10+ months TTC

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I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

DH and I have already decided that if we ever get pregnant with one child we're going to have to not bother with any contraception afterwards and if it leads to a small age gap then so be it!

Hey ladies. Another fertile window closes and for one of the few times we have managed to hit it every day for two days before ov and on ov. Going to complete it tonight with one for good luck and I swear, if it doesn't happen this month after quite a lot of really good BDing then I'm convinced it won't be happening unassisted for us! Next fertility apt on Thursday, they've done several bloods so should be interesting to see what they say this time. This is my first nhs apt with actual consultant, well hopefully, so I'll report back what they do! Still feeling chilled. I'm holding onto that chilled out feeling for dear life! Hope everyone is well Xxx

Hey ladies, AF got me in the end on Saturday, 9 days late! Couldn't help but be hopeful and after feeling really positive last week, I felt rubbish all weekend. Obviously the hormones are a killer and as much as I was determined not to give into it, I couldn't help but feel tearful and pretty sad. It didn't help that I had to buy 3 new baby cards for friends and every single watsapp group I'm on has been all about babies and bumps all weekend. My old work friend even messaged last night to say have you seen this celeb is pregnant with her 2nd. At that point I just caved and cried on DH's shoulder. I feel like the majority of the time I'm ok but sometimes it's completely and utterly overwhelming and the feeling of being isolated and left out from your friendship groups is just so s**t and tbh I'm sure you all feel the same but it's downright excruciating being so happy for other people constantly.

But I've been for a reflexology session today and feel much better and made our follow up appointment with the consultant for 3 weeks time so feel good about that. Just got to keep trying to go onwards and upwards. I think perhaps I ovulated late this month which then means next month is out as DH is away with work and I guess deep down I thought it would be good to have one last shot so to speak before we do go down the IVF route but then rational part of my brain kicks in and it's very unlikely that extra 'go' would make a difference anyway! DH feels positive that were doing something about it and taking action, which I did feel last week but have gone a bit off track with all my emotions/hormones etc so hopefully get back there soon!
How is everyone else doing? That's great Cola that you've managed to do all the BDing at the right time this month. No mean feat. And good that you've got the appointment and hopefully some further insight to look forward to. xx

chlo I swear one of main reasons I track ov still is so I don't get hopes up over late AF, it happened me a few times and the disappointment was just awful. It is so unfair and it's completely understandable to be feeling down when baby-bombed left right and centre. You're taking control now with IVF and in a few short months hopefully this shitty time will be a distant memory! Let out all the stress, that's what we are all here for. I have found it so helpful to have the honesty everyone has shared here - it's given me so much comfort to have some solidarity.

We are taking the long road but we WILL get there ladies so keep those chins up. We are a bunch of tough cookies!! Xxx

Congratulations @cherries 🎉🎊🎉. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy hun.

Sending baby dust to everyone else

Thanks for that info Chlo . Sorry to hear you've been low & AF got you. Awful when it's late.

We've been referred for IVF today. Feeling quite emotional. Glad things are moving forward but at the same time just want a natural care free pregnancy like everyone around me has had.

Congratulations blackcherries, so pleased that it worked for you this time.

Cola just at the end of my fertile window too, looks like we are 2ww buddies! We also had good timing this month (well timed bank holiday weekend!) Going to try not think about it too much (easier said than done). We are going to a wedding overseas when AF is due, I'm fully expecting her to turn up and ruin my holiday Hope your next appointment goes well and you get a clear way forward

Bertie I've thought the same about not bothering with contraception in the future if ever get pregnant as would like more than one - it would seem I didn't need it anyway

Chlo I know just what you mean about it being so bloody difficult being happy for other people. I am struggling with my pregnant colleague at the moment, having to plan for her maternity leave when I just think it should be me! And having to hear about her pregnancy every day... she's had a few worries which have turned out to be fine thankfully, but all I can think is you are SO lucky to even be in a position to worry about this stuff, all I do is worry about why I can't get pregnant... and then I feel like a bitch for thinking that. Urgh this is so tough!

Like cola said I really appreciate the honesty of everyone on here, it makes me feel far less lonely knowing there are other people whose journey to parenthood is harder than they thought and the various emotions I'm feeling are ok and normal. Hugs to all xx

Daddysgirl also meant to say, great you've been referred for IVF and you have that to focus on. I know what you mean about wanting an easy natural pregnancy though. You just never think you are going to end up here do you. A pregnant friend said to me the other day "oh so do you think you'll go for IVF now then" - but it's not that simple! If there's no reason found for our infertility then we have to have been trying for THREE years before we get one NHS funded go, and of course there's no guarantee it will work, and it doesn't exactly sound like a walk in the park, so it's not a case of 'just having IVF' as some people seem to think. Plus most people have been through years of heartache before they get to that point. x

Cherries - can't believe I missed your news! Congratulations :)

Joined this thread a week ago and still need to respond to a couple of posters (have typed a response a couple of times only to lose it), will do properly later but wanted to post to say a big Congratulations to blackcherries wishing you a healthy and Happy pregnancy.

I havnt seen your older posts so only going by your recent posts it doesn't seem to have been an easy journey for you. It may be hard to believe and can understand your caution, but here's wishing you plain sailing from now on XXX

thank you mimi and everyone! I am trying not to get too carried away but I clearly just want to put the past year behind us and move on but still cautious of going back to square one. Nevertheless I am allowing myself to enjoy it, as not-enjoying it won't make it any better if anything does happen.

Best of luck to everyone

I'm way behind, so apologies to anyone I have overlooked here, ''tis not intentional!

Mimi I'm sorry you've been feeling low. It's all so rubbish at times, it really is hard. Hope you're feeling much better now

Daddysgirl Same to you, sounds like a v rough time, I do hope you are feeling less upset and stressed about everything. It's so understandable, you're not alone and it sounds like you've reached out for support which is a really brave and positive things to do. I hope you are able to see the IVF referral as a positive too, though I know it may take time to get your head around it. I'm not at that stage just yet but I know it will be a challenge for me too if we end up there. However, the last 18 months has certainly taught me how the way I feel about things can change and with a bit of time I've been able to deal with things pretty ok when they initially felt terrifying.

Chlo - Sorry that AF taunted you soooo much and then got you, that must have been so hard. Hope you're feeling a bit calmer now the stupid hormones have hopefully eased off. Great news that your appointment at the Lister went so well, thanks for sharing and I'm glad you have what sounds like an encouraging plan there.

Elleybear I don't know whether you're still here or have hopped to a secondary board, but if you are here then I can see your point about finding out something that you aren't able to fix. But there's always the chance that there is an easy fix, so personally I'd at least get some basic bloods done just to check that you're ovulating etc. If you are then that's great, but if you aren't then no amount of trying is going to get you pregnant, and there are meds that can help with that. Good luck!

Cola Great stuff on getting the swimmers up there, big tick in that box and the waiting game is here again! Hope your appointment has gone well.

Sunshine - well done on your FW action too. Must be something in the air cos we had a good one this time too. Twice in one night and no need for me to nag at all, which is an actual miracle. I'm sure that won't happen again!

Bertie I'm so with you on the contraception thing. A friend of mine had a coil fitted recently, which apparently isn't a barrel of laughs (who'd be a woman eh?) and I had a bit of a laugh with her about the comedy of us comparing notes on having someone mess with ones cervix for entirely opposite reasons. I feel like I want a refund from Durex after many years of purchasing products that it seems I didn't need - can I claim back like PPI?!

We have our consultant appt on Tues to talk through all results (bloods, HSG, ultrasound, repeat SA) so am feeling a bit apprehensive. I've got it in my head that because I appeared to have a blocked tube on HSG they will want to do a lap, which terrifies me due to my silly squeamishness and terror of hospitals, needles etc. Need to chill and not pre-empt the outcome I think. One step at a time and all that. I will also be 10dpo at the time of the appointment which is usually when my hormones really kick in and turn me into an over-emotional wreck at the slightest provocation, so I'm def taking some tissues with me!

Good luck to all tww-ers, I'm with you

Hey everyone. Just back from our appointment and scan. So, all extra blood tests good - good on thyroid, prolactin, other stuff I can't remember, all good there. Scanned me and noted some mild endometriosis. Mild but there, so that's new as it wasn't picked up by the scan done by the bridge centre. Said he is super confident tubes are clear from the scan. He laid out the options.

1. If we are going to go for IVF (privately obviously), then go soon. If we are going to pay, go now as AMH is declining over time and even six months makes a difference. AMH was still ten and he really emphasised that's low side of normal and my mums relatively early menopause. It will give best chance to go sooner than later.

1. If going for IVF, might as well do a HSG because it might stimulate things and help to have a try or two naturally after it. But still prioritise choosing a clinic etc now to be ready to start ivf. So we are thinking to do that.

1. If not going to have IVF at all and want to leave it to trying naturally, then have a laparoscopy (wait time four months). It may help. But don't wait to do this and then do ivf.

Man I feel like a bit, I don't know, shocked. I kind of thought he'd either say "it looks like x" or "you've plenty of time, keep trying" - but I feel we got a proper call to action for ivf if our hearts are set on having a second child.

I don't know how I feel! I'm not in floods of tears or angry, I suppose nothing he said was very new apart from the Endo, and it's not shocking advice but I found it somehow shocking. I think I had always felt IVF was more a long way away and we would get there before it and now we are on the verge of it.

Hubby is up for going for option 2, really hitting all the fertile days for those next two or three cycles and getting ivf lined up. So I think that's the plan. It's just all sinking in now 😳

Even typing it I think is helping me get to grips wit it all. Still don't feel very upset...just odd 😐 Hmmm!!

trying good luck with your apt and think of it this way, if it's a lap that's recommended you won't feel a thing at the time so better than hsg even!

Xxx

Hey Cola, sounds like a lot to take in and process, but does sound like he was really thorough and honest with you. I can imagine I'd be reeling too though.

Logically, option 2 does sound like a good plan. I hope you have some time over the weekend to get your head around it, but obvs it won't all happen overnight anyway so you will have some time to come around to it I'm sure. Great news about your other bloods being ok and that he thinks you're suitable for IVF too, as that's not always a given.

You can totally do this

trying thank you, I'm going to really try to be upbeat about it and those are good points!! Xx

So our consultant appt was today. She was so lovely. SA results all normal, which is an improvement, and all my results also normal. Surprisingly she said my tubes are both ok, though the doc on the day could only see one - I guess experience was the difference there. This all means we are officially in the "unexplained" category.

She asked what our thoughts on IVF etc were and we just said it's something we would consider but we aren't in a rush to do so, and she said that was as she hoped because she would advise giving some more time as there is no obvious reason for it not happening. We have a follow up in 5 months unless I get pregnant, in which case I need to call them and they will do an early scan to check things out. They took blood for an AMH test to check my ovarian reserve and she said they would call me back if that wasn't normal, as that could mean time isn't on our side.

All in all I feel relieved and v lucky that nothing appears to be wrong. Almost fainted when they took the blood though - they had to get two nurses to get me on a bed, how embarrassing!

Hope you're doing ok, Cola, sorry I feel bad telling you my news when yours was not what you hoped for. I may well be in your position in the not too distant future, though - just got a stay of execution perhaps!

trying don't feel in the least bit bad, fingers crossed your AMH is nice and generous! Great news that tests are all coming back clear, it's a relief to cross things off the list and feel there is every reason to keep up the trying. My hubby is like that with sight of blood too! Knocks him out

I'm all gearing up for our consult in early July now with IVF clinic. We've decided to try argc as they have excellent success rates for under 35s and deal well with even tricky cases, so hoping we get pregnant with as few tries as possible there. Not sure I can handle multiple cycles emotionally and the success rate for a single cycle is on average thirty something percent which is pretty low. I think there's is more like double that because they tailor things to you and monitor very closely. Prices are suitably high to match unfort!. Getting all the tests done with GP for bloods, swabs etc ahead of the consult - they want over ten tests This reassures me in sense it's very thorough but also makes me think it's going to be quite the road ahead. They have a rep for being intense so we shall see.

Obviously I'd love if it happened before then but I feel like it's not going to work out that way. Won't stop us trying though!

Incidentally i talked to a friend who had difficulty conceiving for 14 months due to thyroid issues at weekend. It was so good to talk openly and honestly about it with someone who understood and it really was much easier to talk about now than even a few months ago. Somehow I'm just feeling more comfortable about it and talking about it. Kind of feel I'm getting in a good place for the ivf now and getting keen to crack on. Having that recommendation from the consultant gave me a sense of closure as cliched as it sounds

Glad your appointments went well cola and trying. We were back at the GP this week and she's now referred us on to the fertility clinic. For those of you who have been referred by your GP how long did you have to wait for the initial appointment? I am just desperate to speak with an expert who can look at all the results and tell us where we go from here!

Started spotting at 7dpo this month which is just depressing, waiting for AF to start properly in the next day or two :(

sunshine our initial apt was within 2 or 3 weeks so super quick, but it was really just a booking in - the consultant appointment with an internal scan followed 6 weeks later.

Sorry about the spotting, I know every month is a kick in the teeth - thinking positive, referral is good as it's going to help you see where you stand and hopefully quickly xxx

Hey Sunshine, sorry about the spotting. I'm spotting too at 12 dpo so expecting AF any second. Feel like an emotionally-charged blimp as per usual at this stage!

For us I think we had about 6 weeks wait for initial appt with nurse at hospital who arranged all the tests, then tests carried out over the next couple of months and consultant appt was about 3 months after the initial one. They did apologise for the length of wait, but to be fair it does take a couple of months to conduct the tests anyway, as some things have to be at a certain point in cycle. I didn't have an internal scan, just swabs at initial appt, day 21 and day 3 bloods, pelvic ultrasound (on lower belly like a baby scan) and HSG (uterus X-ray with dye in to check tubes). DP had repeat SA done as he'd had one via GP before first hosp appt.

I hadn't had any blood tests before the referral (GP apparently put in notes that I should have some but didn't actually tell me this - doh!) so you're ahead of where we were at that stage.

Hope you soon get a referral appt through and get some plans in place. I found it good to have something to focus on. How are you feeling about having tests etc?

Hi all
So Af arrived today. onto another cycle, 17 (i think, starting to lose count!)

Must admit feeling a bit disappointed and low. I hadn't been pursuing things too much the last little while due to various circumstances.

Not sure if it was from joining this thread and having people to share with (though not posted much its just nice to be included in the chat) but was feeling a little more positive about things this month.

Thought to give things a go this month and was more optimistic, made more effort with dtd than previous months. Wasn't convinced I was pregnant but hopeful.

Af turnt up earlier than usual another, 25 day cycle. Hmph

How is everyone else? hope your all doing OK and wishing you all well in your individual journeys

Sorry about AF, Hopefully. Got me a few days ago too. I've lost count of cycles now too but I think it's about 19 ish now. We have 5 months to shag ourselves senseless before next follow up appointment so am just trying not to overthink, but easier said than done hey! Hope you feel better soon, where are you in the process of diagnosis or are you not going there yet?

Hi trying great to hear from you

I'm really sorry AF got you cycle 19 that's a while now must remind myself not to moan too much!

Yes definitely easier said than done. All you can do is look towards that next appointment and not in between while (not saying you are not already of course) giving it your best efforts iyswim.

I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for you that you can approach that appointment with good news. But If not then it's one more postive step towards making your end goal. The time isn't wasted, as much as we feel it is and kick ourselves when AF arrives.

I have my very first appointment with a fertility Consultant (think it's called an initial appointment) at the end of the month. It's NHS, I had to call to confirm the booking and they said my dp didn't need to attend this one I would just need to fill out forms on his behalf. but any further appointments we must attend together. So I don't think I'm necessarily seeing the Consultant at that appointment?

Thanks, Hopefully. Yes I would expect to see a nurse practitioner for that appointment - if it is like my one they weighed me and measured my height, took a history, did a couple of swabs (bit like a smear) and then gave me the details to take away for the bloods and other tests needed. Fairly quick and easy

Thanks for your replies trying and cola hopefully we won't have to wait too long then. I've already had bloods and an internal scan, and DH has done 2 SAs. I guess the next step will be an HSG. I don't feel too bad about more tests as hopefully they will get us closer to the end goal. It's the emotional side of it I find hardest to deal with!

Had a horrible painful AF this month, and I was at a wedding that I remember thinking last year ' well I probably won't be able to go to that as I'll have a newborn or be heavily pregnant' and it just makes me so sad that we're not even close to that point. Also found out another couple we know who got married last year are expecting their first later this year. I don't think either of us did a very good job of feigning excitement at the news! Not much we can do expect carry on and wait for the next steps

Hope you are all ok xx