10+ months TTC

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I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

Hey all, hope ye are well!

trying, if you had the chat with your manager, hope it went well? And hope AF has stayed the feck away! xxx

sooz accupuncture is lovely!! I was dubious but it was so relaxing. You sound like you're open to lots of options right now which is great. Hope you're feeling well xxx

sunshine that hsg sounds like it was tough going, sorry to hear that but hope it helps. Sorry about the baby bombing too. It's impossible not to compare. Hang in there xxx

AFM, hubby is really stressed this month so any chance is off the table for this cycle, and I got my lap scheduled for Nov. It will be investigative and they will treat and endo if they find it and can. Has anyone here had one? First surgery ever for me so feeling a bit weird about it. Am sure will be grand.

Will send proper post later but just off to visit one of our friends and went to buy a card and suddenly floored me out of the blue as have been feeling ok. All the words were along lines of your precious bundle will bring you so much joy etc etc which I can't send as feel like I wouldn't know as don't have a baby or this is such an amazing special time.. which hurts as should be for us as well f we hadn't had mc. I bought one that says congratulations as I want to congratulate them and I'm happy for them but the others just made me feel so sad. Bleurgh.

Awww Chlo hope you had a good visit and are feeling better about things. Some stuff just really hits a nerve doesn't it?

AF got me today but fortunately I barely registered it to be honest. Some months it is worse than others. I haven't spoken to my manager yet as she's away but we will catch up in a week or two.

I'm feeling ok really, it's less than two months til our next consultant appointment so I'm just assuming that's the next bit of action.

I haven't had a lap, Cola. Great that they will be able to get in there and treat anything that they do find at the same time though - hope this is a real breakthrough for you!

trying sorry about AF but glad to hear you're feeling ok atm. Up and down isn't it, but good to have consultant on the horizon. I feel good about lap for something to tide me over until ivf next spring! Can't believe inside a year I've gone from not being able to contemplate ivf to looking forward to getting started. Ah time eh!

chlo am so sorry. Sometimes it's just shit and what can you do except have a cry & vent and keep going. It's monumentally unfair! I hope it was ok. At times some things just pull so hard on the heart strings. This time must be so emotional and hard. I'm so sorry and think you've been doing an amazing job this year of keeping going, making progress and it's only normal to find those things like the card and visiting new babies incredibly difficult. That rainbow baby is surely close now, hoping you have good news so soon. Sending hugs (I hate writing that as it sounds woolly but I really want to send you a hug right now!) Xxx

Hi ladies, just wondering if I can jump on this bus. I'm coming up to cycle 11 of ttc with zero luck so far.

Bit of background; I'm 28, been with my partner 4 years. I have a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship (fell pregnant after one missed pill whilst I was at uni!) Got pregnant on a missed pill again in Feb 2015 but sadly had a termination. Had the implant put in as pill clearly wasn't working out for me. Had it in 18 months, removed in December last year and been ttc ever since. Regular 29 days cycles, period came back straight after implant removal. Not had any ewcm since removal except suddenly getting a lot this month although don't know why it's suddenly come back (I always had it around ov from when I first started my periods at 12 so was a bit weird how it vanished for 9 months!)

I have suspected scar tissue in my uterus due to a d&c and I'm in the (very long and frustrating) process of getting an official diagnosis. But as of yet, I've been unable to fall pregnant at all whilst using zero contraception despite falling pregnant twice whilst on contraception. The way the world works eh?!

Welcome lily and you are welcome of course! Sorry to hear you're in the long wait too.

I am amazed by the whole falling pregnant on contraception but not without. The irony!! I think our bodies are constantly out to mess with us x

Thanks colabottles it's crazy isn't it!? 2 pregnancies on contraception, none without. It's like everything we were taught in school was a lie lol

My little sister is on her second pregnancy of the year (terminated the first) both of which were unplanned too. There's me in the middle of a pile of opk's downloading a hundred fertility apps haha. Trying not to let my jealously ago every time she puts up a scan photo or a picture of her bump. At least her baby will take my mind off having my own for a while anyway.

Hopefully we won't all be in here for much longer :) x

Hi all, no time for a detailed message but I am reading every now and then.

Thanks, Cola, exploring ivf as we can't do adoption process while doing ivf. Af is imminent again. Trying to remain stoic about it.

Chlo, I totally understand where you're coming from. Sorry it hit you like that in the shop and well done for getting through and buying a card.

Welcome Lily, sorry you have to join us! Fx it won't be for long (in a nice way)!

I hope everyone else is doing okay.

Welcome lily.. Loads of support here so you've found a good thread.

The visit was actually ok. DH found it tough as that's 2 of his best mates having babies at same time we would have been and he wants it just as badly as me. But on plus note he had results back of sperm frag test and it's gone down from 50% to 14% which is absolutely amazing so he's done really really well and am really proud of him. Plan now is to give it couple more cycles and then look to start IMSI/ICSI in November, as that's when his sperm will be at optimum after the varicocele op he had. Obviously we've now sorted the issue as such but consultant totally got it and said you can't go on forever, there comes a point when you need to get it sorted for sake of your marriage and your general well being and hopefully, in the future it won't be as difficult/take as long. It could happen naturally before then but don't want to leave it open ended any more. Feels good that we've got a plan but still feel up and down tbh. My parents are having a wedding anniversary party next weekend and some of my friends are coming. Two of them are bringing their babies as they can't get sitters. I know its not their fault but just feel v conscious that it's my parents party and my two best friends are going to be there with their babies if that makes sense. I'm around it so much, would've been nice to have a break. Ho hum.. just got to keep going and hopefully an end is in sight now.

How is everyone else doing? xx

Wow Chlo hubby has really turned around that fragmentation result, he must be very deservedly proud!! How great to know that’s good now and that things may even happen spontaneously. So know why you have set an end date though, I think it just helps mentally to know there is a next step and won’t be in perpetual wait mode. Other people with babies all appear so smug to me, I know they can’t help it but not having a baby when you want one doesn’t exaxtly leave one full of reasonable rational feelings! Xxx

Feelings wise, I’m so busy that I don’t really even have time to think about ttc lately. a masters is an excellent distraction tactic I feel happier than I have in a long time to be honest not being focused on it. We didn’t even get to dtd at right Times this month and I’m not freaking out about it. And time flies with some assignment due every week basically til Christmas so I think I will make it to my target ivf date without any stressing about a long wait like I’d expected.

Flying visit as superbusy but just wanted to say great news, Chlo, that's really brilliant stuff and is going to be a good thing no matter what happens next.

Sooz I hope stupid AF has stayed away for you

Cola glad you're keeping busy and throwing yourself into your masters, you sound so positive lately, I'm sure the next few months will fly!

Hi ladies, so it's now been a other month for me TTC. Visited GPstart of August and she was lovely and said she would refer us to fertility clinic at hospital. She also took bloods from me which came back ok. I called clinic last week and they said they have at least a 6 month waiting list.has anyone got any experience with Crosshouse hospital?
Would GP be able to do a sperm analysis to push thing on a bit more?
I am really down just now with so many friends and family members having babies around us. I just want to know if we have a 'problem so we can look at options e.g.. IVF.

Hello chochaw - gosh that’s a long wait. My GP did refer hubby for a semen analysis before the point of fertility appointment referral so definitely worth asking. I know procedures can be different from one CCG to the next, but can’t hurt to ask. May also be worth telling hospital if you’re willing to take cancellations as I’ve heard of people having success with that. Hoping you get some answers - I’ve really wanted a reason but we seem stubbornly stuck on unexplained xxx

Can I join? We’ve just started cycle 11!

Hey just, welcome and sorry for the delay, was away this week. What’s your story? Xxx

How is everyone else doing?

Today I’m annoyed by my friends with two kids posting adorable sibling photos on Facebook and being all “they love each other so much”. Can tell I’m PMSing!!

Hey! We’re TTC #2. DC 1 was conceived when my coil fell out without me knowing, she’s 3. I’ve been off the pill for a year now and have in that time had 2 chemical pregnancies. I also discovered I have polycystic ovaries but not the syndrome which isn’t suppose to affect TTC but given we’re on cycle 11, I don’t know. We’re both mid twenties, no health issues, both fit and healthy, so the GP is saying they won’t explore until 2 years Ito TTC which is very frustrating.

Ps totally get the annoyance. EVERYONE I know seems to be pregnant at the moment. I’m usually quite good with just sucking it up now but the ones who brag about how two methods of contraception failed to it ‘must be fate’ can bore right off...

Hi all how is everyone doing?

So I'm sadly not one of those 'i had an HSG and magically fell pregnant straight after' cases it would seem but I have started my clomid today. Really really hoping it will make the difference but I am just finding it hard to believe it's ever going to happen as I am so used to the disappointment now!

choc that does seem like a really long wait, we were really lucky that it was only a month or so but I guess it varies in different places. Our GP arranged bloods and scan for me and SA for DH before she referred us, it took a while to get through all the tests but meant when we finally got to the fertility clinic we had all the info they needed to move onto the next steps.

It does seem crazy how long this whole process takes. It's been 9 months since we initially saw the GP to get the ball rolling with tests and it's only now we're starting to do something that might work (or may make no difference at all!) I feel like I have been living with this sadness for a very long time indeed.

cola your comment about people with babies seeming smug made me smile - I also think that at times, and this is why I like this board as you can voice the things you would never say in reality!

I keep having dreams lately about having a baby or getting a positive pregnancy test. I can't get away from it even when I'm asleep!!

Hope you are all ok x

Hey sunshine, really hoping the clomid works - and sorry about the hsg let down. I feel the same about the hsg - I really thought it might help! Got to just keep letting ourselves get through all the feelings and keep looking up! How is it taking clomid, would love to hear how you get on xxx

I’m having a super painful period this month. Makes me wonder if I really do have endo and perhaps the laparoscopy will really shed light on things for us. Just a few weeks and I’ll know.

just that’s a really long wait, what part of the country are you in? Might be worth trying a different gp xxx

Hello! Please may I join? In cycle 12 ttc #1. I'm 30, nearly 31.
My cycles can be long - Anywhere between 36-46 days. It's hard to know when I'm ovulating - or even if I am. I've had a few tests. All looks ok so far, waiting for my progesterone results to come back next week. I had a burst ovarian cyst last year, so thought it might be to do with that but not sure.

I used opks this month for the first time. Im pretty sure I ovulated today. Although looked like I had a positive on Sunday too. Is it normal to be positive, then negative and then positive in the space of a few days? Or likely that the tests haven't been working?
Have found it really tough this cycle. The disappointment is draining, isn't it? And this month we have dtd every other day. We are both ready for a break!
xxx

Welcome @Booksandstuff, sorry you're here, if you know what I mean. I don't know about +opk then negative then + again, maybe someone else who does can help.

Sorry you're having a painful af, @Colabottles64. Hopefully the laparoscopy will shed some light for you, although I hope you don't have endo. Fingers crossed.

Fw this week but only one dtd. Feel cross with myself, especially after we agreed to get more serious for six months. Might try dtd tonight as no guarantee I ov'd yesterday as FF suggests. Just started temping again so can't tell by that. I know it only takes once but DH has low morphology sperm so I don't know if that's enough. I just don't know what to do. I feel like my excitement at the process is gone now, after 20 cycles, so as much as I want a baby I'm having a hard time gearing myself up for it.

Catching up as been stupidly busy. Hi everyone!

Choc sorry you're having to wait, I was lucky to only wait about 3 months to get to the hospital stage. My GP didn't do any tests on me but did organise an SA for my partner, though apparently he should have done some basic blood tests on me as well (day 3 and day 21 tests, which check for hormone balance and ovulation). Once I had my first hospital appt the tests were all organised quickly and done over 2-3 months. I had blood tests to check for indications of PCOS, endo, thyroid issues, rubella immunity, hormone balance and ovulation. Also had an ultrasound and an HSG (X-ray test to see if uterus there and Fallopian tubes open). If you have any questions about any tests don't be afraid to ask, there will prob be people who have had them on this thread. Hope you soon get an appointment through.

Just 2 years sounds a long time. I can see why your GP might not rush, given that you've had chemicals which means you must be ovulating and have open tubes, but still it sounds like a long wait. You have the right to ask for a second opinion so I'd be tempted to see a different doctor and explain how you feel.

Sunshine I hope the Clomid does the trick for you! I know what you mean about losing faith, but it's got to be progress, right?

Books I've never had two positive opks like that but I've heard that they can be a bit fickle, so best not to set too much store by them. Any consultant will tell you to throw them away as they can cause stress, but I've used them myself at times and I know how tempting it is - I think we all like to feel we are doing something! Every other day is well impressive, we try for that and almost always fail cos it's hard work!

Cola sorry about your painful AF, 'tis crap enough without the pain as well! That lap sounds like such a good idea though and as you say, hopefully soon you'll have some answers.

Sooz I am so with you, I'm not sure what cycle we are on any more but it must be about 24 now and I just feel like I've lost hope entirely and can't really be bothered. I really have forgotten what sex for fun is like, and though my DP does his best and doesn't complain we both feel the same about it. All that initial excitement about unprotected sex and creating a child, dreaming about what they might look like etc feels like it has gone, and now it's kinda ticking a box and trying not to hope for fear of disappointment. It really is rubbish sometimes. This month is our last go before seeing the consultant again and (I assume) being referred for IVF so I'm feeling resigned. What's your next step?

Sorry superlong post and I've probably missed some people, apologies and very best wishes to everyone

books it is totally draining, I feel like it sucked the energy and optimism out of me for a long time - disappointment month on month and feeling like you have no control really sucks! I have heard of having two positive opks if you surge the first time and for whatever reason don’t ovulate so there’s a second attempt, but also I get quite frequently pissed off with opks wondering if they were really positive or not cos of line darkness and I couldn’t trust my judgement lol. Were you using the clear blues with the solid smileys? X

sooz aw the fertile week pressure and mindfuck is the worst. It’s so hard to actually feel any joy in sex or believe it will result in a baby when all the trying has gone on for months isn’t it? Like logically we know it’s important but it’s just becomes so devoid of passion. I am thinking of just booking a weekend away for hubby and I purposely not in fw just to try enjoy sex again, how I miss Good old fashioned fun no pressure shagging! A sad state of affairs but sounds like I’m not alone

trying how are you? Consultant soon, how are you feeling about IVF? time passing made me slowly open to it, having initially Thought no way. Just hoped it wouldn’t be necessary but glad at same time these options exist and there is ever hope! Xxx

Cola I'm mostly ok thanks. Have been reading up on IVF and I think I'm feeling relatively ok about it except for the egg collection bit which makes my palms sweat even thinking about it. I know it's really stupid but even just the idea of having to go to a hospital without having anything to eat is scary for me as I am a fainter at the best of times and being hungry makes me more prone to it and also quite easily upset and anxious. I have really come around to the idea though, and though I'm scared and wimpish about it all I'm also sort of resigned that I need to at least try it. I have accepted that it's not v likely to happen on its own now. We see the consultant a month today so I'm trying to see that as another stepping stone to the end result. Eek!

Hi

How is everyone doing?

Sooz thanks for the welcome. I know what you mean! It's good to chat with others in the same boat.

Trying Yes, I keep reading the ovulation sticks aren't v accurate particularly when I have varied cycles. I haven't done the temp stuff yet. Feel like it's just another thing to add and not sure if I have the energy. Perhaps next month. Really good that you have your appointment in. Something to focus on.

Cola it's the cheapy ones from Boots. I live abroad so stocked up on a load when I was back home as they're expensive where I am. Thinking I might sack them off. I don't think it's helping me.

I'm now on day 30, started getting a bit crampy and bloated so suspect AF is heading my way. Started symptom spotted like a maniac yesterday and DH got a bit alarmed. Ha!

Hope everyone had good weekends.