10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

Hi everyone,
Hope I can join?
I'm on month ten too. Went to go and see the GP last week who told me to come back in January
He did do a blood test which will check if I'm ovulating each month so I'll find out results Wednesday.

Welcome likeafox and best of luck starting out on the investigations. Hopefully you’ll get there before too long!

books I have some months opks drive me crazy so I’ve mostly given them up now. Just seems they add pressure even though logically are such a good idea. Not like ttc makes much logical sense though ha!

trying we may end up getting treatment at same timeframe if you start in spring. We’ve been on this journey a while together so hopefully we will be lucky first time ivfs!

Tomorrow I’ve been on this thread a year!!!!! Can’t believe it - still feeling positive it will happen, just with a little help! Xxx

Hi guys, I hope you don’t mind me joining? A bit of background - I’m 33 and have been ttc#1 since January (I’ve lost track of how many cycles!). We’ve not been preventing for much longer than that though. I’ve had a couple of months where I’ve got my hopes up but I’ve not had a bfp so I’ve stopped symptom spotting and I refuse to take anymore hpts until I’m 99% sure it’ll be a bfp (I have one at home and I’m determined it’ll be my bfp one!). I’m a pre-af spotter - it usually starts around 7/8dpo. I’ve seen a gynae and had an internal scan which was normal so the gynae doesn’t think it’s a problem and has left us to keep trying. This cycle the spotting didn’t start until 12dpo but it’s pretty heavy now so af is imminent.

The ladies on the testing threads are lovely but many are in the early stages and full of hope and I feel I’m now at a completely different point in my ttc journey. To be honest I’d really like to take a break from ttc but we don’t really have time given my age. Hopefully I can find some common ground and support with you all.

Welcome betsy!

Can totally identify about frustration with the normal bus boards which is what brought most of us here. This is a very supportive group and not a very OTT one so it’s great to check in here any time you want advice or to let off some steam! X

There’s a lot of new joiners so I’ll intro myself - I’m 33 too, I have one DD who is almost 3 and I’ve been trying for a sibling for her for two years in December. I ovulate normally, hubby sperm good, have had lots of tests now (scans, follicle counts, bloods, immunes, hsg) and no cause for why it’s not happening. Amh slightly low, laparoscopy up next in Nov to check for endo. I’m a recovered early tester and opk user, I try to avoid most peeing on sticks now as it caused me too much disappointment. I’ve tried exercise, diet changes, vitamins, supplements, timed sex and sex every other day. I feel I know too much about conception now and wish I knew a lot less! Moving on to ivf in spring if haven’t got my bfp by then xxx

Hi like a fox and betsy!

like a fox what was the test the doc did? I'm still waiting on one set of results to check my progesterone. If I understand correctly, this is supposed to be done on day 21? So a week after ovulation should have occurred? Problem with me is that my cycles are long and I don't have a 28 day cycle, so not sure if it'll work...

betsy well done on the self control with the tests! I promised I wouldn't test until af due this time, but did yesterday. Negative, obv, because it's too early!

Thanks for the warm welcome, cola

Hi to everyone who has joined recently, welcome!

Cola yes maybe we will be cycle buddies!

I should probably introduce myself too for the newer folks. I’m 35, ttc#1, approaching the 2 year mark now with no bfps ever. Had all standard NHS tests but nothing was found to be wrong so we are in the unexplained category. Seeing consultant in Nov for a follow-up, at which we expect to be referred for IVF. I’m a total wimp about anything medical, even blood tests, so I’m really scared but I’m also really sick of the disappointment so I know that I just need to get my act together and be brave somehow.

I totally get what it’s like when the people on the buses are all getting pregnant and you’re not and they are all “omg I’ve been trying for two whole months and it still hasn’t happened, it’s a nightmare” and you think.... maybe this isn’t the place for me to hang out. I’ve done excited, I’ve done opk-obsessed, symptom-spotting, googling like mad, barely able to think of anything else etc etc. I’ve hit the 12 month wall of “shit, maybe there really is something wrong”. That was hard. And now I’m more in the “ok, I give in, this isn’t going to happen by itself” phase, which is kinda better to be honest. Obviously I visit the “crying on the loo” phase and the “OMG I can’t do this” phase and the “if one more person asks me if I’m getting broody I might punch them” phase regularly cos things do get to me at times.

Whatever stage you’re at this is a safe place to vent and ask questions. No such thing as TMI here.

Hope everyone else is hanging in there ok. I’m awaiting AF, possibly tomorrow, but I just know she’s on her way. And I sort of don’t care, but obviously I sort of do.

Oh my god trying I could hug/high five/ shout amen to that entire post, you captured the journey of the two years trying to an absolute T!

I am currently sort of not trying to think about the fact I’m approaching my fertile week and sort of not putting pressure on us to do it but sort of secretly thinking way too much about it - a familiar phase too??? Knowing other people understand is of enormous comfort and relief to me because this can be a shite and lonely journey. Thanks for making me feel not so alone in this!! Xxx

Thanks for the welcome and introductions ladies!

Trying you’ve put my thoughts into words too. I feel I can’t talk to many people in RL as I’ll just get “have you tried opks?” or similar. I feel awful but I don’t feel I can’t even tell my Mum as I know she’ll google ways to help (with the best intentions) and it’ll wind me up that she thinks we haven’t thought of that.

Anyway, I’m officially late but at 15/16dpo and with a bfn on a frer so I’m not kidding myself that I could be pregnant anymore. It’s just a case of waiting it out and then starting again once af gets out the way. I’m partly annoyed with myself for using my “lucky” frer but it’s probably better to just know.

We’re waiting until the new year to continue testing. Our hand is forced as we’re not in the UK and we don’t have insurance with fertility cover. We can renew it in December to include it though.

How’s everyone doing?

Just past FW here, going low pressure so no opks etc. This was last try before the lap and dye for us. Hopefully we have a little chance, though by now (cycle 24!) I don’t hold my breath!

Ladies on both my side and DHs side of family due this week, one darling little girl born yesterday and the other will come any day now. Making my ovaries ache seeing the newborn photos. It’s actually not hurting though, I get very jealous and sad when I hear someone is pregnant but i just feel joy and longing when I see the beautiful babies, well a Little bit of sadness I guess.

Hope everyone’s is making progress and feeling well x

I’m CD6 so getting ready for another shag week. Have really given up hope now of it happening naturally, which in a way is kinda liberating. Only a couple of weeks til see consultant and have already discussed which clinic we want to be referred to and have read and re-read several ivf books so feel ready for referral now. Mostly am fine about it but when it comes to it I’m sure I’ll freak out. But I’ve definitely come a long way from where I was a year ago so just trying to hold onto that.

How’s everyone else? For goodness sake could someone get themselves a bfp soon, it’s about time!

I am awaiting af any moment now. I've had the mother of all weird luteal phases, with symptoms galore, many new for me, some on/off, some longer-term, all compounded by the fact I don't actually know when I ov'd so yesterday/today/tomorrow/Saturday could all be my af expecting date but I'm in limbo. Today I thought I was getting af cramps but it's more dull, they haven't come out in full force yet and usually it's quite an explosion, if that makes sense. Plus my lower back/kidneys have been aching all day. But there is no way I'm getting hopes up. Af will be here tomorrow or the next day, I'm sure.

So I am doing oddly! :D

I think I may have had a chemical pregnancy this month. I had a few v v faint positives and felt like there were some pregs symptoms. Then spotting brown blood. Then a really heavy period, with cramps lasting 48 hours. Passing clots etc. I went to see the doc this morning as I had an appointment booked anyway to look at my latest blood results. He did a scan and couldn't see anything, but said it sound like an early MC. Anyway, the bloods I had taken were for progesterone, but it was too early in my cycle so came up with nada.
He's now prescribed me 5 days of clomiphene at 50mg for days 2-6 cycle. First time on it, so will see how it goes.
Feeling bleurgh but trying to stay on bright side - if it was a chem pregs this month that's the first sniff I've had of a positive since trying for the last year.
Sending good vibes to you all.

Morning ladies!

I’m at cd7 so also heading into my fertile week. I’ve got some opks for this month as I haven’t used them for a while so feel I should give them another go. I’m terrible at remembering to use them though so I will have to work out a method to remember. DH is meant to be arranging a sa this month and we’re just going to pay for it to get it out of the way. Not sure he’s done much about it yet though!

Cola your feeling about newborns sound like mine. A new baby is lovely news and I’m happy for others but yes, I can’t deny the jealousy as well.

Aww Sooz the last few days before af are the worst! I won’t let myself get my hopes up anymore either, not that it makes the disappointment any worse.

Books no whiff of a bfp for me either this year. I’ve wondered how a chemical would make me feel, whether it would be comforting that I’d gone a step further or not? I’m pleased that your looking on the bright side. Fingers crossed for the clomiphene.

Sooz I so know that feeling - it’s so frustrating when you don’t know when AF will hit but you’re just waiting. I hope you get a surprise bfp, but I know why you don’t want to hope!

Books I’m sorry that it sounds like you had a chemical, that must be tough. The doctor giving you a prescription is hopefully a positive step. And if it was a chemical then that means you ovulated, which I hope is something good out of a difficult situation. Hope the clomiphene works well for you :-)

Betsy we are cycle buddies this month, so I wish you a successful fertile week! Hope your man gets his SA sorted soon - mine was so hopeless I had to book it for him!

trying as the kids say, preach! 🙌🏼 We are SO overdue a bfp here on this board, we need someone to turn on a light at the end of the tunnel, feels more like we are going round in circles doesn’t it! Awesome that the consultant is soon and hope the waits will not be long. Onwards!!

sooz the cycles with those twws are so crappy on the nerves. Even when you swear you won’t symptom spot, it’s completely impossible not to. Fingers crossed for you in a non hopes raising kind of way. You know what I mean ☺️

books am so sorry about the cp 💐 Seeing a bfp no matter how faint then seeing it go is shite. I went through a lot of early testing and one time in particular had a very faint line; maybe it was just an evap but it was horrid when the next test was stubbornly blank. Hopefully the clomid will help you this cycle xxx

betsey ya hubby may need some encouragement - I basically booked my hubbies one. I don’t know if it’s too much of a sweeping generalisation but he’s just not nearly as good at that side of stuff and I blame him being a man!

Hi everyone, have been super busy lately but keeping up with your posts.

Hi to the new joiners and sorry you are in this crappy situation as well! As a summary, we are on cycle 19 of TTC #1. We've had all the initial tests (which has taken bloody ages) and they have said I'm anovulatory as my progesterone is too low. It's weird though as I do have regular periods. I'm on my first cycle of clomid.

Have been finding things really tough lately. The clomid made me feel shite when I was taking it, ticked off most of the side effects! I thought that meant it was hopefully working though, but I'm on CD19 and still haven't ovulated so I don't think it's worked as it should. I've got a blood test on Monday to check progesterone which is obv going to be low still. I expect I will have to increase the dose next month which will make me feel even worse!

I feel like I should be more positive as this is something that might help, but I'm just so worn down and cynical I've actually lost hope that it will ever happen. I know clomid has good stats but the statistics have let me down so far on this journey!
We have also had several close family and friends announce pregnancies in the last few weeks, including the first grandchild on DH's side which made us feel sad as it should have been us, ages ago. All of them conceived really easily. They have no idea how lucky they are! I don't know what I can do to make myself feel better, I really feel like I've sunk into a bit of a black hole lately. Urgh.

Definitely hoping for some good news on this board soon! We fricking deserve it! Xx

Awww sunshine I’m really sorry you’re having such a rough time. It is so hard at the best of times and I bet the clomid side effects don’t help either. I hope you get some answers from your blood tests and feel better about things. I’ve heard some good clomid stories so I have everything crossed for you. I know what you mean about the stats letting you down though and feeling worn down, it’s hard to remember what positivity is sometimes! X

sunshine the lows are tough and we all have them but it must be especially hard with the clomid side effects. Hormones are a total bitch, not to mention the baby bombing. Some days it seems so far away and I agree the stats are throwing us two fingers.
I got to a really low point back in March, had some telephone counselling and it really helped me when feeling miserable due to ttc was kind of taking me over. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, this is a hard road emotionally. We are here with you for what it’s worth and wishing you well xxx

Thank you for your lovely words cola and trying xxx

@sunshineandsea, so sorry to hear you're feeling low. It's totally understandable. Sending you lots of virtual hugs, sorry I can't do more.

Hi ladies,
Have been following the board but haven't posted in ages. Hope everyone's doing ok.

Sorry to hear you're finding it tough sunshine. Can totally understand why the baby bombs are getting you down, especially the family ones. There's not a lot you can do except ride it out and know that the feelings will pass but agree with cola that a bit of counselling might help if you're feeing particularly low and don't seem to be able to shake it off. Sending you hugs too.

I had my hopes up this cycle that it would happen but AF turned up on Weds. I just don't feel deep down that we need IVF but have got to have some kind of cut off point so have booked an appointment to go back to the clinic in 3 weeks time. I think we can pretty much start straight away but that will give us one more cycle anyway so keeping everything crossed but if not, I'm trying to see having treatment as a means to an end, rather than a big scary thing. Trying be the operative word!

Sunshine I’m sorry to hear you’re having a hard time. The roller coaster of emotions is so tough. I understand the feeling of being worn down by it. I would like to take some time out from ttc so I can’t get out of the monthly ups and downs of each cycle. Given my age it just isn’t the best idea so we shall keep trying. Fingers crossed for the clomid and I hope the side effects settle down

Trying yes we are cycle buddies! Hope your fertile week isn’t too exhausting.

I’ve started a new job this week. The timing wasn’t by choice - my previous company closed down. It’s been great to have something to occupy my mind after a few weeks out of work. However I keep jumping between wanting to fall this month and then not as it would be incredibly awkward with my new job.

I was thinking a lot over this weekend about how circular my thought patterns on this ttc journey have been. I have this deep down negative feeling that it’s “my fault” we arent conceiving, that somehow we should be but I’m doing something wrong like being too stressed, being impatient, worrying too much, not eating well enough, not exercising enough, overthinking the whole thing, putting too much pressure on husband etc. If I just pull my socks up, get a grip, stop panicking and just “let it happen”, it will happen. “It happened when I stopped trying” they all say. So let’s park that for a second.

Then rational me is like no, you’re doing grand stop blaming yourself, it’s not your fault. Youve thrown kitchen sink at it and you’re not to blame Obviously. And then that’s helped me plot a course through tests, investigations and I’ve set my end goal of ivf. Grand.

I wish I could kick that first set of thinking away but it keeps coming back! Im getting better at controlling it but every now and then when I get baby bombed or see a baby and feel the longing, I’m right back there thinking it’s me and my fault. I guess my brain just wants a reason why so I’m the easiest culprit.

I swear I could plot it out.

Start a new cycle. Feel renewed energy to make it happen. Think positive, eat well and exercise and have lots of sex.

Don’t hit all of the days we wanted but trying to stay relaxed so don’t think about it.

Small level of hope around tww. Hormones make me crazy. AF comes and feel disappointed but start over again.

Continues and start feeling a bit crapper every month. What am I doing wrong. More people announce pregnancies.

Time passes and it’s a downward spiral. Go through cycles of tests and feeling relaxed and feeling stressed.

People have conceived and had babies since I started. Need to feel progress. Investigate treatments. Try not to panic.

Kind of accept it’s not happening the old fashioned way. But deep down still think a bit it’s my fault.

Plan for treatment. Set a future date. Keep trying. Pressure increases as get nearer and not happened. Don’t know if I’m ready.. someone announced their second pregnancy since started trying. Their other “baby” walks now. Feels somehow bereft from comparison.

Still think “if only I did x y z” it would happen. Therefore it’s all my fault.

Really hope I can break this cycle. Have to say I’m much improved but still it comes back! Wonder if any of you have felt similarly or maybe have a different experience or way to frame it xxx

Guys, I got my bfp today! We can't quite believe it. I joined this thread about a year ago, it's been a long time coming!

Oh my god, sooz I’m so happy for you!!! Congratulations