10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

AF got me today too ladies, so unfortunately our good run of BDing didn't give us a result! Called to book my HSG today so fingers crossed they have a spot for me next week. Got to do a few day 3 bloods before IVF appointment so will do those this week too. I'll be like a pin cushion with all the tests I need.

hopefully good luck with the initial appointment, it's very administrative but a good start to getting more insight. One thing I recommend is getting your family history as I only found out my mum had early menopause when I asked, and it's another data point they want. As well as going to explain my lower amh

In terms of silver linings I was glad poldark was back; despite even Demelza baby-bombing us. Can't be avoided it seems! Xxx

Aw sunshine, milestones like that are so tough. It's impossible not to start out trying with those thoughts. I spent a lot of the last few days with a pregnant relative and found it tough when I didn't expect to, I was frankly very envious. Sometimes things just push our buttons. Hopefully these tests will give some indication of what's going on. Progress progress progress! Xxx

Sounds like we're not having much luck at the moment and we've all been hit by AF. Hope everyone's doing ok. Am on holiday at moment and felt really relaxed and in a good place until another close friend announced her 'exciting' news. This one really hit me for some reason and then our mutual friends messaged me privately saying god that was a shocker/didn't see that coming etc and I really wanted to say I really couldn't give a s*it?? Sounds mean I know but after nearly two years and watching every single friend around you get pregnant, the excitement starts to wear off. Trying not to let it ruin my holiday but struggling to pull myself out of it this time and then feel even more upset that it's ruining my holiday. My mum keeps asking if I'm ok and have tried to talk about it a little bit but to be honest it's easier to say yeah fine. Starting to feel these days like it's best kept to myself, anyone else feel like that?
On a positive (?!) I've been reading his and hers guide to ivf and it's really good, very informative but from a normal persons point of view, would definitely recommend xx

Aw chlo, it's the worst getting baby bombed, it's just a lottery with how we are feeling any given day as to how it will effect us. I've found it best for me to tell people, only really done it in last few weeks and just close friends and family, in a way I feel it's taken away the pressure I felt of having some big sad secret. In fairness they've been great about not asking for updates so that helps - maybe ask her to not say unless you bring it up?

Got hsg next week. Kind of excited, how sad is that?? My acupuncturist said it worked for her, her tubes weren't blocked but the hsg caused them to spasm and it stimulated things. I don't expect it will make the difference but I'm excited it's the first thing happening that might help!

I've heard of quite a lot of people where it helps cola so you're not being silly at all. I think once you've been trying for a while anything they might help offers a glimmer of hope so worth holding on to.
We've come back from holidays and had dh's sperm DNA fragmentation results back and they're high at 50%. Got another appointment next week but tbh am just shitting it that now this is a massive problem. I've googled and it says that this can be cause of miscarriage so maybe that explains it, I just don't know.

chlo sorry to hear about the fragmentation, I haven't really heard of it before but hoping they can recommend some things to overcome it and you get a successful result on the ivf. The wait for appointments is torture even a week so hoping they give you a good plan to deal with it. Such a fcking rollercoaster. At times I've really wanted something to be wrong to have a reason but then when I hear what might be a problem It's worse e.g. My "you might have endo" diagnosis. The clinic seem to be helping you make real progress on understanding things though which is a really reassuring xxx

chlo, sorry to hear about fragmentation, I'm not familiar with it either. I really hope there is something that can be done to help.

Well hsg done, tick! It didn't hurt at all, and was over quickly once they overcame the initial bit of getting the speculum and catheter in, so I'm guessing no blockages. They send to consultant for interpretation so I'll hear back in two or three weeks. For anyone who hasn't had one, it was fine - a bit odd but luckily not painful and pretty quick.

Feeling very glad to have it done all the same 😁 Hope everyone is surviving the heat, which is fab but intense! As I walked out to car park, a heavily pregnant woman was walking towards the hospital breathing through a contraction in 32 degree heat - god love her. It made me laugh as to how keen I am to be pregnant - but I'm obviously not focusing on that part and I didn't envy her like I do most pregnant women!!

Am on hols mostly out of signal so apols if I've missed anyone, but just wanted to say I hope your appointment about the fragmentation is/was ok Chlo - hope that reality is less scary than google (almost always the case I think!) and that there is something that can be done to help.

And well done Cola on getting HSG out of the way, glad it went well and hope it does something for you - everything crossed!

I had my first appointment to discuss things today. They finally took me seriously at last which was nice. But they said as the last miscarriage was in September they'd give it 2 months recovery time and then wait a year from then before doing any testing on me, so she said come back next year. However DH can go for a "Spermiogram" (I am so amused by this name!) and they also gave us the proper referral for the geneticist. I phoned the geneticist and they have a long waiting list but I've got an appointment!!! Finally. In January. But we're there. The lady was so nice and detailed on the phone.

DH predictably says my boobs are huge and is predicting that I'm pregnant. 9dpo, so we'll see. I think it could just be heat retention!

Ha Bertie hopefully the prediction is right! Great news that there is some progress on getting the tests xxx

Thanks trying - enjoy the holidays!

Well we've got our first appointment at the fertility unit for 2nd week of July, so not long to wait which I'm really pleased about.

I know what you mean about other people pregnancies chlo, I am just so very disinterested in hearing about them. I just think yay yet another person who is more fertile than me, how am I going to avoid them for a while... which is crap! Don't you just hate hearing 'we've got some news'?!

Seems like everyone is moving forward with appointments and results so that is good progress. Not where any of us would have wanted to be but hopefully we are getting slowly closer to the end goal!

Thanks for the messages ladies and the continued support. Glad you don't have to wait too long sunshine and totally with you, very hard to muster up any excitement!

Great that you're getting somewhere as well bertie and hopefully you'll get a BFP before then anyway!

Hope you're enjoying your holiday rational and great that the HSG wasn't too painful for you cola. I found it really really painful but other people seem to feel nothing at all. Glad that it was all ok though.

We had our appt today. I had some additional tests done as well - AMH, killer cells and TH1 and TH2 which are auto immune tests. AMH was really high which is great and no killer cells but the auto immune ones came back but a bit high but it just means I'll have to take steroids when we have treatment and for first 3 months of pregnancy.

In terms of the sperm dna, he said we need to get that improved before starting treatment so he's referred DH to a urologist for more in depth analysis. He seemed confident that it can be improved and said it can be down to an infection or varicoceles which are varicose veins in the testicles. We then will start treatment in 6-8 weeks hopefully and he said we will have IMSI rather than ICSI as the microscope is basically 2000 whereas ICSI is 500 and it's only £400 diference so that sounds good.

Interestingly I've had a search on the boards and some other ladies who have similar stories and one who saw same specialist and urologist and her husband had an infection so took antibiotics and that sorted it out. Seems mad to think that all this heartache and anguish might be down to an underlying infection but I also hope it is and nothing too sinister! He seemed confident though so that's the main thing and just go to wait and see what the other specialist says once he's looked into it more for us.

Funny though, the consultant is obviously a very very clever man but as with all clever people, they don't always have best social skills so when he looked at DHs results, he said wow! So we crapped our pants for the first 5 minutes until he said I haven't worried you have I, I only say wow because I'm pleased I've done this test as don't always suggest it and it's showed up something which could be the missing piece of the puzzle. We were like erm yes you did worry us!! Other than that though, he seems very good and the urologist he's referred us to is top in the country so we're in the best hands.

Sorry for long post! x

Ladies who have had a HSG, did any of you find ovulation was delayed directly after it? I usually ovulate cd14 but it's that today and I'm not even getting the flashing smiley on my cb opks yet. I'd normally have had the flashing for a day or two and the static one then on cd14

chlo good to see answers rolling in and a plan with a schedule coming along soon xxx

sunshine glad you've got your date for appointment. I remember it felt like a big milestone for us xxx

chlo, great to hear the consultant is being proactive about it for you, even if he needs to brush up his bedside manner!

Cola, I haven't had one, sorry. Hope you get a smiley soon!

sunshine, I'm glad to hear you're feeling positive about things moving forward. Your appointment will be here before you know it!

Argh I wrote a big post and then lost it! Maybe for the best!

Bertie and Sunshine I'm glad you've got appointments sorted, sounds like progress! I know it's not where any of us would like to be but you're doing all the right things so that's gotta be good.

Chlo that sounds really positive. I know some doctors can be a bit odd but it does sound like he knows his stuff which is the main thing. My mum had pretty aggressive cancer over 20 years ago and her surgeon came across as very blunt and didn't seem able to do eye contact (perhaps autistic, on reflection) but he was a talented surgeon and arguably saved her life, so just goes to show it takes all sorts eh! Hope you're feeling encouraged.

Cola I had a weird cycle when I had my HSG - think I ov late and then had short LP if I remember right. And was a hormonal mess with PMS. So wouldn't be surprised if things are a bit wonky! It soon settled down tho. Fx for a BFP!

I'm feeling a bit crap as we struggled towards the end of FW, had a failed attempt at BD (both tired, both desperately trying but failing to jumpstart any spark of anything - argh) that basically ended in tears and me feeling in that moment that my DP would be better off without me. I was overtired and just got all upset about the whole thing. He was really good and calmed me down again. On the plus side this whole thing has brought us closer together and more than ever we are both united in how much we want a child (tbh in the beginning I think it was more me than him) so at least there is that.

I really need to chill out and not panic until at least our appt in November, but I keep finding myself freaking out about IVF as at the moment it just scares the heck out of me. Must try not to dwell on the future and enjoy the present.

Happy thoughts to all in the tww x

Aw trying that is so true - I think patience only bearable and achieveable by focusing on all the good things to be grateful for. It's so so monumentally difficult to keep resilient but somehow we keep going, and it does bring us closer to our hubbies. Even with some awful moments along the way.

So I got my solid smiley yesterday and am sitting on the sofa, I guess ovulating (get me multitasking 😂) - we managed to d2d yesterday and will again later I reckon but I've realised I don't think it will make a difference! Guess what? AF is now due the day of our IVF consult. You couldn't make it up - feels like D-Day yet also I have no expectation I could actually be pregnant from good old fashioned shagging any more. Ha! I guess it's great as we can start a monitoring cycle right away. Eek!

chlo thanks for the book recommend, it's great!

AF got me again after a day of spotting. Meh. Pass me the ibuprofen! Hope someone else has some luck this cycle!

Boo sorry AF got you trying I started spotting yesterday at 9dpo so fairly sure she is just around the corner for me too. Of course I've been reading various threads of ladies who have spotted and still got a BFP but I have no reason to think this month will be any different from the previous 14! I did ovulate a few days earlier this month and was hoping it might have made a difference somehow but it seems not.

Hope everyone is doing ok x

Sunshine I'm sure I've read all of those at least 73 times during obsessive googling too. I hope you get a nice surprise but if you don't I'm so with you! AF sucks

Hey ladies,
How is everyone doing? Glad you liked the book Cola, me and DH both read it and both really enjoyed it. Has anyone read the Izzy Judd one yet? I've been following her on Insta for a while and she seems like a really nice woman and think the book could be worth a read. Much more my cup of tea than the mumbo jumbo ones I've read before if I'm honest!

We went to see the urologist last week, who was excellent. Just so thorough and again explained everything to us. He's found a few reasons why DH has the high sperm dna fragmentation result, the main one being that he has a varicocele which is basically a varicose vein on the testicle which is apparently quite common and has no ill effect on your health but does on your fertility. Next step is going back to see him next week to see if he will do a minor op to remove or injections but it should bring the result right down, along with DH continuing to cut right back on the booze, exercise and eat healthily the majority of the time. He seems to think that he can get the result right down so we won't actually need treatment but we'll see. I'm hopeful but also I'm not going to wait around for another 6 months, will see what happens in next 2-3 months and then go from there I think.

How is everyone else getting on? xxx

Hi ladies, here we are again! trying sorry it's AF again no matter if you're expecting it, it still feels shite doesn't it. Pop those ibuprofens and hopefully this AF goes easy on you x

Sunshine, hello. I'm so cynical about spotting now too, but still look for the hopeful stories too. You're not out til you're out so fx!!

chlo that sounds very promising indeed, how amazing to have a problem and solution identified. Really hope it happens for you naturally over the next cycles xx

One week until our ivf consult. I have a list of questions longer than my leg ready to go I'm intending on getting full value from it! We have done so many blood tests ahead of it and I need to send in all the notes now. Hubby is feeling lots of work stress at the moment so difficult to get him engaged about it. I understand but the desperate baby-wanting bit of me is worried he's going to go in and take none of it in and leave feeling confused. Gah!

Bertie how are you? And sooz? Thinking of ye all x

Hi all. So AF turned up for me as expected. At least we have our first appointment at the fertility unit next week, so it will be good to find out what the next steps are. Every month that goes by makes me think this is less and less likely to happen naturally.

chlo sounds like you are moving forward and great that they might have found a solution that isn't IVF. Am I right in thinking you are private at the moment not NHS? If so I wonder if they would have still done those same investigations on your DH on the NHS route?

Hope your IVF consult goes well cola. Let us know!

I have been listening to the fertility podcast recently, there are loads of episodes about lots of different aspects of infertility. It's quite interesting, would recommend. I had to laugh the other day at the irony of driving along listening to a podcast about infertility behind a bus with a massive advert for pregnacare and a big pregnant tummy picture on the back! Not what I need!

Xx