10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

Sorry about AF Sunshine. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like the chances are diminishing. I feel like I've pretty much given up really and am just waiting to get to a point where we can say "yeah, we gave it all the time we reasonably could, it's time to move on to intervention". Hope your appointment goes well. Will have to give the fertility podcast a try, sounds good!

sunshine and trying that's exactly where we got to over last six months too. I used to feel guilty thinking about how impatient I was being, but after 20 cycles of diddly squat we finally feel we can use the helping hand without feeling we are not after giving it a real go. Silly isn't it how all these pressures exist that we put on ourselves! I think getting the tests done on NHS and the NHS consultant telling us that our best option was to pursue ivf finally helped us get closure. I felt like, ok this is a recommended course now so let's do it. Hopefully you fall naturally before that, but if not then I hope you get that closure too.

I felt incredibly nervous before the ivf consult today and had a few wobbles over the weekend. I really wanted a natural conception, I looked forward to it so much and I guess this weekend I started to accept that really it's not going to happen now. It will seem like a small thing once I have my bfp and think back on it, but it did make me sad to finally have to face and get to grips with it.

The consult itself was good. The doctor was very softly spoken, but very knowledgeable and reassuring. He wasn't like the consultant at the clinic I went to in Feb (bridge centre) who was more salesman-y. I had my research done on IVF before, and hubby was familiar with it (thankfully he read up last night) which meant we could understand what they do, how they work and ask good questions. They start with a monitoring cycle and the approach seems incredibly thorough. Working through the timings, we should be getting started with the down regging at the end of this month, and be taking a pregnancy test first week of September!! So all getting very real now! My head is buzzing with logistical considerations now, the main feeling I have is one of reassurance and excitement mixed with a desire to draw up a plan regarding time off I'll need, how to handle it work wise etc. I feel exhausted now after it! An emotional day I guess.

Sounds like a big day for you, Cola, but also a positive one. Hope you have a few quieter days to digest things. You sound like you're really in a good place mentally for it and I totally get what you mean about accepting it isn't going to happen naturally. Exciting times though!

cola the appointment sounds great, if a little overwhelming. Glad you like the doctor and felt comfortable with him, that's so important when going through something like this I think. Sounds like it will all happen really quickly too which is good! When we went for our consultation, I found that in itself quite scary because you've been trying for all this time and then all of a sudden it's like oh ok, we'll have treatment straight away and it becomes very real but it's great that it'll be so soon. Glad you enjoyed the book too, I really liked it. I've also just read the Izzy Judd one and thought it was good too, although it did make me a bit emotional at times but sometimes it's not a bad thing letting it all out I guess!

Totally understand as well everyone saying you feel like you're being impatient etc and it is a huge relief when a doctor or consultant justifies it almost for you, as you can feel a bit silly or like you're jumping the gun otherwise but that's not the case at all.

We went back for another appt this week and DH's sperm has already improved from taking Proxeed Plus so that's really good news and he's booked in to have treatment on his varicocele on Monday so it's all happening really quick which is great. He'll then need to do another DNA fragmentation early Sep and go back and see consultant mid Sep. We've said we'll give it a few months as sperm has already improved and the op should help a lot as well but we've got end Oct in our heads to start treatment if it hasn't happened. Once the DNA fragmentation comes down to where it should be, we'll have same chances as any 'normal' couple of conceiving but as we all know, that can still take time so that's what we're thinking at the moment.

Thanks ladies, it's great to feel sense of progress!! Chlo this sounds so promising about DHs improvement already, delighted for you both.

I'm having the weirdest period after the hsg. Much more crampy than usual and sorry to be giving TMI but a lot of dark brown/ older looking blood compared to usual on first day. It really is like an internal spring clean 😳
also my last NHS bloods did AMH again which I hadn't noticed, and it's almost doubled?? 17.7 compared to 10.2 in March. I was very pleasantly surprised ... and have no clue what did it. A goof sign I might get a better return during stimming so fingers crossed.

The clinic suggested immune testing to me too measure whether I'm having an overly active immune system that's preventing implantation so I will possibly do that on my mid cycle scan for this cycle (my monitoring cycle) and if I do it will delay treatment for a month as the tests need to go to AMERICA to be analysed (crazy to think nowhere in uk can do them, right??) & take four weeks. So more waiting but sure it's not like that's unusual now eh!

Great that things are moving forward for you both cola and chlo. Really hope that bfp is just round the corner now!

We had our first meeting with the fertility nurse this week. She said we are lucky to have such a good GP who has been so thorough with tests! She went through everything we've done so far, DH results were really good so it's a relief to know there are no issues on that side. With me, my progesterone is on the low side which means I'm not ovulating very well or maybe not at all. So she said even though it's been 16 months we probably haven't had 16 chances. I was surprised that she said I might not be ovulating, as I have regular periods and other signs of ovulation but I have long suspected low progesterone. It just feels an absolute relief for someone to actually confirm that there is an issue, rather than being told 'it'll happen just keep trying'.

So next steps are for me to have an HSG to check tubes are clear, and then if that's ok start me on a low dose of clomid. She seemed to think I would respond really well to it as I'm not that far off where I should be at the moment. Clomid sounds scary from the stories I've seen on here but if it works it will be worth it! So feeling positive that we have a plan now. And very grateful that my GP took us seriously!

Xx

Sunshine, good to see you getting some progress too! Let's make the second half of this year the one where we all get pregnant!! Xx

Wow, heaps of progress with everyone's appointments! Sounds like everyone is getting nearer to knowing exactly what is going on and hopefully getting sorted!

Just popping my head in. So busy atm but wanting to keep tabs on how you're all doing. Fx for good news soon x

Hey ladies,
Definitely sounds like we're all making progress which is great!

cola that sounds good that your periods been like that this month, definitely sounds like it's clearing everything out so to speak! And great news about the AMH, it's really important for that to be as high as poss so it's moving in the right direction! Some of the tests do take a while but definitely worth getting them done. When can you go back and have those done? Are you happy with the clinic so far?

sunshine I've heard mixed reports on clomid but a lot of success stories so fingers crossed it works for you. How soon can you have the HSG done? It's so important to get a good doctor who takes all this stuff seriously and doesn't just fob you off, what a relief.

How are you doing sooz?

DH had his varicocele op on Monday and it all went very well. I have to admit I was a bit disheartened though when the surgeon said the results steadily increase and it can take up to 9 months. However, the consultant said we'd see results immediately and DH's sperm had improved from taking Proxeed Plus after only 3 weeks so hopefully he's got super responsive sperm!

I'm feeling positive on the whole and like we're moving forward but do sometimes keep hitting a brick wall a little bit. Yesterday went to see one of my best friends and new baby and some other friends were there and they were all talking about the birth and when the babies do this and that and I did feel shitty afterwards. I guess that's normal though? Just got to keep picking myself up and carrying on really.

Well bit of different news for me; I'm now actively not trying for a few months and deferring ivf - after putting life on hold for ages, I put myself forward for an amazing opportunity at work back in may...and I've only gone and got it, an exec masters!! Found out end of last week - so in order to manage to do it best not to have a newborn Going to look at picking up ivf in the spring and hopefully doing the latter half of the course whilst pregnant!

Now how odd will not trying feel like in the interim???? I'm looking forward to good old fashioned just for fun sex

Chlo great news on the hubbies op & I hope it happens super quick now. I think until you have your bfp and get through 12 weeks it's going to remain hard around friends with babies etc - it puts into sharp focus what you want and don't have which is just always a bitter pill to swallow in life. Xxx

I'm okay thanks, chlo. Totally getting baby-bombed... Two close cousins had their 3rd child a few days apart two weeks ago. A child in my reception class became a big brother two days ago and a girl in my class came in waving her mum's ultrasound under my nose. Last night I saw an adorable baby at a school play who was born last December and the mum had no idea she was pregnant - went into hospital with stomach pains and came out with a baby.

Just trying to tell myself I have done other things with my life and having a child is not my sole reason for existing... works sometimes.

Talk about baby-bombing - a colleague had come in with her 4-month-old baby. We'd been trying 3 months when she got pregnant bet first month trying. All the staff are with her for lunch but I just couldn't. She came into the room where I am alone and I just burst into tears and explained why I couldn't come and see her and the baby (I'd already had a hello cuddle). She was super sweet about it but I feel like such a horrible person. I'm happy for her but I can't even sit and make conversation.

Ah sooz... I really feel for you. It's just horrible isn't it. Sometimes you just don't know what to say and at times, it is unbearable to sit there and ask all the necessary questions so best to take yourself away from it like you did but it's super hard.

I had an old work contact message me today and ask if I would be up for covering someone's maternity cover. No thanks!

That's great on the job front cola, well done! I bet it actually feels like a bit of a relief to have the whole TTC taken out of your hands for a little while? As much as we've all done it at times, you just can't keep putting your life on hold so good for you for going for it :)

To be perfectly honest, it feels like an enormous load has been lifted not to be trying. To be a woman, to want to make babies together with your partner just like your body was designed to, these are the most basic and normal yearnings that a person can have - and to struggle over and over - it's a disappointment I feel in my bones & it wears me down. the depth of desire for children - it's the only thing that could make me go down this road again, that keeps us all going onwards I guess. It truly sucks.

Yes exactly cola, it does truly suck and it definitely does wear you down. I'm glad you're feeling a bit of relief from the situation though. I know it's cliched but as they always say, that might be the very thing that you need.

We had an appointment with a nutritionist yesterday which I was a bit sceptical about to be honest but it was brilliant. The lady is a specialist in fertility nutrition and recommended lots of things for DH's sperm dna fragmentation and things I should be eating as well. There's so much conflicting info out there so it was really helpful to actually talk to an expert. Watercress is a big one for men's sperm apparently and lots of green veggies for me. I'll post anything else she recommends that might be of interest once I get the full info pack and recipes through.

x

Hi everyone!

cola that's great news about your masters. I bet it will be so good to have something else to focus on and you can come back to IVF with a better state of mind hopefully. Good luck with it!

sooz I don't blame you at all for not joining in with the lunch, I find the best way for me is to avoid those situations where I can, it's just self preservation I think. We were invited to a party this weekend of some friends who are celebrating their 1st wedding anniversary and are also expecting their first baby, and I made an excuse not to go purely because I don't want to be around all the baby and pregnancy chat. All of our friends in that group got pregnant easily and it just makes me feel like an outsider and so shit about our situation. It's really hard.

chlo definitely let us know any wisdom you pick up from the nutritionist! It's something I've looked into a bit but I keep finding that the information is totally contradictory in different places. I am a bit sceptical too as most people don't have to overhaul their diet and eat really specific foods to get pregnant! But I am willing to try many things at this stage

I have my HSG booked for mid August. I have been pleasantly surprised at NHS wairing times so far in this process! It's a bit annoying though, as you can't have sex at all during your cycle until after you've had it (which makes sense) but because of when it is I will have missed ovulation so no chance at all next month. Can't do it any earlier as I'm away and they only do it on Tuesdays. I guess I just have to look at the long term picture though as it will mean hopefully I can start clomid in September.

Hope you are all having nice weekends x

Hey sunshine
I know what you mean about being sceptical and the info out there being so contradictory. It's hard to know where to start. I actually ordered the Zita West book last month but I looked through about 2 pages and gave up as it was just so complicated and totally unrealistic for me! And it seems like most people don't have to follow any specific diet or anything to get pregnant BUT so many people I know who seem to have fallen pg very easily have told me afterwards that their husbands were in fact on diets/ not drinking etc so I think a lot of people just don't say at the time.

For us, there are specific foods to help with the sperm frag so it's quite specific to us but obviously in general, more veggies, not too much dairy, low carbs/low sugar. I'll let you know the supplements she's advised once I get the pack through. Also, a good friend of mine did it and she still did have to have IVF but her AMH had risen (which apparently you're not supposed to be able to improve) and it worked first time. Whether to not that's because of the eating plan who knows but I guess it's best to be in best possible shape for it.

That's great that you can have the HSG done so soon. It helps a lot of people so fingers crossed it gives you a good old clear out!

Can totally empathise with you about the party. We make excuses for quite a lot of things these days but that makes me feel really shit as we've always lived jam packed weekends full of plans and seen lots of our friends but it's either too awkward/upsetting in a big group or my friends are pg or have young babies so their social lives have changed anyway and we meet for lunches/go round for dinner. That's the bit that I find really shit though and hard to deal with - we've become outsiders and it's really lonely.

We went to our friends last night who've just had a baby and had a lovely evening but I got home and just felt a bit lost and lonely. Life feels a bit pointless without children tbh. It's not that DH isn't enough for me but there's only so many nice restaurants you can go to and it all just feels like a bit of a waste of time. I can't really say this to him so you ladies are my sounding board.

chlo I completely get you and was just thinking the same thing the other day! We had a brilliant few years after we got married going on nice holidays, lots of eating out and going to concerts, doing up out house etc, just making the most of having disposable income and no responsibilities! But we always knew it was a finite thing to make the most of and then we'd start a family and that would be a new and exciting challenge. But now almost a year and half after we started TTC it all feels a bit empty somehow, especially when I see my friends with their kids and how much joy they get from being parents. Yes we do nice things and I'm sure from the outside it looks like we have a great life but to us it just feels like we're stuck here and the nice holidays etc are just compensation for what's missing and something to focus on and look forward to amid all the tests etc!

Yes sunshine exactly, compensation to just try to make up for what you don't have and we used to do a lot of those things with friends but inevitably they either don't have the money or are having child number 2 or they tend to socialise with friends who also have kids so it just makes you feel so left out! We're coming up for wedding anniversary number 2 soon and that's when we first started ttc so to be honest, I'm dreading it. We're in a good place because we know what the issue is now and it's already improving so I know that's a positive but it still doesn't change the day to day. Bleurgh...!

Where's your next holiday anyway? I'm off to Spain for most of August, can't wait!

Hi ladies, could I join you? Sorry I know it's late but looking for some support. Been off contraceptives since January 2016 and trying more seriously since January 2017. How to remain hopeful? Everyone around me is pregnant. Most people just think I am not ready for having kids yet as it's easier to tell them that but a few know the truth. Not sure how to cope with it. Haven't been to the doctors yet as was worried having all sorts of medical investigations would just freak me out and make it less likely. I don't know what to do. Maybe I will never have a baby. Are there any magic tricks to getting pregnant? Feeling so hopeless.

Welcome leaves - wish I had a good magic trick to get preggers but haven't found it yet despite trying diets, opks, relaxed months with no tracking, preseed, vitamins, going on holidays, well over a hundred shags
Beginning to think it's a lie sex gets you pregnant despite having a 2.5 year old conceived just that way! We have been trying just a month longer than you. It feels like eternity! I know you mentioned fear of the doctors but so many things are treatable, I'd certainly recommend you consider getting GP to do your bloods and confirm you are ovulating and do a semen analysis for hubby. It may shed some light and hopefully you will fall pregnant soon but if not at least you'll know more and be able to get a consult lined up. Lots of people fall pregnant while awaiting it so maybe you'd be one of the lucky ones. There is a fair amount of waiting for appointments so it is best to get ball rolling. Emotionally not being able to fall pregnant easily when you expected to is totally sh*te, but it helps a lot to know you're not alone with those feelings so hopefully we can offer you some solidarity xxx

chlo and sunshine - I really hope you get your bfps soon, this is such a daily battle and goodness knows you deserve a lucky break.

bertie, trying, sooz - how are you all doing? X

Hi, sorry I seemed to fall off the thread. AF turned up, DH had urologist appointment, they scanned his kidneys and testicles which I found really amusing but he didn't He has been given a sample pot

It's been a year since our last miscarriage. Everyone seems to be pregnant/have babies. :(

I feel your pain bertie, it's bloody horrible isn't it. Having a mc is awful but then STILL not being pg so long afterwards is even worse. We found the urologist appt to be fantastic though so hopefully you will get something out of it. He has been the best of all the people we've seen so far and finally found what the problem is, which is something at least!