10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

I have to say I was really surprised at the speed at which they were happy to get something done and the fact they took us seriously, because every other doctor has been very "Oh, hmm, well, perhaps this, hmm, oh, let's wait six months and maybe you can call the specialist yourself". DH has a broken foot and keeps being referred for different tests and I phoned up one place this morning and they offered me an appointment in OCTOBER. WTF, it will have healed by itself by then!

glad to hear the appointments are coming quickly now Bertie, in the slow march we are having to getting pregnant, it's great to feel progress of any sort! Omg a broken foot must be so painful, poor man, I broke a toe a while back and was in agony - surely they cannot be for real about that wait time

I'm beginning to feel like maybe we should have a urologist appointment for hubby as they sound like legends!

Sorry it has been a while. Been busy but also feeling a bit crap so tried to have some time avoiding ttc stuff.

Cola wow, big change of tack! Well done on your work stuff, sounds really good. Glad you feel a bit of relief.

Chlo glad hubby's op went well, that sounds really positive and your urologist sounds really good.

Sooz I'm so with you on the baby-bombing. I've been feeling it more keenly of late. You're definitely not a horrible person at all! Good for you for being honest with her and protecting yourself by not dragging yourself along. I'm going to try to do that more myself I think.

Sunshine glad you got your HSG booked. Frustrating to miss a cycle but def a good thing to have checked. Re clomid, I have a friend who was in a similar position and clomid did the trick for her. She said it was absolutely fine. Hope it works for you too!

Bertie Glad you've been making progress too, hope DH's sample is good and his foot is soon sorted as well - ouch!

Leaves welcome! I agree with Cola, sounds like getting some initial tests done would be a really good idea. I know it's a big thing seeking help, but it is also a positive step to getting things sorted or at least ruling out any major obstacles. Talk to your GP about how you're feeling and see what they suggest.

As for me, well I've started spotting so I think that's another cycle down the pan. Have lost count but it must be over 20 now. I have pretty much given up any hope, but of course you always still have that teeny bit each tww.

Have been struggling emotionally lately. Recently ended up in a situation where DP and I were the only people at a huge event that didn't have kids. It's the first time it has ever bothered me, I just had a moment of feeling really overwhelmed about everything and had to go to the loo and get myself together. I wish we hadn't gone but it just never occurred to me it would be hard or that we would be that outnumbered I suppose!

I also get second-hand baby bombing via my Mum, who is always telling me about yet another of her friends having a grandchild (normally one of my old school friends being pregnant). One is having a third in a few months. My mum has no idea about us trying and has always been baby-mad, so it's not her fault, but it is hard. I don't want to tell her as she is really good at catastrophising stuff and making me feel worse. For example, if I told her I needed a small filling she'd start on about root canal and dental implants and dig out every dental horror story she's ever heard. She is super loving but just a total doom monger without realising it. Also she can't keep anything to herself so the whole town would know within the hour and it would drive me over the edge I think!

I'm oscillating between pathetic me (having total freak-out because I'm terrified of IVF cos I'm a ridiculous needle-phobic wuss) and determined me (thinking I've come this far, I can do it, and I have to suck it up and deal with it because I won't be able to live with myself if I don't at least try). Am hoping that determined me can overcome pathetic me.

Sorry such a massive post. It's really helpful to be able to tell someone this stuff, it has been eating me quite a bit

Trying it's lovely to hear from you, and look, this is the safe space to share all the feelings, good and bad! I didn't want to read and run, sorry I have to as I'm hopping on tube but will get chance to reply later and re-emphasise how you can totally do this, you've gotten through the tests you were nervous about and bit by bit you'll get through each next step xxx

Thank you all for the welcome. Trying I am fully with you re: your Mum. It sounds like we're in the same situation there. I would love to tell mine because she's very loving and we're very close but she would let it slip and I couldn't bear it. It's hard not being able to tell people, but a few close friends do know so I have some support, and I have to remember that I would hate to feel pitied and talked about. Pregnant friends (some who do know some who don't) are sharing a lot with me at the moment which I am finding difficult. I can imagine how hard that party must have been for you. I am finding baby shower invites / requests to help organise a particular challenge at the moment. Thanks for the tips re tests. I am not sure I am ready for it yet. DH wouldn't be keen either. He doesn't think we've been trying that long and he's probably not as bothered as I am about timing (as in he wouldn't mind waiting a bit longer but was happy to try now), so I am reluctant to force him into medical tests. It's all so tough / emotional isn't it. It's a comfort knowing I'm not alone. Thank you xxx

Ah finally on train home!

trying that party sounds really tough, sometimes the emotion does just blindside you. I've had many cries in the loo, mainly after questions from people at work asking if I was pregnant (how rude right!!). At times you just need to be alone!

The 20 cycles and nada - how disheartening is this whole process right! But look, every step is one further and you've surprised yourself already how well you've done with tests; if you progress to treatment you will get there bit by bit, day by day. You are one tough cookie, no matter how hard it all feels and don't forget it! Xxx

leaves take things in your own stride. The feelings are big and complicated through trying to conceive and finding it's not happening as hoped. It's hard on the pregnant friends front, try get right out of any baby shower organising and leave that crap to someone else - that's so hard to be dealing with xxx

Thanks cola. Finding it tough as several close friends / family members are pregnant and obviously wanting to share their joyous experience with me and I actually don't want to be left out or people to treat me differently (thankfully most do not know, or know only a partial version of the truth), so it's a difficult balance to strike isn't it xx

Awww thanks Cola, I know you're totally right. I do appreciate your kind words.

Leaves hopefully you will get your bfp soon anyway, but if you do get to the point of needing tests you will come around to it and it really will be fine.

Thanks trying. I think we'll do tests in the new year if still nothing as that would be two years off contraception... does that sound reasonable?

leaves I don't know where you are and what your age is, but in the UK the recommendation is to seek help after 12 months if you're under 35 or 6 months if over 35. So it's totally up to you, but depending on your age you might want to have a think about it. Having a plan sounds like a good idea though.

Been off the radar as we have moved this week! Totally loving our new house, only rented as we get used to the area and look to buy again. Af arrived this week, very normal which I'm pleased about after two odd periods.

I'm glad to hear people have tests that have gone well and people are making strides in their journies. I continue to keep my fingers crossed we'll have a bfp on this thread soon! Big hugs to you all x

Can I join you ladies? We started trying for first baby last September so now on cycle 11. I'm 30 and DH is 39. Finally plucked up courage to see GP earlier this week and had my day 21 bloods done today. Husband is handing in semen sample next week and we're now on the waiting list for the fertility clinic (4-6 month wait here at the moment.) GP was great and I feel very relieved to finally be getting things checked out, but also very sad, as 3 of my close friends (out of our group of 5) have fallen pregnant since we started trying. All very quickly.

I'm overweight and scared that may be a factor so have lost 2 stone since February and hope to lose another 3. It's bloody hard though.

Wishing you all well x

trying good to hear from you and sorry you're feeling down. I had a similar thing at a family party a couple of months ago where there were a few babies there and of course everyone starts reminiscing about when their children were babies and it suddenly dawned on me that we were the only people there who don't have children. I also had to have a cry in the toilet! I just wonder if we are ever going to be on the other side of this. I am getting on with my life but I feel like I just carry this constant sadness around with me and that's just my normal now.

I have told quite a few people now, and the support has been great, but I had assumed my mum would keep it to herself when she actually ended up telling the extended family and all her friends which was a bit annoying! I know what you mean about people pitying you leaves, I feel like now we are 'that couple' with fertility issues and people will be talking about us.

Hello catlover (like the username!) It's good that you've started tests. So many people say oh it will happen when the time's right just keep trying, but actually there might be an issue (there is in our case) and I'd rather know now so we can do something about it than keep blindly hoping for the best!

Welcome catlover. I agree with sunshine, it's much better to do tests earlier and find out if there are any issues. We spent 18 months not really knowing what the problem is and feel so much better now we do and can actually do something about it. A lot of people try to fob you off (in my experience) but the consultant we are seeing at the moment has said that there should never be no reason or unexplained fertility, there will be something that is causing the issue or at least not helping things. That's amazing that you've lost 2 stone since February, well done you!

sunshine I can so empathise with you when you say you have a constant sadness that you carry around with you. I feel exactly the same and it makes me even sadder that I feel that way as I've always been a really happy. bubbly person. Others who have been through the same thing always tell me you come out of the other side and forget all about it so I just hope that is the case. I also hate the thought of people pitying us and talking about us like we're some kind of freaks. Tbh though, I try to let all of that stuff go as we've got enough on our plates without worrying about that as well but it's hard.

cola if you're interested, the urologists name is Dr Jonathan Ramsay. He gets very very good reviews and well worth a google.

Welcome, catlover. Sorry to hear you've been struggling but we all know what it's like here so feel free to off-load whenever you need to. x

Friend's seven year old "why don't you have any children?" followed up with "if you don't have any children your family will die out!" Lol! Totally innocent. Gotta laugh eh!

Thanks for the lovely welcome everyone!x

Oh god trying kids really have no filter do they!! You do have to laugh in those situations and reckon the universe owes you one for that

chlo thanks for Dr. Ramsey's details - he really has got fab reviews xxx

Welcome catlover - good luck with the tests. Know what you mean about others falling pregnant. I have a friend who got pregnant month after we started trying and the baby is now walking - it's so hard not to compare with others isn't it. Well done with the weight loss, that's fab progress! lifestyle changes have been some of the few silver linings in this painful process for us xxx

sunshine omg your mum telling everyone... people really don't think do they! Xxx

Yes he gets excellent reviews doesn't he cola. We're going back to see him in September to test DH's sperm again once we've been doing this diet for a few months, alongside the proxeed and supplements (and obviously the varicocele treatment).

Eurgh, what a comment rational! Just what you need!

I've been feeing really up and down again recently. We had a lovely 2nd anniversary weekend and felt on the up again but things keep playing on my mind. We're off to Spain in a few weeks and we have lots of friends who go to similar area and seems to be same time. Last year, I was there with my BF whose now had her baby and one of DH's friends whose also had a baby since so they'll both be there with their babies and my other friend who will be there has just had a successful round of IVF. I feel self centred and a bit bad as they've really struggled so I'm pleased it's finally happened but I feel really sad that a year on, we're still not pg even and it's just getting to me. That's not to mention my two other close friends having babies in that time, as well as all of DH's mates. Just feel really sad that we're still here :( sorry for the downer x

Awww chlo I totally know what you mean, it's really hard feeling left behind. Hopefully this will be the last summer that you feel that, as things sound really positive on the swimmer front for you. Blimmin limbo land though, eh? I feel quite up and down at the moment too. Sometimes I feel like giving up and getting a goldfish or something, and other times I feel positive and even a tiny bit excited about shag week. And the rest of the time I oscillate between the two, or start watching YouTube videos about IVF and freaking myself out. Hopefully a few yoga classes this week followed by a week's holiday will help me back to sanity!

catlover welcome from me too, and well done on your weight loss journey so far. Massive achievement! Hope you are feeling better for it and proud of yourself. If you have any questions about what to expect with tests or just want to write about how you're feeling this is a lovely place full of kind people who have probably felt the same at some point! 🙂

Thanks rational, I find this board so supportive and really really appreciate being able to talk to people who fully understand the way I'm feeling sometimes! It's hard in RL to be able to do that. I'm totally like you, which I think is a good thing at this stage - at least we haven't given up hope and we're still positive some of the time! I used to be on loads of boards on here but now I'm just on this one and one other but there's only a few people who post on there that I actually like talking to whereas I feel like you ladies are normal and just totally get it.

Did you read the IVF book that I posted about a while ago? I found it really helpful in not making the whole thing seem so scary and just reading about it from a 'normal' couple's point of view. Where are you guys at now with your appointments?

DH has to do his sperm sample tomorrow. Bless him he has been so good storing it all up for 5 days but he keeps banning me from being anywhere near him as apparently I'm too sexy and he can't handle it Result, I think we should do this more often!

bertie that made me chuckle, now you know what to do, ban him before the fertile week every month to make him more amorous 😂

chlo that book was so helpful. The whole bit about the pressure about producing a sample..a proper cautionary tale and made me realise the pressure guys are under in the process too, even without having to deal with all the ivf injections and such the woman has to cope with. I was really glad to have read it!

I know what you mean about everyone here being normal to chat with and just I don't think any of us are judgemental or pushy, just seeking and offering solidarity and support, without going ott and posting every single step of every single monthly cycle in vivid detail. I feel like if we ever met for a coffee or a drink we would get on, seems like a sound and low drama group

Trying have a brilliant holiday. Thinking positive can be hard all the time but it amazes me myself to find hope really does continue to spring up even after the many shitty disappointments we have all experienced over the last year. I keep telling myself I am just taking the scenic route!!! Xxx

Ooh yes Cola what a great idea

Now that's a compliment if ever there was one bertie, too hot to handle eh! At least you know you've still got it :)

I totally agree, I think we would all get on too and I don't read any posts (like on some threads) and think what a bunch of cranks ha ha. Maybe something to think about :)

Glad you liked the book cola. My Dh liked the bit about the sample, he found it really hard at the Lister but much easier at Dr Ramsay's office apparently, funny that he's ranking them now! I also read the Izzy Judd book and found that one a bit sad but still worth a read.

I've been so hungry today for some reason, might be because I've done a HIT class last two days as exercise always seems to make me hungry. Instead of crap though, I've eaten a small bar of 70% dark chocolate as apparently that's good for you once or twice a week :)