn't then we'll deal with it. I know he'll make a great dad, he already does. We've always been fairly lax about contraception once we knew the relationship was serious but no accidents or anything. I was on the pill for a while, we sporadically used condoms. We decided to try for a bit about three years ago and then he freaked out about finding more information about his condition so we decided to give it a break. By this point I'd read everything I could off the freely available stuff on the web.

Came back to it about a year or two later and he was okay with testing but I wanted to do some career stuff first so we planned to hold off for 2 years and then he went to visit his family and his friend who had a newborn and came back and gave me this big pitch and so we decided to do it for real, which was a proper rollercoaster because it brought up a load of unresolved feelings about me having DS so young etc. What was almost cruel is that it worked the first month, which we weren't expecting at all. We lost that one at 5 weeks, and I was sad but he was absolutely gutted. I didn't feel like I'd invested into the pregnancy yet, so it didn't really feel like I had lost a baby. Second miscarriage was three months later, exact same gestation and again, sad, but I felt okay because at least we were getting somewhere! Waited another 3 months... 5 months... felt v frustrated because it was almost like I felt I'd just paused that first pregnancy and I wanted to get back to it. The miscarriages just felt like the most monumental waste of time. Now of course in perspective, losing 1-2 months was nothing! So it's a different feeling now.

Recently I went a bit mad trying to find stats and driving myself crazy so I ended up joining a facebook group about translocation and reading everything on there basically. It's helped because of the information thing. I have a tendency to be overly optimistic in the sense that I almost CAN'T see the worst case scenario, whereas DH is quite good at assessing a situation for how it really is but tends to present it quite negatively to my view. The group at first gave me hope, then brought me down to earth, now I'm back where I was, hopeful, but more realistic than before. At the moment he hasn't given up hope so that's probably a good sign, but I'll wait and see after we speak to the geneticist. He will probably get a bleaker version of events than me.

One of the things which can happen with a translocation is that the pregnancy fails to implant to begin with, rather than causing a miscarriage, so it might be that's what's been happening. But there's no way to know that.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I've rambled so much. Translocation is very rare apparently but it's one of the few things which can cause miscarriage from the man's side.

I'm back; I had a miscarriage.

Oh Sooz, I’m so so sorry....

So very sorry to hear that, Sooz Hope you are as ok as you can be and are physically alright x

Really sorry for u Sooz! XX

Sooz I’m so sorry to hear that. Look after yourself

Gutted for you sooz, sending you lots of love

Can I join?

24
Cycle 15
TTC #2

Well this is rubbish, isn’t it? initial GP apt’s done for me. I ovulate, no issues picked up and transvaginal scan on 15/12 as I have PCO but not PCOS ( all very confusing but isn’t supposed to impact fertility). DH has his first GP apt on 04/12 and then a SA to come too.